My girlfriend has recently become completely apathetic to sex.
>Started dating four years ago
>Very sexual relationship, ate her out in her car on a date. She gave my road head, constantly wants to make out.
>Go to her house a week later and we have sex for the first time.
>amazing passionate connection
>Sex three-five times a day for a few months
Skip to now
>Sex maybe once a month
>Gets turned off when groped
>Only wants to hang out and watch episodes of Seinfeld, get stoned, go on hikes.
>feels like we're just friends now
She got off birth control a few months ago. her sex drive started to diminish while on it, and she said that it gave her anxiety. She showed me a study that said using birth control for too long can permanently destroy your sex drive.
I'm afraid this might be the case...
We had a heart to heart a while ago, and she basically said that sex just doesn't interest her anymore. She gets anxiety from penetration, even with a condom, because she is afraid of getting pregnant. So we started doing a lot of oral sex and foreplay, and it was great, but now she doesn't want to do that either.
She says she wants more control, and wants me to stop making advances. she wants me to let her come to me.
I've been trying this, but it's fucking hard. She is extremely attractive. Short, big breasts, perfect ass, small waist, gigantic hips. IMO she's a 10/10.
She also wears leggings almost exclusively, so I find it really hard when we're laying down to not grab her ass or put my hand down her pants. I have stopped, but when she gives me any signal that she may want sex, I make a move and she gets upset.
My sexual frustration is getting to me. I've considered cheating, but talked myself out of it. It gets harder by the day, though. I want to connect with her on that physical level again, I need the validation of making her orgasm, I just feel like we broke up without saying it and are now just friends.
I just feel like she is being a huge tease. Kissing me, coming over to my house, laying next to me with her ass pressed against me. Getting dressed in front of me but not wanting to be touched.
What can I do? I want to do what she says, completely stop making sexual advances, but it's so frustrating. I haven't had sex in a month. I don't like masturbating, it's not the same. When I jack off I just feel shitty that I have to do it when I have a beautiful girlfriend that could do it for me.
I tried giving her libido supplements, but they didn't make a big difference. She ran out and said she would buy more, but I don't think she has.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated. My sexual frustration is starting to affect my career. I've found myself avoiding my duties to go home and meet up with my gf, hoping that we can have sex, then when she's not in the mood I feel horrible realizing I just wasted my time trying to get sex then getting nothing.
I also looked through her phone, I know I shouldn't have, but I had to know if there was something else going on.
Nothing. No talking to any guys, no signs of cheating, nothing. The only people she talks to are her family and female friends. I found a conversation she had with one of her female friends talking about how I'm the perfect boyfriend and she's very happy with me. That made me feel pretty hopeless.
usually this is the case, but I've been vigilant. There's zero signs she's cheating whatsoever. Now that she's off birth control she has a panic reaction to sex.
I've researched this a lot, and from my understanding, many married men are in the same boat. They get hooked onto women after tons of sex early on in the relationship, then get married and struggle to get laid. Like Ray in Everybody Loves Raymond. This is probably why so many men cheat.
I'm going to see what happens in the next few months. I'm starting a new job soon with good pay, so if this is still going on then, I'm just going to kick her out. No time to waste with a partner who's sex drive is non-existent compared to mine.
Either that or I'll just cheat a lot, because she is a great girl, I just need to get laid.
Ignore these virgin tier comments
I understand you care for her deeply, but set a deadline in your head, say it a month or two from now on
If the situation doesn't change, change your partner
Who knows when this might end, and you don't deserve being sexually frustrated
>HURRRRR LOOK AT ME GUYS I'M SO COOL. I CALLED THESE GUYS VIRGINS HURRRRR
How's it feel being retarded? More importantly, how does it feel, OP, knowing that some other Chad is smashing that pussy every day and you're getting what's left over?
that REALLY sucks OP. girls can be so twisted with sex. i tried having an in depth conversation about the intricacies of sex and relationships with a female friend and she sounds unreasonable.
girls DONT want you to cheat on them, because that is a huge betrayal, but (in my friends words) sex isnt that important to a relationship. they dont want you to cheat yet will often be unwilling to satisfy you becuase its their body and they can do waht you want with it and while you HAVE To make a commitment to be loyal only to them they DONT have to make a commitment to make sure you are satisfied
it sucks cuz it basically boils down to
>IF YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME AND I DONT, THEN YOU ARE A HORRIBLE BF
whats a guy supposed to do? frankly i dont recommend cheating but when a girl refuses to put out every so often, i say you either have to A) break up with her or B) cheat.
cheating should only be done if its going to be difficult to break up, namely because of a marriage or kids.
once a month isnt so bad but honestly if shes not even into you touching her lady bits thats a really bad sign.
talk to her. sex and romance ARE linked. otherwise you're just friends/.
My girl also is not very excited about sex. She was molested as a kid and had very abusive boyfriends in the past.
I had to go through some dry spells with her.
When I would get really frustrated I would just talk to her about it. I'm a very touchy feely guy and I need lots of physical connection. At one point I just called her out on the fact that she never initiates sex. She argued with me acting like she did but she knew it bull.
A day later we fucked like rabbits. I dunno how to really help. Lift, focus on yourself, do your thing. If you are happy and stoked all the time she will be too.
There have also been times where I forced it pretty hard. Almost in the danger zone, but sometimes that's what it takes. She would be playfully annoyed at me afterwards but she always was glad I just took her. Girls are fucking weird dude.
some people can loose their sex drive. it's phases, like other things. depression, high work drive, creativeness, etc. they can ebb and flow.
all the best to you, and if you make it through this then you obviously like her a lot
We have talked about it numerous times. She seems like she wants to fix things, she just says she wants to have what we used to have, which requires work on how comfortable she feels around me.
But yes, I agree. it seems modern women view sexually vindicted, but don't realize the negative side effects of not satisfying their men.
I hear a lot of women complain that their men jack off or look at porn, cheat, look at other women, etc.
I wonder why....have you tried sucking his dick?
I had this happen to me.
It turned out to be my mental health & going on meds and the like helped insanely. It might not be the case with your girl, but it's worth a shot.
Anxiety could be thr culprit. Or depression.
short version: you deserve to be in a sexually satisfying relationship. Relationships are social contracts though and you can put whatever the fuck you want into them to make them work. If you want to stay with her even though the sex is rare, then she needs to let you fuck other people, put in a little effort for a blowie once in awhile, or some other mutually-acceptable means of solving the problem, because the relationship WILL have to end, otherwise.
you gotta maybe be a little harsh. talk about how real the problem is. dont equate it to just sex but try telling her how its hurting the relationship as a whole.
be brutal. say you cant cheat and likely never would, but talk about how seriously you considered it just because you are a man and you need sex. tell her you are willing to try anything weird she might like or she can even write out a sexy scenario for you to adhere to and you'll just do it.
im not sure how indepth your conversations have been but you gotta give it your all. offer that if she at least puts up with having sex once a week you'll do any favor she wants in return. maybe a full body massage or a really cheesy 'date day'. find out what she wants and offer a trade, even if its a bit uncomfortable for you.
Permanently destroy your sex drive? No, more like she didn't want to take them anymore.
With respect to the situation, what does she do for a living? Is she legitimately tired? If she's smoking weed and watching TV all day and occasionally going on hikes, that might be the problem right there.
Since her sex drive is so bad while off the pill have you guys considered, i dunno, getting back on it?
Yes, ultimately the decision is hers because it is her body but a relationship takes two. If she is unwilling to actually try and grapple with this issue that is affecting you deeply then it might be time to say goodbye. Like what did your heart to heart conversations consist of?
This is actually really fucking common and it's one of the reasons I will NOT marry a woman unless she's literally perfect for me. EVERY SINGLE married man I know tells me the same thing:
>The sex just fucking falls off a cliff.
I realize you're not married, but four years is basically married.
So when I read your situation, these are my reactions:
>She's trying to control you now that you're old news to her.
She got what she wanted - a stable, genuine guy who goes on hikes with her and does what she wants. She's controlling you. So what incentive does she have now to fuck you? She knows she has you, you do what she wants because you love her, and she's too fucking stupid to realize that "love" = BOTH parties WORK for EACH OTHER. Human beings are pretty filthy in some ways, and this is one of them - the whole "i've got a ring on it so I don't need to try."
Also, I understand that you love her, but please realize that she is responsible for her own fucking behavior, not you. it's HER job to get HERSELF in the right mental place to be good to her man or at least communicate with you about what she needs. This whole thing about:
>You talk with her
>She agrees to put in work
>And then she never puts in work
Says everything the situation - she doesn't want to work, she doesn't think she should, and she obviously thinks you're on her dog leash.
It is totally fucking selfish of her to insist that you make HER comfortable, you do what SHE wants, without her reciprocating.
Now I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you what I would do. And what I would is what I'm doing with my girlfriend of two years right now:
>Hey, I want to work and practice on being better at sex with you
>Let's schedule a time to fuck (yes, you eventually have to start scheduling fuck sessions lol)
Then if my girl doesn't make good on her promises, I don't see her. You mentioned Seinfeld. Don't go watch that shit (cont.)
>Nothing. No talking to any guys, no signs of cheating, nothing.
That doens't really mean anything. You think she's too stupid to delete texts and not call the guy she's cheating with? it could be a guy from work and they fuck on their lunch breaks. I know this happens. my ex roommate used to fuck a married co worker in his car in the parking garage or at hotels and then she would go home to her man like nothing had happened. No phone calls. No texts. Nothing. Just fucking at work. But you can't drive yourself crazy with the "is she cheating??" shit, you can only do your best to get what YOU need.
Which brings me back to Seinfeld. My girl is constantly too tired to fuck but then when she's horny I'm supposed to drop everything. Fuck that. So, when she wants me to come spend the night with her and I have shit to do, the answer is "No, I have shit to do" lol. And if she goes off and cheats because of that, the fuck do I care? I have women propositioning me in elevators for fuck's sake. I could get laid tonight by someone else.
So try to focus on what you want now since that's exactly what she's doing. Don't give her shit when she isn't reciprocating and, if she gets bitchy about, explain that to her. Explain to her that she's failing you as a girlfriend and you're not ok with it but you're also not her father and her sex therapist so she's going to have to dig real real deep and decide what's important to her - her own selfishness OR actually making good on the promise of relationships, which includes taking care of EACH OTHER.
I say focus on you now. Fuck Seinfeld and if she doesn't like that, well bitch I might be inclined to come over for some pussy... THEN we can Seinfeld.
I'm a girl who fucking loves sex and I'm absolutely terrified of being with someone I love but rarely having sex. I mean, it's cool if we're both busy with our careers and shit and still really want to have sex, but if it just stops completely... Oh no...
Yeah that's what you all say. Wait until you've been getting the exact same dick for four years and then let's chat lol.
My girlfriend was a nympho. She sucked me off every morning (every morning) for three months straight. I used to go fuck her up the ass while smoking a joint on my lunch breaks from work.
>I'm sore from the gym
>I just want to relax
>I'm trying to watch this show
Etc. It really boils down to a simple fact:
>Love and sex are work when they're with the same person every day.
People just don't get this. But I don't fault myself. I have consistently improved my sex game with her. I do nice things for her to help her be less stressed. I listen. I'm there for her. I initiate the sex. I try to work her up. The spark just fades. And it fades because one party (or both) get secure and then start prioritizing other parts of their lives over the sex.
And the only way to combat it is to do what you did to her in the beginning - be unavailable. Hold emotional love back so it doesn't drown the sex spark. Explain your expectations to her and be serious.
Honestly if this type of dry spell continues for more than a month, I'll be dumping my girlfriend after next month. Next month is her birthday and I'm going to give her the best birthday I can. And when that doesn't change jack shit, it'll be bye bye girlie. Because I don't give a fuck how much "in love" she thinks she is, she obviously doesn't know what that word means if she's not taking care of my dick, which is very important to me as a man. We've spoken about it. I don't repeat myself.
Every relationship I've been in has been like this after it hits two years.
Me and my husband have been together now for 9 years, married for 3. I constantly want sex and he doesn't.
So quit your bitching, it happens to all of us and it's not a gender thing.
No amount of text will undo the regret you feel for marrying your wife and don't even try to deny it, it's obvious to everyone.