80 bills on home renovation.. been up all week making sure i don't get the bait and switch with shitty construction materials. i have to spend an extra 20bills if i wanted to buy them myself and have it shipped here. been tired lately and losing motivation for this project. i need rest.
I've been tempted lately to cut all of my friends out of my life, and I have no idea why. None of them have done anything wrong, but I'm sick of them. I get irritated when people start conversations with me.
I wonder if you're watching, too. I wonder if you're seeing how stupid I was. Do you revel in it, or do you pity me? I think you should laugh, I'd laugh at myself. You're witnessing exactly why I knew my role, and why I call myself a stepping stone.
I don't hate you, I truly don't hate anyone. So laugh at me, especially if you or your friends hate me. Laugh at my stupidity. Just know that he was the very last time I was willing to give that emotion a chance. If this was a book, you could consider my role in it over. Let this be the only thing that comes to mind when you think of me next time, Jose. Don't let yourself make this mistake though. I chanced upon hearing you planned to improve yourself this year. I wish you all the best with that endeavour. Never let yourself be a distraction
>>16685673 I cut everyone off too kid but it's because I moved in and rented a new place with my girlfriend. We weren't really comfortable reliving the old habits that we had. I was recovering from sickness and she was there, she's moving next year and were both headed in that direction as a couple.
This has to be the last time I write of you. It really does. It's not right that I even think of you. So here it is.
I think our timing is off. I tried to make it clear, I tried to do so many things that just never panned out, and the one big chance you laid out, I blew off. Still sorry about that. Saying that, I don't really regret anything. The look on your face last night when you saw us and realization dawned on you broke my heart a little, and then how you kept looking at me. Maybe it isn't over yet, but it is for right now.
This guy, so far, is fucking crazy about me. I don't understand it, really, it's happening so fast, but he digs me. He took a chance and went after me, where you didn't. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted everything, I really thought if you liked me, you'd have done something more solid about it. Life is too short, and I can't spend it hung up on you. I'm worth more than that, and I couldn't wait on you forever, you must know that!
A small part of me wants you to say something, anything, but the rest of me wants that to pass. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. All I know is the more time goes by, the less I think of you, when I used to think of you so goddamn often.
Just sucks that I can't read people as well as I thought. And now, you'll certainly avoid me at all costs, even though I caught you walking past me just as much as you always do, even though you could have easily taken the other way.
Maybe it's a little less painful to look at me than it is to look at him? I don't know, but I really hope I misinterpreted that look and that I haven't hurt you and that you don't care about me.
But that small part of me says you do care, because otherwise why would you remember my name? Why would you have given me so many free things? Why would your face light up whenever you saw me?
the relationship I'm in is going to be difficult to hold up simply due to the fact that we have such different schedules, but we'd have that, too.
Killing yourself is not the answer. It does not solve your problems and instead pushes them towards other people. Killing yourself is a selfish act simply because you can’t cope with it, you then make other people feel like they’re not gonna cope with it. Life has its ups and downs, and perhaps you’ve entered the heavy down. That means it’s a great time to get in, because perhaps you’ve hit the bottom already. If you do, that means your life is going to get better. We live in the here and now, but when the here and now is shit, we look at things other than the here and now. For every action there is an equal reaction, which means that for your long and happy times it’s now time to have some sad times. The only question is, how long does it last and how do you cope with it? In market conditions, bear markets are ruthless but short. Does the same apply to life? If it does, you may have already reached the low and you’re slowly getting back up.
>>16685699 Whoever it is you're writing about, they need time and a good coach. I understand you may not be as patient as they may require, but if they really love you they'll do anything for you as long as you're patient enough to coach them and help them get to your level. More often than not it's not an issue of aptitude but more of repetition. Be the person they need the most and they'll be the person you envisioned them to be.
I think I love you too much. I cannot trust you and you don't trust me either. I would never hurt you that way, eventhough I sometimes have weird dreams of cheating on you with my ex. Every morning when I wake up of a dream like that I feel like shit about myself, but I would never do anything like that because I love you so much. It's not even like I want my ex back or anything. Maybe I just miss the feeling of trust in my partner. I don't know what is wrong with me.
For all the progress I've made these past four years, I'm only just realizing how far I still have to go to get to where I want to be. It wouldn't seem so daunting if I had someone to move forward with.
I introduced a single mom who was on the verge of homelessness with her young son to prostitution in order to better their lives. I didn't make a single dollar off of it. I taught her how to screen customers and showed her reputable sites to work on. Over a year later she's gone to having her own place and financial stability for herself and her child. I gained nothing monetarily for this act, and could be jailed for it in my state as human trafficking, but I know that I did a good thing and don't regret it at all.
>>16685085 my mother has stripped every single one of my friends away I quit the pot, fine. done, even though I went to school loaded 3/4 days of the week loaded and got a 4.0 while taking 15 units, but whatever, I'll quit. Friend comes in from Berkeley, wanna drink with him. We go to in n out, I drink a milkshake and some fries, You're really going to hit me for that? Youre the reason I'm antisocial, fucking twat
Slept through the day again. Drinking myself to death. Too many regrets and my brain is too fucked up to accomplish much. I wish I was brave enough to just pull the trigger. My death would end the pointless worries of my friends and family.
>>16685085 >Someone Please start a write a letter thread. I would myself but I have some >HARDCORE >Feels That only people 50% take seriously and 50% piss around within the thread. So yeah honestly rather write than monitor. Please.
I'm sorry. All those years living like I have. Every step I took knowing it was the wrong direction. For taking up your time and money in every bad habbit. In taking a life that neither of us wanted to be around. You never wanted me, and its obvious on your eyes. Every time we speak ends up being nothing but a fight. But know that despite me being a failure. And you not getting that abortion you wanted to get. Despite you making it obvious every day we met...
My first swim class ever starts tomorrow and I can't stop thinking about how awkward it's going to be. I'm from a religious family and have never worn something as skimpy as a one-piece in public before, and it's embarrassing as fuck.
My boyfriend says he loves me, but I have to cling to him and kiss him a lot in a search for attention from him and he only really seems to want to hug and kiss me when I've been trying to get his attention and give up and walk off or do something. He hardly even kisses me once a day and I kiss him like 30 times a day Whenever I tell him maybe I should play hard to get because that's the only time he tries to hug or kiss me he says not to and that he wouldn't like that. So it's not like he's distant with his affection because I give him too much and he hates it or something I've asked him to kiss me or show affection but he says his "breath smells like poop" or he is trying to do something important "AKA reading Wikipedia and click articles or random things like magnets, animals, or cops and it's not something really that important How could I get him to give me more attention? I wish he would show more affection or was clingy even. I don't like feeling ignored by him or like he doesn't want to show me affection...
I hate you; you left me when I needed you the most. I did everything for you, I drove to your house at 4:00am when you were having an anxiety attack, I helped you every single time you needed me and you just walked away. My mom has cancer, you're nowhere to be found, and you left me alone. I want to rip you out of my mind and throw you away like you deserve.
This vacuum you've created in me has led to the urge to self destruct.
It's difficult for me to get therapy because I'm a therapist myself, and I've used almost every coping mechanism I have to move past this, but I still see you everywhere I look. The only thing keeping me alive is that you don't deserve the satisfaction of having me die.
I hope you're not leading me on. It's concerning that the same day you mention your ex contacting you, your contacts number jumps up 1 and then back down 1 continuously throughout the day. You assured me that you had no more feelings for him, and I believe you, and I know you're depressed, and it's not your fault you've been distant lately, but damn you're wrecking hell upon my mind.
>Fine >Bottom line. I have had enough of your shit. And if I did not tell the police tonight either I would have been arrested for reacting or arguing back. Or you would have beat the shit out of me. Which I don't mind one way or another I have evidence of what you have done. This is getting settled tomorrow and regardless I'am not leaving. So you want to feel what the real world is like. It is calling you on your bullshit and talking about the issues properly to the right people and dealing with it right. Not punching someone and expecting them to react so you can ring the police and claim they assaulted you. When the person you punched is using self defense. I know how you fucking manipulative cunts work. When staff are in your are angels will sucking that staff cock smiling while your girlfriend is lick the female staffs asshole. Then when they are gone you think you can shit on everyone. Well you can't now I call you on your bullshit, you are pissed off because now the police are involved. And I was the clam one with a bleeding nose. Welcome to the real world it is much more powerful, sickening and fearful than anything you claim to be wankers. Oh yeah the reason I know how to now fucking snap you in half and leave me alone. Is because I was like you but I continued to hurt literally everyone. My family, my friends every fucking one. I didn't pick my targets in a campaign of misery. I just broke everyone down to literal misery with giving and fucking shit about everyone. Your bullshit anger is nothing but a bark. My anger is a bite to the jugular and I won't let down to your a limb and drinking your blood as if it is water. >P.s Your brother maybe a mini celeb on the same mmo. But he doesn't know my fucking user name. Dumbass.
I can't stop having ptsd episodes at work and it's absolutely destroying me... My bf is cheating on me with guys so I broke off our engagement two days ago... There is this confusing guy at work that I don't know if he is trying to make me jealous because he likes me or is totally fucking with me, so I bounce between wanting to ask him out or wanting to punch his lights out. Fuck everything right now... Cheers!
I don't know if I want to see you again. the sight of your face might make me sick. it's disgusting how much I still care about you. I wish I could say you don't deserve to have someone love you this much, but it would be the biggest lie I could tell ever myself.
Well, lets see, I'm an 18 year old agoraphobic, anxious, virgin NEET with no hope of income besides from drawing porn on my tablet. I haven't made a dollar but I met someone online who's a known porn writer and we're working on a hentai together that we can sell. So my life is something along the lines of a perverted Bakuman. I get the odd feeling that I should be happier
So I guess the new girl at work I've been obviously flirting with is engaged. Which is fucking perfect. Fortunately, I'm gonna try not to mope and sulk about it like I always have and just try to be a friend. I'm just happy to know I can still put myself out there and try to find somebody after my last relationship and how it left me.
Maybe we went too far too fast. I'm happy to be alone right now, this sinus infection is making me miserable, but I'm also excited to see him tomorrow. And avoid the brewery till Sunday.
I'm not worried about what other people think. There's just one opinion I'm curious about, but something tells me he's never gonna talk to me again. It's okay, but it stings, it does, and I'm keyed up from this phantom fever and I guess I'm a little emotional. It's really weird how quickly everything changed, and I don't know how I really feel. Being ill fucks up my head and I really don't want to be a grouch tomorrow.
It's just weird moving on from the guy my mom half joked about wanting to be her son in law. We hardly knew him and she just fucking loved that guy.
You're just a tad paranoid. Paranoid that if there's an insult against you, it'd be me. I wish you could remember past conversations as vividly as I can, then you'd remember that I once told you "I want you to be incredibly happy, even if that's with someone who isn't me"
You showed me that you moved on after I ended it. If someone's demonstrated that they've moved on, I'll honour their wish and not bother them. No matter how I feel, I'm not gonna go walking into your life again after I'm the one that ended our relationship and you're the one who cut contact and demonstrated having moved on.
Smile, because despite how you used to say you hated your life, you actually have everything you also said you wanted. You sound much happier now, though. Gone are the days of "I can't do anything right" and "It's useless, I want to die" so I'm sure you spending more time with him, or the new friends you've made since our parting, has been better for you than while we were together.
You ripped me apart inside, you really did. I know you would love for me to kill myself.. but I won't. I know I'm stronger than that. I know this world is huge.
It's big enough to escape you too, and your friends, the hatred, the lies, the backstabbing, the bullying, verbal and physical abuse..
Fuck you for putting me in this place. I'm strong enough to keep going and get the fuck out of it. My life has been shit for too long, and no one knows me, and the people who wanted to you took from me.
I know not everyone feels their worth in this world, or their mistakes.. but I definitely did, and I hope you do.
If I lose myself with no matter how hard I try, I only blame you.
Also, fuck you for getting me into opiates. For everytime I felt 'bad' and wanted to come to you for comfort, and steering me more towards the drug because you were too into other things to be there for the one you claimed to love.
Then months later, claiming you never loved me. Why do that to me? When I could have gone to or been with someone who could've actually helped me?
Hateful evil bitch.. I'll show you. Mark my words..
>>16686523 Honestly, I looked everywhere and couldn't find one in my size that would cover my ass completely. I ended up buying the most conservative one I could find from a department store. I didn't want to buy online because I wanted to try them on.
I guess my ass is just too fat. Maybe I should wear shorts over the suit? Is that allowed for swimming?
This is what I could give you since you seem to need negativity to exist. You disgust me as a person in general but I prefer to understand it's because you're insecure. You would have been dead if you didn't have someone to obsess about so this is your lifeline as well. I feel bad for your autism and psychopathy, take your meds and seek professional help we could all use it but you need it the most. You have nothing for your own and you'll cling and resent everyone around you eventually. Man up and make a life for yourself. Just venting since you remind me of the bad in me that I will never do unto others because unlike you I can be positive. Man up and don't wallow in shit.
I know I can do more galaxies than I'm doing but I just can't find the willpower to keep going, everyone keeps putting their pressure and disappointment on me and I cave like a pathetic fucking slug
I don't need to be rich or fancy, I just want a little apartment and a quaint job and enough money to be comfortable so that I can entertain the idea that she would have someone to fucking depend on if she were real, like I depend on her not to go fucking insane
Brian is always like that to all of his friends behind their backs. He needs to cling onto someone or something. Just be there for him even if he's a tsundure psychopath. You don't want to leave someone to die right?
I have health issues that are really starting to feel overwhelming and hopeless and I'm seriously starting to think about giving up on life. I can't believe I'm thinking about checking out but I just can't take it anymore.
For past year I've been dealing with a ph imbalance causing intense nausea, headaches, stomach pain,etc. I've had to stop the things I loved most like running while my family tells people that I am faking my sickness. My friends are talking about me behind my back saying how I always complain about feeling like shit, when all I'm doing is telling them not to punch me in the stomach as a joke because it essentially leaves me crippled. My grades have gone to shit and my grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and emphysema. My dad is always stressed and angry, took away my computer because "I use it too much" telling me to be more active when it only makes me feel worse. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I whine, act depressed and threaten to kill myself in all chat when I do poorly in games. I hate myself for doing it but I like the attention and responses I get because I'll never do well enough to impress anyone.
One of my child hood friends keeps showing up in my dreams lately. It used to happen every once in awhile, but its happened for the past 2 nights. I don't even know why she shows up. Last time I tried getting back in touch and to see if she wanted to hang out she ignored me, and that was 2 years ago.
I have a lot of health issues going on too, I feel your pain. Sorry that the people in your life are being such assholes. I'm fortunate enough that the people in my life are more supportive, but thats probably just because I don't have many people. I don't have any friends and my family consists of just my mom and grandpa.
Anyway, just want to let you know that your not alone. Having chronic illness really sucks but try your best to remain hopeful, even though I know sometimes its really hard
I pretend to be my friends that left me alone on here, it's a decent way to cope with my sadness. My heart complications and uncheck anger issues are going to be the death of me. My only family and relatives will abandon me at the drop of a hat and all I can do is create problems for others. My autism is scaring me.
Hey I won't do anything about it, I'm trapped in a problem I started and posting here is my only solution since I've been left behind. I don't even know how to contact them other than here. I just don't want to be ignored so I'm negative.
Hey, classes are starting soon and I've missed you over the break. I've been thinking about you every day since I told you liked you a month ago. Because of the break we haven't seen each other in awhile and it gets me anxious thinking of how I'm supposed to act when I meet you again. Should I act normal, as if nothing happened? Give you a hug and express how longed to see you again? Sometimes I even worry that you find me awkward to be with. Did I ruin our friendship because I told you ? I just don't know anymore.
I'm afraid of being ignored by a guy I loved. Why can't I shut off my conflicting feelings of anger and care for him. Is it because I need him to grow as a person, why did he move on without saying a word. No woman will ever be as good for him like I will.
She talked to another guy behind my back in the past, when were in a really bad spot. I broke up with her and forgave her for it. We decided to try things again but not actually put a title on us.Turns she talked to two more guys behind my back. I didn't find out until after we actually got back together.
I can't 100% blame her though. I emotionally abused her a lot. I was never sure if she was the right girl from. After everything I believe she is though, since she still loves and cares about me . So far our relationship has been stronger than ever since we both realize what we want. But it's hard for me to let go of the past and I still fear she will cheat on me again. Hell we even met and started talking while she was dating another guy. I'm willing to risk it this time though cause I really love her. But fuck you for giving me all this emotional baggage.
Went through women like that but what's more important is your own direction in life. Find a good girl that share your values and don't make the mistake of being an open ear all the time. Listen to the underlying concern and comfort her insecurities. Women who cheat only validate themselves through sex and that's her issue not yours. For a while when I was younger I blamed myself a lot, then I went out more and realized almost everyone had a shitty past or relationship. The ones that last long understood and empathized with each other more.
>>16687110 She didn't sleep with anyone else, as far as I know. During the time all this happened, we were both questioning the future of our relationship anyway, and we had been on and off. And when I say emotional abuse I mean I was telling here things like I didn't want be with her, that our relationship was shit, etc.
She said I know longer was giving her attention and figured our relationship was over, so she turned to "duds" instead,
I still love this girl to death though, and believe she feels that way too since she has always loved me way more than I loved her in the relationship. I will continue to date her her, but fuck its been hard.
I think I might be in what's turning into an emotionally abusive relationship. I'll stick around and see if it gets better or worse, but I guess I'll have to be mentally prepared for it if it does go south... I thought we were pretty good together too
>>16687138 By talking I mean flirting. It was clear what her intentions were even though she didn't actually do anything. During the time we weren't together she went on a date with another guy, even though we agreed to not see other people and only focus on ourselves.
However, I realized every time she did something like this is when we got into a fight or I was emotionally abusing her. I remember I told one night that we should just be friends, even though at the time I didn't mean it, I was just upset. The next day was the day she went on that date. So I understand why she did it, I just wish we talked things through instead.
Considering committing suicide on my 21st birthday, that's in about 3 months. Just that I've realized there isn't much left for me here. I'm not saying this in a melodramatic, "oh, fuck my life is shit" way, but in a rational way. I don't want children, I don't want marriage, I don't want a job, I have become resentful of my responsibilities. All my friends are moving forward in life, or wasting their life away. I'm doing the latter... the past fortnight since finishing work for the dole, I have had a lot more time on my hands, and I've come to realize my day has become a repetition of going out, sucking dick, coming back and sending nudes, spending time with people who I don't relate to, and playing video games. There's only so much time before I become discontent with all of this, and stop leaving my bed. So, I'm just going to end it all before I become miserable. Unless some miracle happens within the next three months, I'm just going to call it quits - and let's face it, miracles don't happen. I want change - but I'm not willing to change myself... I'm aware of that.
>>16687286 Well the point is that they are used for the same reason. You are the same as anyone else. Quality can only be gained through perservance. You are shitty TP (no pun) right now but you can be that soft bunghole paper on my butt if you want to be. Live.
Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and other areas of their life, such as work or school.
If you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may feel a sense of entitlement — and when you don't receive special treatment, you may become impatient or angry. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — for instance, the best car, athletic club or medical care.
At the same time, you have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation. To feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make yourself appear superior. Or you may feel depressed and moody because you fall short of perfection.
A while ago when I was young I met a girl After talking and hanging around for days we ended Turns out a friend dated her He tells me to break up with her because "it's a dog act to dates friends exes" and how I stole her disagree with him don't see how I stole her because they weren't even going out. The girl breaks up with me turns out she made out with the ex aka friend while we were dating Turns out he also convinced her to break up with me and to make up with him then dumps her because boredom or what ever Goes around telling everyone how I stole her and tries to make me feel bad for it Friend brings this shit up from time to time how he hooked up with her
Was I really in the wrong for wanting to keep dating her despite friends history with her
I wish I could let her know I think she's cute and interesting and find out if she feels the same way but we both seem to have social anxiety... I'm tired of losing decent people in my life just because I like them too. Whenever I get feelings, I'm reminded why I shouldn't have them.
Been told this after I was going through a time of severe depression. My nephew died from pneumonia. I was devastated, I injured myself and everything was a downward spiral from there. I was getting benefits and pay, just bought a new home but this is horrible right now.
I've started doing some bad things. Nothing too serious, just lying to people, on a bigger scale. Is it part of becoming an adult? I feel a bit shitty about it. Always thought I was a good person. I could just stop, but people that matter to me would be disappointed or even hate me.
Lies make the world go around liar, you lie to yourself everyday you wake up until you believe your lie. Lies become truth, lies are about belief, if you lie to harm others then you aren't bad you are just misguided. If you lie to embellish your persona then you are misguided in using lies to defend yourself. As long as you are talking more than you are doing then you have the capability to be seen as a liar. you can be a liar to anyone's eyes despite speaking the truth. The lesson is language is deceitful, actions do speak louder than words,
>>16688023 Why are you angry about someone else's problems when you should be fixing your own?
I mean clearly no amount of education is going to help you, because at the end of it all, it has nothing to do with their "depression". That's what I figure for the majority of you uneducated chucklefucks who think depression is a character flaw.
after 4 years of trying to get back with you again i finally realise it's to late (better now then never right?) well thanks because i finally see you as a friend nothing more and now i can move forward in life..
I'm an uggo with misophonia but unlike that other asshole who wants to fight I just Mimic the noises I hear so I don't feel irritated and agitated all day. I actually can't go out of the house and I'm very fidgety and anxious lol the time. I can barely exist without drugs to calm me down or I'll go insane. You can't hate on people with misophonia they literally do crazy things to make the noise go away. I've wonder why I just don't blast music so I'll lose my hearing but I'm optimistic about my cognitive therapy.
>>16688248 >well i come here to see the spaghetti Well then we have two options, you're either lying out of your ass, or you're a fucking hypocrit. Either take your own advice and go do something productive with your time or stop looking down your nose at everyone else.
Chatted for over 15 minutes with my cousin today. Just talking with her is enough to make me happy. I miss her and her sister. Thankfully, I'll be able to see them more regularly once I move to the same city to study at the end of this month. I have finally managed to secure myself an apartment too, so now it is just a matter of waiting until the time to move there comes.
Being able to spend time with them whenever I want during my free time, will be great. It will almost be like few years ago, back when I was living in my aunt's household. Once spring comes, I will finally be able to take them to the zoo, like I promised I would last year.
>>16688442 No I am not. The apartment I have is apparently super tiny, and it only really serves as a place where I can sleep for me. I also think that it is part of some larger complex with multiple similar rooms where other students etc can sleep. Not sure yet though, as I haven't seen the place.
Besides, why would I even invite them there? I can go visit them at my aunt's place after all. The only thing I will probably bring to the apartment besides essential stuff like clothing, bed sheets, etc, is my computer, so there wouldn't be anything to do there.
At my aunt's place, we can watch tv together, take their dog on walks together, and in general, spend time together way more comfortably. In addition, there is all sorts of stuff we could do in the city itself, like going to the movies together, amusement parks, or to the zoo like I already mentioned (at least once it gets a bit warmer.) Finally, me bringing my cousins to my apartment would be rather creepy, wouldn't it?
>>16688483 I'm 22 and they are 11 and 12. As for my aunt, I can't read her thoughts, but thus far she hasn't said anything that would indicate that she is creeped out, or disapproves of me spending time with my cousins. She has in fact, asked me to look after them multiple times, and even asked me to take them to movies once, and another time, asked me if I could help her out by fetching the girls when they were visiting at a place few hundred kilometers from where their home is. I took a train, met up with the girls at the station in that place, and we came back together in the returning train.
I don't really have any friends, especially not back when I was staying at my aunt's place, so my cousins were basically the only friends I had. If my aunt suspects that something inappropriate is going on (which isn't the case), she has not said anything about it to me, or not to the girls either, to my knowledge at least.
>>16688539 Here where I live you can get government support for that sort of stuff. Also, the school into which I got in offers really low rent apartments for students who come from outside of the city.
>>16687990 Because having an empty life usually cuts my terms in jobs I like too short. Don't you know anything about office politics? It's hard to display positivity when you have nothing waiting for you outside work.
>>16686484 The guy at your workplace has seen your vulnerability and is trying to take advantage of you. When you are in a weakened state, interact with no one. No one. Unless you absolutely trust them and have known them for years. Otherwise you'll become people's toy.
I've been organising meeting up with a few of my friends next week and one of the people coming along is my ex who I broke up with last month after 2 years. This wasn't a problem before since there would be a few of us and I figured I could just talk to someone else without ever having to look at her. However, just today she asked if she could bring along this other guy (who we haven't seen in years and isn't in the chat), who used to have a crush on her, and I'm fairly sure she's just doing this to get friendly with him. Now even though seeing the two of them together would make me feel like shit, I can't tell her to fuck off without looking like an asshole, and I feel like making up an excuse to not go and make myself into even more of a recluse. Fuck this shit.
I meet people and am friends with them/I'll have a girlfriend for a few months on average, and the somewhere in that time I lose almost any, if not all, attachments and feelings towards them, and I carry on and meet other people or get another girlfriend and I repeat the cycle. I sometimes warn them too that this happens. I have theories as to why this is, but still find myself unsatisfied with the answer. I don't feel the need to find out why I am the way I am... but I am curious.
>>16685085 Europe is commiting suicide, and most people are still to blind to see it coming. By the time people realize what their governments and their naivity have created the developments will become irreversible and we will witness the steady decay of a civilization and its people. Most will not even put up a fight. Those who can will migrate leaving the homelands of their forefathers for the masses that washed away their heritage. It is painful, depressing almost unbearable to watch, and even more so if you're amongst the first to realize it. Almost everybody wants to make a contribution to their society; to put their abilities to good use for the creation of a better future. My generation will the one to undo it all. The feebleminded heir, gambling away the family estate. We were on track for a better future, now everything is meaningless; a descend into darkness.
Being the unwanted child is awful. The youngest, but the one with the most responsibility. Oldest brother has no license and sister has never held a job. I'm attending uni and holding a part-time job. I drive them around constantly. They pay for nothing while I assist with bills and paid off my car entirely. I even loaned my father money last year that I never saw back.
I often return home to no food. Any meals cooked by my parents are wolfed down by all with a simple "Sorry, everyone was hungry" when I ask if a portion was saved. Never gifts on Christmas or birthdays, and if so it pales greatly to my siblings' overly generous, expensive gifts.
My parents did finally have a full conversation with me (first time in years since they wave me off), but it was about who would be their primary 'care-taker' should their health decline. They decided it would be me, and to their surprise I outright declined. I even told them my plan was to abandon the family completely once my foot was in the door at my current job.
I feel awful, but after these many years I have come to hate them all. They're like ticks or parasites convincing themselves they're better than the host.
Today I saw both girls I like walking together on the street. They're A and V As of V, I couldn't stop thinking about her but she didn't really show any interest in me. I'd thought she liked me from a previous conversation but then I tried to go out with her and she stood me up. But I kept thinking of her, yet I was out of the city with my family for dem holidays so I just decided to end it all and tell her over facebook that I like her, they always reject me anyhow so I said fuck it. She never responded. I later sent her a happy new year message and she didn't respond either. Welp, whatever. I thought she wouldn't greet me on the street but she actually did. didn't intend to hold a conversation tho. As of A, I'd seen her on the street a lot and I thought she liked me, I thought she did like me quite a bit actually. So I made friends with her but very rarely had an occassion to see her. And anyway, we didn't quite 'click' so I just forgot about it. She didn't really show any emotion when I said hello to her. I felt kind of sad later, I felt sad for other reasons but knowing I won't ever get a girl had an impact. Life can only be bearable if you have someone to hold from time to time. And no I'll never get a girl. You have to fill some kind of norm to get a girl, and being the huge beta that I am, I'll never do that. I'm too apathetic and coward to work on that too.
I want my date with her to go well. I have to kiss her or make sure she gets steadily in my life as she is the only one that cares about who I am, not what I've done or what they perceive me to be. She is also very beautiful but I care about the person she is.
All the other girls pretend they care about me to only bitch at the first occasion, say they want to see me when they haven't even seen the message I sent them a week ago or are potential psychos. Imagine a first date going well until you arrive at a zebra crossing and she says "I've always been an aspiring suicide".
Sometimes travelling gets on my nerves, a lot of fake people have showed up since...
I write on my Facebook statuses just about anything that came across to me during my life and travels. I have my whole family and just about everyone I know in my friends.
Some of the stuff includes: spending a day with a hobo trying to get a credit card back in Skopje, sleeping on the streets and parks of Bucharest,Tirana, Istanbul, Sofia, Prishtina, even under a shelter for shopping carts in Czech Republic, with a cleaning woman waking me up at 5am thinking I was some trash.
Also, talking to just about any person on the streets, from prostitutes to criminals to families, retired people and a couple of illegal immigrants expelled from my country. Hitch-hiking in Morocco, being mistaken for a terrorist in Istanbul, being dumped by weird chicks and kicked out of their houses in Copenhagen, gay people groping and harassing me.
I like the idea of looking like I have friends, and having people to go with me to things like getting food or stuff like that, but actually spending time with people and interacting with them annoys me so much. But then I get jealous whwn my s/o is out with friends and wish I could do the same. Ugh.
I may not have as nice a body as she does, but all that makeup comes off, ya know? I don't even know why I bother, you're probably not dating her anyway. I bet you're just sleeping around and fucking around with women until I message you that I'm free from my fucked up relationship so you can swoop in and pretend to be the hero. I wish you would have just told me straight out what you wanted from me instead of just wasting my time, you commitmentphobe.
I have thought about you every single day in the time that I've been over 5,000 miles away I've talked about you so much that it's embarrassing. I know it's pretty far-fetched to think you miss me the way I miss you, or at all. But I do.
We've just finished our semester and we'll maybe our friendship. We dated and I loved every moment of it. Until that is you broke up with me over text for no reason, but even then I never got mad at you once, I felt like I was the bad guy. So I close myself off for a week not talking to anyone really, and just a point of self loathing. You started to talk to me again, and wanted to be meet before classes started. We meet and you and I chat for a while talking about things and just the general spectrum of life. That is until you cried in my arms and said how you needed me in your life and that you were afraid to lose me. You asked me if I wanted to get back together, like a complete fucking idiot I said yes.
We're back together and we're happy for a good four days, when you tell me you're a lesbian. I didnt get mad at you, I was the first one to support you on this. We were calm and cool, until I accidentally confirmed for a friend that you were gay. You lashed out and said you'd never trust me again, I've changed the friendship, and that I'm the one who fucked up. I admitted I was wrong and I hated myself even more, I didn't want to be self-destructive so I didn't do anything harming, just sad and self-hating.
After that you were right, our friendship did change, almost every week I did something to you that you found annoying, I found out because you're best friend told me this. I don't do anything other than talk and care for you as best as I can. Eventually Christmas rolls around and I still have the presents I got you, we open them with all our friends and they kiss each other because they're together in happy relationships. So here we are sitting together looking at the scraps of paper and wondering what happened to us, we never said anything to each other.
I honestly think I'm going to kill myself if I can't get a job after college. I'm tentatively majoring in Computer Science because that's what people say will help me get a job, but other people say that's a load of shit. My dream ever since I was a kid was to have a steady job and just have some peace of mind in life. I'm not going to start a family or buy a house or anything like that since I'm disgustingly ugly and have horrible social skills, so all I really need is a decently paying job and I think I could be happy. Thinking about the future makes me stomach crawl. I guess I should be grateful since I'm decently intelligent and have the will power to hurl myself into my work and I'm going to have a very small amount of student debt since I'm commuting and the school I go to gave me a ton of money for some insane reason, but it's all for nothing if I can't make something out of it. Not having friends sucks, but I would gladly trade having friends in college for a decently paying job.
>>16691075 Fucking incredible bro. Not gonna lie to you. Sex and all that isn't even the best part. It's knowing you can please her and make her happy and satisfied that is the best feeling you'll get.
You'll find a girl. Just get of the Internet and quit jerking off so much and you'll meet one.
It is the pure unconditional responsibility of giving her the D with respect to her needs. It is also the unusual responsibility of being a linguist, a hypnotist, a massuse, a chapperone, a body language expert and a being a spiritually awakened individual in times of peace.
It is also deep sadness due to the looming emotional co dependecy that comes within the territory. Jealousy and possesiveness that can drive a person into pure madness.
Detachment, indifference, breaks.
Her smile is the universe but it is also a complicated thing to be happy anon. I just dont know, it all leads to a family. Family with someone you love and loves you back is happiness anon. It is to be a familiy to her anon.
Also autism is euphoria. Its key to a relationship, be autistic and dont give two fucks. Have fun, show her the meaning of fun m8.
>>16691075 The most disturbing thing here is the SoCo, straight. Disgustingly sweet.
My sister, and brother-in-law, drink it exclusively, also straight. I will never understand it...
To answer your question, without emotion involved it rings hollow. This is honestly my experience, and viewpoint.
When tempered with a strong connection, and deep emotion, it is not something I can put into words. When these combine with physical attraction, and you know they want every single part of you... indescribable.
I haven't seen you in three years and maybe that was the mistake. I'm much for confident in everything I do. Normally, that is.
Meeting you again was weird and opened up a window to the past. There I am again, insecure and sure that I'd have no chance in hell with you.
Fuck, yesterday even F told me that I must be retarded to think that. I rejected women over the years, because I didn't feel anything. Not the other way around. Admiration and lust, I have learned what it's like to be in the center of attention.
Still, I haven't learned what's it like to be in YOUR center of attention. I am not handling it very well. I'd love to just run away from all of this, because I'm not prepared for this, but I can't find any arguments for it. It'd just be a statement of poor will and cowardice.
Tonight, we'll meet. You said that I shouldn't do anything too fancy. We both know that's just a phrase. I promise to be my best self, the self that you apparently learned to like in these past weeks and that I love for being a reality.
Maybe I'll fuck it up, maybe it'll go great. Either way, I can't run away from this or I'll regret it for a very long time.
I may have changed immensely, but there's always been one constant: I fear emotions. Let's change that.
>>16691398 >When tempered with a strong connection, and deep emotion, it is not something I can put into words. When these combine with physical attraction, and you know they want every single part of you... indescribable.
I really like this, but I can't put my finger on why I like it so much, and it's bothering me.
We might not be in a relationship but were still dating exclusively... are you kidding me that we cant even meet once in 2 weeks time? i get it if you want to game but you're also meeting up your friends even if i asked you first.I might have overlooked this if you would at least show more interest texting me. because im getting bored of this.
Kinda hoping my deteriorating mental state is due to an inoperable brain tumor. Hoping I'm one more person 2016 will take away. I'm not good enough, I've already outlived past my prime, I'm never going to be anything other than a burden.
This is not joking anymore, you are losing your mind. The last thing I want to do is give you another court case. We were more than caring to you but your problems are getting more severe and you've dragged your loved ones into this. Please stop for your own sakes. We know you browse 4chan religiously,
She goes by many names and she had a very traumatic past of her own. I know she means well and she just wants her love to be reciprocated. We talked about it before and I'm afraid she might be in a negative spiral and hurt herself again. She tends to hurt me and everyone when she's frustrated and I get that. We tried everything but it's getting harder everyday. I know she cares and I do as well as a friend. We're distant and I know she needs support in her life when she's frustrated at me. I just don't want her to hurt me, my family or any of her loved ones if she feels frustrated about life. That's the last thing I or anyone would like to happen. I loved her For who she was and I saw who she could be. Maybe it's my fault for not saying that. I have many problems too and I told her that. I just want the both of us to understand each other about this situation.
I wrote that for her. She will make one lucky man happy, all I could do for her is to make her understand that she could be a beautiful person like she once was. Always remember how wonderful you could be. Remember that. I've said everything about this and i want you to read it if you're here,
I think everyone talks too much. I can get by saying maybe ten words in a day and all these fucking people just spew whatever floats into their empty fucking heads, and it's pushing me to the breaking point.
>Boyfriend ends it >Sad but that's life >His friend swoops in immediately and starts talking to me >Asks me out a few weeks after the breakup
I don't know why, but this kinda makes me mad. It just seems a little disrespectful to his friend. How do I turn someone down without hurting their feelings though? I've never done this before. Just a simple "sorry! I don't have those kind of feelings for you." should work, right?
My halcyon days were 2010 to about mid 2014. I made many good friends on the internet, we did so much stuff together and it was great. We talked all day, played games, it was like I had a family for the first time.
Eventually, one by one we all started drifting apart. The first friend to leave I thought was an anomaly. Then, the others started fading too.
I had to re-live the pain and loneliness of losing friends over and over again. But there was always a certain person there for me. He always stuck around. Now even he's becoming but a memory. I know what people will say, "there are others, there will be new friends", but they also say there that a few select people are truly once in a life time, and now one of them is walking out of my life.
It was inevitable; I knew it would happen but I didn't want to have to admit to myself that one day the time would actually come.
This is truly the end of an era, the end of my childhood, and I really don't want to face it. I don't want it to end. I'm not ready for it to end. I don't want to have to say "goodbye", jesus christ just let me do it all over again
Why do dreams have to feel so much better than real life? It's not even that the content is better, it's that I'm not me in my dreams, I'm someone else, feeling emotions like I felt as a kid, living a world that's so much more vivid, just feeling alive. It's very rare that I remember my dreams in the morning, though often those remembered involve someone I'll never see again. The real world is just so fucking soul sucking.
I am utterly depressed today. I have been on antidepressants since I was twelve years old. I am 29 now. I live with my disabled mother and I help pay her bills. She hoards. I have no friends anymore, and no social skills. I can't look people in the eyes for some reason. I am a virgin and I am absolutely miserable. The only way I can calm myself down to go to sleep each night is imagining myself closing my eyes and falling down off a bridge or a building, with the air rushing by my ears as I fall. Eventually I hit the end of the fall and everything is just silent. It calms me so much it helps me sleep. When I see mass shootings I think "Wow I wish I could do that" instead of feeling bad for the victims. This is why I have never touched a gun. I tried therapy but with my insurance it was $640 out of pocket for two months of therapy. All the guy did was read out of a workbook each time. It was stupid as fuck. I hate happy people. I hate my coworkers. I wish someone loved me. Anyone. People have told me for 10 years now things will get better, but things get worse. People that loved me died, or left. Everything I have ever cared about has rotted away. I am an empty shell of a person and I wish I would be shot in the head randomly by a stranger so I could be at peace because I am too cowardly to do it myself.
Sometimes when we keep our problems and little things that we scare to share with others and feel ashamed we built imaginary obstacles and we built a world based on our fears... try to have a friend try to talk to people about anything that comes to tour mind and don't feel ashamed and you will feel better...I use to feel the same but I always kept myself busy with reading and going to open places and Parks it helps a lot...at least you have a mother I'm from a different world and no family at all....good luck
I'm so scared I have so much anxeity. The person I poured myself into doesn't love me anymore. I feel hated and resented. I had sex with him and got an STD. I never had sex with an one else. I feel unloved and he really does dislike me now. I don't understand what I could have done in my life too deserve these feelings. I have consistent thought disorders and I can't stop connecting thoughts to other thoughts. I feel like such a baby because I'm anxious all the time and I have low self confidence. I used to be such a happy, loving, and energetic person. I don't know anyone purer than me. I don't want to give up on being with him because I love him so much, and its been so long. I would do anything to be with him. He wants an open relationship and he denies physical interaction with me after he admitted a huge confession about it all. He acts like an unsympathetic person. He invited me to live with him and we've been with each other for so long. I dropped my whole life for him. I would die for this person. I feel so pathetic and weak it seems like I can do nothing to bring back the passion between us. I wish a miracle would happen.
Things are persistently hard. I found something I love and am good at and I get no support from those I love. I get no appreciation. I feel alone and smothered all at once. I sat on the bathroom floor and my body feels numb and I just breathed silently in the dark and oh my god I felt nothing and then felt an ache to be that way forever. This battle has gone on for far too long and cashing in just isn't working.
So you live downstairs, you have a nosy ear with a gadget and you have misophonia as well. Don't know whether to pity you since I see what you and father have been doing all day. I'll just consider your mental illness and go about my day. Waste your life, not mines least I make money sitting around.
It seems as though even when it feels like you can entirely trust someone at the time with your biggest, deepest secrets... it later comes back to bite you in the ass. I never learn this. Time and time again, I keep letting myself trust people. Can't trust anyone. What I've learned is, if it ain't something you want people knowing, don't tell anyone at all. Now if only I could practice what I preach...
I've had enough social interaction for the next few months. I want to tell the friends I've made that I don't really want to talk or hang out with them anymore. Not sure how to, so I'll just keep blowing them off and ignoring them until they don't want to hang out with me anymore just like I do with everyone.
We should just conclude that pinoys are shitty in general in comparison to whites and move on. Basement dweller limousine usually are drug pushers in their country and bring it to where to immigrate to. Just ignore those shitty flips.
Embarrassed to ask for money since I've only done it once before and it was a small amount that I paid back quickly. My mom has financially helped both of my siblings, sometimes loaning them thousands.
I feel guilty asking for a couple hundred. I've always been one to have too much pride, suffer rather than ask for handouts, and I've always had safety nets I'd weave in case ...but right now money is not great. I've made bad choices, learned from them but need help until I'm back on my feet.
Why the fuck does my pride come into play so much. I'd rather someone punch me in the gut than ask someone else for money. I feel like I'm admitting defeat. My stomach is growling so much though...
>>16694725 Yo Anon you deserve some respect and love <3. Someone you love infecting you is a horrible shitlord thing to do. “I’ve already invested so much time into this relationship,” is not a valid excuse. A good relationship makes you feel respected, loved, worthwhile and good about yourself. Definitely sounds like he doesn't feel the same way & time isn't going make a one-sided toxic situation better. Don't feel sorry for your self about the things you can't recast. Make a decision for change that is in your best interest ..... ps. If your K, he is G, and im N this is heavy shit but doesn't change the way i feel about you.
i love my best friend. we're like business partners ride or dies and we fuck and dress better than everyone. we would be such a cool couple if we were one, it doesn't bother me much that we aren't in a relationship because were such good friends but i hope someday it will happen.
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