Well, her friend found it actually.
I thought I had deleted it long ago. I guess not. I guess it has been active this whole time.
I made it a few months back when I wasn't sure about our future together. I never was going to use it to cheat on her, but I got curious and at the time was living in a different city anyway.
We've talked about it and she believes me that I didn't cheat on her, but I can't get this huge weight off me. It follows me everywhere.
Is it possible for us to get past this or is that an exercise in futility?
Also, how should I go about dealing with friends that have innevitably found out? She's being good about not telling people but the girl that found it, we don't know who she has told.
Just delete it and be done with it if that's what you want. If she gets iffy reassure her you want to be with her, or whatever. If your relationship can't get past this it's because of bigger issues, not this single incident. Just put faith in her for now and hope she does the same for you.
As for who gets told :
What a fucking non issue. Who gives a fucking what they think. It's not their relationship. If people bug you about a fucking tinder account, shrug it the fuck off. Sweet lord, you're calling a papercut a stab wound. You'll pull through, OP.
Well the least you could do is go back and delete it for now. Ultimately, the relationship is between you and your girlfriend, and it is not up to any internet strangers to call you a whore (though it's unlikely because you're a guy and only women get called whores on this godforsaken chinese pictogram board) and your girlfriend should break up or whatever.
At the end of the day, to be honest, it's nothing. If your friends find out, just say "yeah, I made one out of curiosity. nothing happened, the end."
Its all about trust, if you explained to her and she believed you I don't see what's the big deal. I had a tinder account while eating my ex, she knew about it and it was ok with that because she trusted me (and I had no reasons to lie to her).
Is it just me or is OP being a little spoiled about this one?
I mean, he sidestepped the absolute biggest issue that usually occurs when these things happen.
Not only does she believe you that you didn't cheat on her, but she STILL wants to be with you.
That's like 90% of the problem automatically fixed. And yet you're just concerned about "who knows" which I'll admit can be concerning and I'm interested to see what advice you get on that here, but still, you saved a lot of face where most would have lost a whole lot more.
You should have phrased your question differently, because it's obvious the relationship status is not what's bothering you as much as what people think about you.
This is obviously an integrity issue.
And I'll be honest, you won't get much advice here for that because the go-to response /adv/ uses for that is "don't care about what other people think" but you and I both know that's horse shit and everyone actually does care about their rep, at least a little.
Haha that's a pretty horrible idea.
OP, just roll with it, if anyone asks then tell them what happened, no need to go out and tell the world about it, you're blowing this way out of proportion.
Even if you did have a Tinder account and were actually using it, some people just like to get swiped on people and get an ego boost and whatever. I personally wouldn't, but even if that were the case, going from that point to actually cheating is still a LONG way away.
While I agree with you about the message thing being a bad idea, nobody is going to "bring it up" most likely, and I think that's actually what OP is scared of, this idea that the people that know will always have this reservation about him whenever they see him or he comes up in conversation. He doesn't want to be seen as a cheater in people's minds because (as he tells it) he isn't one. And if we're assuming that he's telling the truth and didn't use the app to cheat, then yeah, I can see why that would worry him.
OP kind of strikes me as a bit of an idiot, but not a morally bad person.
People will always think one thing or the other, the problem isn't that, the problem is OP caring about what people say behind his back when it doesn't affect him at all.
And if someone is willing to lose his friendship because of some hearsay about Tinder, literally nothing, without even checking anything, then they were eventually gonna stop being friends for one reason or another either way.
This isn't just hearsay though.
Some people actually KNOW he had a tinder account. There's probably pictures floating around.
Honestly OP could you just confirm this so we can isolate what you're worried about?