I recently met a guy who expressed interest and he was really fun to talk to and had shared many similarities. I didn't think it was a date since he did mention the fact that he's still not sure of what he wants relationship-wise. However, he ended the date with a kiss. I asked him afterwards what that's all about and he said that he's interested in polyamory. He had always liked other women while being in a monogamous relationship and it hurt him to be so dishonest towards his partner. I've been a serial monogamist my whole life but I really like him. I've been co-dependent with former partner for 3 years before this. I think long-term when I really like someone and he seems to really care for me although I don't see him as often as I would like. He always communicates well and listens intently. However, I cannot help but think of this as just "glorified friends with benefits" since I'm not familiar at all with poly-amorous relationships. What do you think I should do? Should I just turn down his offer and move on or try it out and see?
It's great. But I'm a guy. Sometimes my girls get jealous, but sisters get jealous too. For me, this lifestyle allows for the most honest and free relationships a person can have. We don't place limitations on one another and we are truly happy.
>we are truly happy.
I think you mean "I am"
Some girls accept poly relationships because they think they can't secure another decent relationship, it's pathetic.
If you legitimately want a poly relationship, cool, but OP clearly sounds like she just likes the guy and is considering this circumstance because she's lacking options.
"Polyamory" always sounds like a comfortable excuse to sleep around/cheat without consequences. I would never accept this due to my pride, but this is not about me, so if you're fine with your guy banging other chicks, go for it.
That's your opinion. Being in this lifestyle, i meet people who enjoy spitting on us. It brings you and others joy to call me and the people I love pathetic.
Where is your happiness? I feel my girl's love, and they feel mine. For someone that takes pleasure in shitting on other people, do you feel you are more deserving of a woman's love?
People fear and hate what they don't understand. There's no fear and hate in my relationship. They can spend time with who they please, I will never place limitations on them. They choose to be with me, and I with them.
I respect people who would want to do it. I respect their emphasis on honesty and transparency. There were times where I thought of it when I seem to like more than one person. But I've always been exclusive with my relationships it seems so hard to let that habit go. However, I really really do like the guy, I can't stop thinking about him. He really swept me off my feet but my friends think that this wouldn't be a real relationship at all if I tried. He doesn't get jealous which can be great since he doesn't fuss over people I meet, he clearly likes me but I think there's just something missing that I just can't quite grasp. I'm seeing him this week and I can't seem to make up my mind whether I'd like to or not. He says that I don''t have to rush into things.
Tell me if I am misunderstanding you.
>I think you mean "I am"
You are insinuating that I am disregarding my girls' happiness for my own. You interpret me as selfish. That's something I have to disagree with.
>Some girls accept poly relationships because they think they can't secure another decent relationship, it's pathetic.
Since you were addressing me earlier, I feel this is as well. You've already tried to knock me down a peg, and now you are putting it out there that there are girls that are pathetic. How else am I supposed to interpret this?
Some people are crushed that their lover wants to fuck other people. I realized a while ago that sex and love are not mutually exclusive. Some things are worth trying, and i am happy I chose this lifestyle.
It's a degree of discomfort brought on by feelings of inadequacy.
Because you're trying to get a rise out of me, I have to ask- do you hate me? Or are you jealous? Please be honest. I'm not trying to pick a fight.
>You are insinuating that I am disregarding my girls' happiness for my own. You interpret me as selfish. That's something I have to disagree with.
I don't know your girls, the only thing I can assume is that they get jealous because they only have you to be with.
Again, I have nothing wrong with poly relationships, but yours sounds one-sided. If your girls are seeing multiple guys, no problem, but the fact that they get jealous just tells me they just want you for themselves and don't really want to be with anyone else.
For the record, it's absolutely pathetic if the best a woman can do is 33% of one guy.
Not to knock you down, maybe you are so amazing that you're worth it to them, but I buy in that those girls are probably more desperate than you brad pitt.
I can see why you feel that way, so let me say this-
Do you have a sibling? Have you ever been jealous when they had 'their day'? Has that ever truly questioned your parent's love?
If it has, I'm sorry. But I know my parents love my brother and i equally, no matter what I may feel in a moment of weakness.
This is how I feel about the women I love. They are free to be with other men too, I don't get jealous.
>Do you have a sibling? Have you ever been jealous when they had 'their day'? Has that ever truly questioned your parent's love?
I'll answer the question with "Never in my entire life" but I don't see how this is relevant to your post?
You admitted the girls are jealous, literally has nothing to do with you or me.
>They are free to be with other men too, I don't get jealous.
But the girls are absolutely jealous, why are you so cool with it but they aren't? That's the only point I'm making.
This is all really a judgement call, OP. You need to weigh how much you like him vs how much emotional pain this is likely to cause you. Is he worth the pain? That's not a question any of us on 4chan can answer for you; only you know the answer.
The concept of putting things in context is so difficult with people who are so unwaivering with their opinions. I know you have a strong motivation to find fault in me and my choices. But for once, loosen your fist and open your mind. Hear me out.
The example of parents and children was to illustrate how jealousy can exist in a loving relationship without ruining it. How it can be overcome.
I get it, you don't agree with me, nor do you approve of me. But what have you done for OP? I feel like you attacked me and I have been defending myself since. In the meantime, you haven't provided any alternative for OP. That demonstrates to me where your head is at. For someone so judgemental on something they do not participate in, I suggest you try it. You never know
You're absolutely right. It is up to me. It really hit me "For the record, it's absolutely pathetic if the best a woman can do is 33% of one guy." Like I'm not good enough to fill someone's heart. It's just unfortunate to find someone so compatible yet our goals aren't the same.
>I get it, you don't agree with me, nor do you approve of me
I have nothing against poly relationships.
I have nothing against you either actually, high five for scoring with lots of girls!
You seem to think I have it out for you, but truthfully all I said was girls who are stuck in one-sided relationships are pathetic.
Before you continue saying that I am out for you, I want you to directly greentext me saying I don't like you, or don't approve of you, or anything of the sort. You are starting to sound very insufferable with the whole "you just dont get me, im not evil, have an open mind" routine
Thank you for shedding more knowledge to me about this. I don't want to go through something while I am ignorant of it. However, I don't think it's for everyone but it is certainly possible. I hope you and your girls can maintain the happiness you've built for one another.
Well then there you go. I'm really glad you've come to a decision now. Godspeed, OP. It's shitty at first, but you'll be amazed at how many other people there are out there for you to be with. One day you'll find a man whose goals are compatible with yours. At least you're saving yourself a lot of drama here.