Has anyone ever been the Best Man and not supported the marriage? My buddy is getting married in 7 months and I think the girl he is marrying is fairly nuts.
About 6 months ago I was asked to my buddies best man. Jack and Jill have been dating since 1st year university, we all lived on the same residence in first year. I do not support the wedding at all but I said yes. I've already bought my tux and all that shit so and they have booked pretty much anything so it is getting fairly late to back out. Jack and I were planning on going to Las Vegas, but the plans fell through. I was planning on asking him if he was really happy but as the trip never happened I never got the chance. We had a mutual friend MIke who asked Jack if he was happy and Jill now hates Mike and has more or less cut Mike out of Jack's relationship and will refuse for him to be at the house. I was considering doing something similar but I don't want to loose Jack as a friend or our mutual friends.
Reasons why I don't support the wedding:
- Jill is Jack's first girlfriend.
- I find Jill fairly controlling
- Jack typically has to get everything approved through Jill (People staying over, doing x/y)
- I find that Jill is bi-polar or something. She can be very nice/pleasant but then out of nowhere starts snapping.
- Jack and Jill share different views on a lot of things in general (Jill is a hardcore feminist and Jack is more of your typical white conservative) You can only imagine the discussions we have.
- This isn't just me, my mom, dad, sister, ex girlfriend and mutual friends/old residence room mates have all stated that Jill is fucked up.
- Jill holds stupid grudges, Jill is still made at my Ex for "copying" her meal (Scalloped Potatoes and Sausages) when we had them over dinner 2 years ago. I requested it and it was cooked using a different styles...
All in all I don't support the wedding but what do i do? I think this is a horrible mistake for Jack but I don't want to lose Jack
Just tell him your concerns breh while the grill is not around.
Be a good friend
Well it's Jack's decision. If you didn't support it you shouldn't have agreed to be best man. If you're his best man in more than name, you should support his decisions, particularly those about such a personal subject as who to marry.
Fair enough I don't disagree with this at all. When I was asked it was out of the blue, I knew they were engaged but I one day I was asked to come to play video games and then out of nowhere he passes me this box and tells me to open it which inside asked me to be his best man. He fiance was there at the time.
Like I said one other mutual friend already tried that and for all intensive purposes might as well not exist.
I am definitely going to support him, I just feel shitty about as I'm not so sure about it. I understand that it is Jack's decision and not mine. Should anything happen, I'll be there for Jack, I just have a bad feeling about it. Perhaps I'm a tad skeptical because of my parents divorce. For what it is worth they have been living together since 2nd year university. They've both graduated so it had been awhile. I think he real issue is that this is his first serious girlfriend.
Talk to his other friends and family in advance, see what they think, maybe get them all together, try to bring Jack there without Jill under some pretense, talk it over. Or get friends and family to write him letters with their concerns and then get Jack alone and make him swear he won't tell Jill about what you'll show him, and then also talk it out. Just tell him that if he makes his choice you'll respect that but you just want him to know the opinions of all the people who love him, and want him to make an educated choice and really think it through.
What ever you do, tell Jack that you'll always be there for him. That even if you have a falling out because Jill wants to cut his friends out of his life, you'll be there, and even after years he can contact you out of the blue for help.
I'm in a geographically challenging situational. I'm currently studying 5 hours east away from Jack. Jack's family lives 4 hours west from Jack. I've met his parents and his brothers a few times but not enough to pull of something like this. His parents seem supportive od the wedding and i'm sure about his brother. With Regards to other friends I really don't know how many he has (We do play a lot of video games together and the only restriction seems to be his work and my work/school schedule and Jill .) I think i've only ever met 3 other close friends while we were in school. (But i was fairly busy in school). I've never met one of the groomsmen (it is a guy he worked with) and the other is his brother which I sort of know. I also know one of the bridesmaids but again it isn't a subject that I'd want to bring up with her.
I'll be honest I was kind of surprised when he asked be the best man (I suspected I'd be a groomsmen if anything). I know Jack extremely well as we are bestfriends and have been since first yesr university I just feel sort of disconnected from his family and other friends.
In the end, it's Jack's life. I get that you feel culpable and would feel shitty if you didn't at least try to warn him, but remember that Mike already did so, and look what happened. Do you have any reason to believe that he'd listen to you more than Mike? He seems like the kind of henpecked husband-to-be who would snitch to Jill and in turn make life difficult for you, and sometimes you need to put your own wellbeing first.
Just be there for him. You may not agree with his choices, but you're his friend and you'll support him. When/if it all falls apart, be there to help him pick up the pieces. That's all you really can do.
No offense, but he is literally a retard who is in love.
Men do stupid shit when they're in love. Let him do stupid shit, and live with the consequences.
I get that you care about him and don't want to see your buddy fall down the drain, but there is literally nothing you can say to man that has made up is mind.
But when my brother got married to a complete slut that everyone knew as a controlling mental slutty cunt I was the only person to tell him i do not agree with the wedding, I am cool with doing what he wants, but i can't take part in celebrating something i don't agree with, he was a bit mad but understood i was being straight.
When they got divorced he apologized and respected that i would not blindly celebrate something that i knew was wrong even if he thought otherwise.
Thanks for all the replies overnight. If anyone else has an opinion post away.
I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and pick up the pieces if and when. I appreciate all of the stories.