Dealing with severe clinical depression leaves me at a disadvantage when it comes to staying positive. When I feel down, it's never just a bummed out feeling, it's always this dark, Lonely, lost place I end up in, with no one there to talk to about it.
My friends all have kids, husbands, their own problems and stress that they talk to me about, and I do my best to help them with always, and I feel like a burden when I try to talk to anyone when I myself am down. They don't understand that I can't just snap out of the funk.
Whenever I get like this, I always end up here, wishing I knew how to talk to someone, just one single person that gets it, and is happy to just talk all the time, about likes and loves and life, or even when it's just being frank about how shitty depression is.
It's like....I wish I had a living diary. Someone I can tell anything, and they'll still be there the next day. I don't have that, and idk how to have that, and I feel like I've missed my chance or something.
Why is it so hard these days to make a friend that Wants to be a pillar in your life as much as you are in theirs?
I guess they are in the same mental shithole as you.
I never felt depressed in my life, cuz i believe that even death is not such a bad thing, so life's "problems" are as big as you make them.
Dunno maybe some people are just made to be forever sad...bummer i guess.
Fuck it. I'll talk to you if you need someone right now, got nothing better to do (besides lectures but idc really). I may be a bit late between replies (up to an hour, depending on if I get a chance to use my phone in class) but I'll still be here as long as the thread is.
So, what's on your mind?
See that's the problem with depression. You can explain it to someone who doesn't feel it. I'm a ridiculously positive person, and I don't ever do things out of spite. I always do my best to be fair, and kind, and loving. Even when I'm down, I try to stay cheerful, even if I have to fake it.
It just helps, to have someone there.
Biothermodynamics, FDA requirements, neuroscience 2, neuroengineering lecture and lab, and senior design 2 (essentially a final project class for engineer students) I'm a bioengineer btw.
I guess. I want to make implants that interface with neurons in the future (sight/hearing/controllable artifical limbs that can actually feel). I'm also interested in robotics and AI too, so idk what exactly I'll be doing in the future.
Enough about me, tell me about yourself.
That's an amazing use of knowledge, and kind of a funny coincidence, because I'm studying prosthetic design and application. I'm only just getting started, having changed my major, and moving, yet, when I'd finally come across the idea a year ago, I was hooked.
The new 3d printer technology has upped the game, and opened up a lot of doors as far as design and funation go. You could very much be able to create a bionic arm that functions as fluidly as a human one down the line, and I think that's amazing.
The mechanics and physical design have been there for decades; the hard part is making "skin" that can sense and sending those signals to the brain and sending input from the brain to the arm directly, as oppposed to having the user press some buttons/switches on the arm to perform some preprogrammed action.
Also sorry for responding late.
hey, i'm the med guy, fun fact, for years i've been interested in regenerative medicine, and combining stem cell science with mechanics, it just looks like a funny coincidence that you have those interests. are you all in usa?
As much math as chemical/electrical engineering. In our program we basically did a bit of every type of engineering (except civil and industrial) including coding, working with circuits, studying the various properties of materials, etc. Though I would say the majority of the major-specific work I've done is systems analysis and engineering.
I panicked when I realized I hadn't been back in quite a while. I'm glad to see you guys are still here, and chatting about interesting topics.
What a happy coincidence indeed!!
And to answer a previous question, yes, Tink is short for tinkerbell. I used to wear my hair up in a high messy bun and wear green often, and it became my nickname as a result.
How are your nights going?
I could never understand what part of our development as a human decides which learning methods and topics we're able to participate in and retain better than others. I am one of those people, that if given a space filled with items in random assortments, could build you anything you like. However, I could not for the life of me understand how to wire or code something if you asked me to right now. I'm trying, I'm actually teaching myself how to make a circuit board atm, but it is not a subject I can engage in easily.
I can build you an arm that would look perfect in proportion, and function admirably, however, I could not chemically tra storm a material that would have the consistency of skin to mount onto it, nor could I program it to follow directions unless given a set of directions.
It is a frustrating setback.
Im the same person in both posts.
I mean, I don't want to necessarily just hear your voice, but I completely understand where you're coming from in every way.
Like you're a person I can hear and I'm a person you could hear.
I ask if you live in the states only because I live in Mexico, but have a way of making phone calls to the States for free.
But I can be your living diary tink.
Call me "G".
I know though, I've only ever met 1 other anon in real life and yes it was strange, but again, I know how you feel. I felt like the original post you made was something that I would have wrote.
Hey Tink it's the bioengineer again, I added a name field to make it easier to differentiate between us. If you're still here sorry for not responding, the thread went a little dead and I did something else for a bit.
Depressed for 15+ years here weighing in on this phenomenon. I'm almost 31, parents got divorced when I was 11, got two terrible stepfathers for the price of one awkward puberty. No physical abuse but violent enough to break shit when angry, first guy told me I was a pussy who'd never touch a woman, etc. Great stuff.
Stayed strong because my dad was still around. Saw him weekly, good moral compass, etc. Never made much of myself, only ever worked labor, wasted my time in a community college. I know anything I've done wrong after the second stepdad left(18) was my decision made incorrectly.
So what changed? I played World of Warcraft since Vanilla. About 6 years ago at the end of Wrath I had an inkling to found a guild. Pushed to a raid group in Cataclysm, met a guy and we had nerdy interests in common and a good chemistry. Chatted almost every day, made each other laugh a lot, good times. Helped me lead, took a liking to me, tutored me on leading.
After months of this we talked a bit more about our lives and I gradually opened up about my depression. By a miracle dude has been my spiritual adviser ever since. Still chat every day online, treat each other like brothers.
I can't tell you how to get a friend who helps you get through life OP, but they exist. All I can do is to be as brotherly to him as I can and to earnestly be his friend. His successes make me feel as good as my own and I hope that sincerity strengthens our camaraderie.
I guess the only sure way to introduce the possibility of it happening is to continue meeting people no matter how small it may seem at the time.