So me and this girl are seeing each other for 2 years and i only recently find out she is a feminist.
*red flags activate*
I begin to tell her what i think of feminists and how there is a considerable amount of them that a extremist and only wish to make women
She begins to tell me that this isn't her take on it and that she wishes to have equality for all people no matter who they are. "oh okay so you're a humanist?" *gets extremely offended*
She just won't take anything I say on board. I kept calm through the whole argument but she kept bringing up things that I do that are inherently misogynistic in a fit of rage like paying for our food or not letting her pay for dinner when we go out.
>excuse me for letting you keep your own money
What should I do. Aside from this I really can't think of a single thing wrong with her. She's got no major flaws that I can seem to deduce.
You started off wrong. Even if you were calm or logical or whatever else what did you expect by attacking someone's closely held political beliefs? There are extreme views in any schools of thought that are easy to pick apart.
You're being a bit of a cunt, and an ignorant cunt at that. I get where you're coming from, there's definitely a segment of modern "feminism" that has gone insane, but the definition she told you (equality for all) is what it's actually supposed to mean, and what the majority of people who call themselves "feminists" are supporting. Almost all educated women are "feminists" in some form. The Tumblr-crowd is a relatively small, very loud minority.
So by the sounds of it, your little rant was completely uncalled-for, needlessly hostile, and you've really only made yourself look stupid. If you want to even have a chance with this girl, you should apologize and tell her that you read a bunch of dumb shit online that got you confused. Because really, that's what happened. You're no different from a cis-hating man-murdering Tumblrette, you're just as easily influenced and manipulated, you just go to different websites.
Think about what you want in a wife. You aren't getting married yet but dating is training for that. Do you want some bitch that will talk smack to you, won't respect you, won't be a good mother? How does one of these modern day empowered power sluts raise a child? They'd be too busy telling the baby it triggered her by playing with trucks instead of dolls because boys have to equal out the history of playing with trucks.
Dump this silly bitch after a couple more roots.
Next time screen for a girl that will respect you, defers to you, and isn't a feminist cunt. You're the man. You're in charge. You don't change or bend over to make her happy. She makes you happy. If notthere are plenty of girls that will.
You're being a twat. I don't identify as a feminist myself because I'm uncomfortable with what the movement has become (the whole shindig, not just the Tumblr wing of it) but you're naive if you think that women have made all the progress they need and there's no use for a women's rights movement anymore. She said nothing wrong, and frankly your criticisms of feminism are pretty shallow, so I'm not at all convinced you're even qualified to talk about it with her. Just let it go.
Hate to say it, but if you want equality for all people, that includes men and women. So she's right in saying she's a feminist, if you go by the literal definition and not by whatever bullshit overweight and unloved squeaky wheels on Tumblr are spewing. She's probably insulted by being called a humanist because humanist/egalitarians often do the cowardly, "I won't call a spade a spade, that's too aggressive, it's just a handheld digging implement and is one of many tools I own" bullshit. Which is funny and hypocritical, because she is refusing to call a spade a spade because it's not aggressive enough.
You're both being dumb.
My advice is that you split the checks from now on, or take turns buying food. If this doesn't work for you and it severely bothers her, then reevaluate your relationship. Figure out what's most important to you and where you can compromise.
And for the love of god, if she has a Tumblr, check what blogs she's following for any warning signs. No one is born an extremist, that shit is learned.
"Feminism" literally means "equal treatment for women." Yes, there are crazy extremists who call themselves feminists, but literally every ideology, belief, or group has its crazy extremists. Your girlfriend doesn't sound like one of those, she sounds like one of the normal ones.
So good luck finding a good woman who doesn't believe women should be treated equally. Almost all Western women are "feminists," unless:
a.) they hate themselves, or
b.) like you, they're too stupid to know what the word means, and they don't want to be associated with Tumblrites
and also, I only just noticed you said you've been dating for TWO YEARS. If it's never been an issue before, if she's not ranting all day about "patriarchy," then how could it be an issue now? How could it be such a huge red flag, if you've been together for two years and you didn't even know her political beliefs before?
Admit it. You heard a word you don't like, you got "triggered," you freaked out, and you gave an angry knee-jerk response without even thinking or listening. Just like those SJWs you hate so much
I guarantee that neither of you anons do anything for women aside from complain online. Feminist or not, whining about what you're owed and how people should see you is useless.
OP, just be yourself. Don't let her ideals influence your decision making. If she doesn't agree with your actions on a personal individual level (and not under the influence of a 'movement'), then you do your best to communicate where your head is at.
At the same time, don't attack or try to influence her beliefs either. Just let her experience what it's like to be with someone who does the best they can, regardless of what social institutions dictate. Someone who is in touch with themselves enough to not hide behind some group mentality of any kind, when facing complicated issues.
Just maintain individual thought
I don't even complain online much about it. I'm just trying to help OP from trainwrecking a perfectly good relationship. He seems genuinely confused about what "feminism" means, and he's making a mountain out of a molehill.
And really, it's best to keep politics out of a relationship as much as possible. This doesn't really need to be a thread about feminism in general, the point was just
>shut your mouth OP, it's not as bad as you think, you're making a complete ass of yourself