Alright /adv/, after I got my gf to talk to her parents about her sexual assault over the weekend, she hasn't been the same. She already tried breaking up with me on Sunday, and got back together with me 5 hours later. We agreed to have a break this morning, but now she wants to officially break up. What do I do?
Here's what she said when I asked her how her feelings had changed so fast.
Essentially, she told her parents about her assault in front of the assailant, who is her step cousin. They called us liars for about 30 minutes, and completely destroyed our mental states with all of their yelling at us and what not. They eventually realized we weren't lying, and then I went home. She hasn't been the same since Saturday.
She seems unstable. You should spring for the idea of a temporary break again and if that doesn't work, respect her breaking up wishes, but don't be her emotional tampon.
what I'm picking up from this is that she needs a little time to think and you are to quick and want to label it.
if you care for her give her time and just be there if she needs you.
She hasn't texted me since I called her, in which she affirmed that she didn't want a break, and hated the idea of it. I don't know what to do with her. She went from me being the love of her life to apparently not loving me anymore in 2 days. I just am at a lost of words and ideas of what to do.
I was planning on leaving her alone for about a week or two, and told her if she wants to talk to me, she has to text me first or approach me first. But I'm afraid she's making a huge mistake in her giant emotional mess right now. She did say though that she just wants to be alone to think to herself, and that she wouldn't date anyone else while she sorts out her thoughts. (Note: As part of the being friends thing, she even invited me to hang out at her house in the future, but just as friends, though.)
Yeah, I already told her that, and I haven't texted her since I called her. I just don't know what to do about tomorrow. (We go to the same college together, and have a few classes and used to walk each other to each other's classes.)
that's a tough one
maybe show up early so you are already seated when she enters if she wants to sit next to you she does
but that's "beta" as fuck
you shouldn't have to change your everyday rutine because of her.
Why did you go insane on Sunday, the break up? If you freak out emotionally in response to her freaking out emotionally, it sounds like she's right that you both currently need a break. It's rough, you were trying to do the right thing. But when it comes to someone's family, sometimes the best thing is for you to stay out of it. Especially if she still lives with her parents (it seems? I can't tell).
If you fought about breaking up and that changed things, it'll be harder to recover. If she just feels bad about what happened with her family or being yelled at, she probably just needs some time to get over it.
I didn't go insane on Sunday during the initial break up, I was calm during that. I was freaking out when her parents were calling us liars on Saturday. Ever since Saturday, she just hasn't been the same with me.
I think it's more likely that she had interbrated op asking her questions as freaking out
it's more likely that she's unstable after this and does not want to involve anyone else in it.
but then ofc we don't have much context
In terms of context, she and I have been dating for a while, and she has been having issues with the assault that happened 3 years ago. Just last week, she almost committed suicide, but I stopped her doing so, and she was really thankful, but now all of the sudden, she changed since she talked to her parents. She apparently is breaking up with me to benefit both of us, but it hasn't benefited me at all.
I wonder what her parents told her, if they may have pushed her to this.
But anyway, the best thing to do is probably do as she suggests. Give her space because she cant handle the idea of a "relationship" right now and "intimacy". She needs some time to rething these things and be comfortable about them again.
So you can try the friends thing.
Something similar happened with my gf. I tried staying friends at first but then I couldn't handle it, it hurt too much. This was a year ago, and it's been a year full of drama and I cried pretty much every night because of it. She would disappear for days, weeks, months. I honestly can't say what would have worked better. Maybe I should have cut contact immediately and she would have gotten better earlier, or maybe I should have appreciated how great it was to just be friends, and stick with it. Right now I miss her friendship more than ever and I'd give anything to even be just friends again...
If that's what she's most upset about, it might just take time. And my bad, it said Saturday. Got confused between the thread and the screenshots.
She's taking it as a bad situation she put you in. It's sort of a reverse victim complex. Instead of not feeling in control of anything, you feel responsible for everything. Ends in the same thought though, bad stuff happens all around you so it's better to be alone. You could try going to counseling together, seems like she might need it anyway. But you'll have to accept that what's best for her might not be what's best for you. Counseling with the goal of getting back together instead of working through feelings won't really help.
Yeah, I see where you're coming from. I don't feel responsible for everything that's happened, but I do have issues with her just cutting off ties like that. I know she's getting therapy for her assault issues, and her parents had encouraged both of us to go on a break for a little bit. (whether that means she interpretated as breaking up or something else, IDK). I'm just trying to make sure she's okay, but also get back together again.
>but also get back together again.
Stop that, please.
The whole "so we're on a little break?" thing is stupid.
Just let her breathe, Jesus. Accept the fact that she doesn't want anything romantic right now.
Trust me you will only make things worse if you keep pushing for getting back in a relationship. I know it hurts, but trust me in the long term it will pay off.
Right now she needs that space and trying to pull her will only push her farther and farther away from you
Can you just describe the whole sexual assault situation? What happened, how long ago, and what role did you play in convincing her to tell her parents about it?
It seems that this whole thing is obviously at the heart of your whole break/breakup situation, and you've only described it very vaguely, so it's tough to know how to advise you.
So basically your gf thought he was "nice" and was letting him sleep over at her home and letting him touch her for two fucking whole months straight?
No wonder that their parents thought it was not rape, I bet they thought they liked each other or had something going on...
To be honest, it looks really pesky, suddenly she "doesn't love you", you also felt that she didn't love you before this... Have you ever considered the possibility of her actually thinking about fucking him or kissing him and stuff?
What if, at the moment of truth, when he pressured her to have sex with him, she just felt bad for you or thought that she couldn't do that because she's in a relationship and that's all?
>just read part 3 while typing this
>she actually did a blowjob
Ok, what the actual fucking flying fuck? She did actually offer him a blowjob in exchange of leaving her alone?
Man, this is so fucking wrong on so many levels.
>I want you to be there for me emotionally as a boyfriend, but I'm not going to fuck you anymore. I'm probably going to fuck other people but still text you about my feelings constantly.
Fuck that shit.
It was when she was younger and her mom was friends with the dude. She couldn't control the guy touching her. It was when she was less than 14, and the guy is 4 years older than her. I can't say much more to keep things private.
When she was younger... So this happened a long time ago?
And it's now that she's brought it up? Wtf mang.
Still, that's fucking hot, he got a free blowjob doing something so wrong.
You're pathetic. i was once, too. Everyone of us once were. Go ahead, ignore our advices, keep thinking it won't get better.
It won't. You'll suffer. How much, only you can tell.
See you, or not, in 2 years, saying this very same thing for someone who'll be in your very same situation.