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My fiance thinks I cheated on him
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My fiance thinks I cheated on him

My freshmen year of college I liked this boy, C. we slept together once, but then I was in a 2 year relationship (that was off and on, but every time we were off this guy was in a relationship so nothing ever came of it). We had stayed 'friends' while I was in my relationship (which I acknowledge wasn't appropriate) and then after it was over he tried to hook up with me several times. Over the years I had lost my attraction for him, and one time he even came to my dorm room to help me study (I was naive and genuinely thought he wanted to study, I remember specifying "as a friend, right?") but he wouldn't stop trying to kiss me, so I told him to leave. He later apologized and we still talked a little after that, I really wanted to be friends with him because we had a lot in common. It wasn't that I was so naive in thinking that guys and girls could be friends, it was just that his feelings were one-sided, so I used the fact that I had no feelings for him as justification for why a platonic relationship could be attempted.

Anyways, fast-forward 6 months or so, I'm starting off my semester, having dated my fiance for a while. Recently found out I was pregnant. When I enter college town I hit up all my old friends, including C, because I was very lonely (long story short, had emotionally manipulative ex that distanced me from all my friends, then after we broke up I was too involved with new bf and didn't reach out to them all summer). Nobody really responds to me except for 2 guys (because I had lost touch so people moved on with their lives, I don't blame them). One is from my old circle of friends, we hang out but all they want to do is party. I'm pregnant so that's impossible. The other is C. He offers to get coffee or grab lunch in between class. This sounds innocent enough, since we'd be meeting in public, so I agree. The day we're supposed to meet, he has to cancel. (Continued...)
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>This sounds innocent enough, since we'd be meeting in public, so I agree.
don't even bother finishing
you fucked up you dumb whore
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>>16670408
Because we're both busy, we never end up re-scheduling. I finally get in touch with one of my old girl friends, plus my fiance visits me every weekend, and I'm super busy with school, so I'm not that lonely anymore.

Fast forward to after the semester has ended. I get a text from C late at night that says "damn anon". I text "?" the next morning and he replies "sorry, I was drunk, it was stupid" to which I reply "my tits?" and he says "yeah".
Me and my fiance had gone out the night before, and I posted photos of us. In the photos my tits looked huge (because I was very preggo). A lot of my female friends had commented similar things "omg your tits anon" so I just assumed that was what he had been referring to, and I was right. I play it off like "I know, right lol" and some idle chit chat ensues. I start to get annoyed that he's creeping on me, and I communicate that with my fiance. Bad move. He takes my phone from me, and starts reading through all our conversations.
At first I don't care, I have nothing to hide, but then he won't give it back, and it gets to the point where he's reading really old conversations. When he finally gives it back he's extremely pissed. At one point during the semester, C had said to me "damn anon I can't get over your baby bump". He was probably referring to some bikini pic that I had posted on social media showing the bump off. But to my fiance it sounded like I had slept with him and he had seen the bump in person.

I don't think I should have kept up casual communications with him, I don't think I should have just played it off when he commented on my tits, and I apologized about all of that to my fiance. But he's now convinced that I cheated on him with this guy, which I didn't. I don't know what to do. When someone's paranoid, everything you say or do just makes you look guiltier. He references it all the time now. idk what to do
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>>16670450
He started thinking all these crazy things, like that right after he took me on an expensive vacation, I slept with this guy in the car he gave me. The logic behind this is that he remembers there being a weird stain that looked like cum on the dashboard. I remember that too, and remember not knowing where the stain came from. It was probably just me being messy and spilling food because I had never owned my own car and wasn't in the habit of taking care of things yet. I told him I recalled it being ice cream (which it probably was) to which he responds "do you think I'm fucking stupid?"

I can tell he's 100% convinced I cheated on him, and every thing I do or say just makes him convinced that I'm guilty. He's mad and totally beyond reason. I start crying, this is the first time we've ever had an argument, and I'm innocent but have no way to prove it. Now the man I love thinks I'm a slut. He feels bad that he's made me cry, but vows that we'll move on from this, but that if I ever do anything in the future there will be no second chances, and that he'll cut me off.

Now every time we disagree on something, or randomly, he'll bring it up (at least blah blah is more blah blah than your baby bump...sorry, couldn't think of decent example.)

It's really starting to bother me. He brings it up often enough for me to know that he's not over it, and that he still doesn't believe me.
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Olay olay olay olay... slut slut slut.

SLUT SLUT SLUT.
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>>16670450
Dunno what to tell you op, you've got yourself in a bad spot
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If he doesn't believe you, that's a big problem. Maybe it's time for couples counseling.
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>>16670480
"I can't get over your baby bump"
really doesn't seem incriminating to me. My fiance's first language is not English, and to me there are a lot of subtleties in our convo that prove we never met up that whole semester, but because of the language barrier all those subtleties are lost on him.

We are getting married soon, but I'm not settled with this. I'm not okay with him having this false image of me. I believe it will damage our relationship in the future. He has trust issues from something really awful that his brother/business partner did, so I don't think him being suspicious of em is that much of a red flag, especially since I'm someone he plans on marrying.
But I think trust is an extremely important part of a relationship, and I think his trust for me is already damaged/broken. I love this man so much and would do anything to remedy the situation. Any suggestions?
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ahaha
slut
nothing to do
you should have cut contact with this guy ages ago.
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>>16670534

OP why the fuck would you post on 4chan? Seriously? This place is filled with guys who have been hurt by women and now hate them.

Look at these insecure dudes hahahahah

>>16670482
>>16670534
>>16670445
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>>16670408
>My fiance thinks I cheated on him
>My freshmen year of college I liked this boy, >C. we slept together once
Stopped Reading.
Op is a cunt.
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>>16670499
see >>16670529
trust issues from being royally screwed over by his own brother (and I mean royally)
plus language barrier.

Is counseling really something I should suggest? I'm afraid that the more I try and prove my innocence the more guilty it will make me look. And counseling isn't cheap...
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>>16670543
just break up already, I bet he could still be happy with someone else.
You don't have to worry about the baby since he would have to pay for it anyway.
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>>16670540
Because I've received and seen others receive good advice from here before. I've been here a long time, and I know there's a lot of woman-hating garbage, but I'm numb to the trolling and can easily filter through it and find the gems of good advice.

Also 4chan is male dominated, and I feel like I need a man's advice/perspective to remedy this since the ways I've gone about it are obviously not working.

Basically like everyone else here, I'm desperate.
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>>16670541
I'm pretty sure it was before she was with her fiance, you tard.
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pls save my marriage /adv/

seriously not even one shred of advice? You disappoint...
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>>16670408
Honestly have no idea what to tell you.

You fucked up by being involved with this guy in the first place, though the reasons were understandable.

Normally I'd say just have an, open, honest conversation about how you only have eyes for him but apparently that isn't true so it'd just come off as insincere and deepen his suspicion.

Maybe offer a DNA test on the kid? If I had those doubts about a pregnant gf that would be the first worry on my mind.
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You're a whore like every other woman out there...oh slept with him once like it's nothing you filthy bitch how the fuck can you talk casualy to someone you sucked there dick behind your fiances back. I hope he dumps you degenerate whore
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you know what, you need to come of straight, tell him the whole truth, but make him listen, hes not going to want to listen to your side

get some black mailing material on C, and make him explain the situation to the guy, get a another witness too, a best friend or something

explain it compleatly than make it up to him, (NOT SEXUAL) if you say sorry by fucking/sucking this will give the wrong impression. get him a PS4 or something, expensive whiskey or even a small holiday away from home
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All of this could have been avoided if your fiance had just married a virgin. Don't worry OP, it's all his fault.
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^^^ your in a situation where you look like a total slut, so change that. u need to look pure and strong willed, make C look like dirt, and convince the main guy that he is like god to u
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>>16670408
Every girl cheats these days...no big deal in 2016.
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Can I just ask why the fuck you would maintain contact with someone from your past relationship, even asking them out, and then wonder why your fiance would be mad at you? You do seriously not realize what you have done do you? My only advice would be to SINCERLY apologize with a lot, and I mean A LOT of effort put into it. Tell him you're sorry, take him to his favorite restaurant, order his favorite meal, have a good time and try to please him, when you get home cuddle for a while and have an emotional conversation with him, how much you love him, and be honest about it, tell him what exactly happened and that you did not have any intent of fucking this guy, but that you felt alone and needed someone to talk to. Tell him that you will completely cut ties with this C, and you will actually do that, if he messages you don't even reply block him. Most importantly, realize your mistake and give him a sincere emotional apology. Good luck OP
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>>16670408
>Recently found out I was pregnant.
Slut, are you 14 and from the inner city? BC bitch.
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A serious relationship is all about trust. If he doesn't trust you, he doesn't respect you. You need to educate him on matters of trust and respect of your independence.
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>>16671271
>I'm free to see my ex I fucked with and I am also free to text him even though he is creeply trying to hit me IM ABOVE CONSEQUENCES CUZ IM FREE INDEPENDENT WOMYN

Kill yourself cuck
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>Be in relationship
>Meet up with EX
>Partner is justifiably suspicions

Lemme guess, you never told you current guy you were meeting up with C? Why exactly might that be? You are asking for trust, while doing shit behind his back, that is two faced as shit. I gotta say that's phenomenally stupid.

Man I'd say "tell him why you met up with C" but you provided that it was because you were feeling "lonely", which is probably the worst thing you could tell him. I don't even understand you, so I can't even think of a way to help you honestly.

You need to probably lay everything out and hope for the best. Shit I dunno let him have full access to your phone and social media or something.
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>>16670988
I'm sorry, but you really fucked up. You continued talking to this guy, knowing full well what was going through his mind, and you didn't care about what your fiance might think. I would personally never keep in contact with anyone I've been with intimately, especially if I was with someone else. That's just disrespectful, and at best, makes you look like an attention whore. Anyone with common sense could see what type of person this C is.
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>>16670408

define 'friends'.

well shit anon. Looks like you done fucked up good and proper.

And from what and how you are writing, it seems very suspicious that you are not telling the full story.

I can bet that the conversations between you and C were getting pretty salacious.
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Yeah OP I'm not sure what kind of reponses you were expecting by posting on a male-dominated board.

Your whole situation, from just sleeping with him once (minor), to continuously letting him creep on you while you in a relationship with your fiance, to the fact that you literally planned to meet up with a guy who you'd fucked while away from your fiance just validates everything men on this board (and in general) hate about women.
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>>16671350
Honestly, man, I can't think of a whole lot you can do to get out of this situation. Given that there's a language barrier, I really think you need to see a counselor -- some neutral and professional third party to hear both sides, read the fucking conversation, and be upfront with him if it seems like he's misinterpreting something. Understand that there may be no way out of this. Frankly his absolute certainty that you cheated is an overreaction, none of the texts you related to us were incriminating, but even so in his place I'd still be beyond pissed that you stayed in contact with an ex and lied to me by omission about it. It would definitely dent my trust in you quite a bit.

But yes. Counselor. You need one if you want this relationship to ever be OK again. Even if you filter out all the "what a fucking whore" responses, I don't think this board is going to have a better solution to offer -- I'm not sure one exists.
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>>16671386
Meant to post that as a reply to OP, not your comment! My bad.
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>>16671350
I just realized that this thread is bait.
Fuck.
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>>16671393
You just shared a bunch of decisions you made and actions you took while in a committed relationship that you thought were innocent at the time, to a bunch of guys. The fact that your story is angering so many people should tell you something.
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>>16671416
that's not me, why would I call my own thread bait?

>>16671386
I feel like I need to clarify this to the thread: HE'S NOT MY EX, we fucked once when I was a freshmen, I'm a junior now. After that we hung out platonically for years. When I was in a relationship we hung out, he knew my (now) ex. When I was single and he wasn't we would hang out, sometimes alone in his apt playing video games, and nothing ever came of it. He was in the same group of friends I was in. I texted them all at the start of the semester, he was pretty much the only one that responded. I can't stress how lonely I was enough. I was preg and full of fear and excitement but had no one to talk to. My fiance lived 3.5 hours away and we only saw each other on fri-sun. It's a lot different always being lonely, than from being constantly surrounded by friends to having literally no one that will talk to you. I was having a hard time coping, but I didn't want to sink into a depression because I needed to stay healthy and make good grades for the sake of the life growing inside of me. I AM NOT justifying talking to this guy, I shouldn't have humored him, I should have cut him off.
Old habits die hard, I had mostly male friends in high school. I was really naive and just wanted friends and they were deceptive about their intentions. I thought they were just really great friends, couldn't see that they were only behaving that way because they liked me. It screwed me over in college bc I pretty much forgot how to interact with women, but I managed to make a bunch of party slut friends, some of which matured down the line, some didn't ofc. Eventually I made a solid ass female friend plus I just didn't talk to C but once every 3 months anyways.
I thought I had completely matured from hs, but obviously I haven't, if I thought it was okay to hang out with someone I fucked just bc I had no feelings for him. I really regret talking to that prick, bc he's nothing compared to the man I love.
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>>16670529
but I'm not settled with this. I'm not okay with him having this false image of me. I believe it will damage our relationship in the future

you just flipped this back on your fiancee and made this his problem. Well it is. He will finally calm down but guarantee he will never trust you again and you had a part in that. The shame is you are pregnant so you guys will always have to be connected otherwise call off the wedding.

what about all the late night ongoing messaging and dates you set up with this guy? that have anything to do with how your fiancee feels?
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>>16670552
she won't break up with this guy he bought her a car and will have her hand in his pocket when the baby is born and he gives it his name
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>>16672491
you could have introduced C to your fiancee a long time ago but you chose to hide him. That's not naivete but deceit
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>>16672491
You fucked him, then let him sniff around for years, he's an orbiter. Looking for the chance when you feel "lonely" to get a free shag.

All you can do is come bare. You sound like someone who didn't cheat, but was keeping her options open even if you can convince him you didn't cheat. You probably would have fucked C at some point down the road, so at least you're not wasting as much time.

Get a gay friend or something.
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>>16672515
As in, I don't feel as if it's right to just accept the occasional remark he makes because it means he's not settled, so I'm not either. If we just ignore the issue won't it make things worse? There are no late night ongoing messages, we hardly ever spoke. The one message he sent me drunk, I ignored and responded to in the morning. I'm taking full ownership of my transgressions, and I admitted and apologized for those. But cheating is a whole different ball game.

>>16672521
Why would I introduce him? I never even met him myself the entire semester, summer, or previous semester. Should I introduce him to every single acquaintance that I sent the occasional fb message to? If we had met up, I would have told him about that, I tell him everything.

>>16672532
It probably looks like that, and I used to be like that when I was younger, keeping my options open, but that was because I didn't realize it at the time but I was miserable with my ex and wanted out. Now that I'm dating a man that I truly love and respect, I don't do that shit. Since before I met my fiance, I had completely lost my attraction for C. I would not have fucked him, as I already said he tried to make a move when we were both single and I turned him away.
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My fiance still acts like he loves me. We still talk every morning and night, and he visits me every weekend (I'm staying 2 hours away with my parents bc I like the hospital here). He seems very excited about baby, and we still have an active sex life (yes, at 9 months pregnant). He also got me a really nice gold chain for Christmas (only telling you this because I don't think he would invest in me/waste his money on me if he thought I were some vapid slut).
So I'm confused. On one hand, if he really thought I cheated on him, I don't think he would treat me the same, like he is now. I know I wouldn't, no matter how much I loved the person I would be deeply distraught. So it's a possibility that he knows I didn't cheat, but is just using what I did do wrong as leverage for whenever we have a little spat in the future.
Yet I'm conflicted, because he was genuinely upset for the days following our argument. We didn't have sex for 2 days. That's not normal for us. Then the fact that he'll reference it now and then tells me that it's definitely still on his mind.

Another issue is timing, and when to talk about this with him. We're getting married on Friday, and he's coming in to town Thursday night. I wanted to get this issue sorted BEFORE we got married, but talking about it literally the night before we marry, even if it goes really well, I don't want something like that to be on our minds on our special day. So since he's already willing to marry me possibly thinking that I cheated, is it acceptable to have this convo after we're married?
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>>16670408
You fucked up by paying attention to this guy.

You're dumb enough to think he's gonna get over you and be platonic friends after he's fucked you.
He obviously hasn't gotten over you and wants to find and make use of any chance he can find to fuck you again.

Your fiancé has every right to be angry at you, as would I be with mine if I find out she's been keeping contact with someone she's fucked in the past.


I suggest you immediately cease contacting this man and kneel before your fiancé for forgiveness and show him the process of you blocking him everywhere. If the dude you fucked persists, tell your fiancé for the love of god.
Stupid attention whore, i feel sorry for your fiancé.
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>>16672558
>I tell him everything
no you don't and you are trying to justify why you didn't. how about hey I'm really down right now and there's this guy and we may go hang out but I fucked him once, how you feel about that?
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You fucked up plain and simple. If you plan on having a relationship that entails cutting ties with people you've had an interest with or dated in the past unless there's a reason beyond "I just want to still be friends" that makes it necessary IE work together or have a child in common with, but in your case that is not the case.

Here's a protip: if it seems like it's a bad idea and wrong, it more than likely is.

Also shit like
>had an emotionally manipulative ex
Not an excuse to be hittin up old flings.

While you're not an outright cheater, you seem to shirk off responsibility at every turn possible, and this is a stepping stone to being a cheater.

When you want to have a good relationship, trust is an essential key. It's not so much what you did because mistakes happen, but as you write it you make mistakes for yourself and it would seem you're likely to do it again. It's the difference between being sorry because you did something and sorry you got caught, and you strongly seem the type who is only sorry because you got caught.
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>>16672558
>I had completely lost my attraction for C. I would not have fucked him
So but it sure doesn't look like that. You know taking about your tits and shit, late night text and scheduling dates. How many other guys you got floating around out there is what your guy is thinking
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>>16672632
I already said I apologized, and of course I immediately ceased contact with him. And I was super open from the beginning, which was probably a mistake in hindsight. Like, he started messaging me and I was like "ugh, this guy I fucked a long time ago is messaging me, I'm being polite to him but he's annoying" and then when he messaged me at night I was like "ugh, he messaged me again". When we first started dating, he would get a lot of texts from girls too trying to hook up and he would read them to me. I've always let him read my phone texts/messages/check my fb whenever he wanted to. The only reason he started reading the messages between C and I was because I was vocalizing my annoyance. If I hadn't of done that, our communications would have fizzled out completely and our argument would have never happened. In a way, I was too honest. That's what caused all of this. I wanted him to know we were talking, so that he wouldn't read it one day and get the wrong idea. C and I kept very casual/minimal contact ("how's your semester going?" "How are finals?", etc.), I think a lot of you are trying to blow this out of proportion.
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>>16672587
>but is just using what I did do wrong as leverage for whenever we have a little spat in the future
good god girl just listen to yourself. Your fiancee gets blindsided you have some creeper that you kept in your life for years you fucked and you get upset because he won't shut the fuck up. You caused this so let your fiancee work through this shit instead of making him the bad guy.
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>>16670408

>I was naive and genuinely thought he wanted to study

>This sounds innocent enough, since we'd be meeting in public, so I agree.

Are you genuinely stupid, or are you trying to find justification for behaving like a flirt/slut without having to feel bad?

Either way, I pity your fiancee.
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Why do people need to post their fanfics on /adv/
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>>16672676
>In a way, I was too honest
no you weren't if you had you would have either shut this guy down or do as your bf did and let him know about this guy way before now. See it is the fact you hid it before you pay now. Clearly the hiding is way worse than what you did or didn't do..
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>>16672676
what? the way you pen this, had you not said anything to your fiancee you would still be in contact with this dude. The only reason you cut him off is your fiancee drew a line of acceptable behavior you didn't
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>>16672668
Yes, I did. See >>16672676
And I already said that if I had hung out with him, I would have told him about it like I tell him everything.

>>16672671
>shirk off responsibility at every turn

HOW am I doing this? I owned up to my transgressions at the very start of my thread. Said I regretted it, apologized about it, and did what I could to remedy it by ceasing contact with C.

>only sorry because you got caught
I can definitely see why you'd think that, especially after what I just posted:
>>16672676
but that's because had I not gone and blabbed to my fiance about this guy, C and I's interaction would have ceased to exist very soon. This past semester was my last at that school, and I never would have seen C again, so I would've deleted him from fb anyways.
What I really regret is hurting my fiance, and causing him to have suspicions about me. I realize now what I did was not appropriate, but hindsight is 20/20. I'm 21, and my ex was my only ltr, so I lack experience with what's appropriate and what's not.
So yeah, talking to him was wrong. You guys are really grinding that point into the ground, which is unnecessary since I already admitted it was wrong from the get go.
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>>16672703
No, our contact had been almost non-existent in the spring, and this fall as well. Had I not said anything to my fiance, the dude would be out of my life by now. See >>16672704
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>>16672704
you are purposefully missing the point. When your bf would get text from girls when you guys got together he gave you a snapshot of who they were and what they meant to him. You didn't do that. You also forget the date was set with C but he couldn't make it and why you didn't see him that day.

We are grinding it in because from what we read it appears you aren't really understanding it and I would guess how you came off (unintentionally) to your fiancee as you explained and apologized . Some of the things you say sound like excuses and excuses breed mistrust. Think long and hard OP
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>>16672699
Yes, I should have shut him down. I reacted awkwardly and tried to be polite. I need to stand up for myself more, it's something I've been working on. What did I hide? I didn't hide anything, am I suppose to talk to him in detail about all my past hookups/love interests? We talked about our ltrs, so obviously my fiance and I agree on that point. It's not lying by ommitance, it's impossible/not even a good idea to tell them absolutely everything about your past. I certainly don't want to hear about all his hookups. Who would?
He still maintains contact with some of them because he has to (i.e. he fucked the daughters of several of his regular customers, so he sees them and is friendly with them occasionally). He'll get texts from girls saying "what's up" and he'll respond "hanging with my girl" just like I would with C.
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>>16672709
but OP there is no guarantee you would have cut the guy out and exactly how it sounds to your fiancee. If you wanted him gone, after you had the exchange that really made you uncomfortable you would have blocked or deleted him.
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>>16672721
>he fucked the daughters of several of his regular customers, so he sees them and is friendly with them occasionally
but you know

hell no you don't have to go into detail and offer all past sexual history up but this guy was coming on and you know now you should have shut him down. That is not your fiancee's fault
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>>16672704
You did apologize and that's great, but from:
>>16672676
>I immediately ceased contact with him
Had you not been caught what would be the driving force? If you can't immediately say you, you're wrong.

>Which was probably a mistake in hindsight
Probably doesn't show much insight, again, sorry it happened vs. sorry they found out?

>"Ugh he messaged me again"
Are these really your feelings? be honest with yourself, you can manipulate others but don't lie to yourself, if that is really the truth good for you.

> C and I kept very casual/minimal contact
Talking about your tits (reminder your words not mine), isn't a harmless conversation in terms of appropriateness of discussion between someone you've been intimate with before while in a relationship.

Furthering I'm not the only one who gets this impression, see:
>>16672699
>>16672703

Honestly were there not a soon-to-be kid involved and this were me, I would almost assuredly dump you. The difference is not what happened, it was how you justified it that makes you dumpworthy; I've gone through similar and the reality is people make mistakes, and we move on, but there's nothing to move on to if people really aren't concerned with making trust a priority and having their actions backup their words.
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I am trying to come up with some sincere and useful advice. But I can't. You' re the type of girl far too well how to justify getting hit on by guys by pulling the "I was lonely / My boyfriend was being distant / I honestly did not know the guy buying me roses and constantly trying to kiss me, wanted to fuck me / etc" type of excuses.

Pretty much a nightmare to date. Maybe try to reconsider whether you really want to mary this guy.
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>>16672717
Yes, I did do exactly that. I told him C was a guy I fucked once and that I was maintaining polite awkward chit chat with him. I've already said that somewhere in this thread.

I was nothing but apologetic to my fiance. But I was really taken aback that he thought I cheated on him. I was also really frustrated and upset that I couldn't prove my innocence. When I'm in the wrong I act like it, but in this case I probably was like "I'm so sorry, I never should have talked to him, I'm an idiot, but I sure as hell never met up with him a single time". Of course I went about it in a really submissive tone. If you're going to assume anything, you should assume, because of my inability to not be polite to C, that I am a passive, submissive person, not a self-righteous, argumentative one.
>>
>>16672731
okay cool I never said it was his fault, and I already said I was wrong in that regard in my first post, this is getting really repetitive, telling me what I should have done is not giving me helpful advice, especially when I already acknowledged my wrongs.
>>
>>16672721
Additionally you keep using the letter C to represent someone who you claim is unimportant and yet your fiance gets the title fiance. This furthers the psychological likelihood that you're not being completely honest.

You can manipulate people all day, show up to 4chan and even spill a good story tailored to your perspective, but at the end of all that you gotta sleep with yourself, and I promise you, manipulating people no matter how good you may become at it, does not lead to happiness.

But hey by all means surround yourself with yes men and play pretend, you're not my woman and other than the loss for a seemingly decent dude having a shitty partner, no big deal.
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>>16672741
I give up OP. I know it sounds like I'm trying to pound you and I believe you didn't do anything with C and got burned here. What I am saying is your arguments come off somewhat like justification and accent holes in your story.

Before I forget about it do not start this conversation with your fiancee the night before you wed.

When you do speak to him say I was wrong and this has been a wonderful lesson for me but it brings me pain that my error caused the man I love pain. Forgive me please. That's it

Oh and next time a guy crosses the line shut him down and if you tell your husband what you did you can show him you already too action. You two are a team and should be prepared to handle things similarly. Really will be put to test as you raise your child. Good luck
>>
Next time instead of venting whatever bs problem you have by flirting with guys, try to put that energy into improving your relationship with your fiancee.

If this is not something you want to do, cancel the wedding.
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>>16672737
>Are these really your feelings?
They're not just my feelings, they're the words I said to my fiance every time he contacted me.

In all honesty, I'm BOTH sorry I did it and sorry he found out. The wrong was already committed. I talked to the dude. But being polite to someone who is creeping on you is not a relationship-ending disaster. It's immature, but if I had kept my annoyance to myself, I would have just ended up deleting the guy anyways.

>talking about your tits
I never said it was harmless! I immediately told my fiance, before I even read the message "ugh this guy is drunk messaging me". I just didn't respond harshly enough, because I'm a fucking pushover.
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>>16672738
Nah, you have me all wrong. If I had wanted to meet up with C badly enough, I would have tried to re-schedule. I didn't seek attention elsewhere, I put up with the loneliness and focused on my studies. Ended up having my best semester ever grades-wise. Eventually I met up with a girl friend, and had zero reason to reach out to C, so I didn't.

y'all seem confused:
WE TALKED ONCE AT THE VERY START OF THE SEMESTER. MADE HALF-ASS PLANS TO MEET UP. NEVER MET UP. SENT THE OCCASIONAL HOW ARE FINALS, GOOD YOURS MESSAGE. NEVER SPOKE AGAIN UNTIL HE SENT THAT DRUNK MESSAGE. DIDN'T REACT APPROPRIATELY TO IT. That's it. I should have been more firm with him. I already apologized to my fiance about it. THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE. The issue is because I wasn't firm, it makes me look bad, like I cheated or something and was closer with this guy than I actually was.
>>
>>16670408
Wow, even buying a woman a car and jewelry and promising to marry her after fathering a child is not enough guys. Damn
>>
>>16672754
Not gonna give advice to this slut, just wanted to say I agree with this. SO much.
>>
>>16672788
>The issue is because I wasn't firm, it makes me look bad, like I cheated or something and was closer with this guy than I actually was.
that isn't what you told us. you told us the issue was your fiancee and his inability to trust you and is that reason enough to contemplate not marrying him
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>>16672770
She's probably gonna do the same later. ''My fiance was distant. Fucked the other guy because I felt so lonely and depressed. Help 4chan plz no judge''
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>>16672788
>DIDN'T REACT APPROPRIATELY TO IT
understatement cause you were the one that mentioned your tits to the guy
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>>16672773
>I never said it was harmless
>Me and my fiance had gone out the night before, and I posted photos of us. In the photos my tits looked huge (because I was very preggo). A lot of my female friends had commented similar things "omg your tits anon" so I just assumed that was what he had been referring to, and I was right. I play it off like "I know, right lol" and some idle chit chat ensues.

Your words not mine, but honestly again this is a point in which I'd be dumping you. You say it's not harmless but you make an excuse for the other persons behavior talking about you in a suggestive manner for these reasons:
1) your tits did look huge - cool story, it's not a conversation piece except between you and your fiance, and girlfriends if you want, definitely not people you've slept with before be it once or 1000x

2) Other people did it - and of those that did, how many were people who you are either interested in, or have slept with/dated in the past? Did you rebuke them?


Honestly anything shy of something clear that doesn't point out you're with someone and are a FAITHFUL partner isn't really acceptable. Do you think if your fiance received a sexually suggestive comment from a former partner he would be so laissez-faire about it?

>because I'm a fucking pushover

Nah that ain't it. Be honest. Your concept of being polite and having that be the same as being a pushover is completely a joke and you know it. Nothing impolite about "Hey I'm seeing someone I'd appreciate if you kept the comments/discussion appropriate as if he were here and this were an in person conversation."
>>
>>16672800
Thanks man, had my fair share of experience with a shitty partner, I wish it was credit worthy for a degree, could have a PhD by now
>>
>>16672814
I totally blew right by that she was the one mentioned her tits to this guy. That changes things to a intimate level and get why her fiancee would be suspicious. How many tit and ass conversations is there. Something isn't right here.
>>
>>16672788
Can you honestly blame someone for not believing worse than reality when just reading your version shows clear reason to believe something would have happened eventually?
>>
>>16672788
>y'all seem confused
you started up about your tits. you did. did we misunderstand?
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>>16672823
>Thanks man, had my fair share of experience wit
I just don't understand why is there need for these kind of conversation. She knew its not right, she still did it. She felt guilty and she didn't tell him because ''why should i tell him about every conversation i have with someone on fb.'' Well girl, good luck making your fiance trust you now.
>>
>>16670564
>I insist on maintaining contact and having "meet-ups" with men that I have fucked
>teehee why are you mad? We're just friends I'm not even attracted to him.

I think you might be the tard, anon...
>>
>>16672843
her real problem is knowing boundaries (not being naive) while in a relationship. Most women wouldn't be taking with a guy she fucked in the past, but still in orbit, about her tits when she is engaged to be married.
>>
>>16672854
She likes the game. She likes the idea of other men wanting her sexually. That's her thing, that's why she didn't cut it off. It gave her confidence and it probably still does.
>>
Okay OP. You spoke to someone you ducked occasionally while in a relationship. When you said "uhh drunk guy mashing me" you didn't say it was a guy you respond to that you fucked to your man. This shows how you're selfish, you are. You're showing red flags all over the place, same red flags us canons dealt with in past ex gfs that cheated. So what do you expect????
>>
>>16672833
>>16672814

You're making it sound like I brought up the tits subject. He messaged me out of nowhere and said "damn anon" in reference to my tits. I just verified that was what he was talking about. I even communicated all of this with my fiance saying "I think he's drunk messaging me bc of the photos I posted of us"

>shows clear reason to believe something would have happened eventually?
only it doesn't...at all
>>
>>16672859
I just hate knowing my gf likely had a conversation last night with some guy I didn't know she fucked before and she was talking with him about her tits and when he brought up his dick they chatted about that one too
>>
>>16672866
he did not mention your tits. you did
>>
>>16672843
Honestly she came here from what it looks like the want to hear:

>girl you're right, he is actin a fool, you dindu nuffin' wrong.

Reality:
Thinly veiled interest from an soon to be newlywed for someone else is noticed and people gave her some real advice, which included telling her to be honest about it and she has continued to deny, excuse and justify.

Problem is (was) us brother; taking women like this back and not looking at the bigger picture beyond just the context of what happened at one time, but propensity to happen again. I did it in the past, and truth be told I'd still likely forgive someone for cheating once if they could honestly prove to me that they were sorry they did it, not sorry they got caught. Honestly if a girl cheats and comes clean about it like the next day and I wouldn't have known otherwise, that's albeit not a positive, quite a few points better than me finding out another way. Learning curve though, just sucks that people aren't decent to start out with, you usually can't count on someone to be honest unless they know you're a good bullshit detector or you're lucky enough to meet that golden one. Sucks for less clever dudes because they end up marrying the girl before they find out shes no good, sometimes had a kid and bust their ass to give her everything under the sun and find out kids not his and it's been ongoing, those guys lose the most.

No love for hoes, but tons of respect for good women.
>>
>>16672859

Spot on.
>>
>>16672866
He could have meant it in reference to the weather being so wild, but nope. You assumed it was about your tits, why would you assume a platonic friend would make a random comment about a sexualised thing about you? Why would you think to ask him if he was thinking about your tits? That is sexual and not platonic. You dun fucked up. Either you have the brain of a child or you're an attention whore who gets off the idea of other men wanting to fuck you. 0/10 wife material.
>>
>>16672894
it was sexual because she knew this guy saw her tits and had a point of reference for comparison. That is what her fiancee saw in this and she is trying her best to pretend it wasn't.
>>
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Okay, I have ceased to get any advice. But that's okay because I'm just going to talk about it with him again.
Y'all want to assume I'm a lot worse than I actually am, which is sad. I'm a terrific fiancee, but ofc you wouldn't know that because this entire thread is about something I've done wrong. We have this great connection, a lot of people covet our relationship, we're a dream team pretty much. I mean, this has been our only argument. Ever. And we had already decided to just move on, but because I can tell he's still hurt I don't want to do that. Because I care for him deeply and his pain is mine. I genuinely hope that you can all experience such love one day. The beautiful uplifting kind that makes you want to be a better person for them and them for you.
Dipping from this thread now, since I know I'll prob get tons of bitter troll responses to this. P.S. thanks for teaching me a new term- orbiter.
>>
>Guy gives her a car as gift
>She is already prego and want to marry him hopelessly
>Still fooling around with a guy she fucked
>Just friends tho

Glad to see you guys aren't trying to help a gold digger.
>>
>>16672894
>>16672899

lol can you not read? I was like "my tits" and he's like "yeah". It was glaringly obvious, and I was right. Okay that is the last I'm helping you, learn to read the thread on your own. Okay goodbye 4real nao~
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>>16672491
You knew exactly what you were doing by getting involved with that guy again. You just wanted attention from him. Your fiancé really should leave you, but he's just as much of a moron for getting you pregnant before marrying you. Why stay with your fiancé? He's already so resentful that he'll sure enough cheat on you to get revenge. Then you'll feel like shit and find another excuse to find a new guy to get attention from.
I feel bad for that fetus in your belly.
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>>16672901

Ownnnt, so cute when a whore is in love, mind to share some tit pics tho?
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>>16672921
People don't kiss her ass, tries to be passive-aggressive. Dumb bitch, good luck with that attitude.
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>>16672901
> we're a dream team
How deluded are you, your fiance sees you as a lying slit, that's why he brings it up again and desu I don't blame him with the way you've treated this thread.

You genuinely screwed up, that's okay people make mistakes but you don't see it that way, you try justifying your mistakes left and right, unable to take criticism for your horrible mistakes, which ironically us why he won't trust you again.

It's easy to defend your actions and ignore honest advice, but in the end of the day your ego won't help support your child, it's your fiance who you're pushing away with your bad ethics and responsibility.

Goodbye women
>>
>>16670480
He's being really petty about it. He clearly has no interest in "moving on from it" when he brings it up to try and make you feel bad during unrelated arguments.

Your best bet is to be as open as you can, explain the situation in its entirety, and see how he responds. But he not only doesn't trust you, he's being a little bitch about not trusting you. It might not be salvageable.

Also, cut all contact with C forever. Married bitches don't need orbiters.
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>>16672901
I don't blame him, he has some money, spending it on bitches. But marrying the bitch ? Hell no. Probably likes you only for your looks anyway and you're the trophy wife or something.
>>
>>16672921
how about you not mention the obvious,hummm, is that not how flirting works you use innuendo or vague sexual things are implied, from your finger to that key, my tits
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>>16672587
He either cheated on you or is still cheating on you because he thinks you did/are still cheating.
Or
He's being nice until the both of you get married and move in together. Once you move in, he probably wont be nice to you anymore since youre not carrying the baby.
Or
You get married, move in together, he's nice to you, he's cheating on you.
>>
>>16672901
>want to be a better person for them

At all points did you put him before yourself?

>I have ceased to get any advice
We all gave you advice, TLDR version of it is stop justifying your stupid bullshit and correct your dumbass behavior AND MENTALITY and you're set.
>>
>>16672951
By "advice" she really meant;
Step by step instructions on what lies to tell him to trick him into trust.
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