I found out my boyfriend's been cheating on me for the past year, we've been together for three. I've been suspecting for a while now and I always feel like it contributes to some fucking self fulfilling prophecy, but either way - a year and we're talking at least 8 times.
He's still in university and I graduated at the beginning of last year, so we're maybe at a bad place for a relationship... I don't know. I've known for about a month now and we've talked it over, he assures me it won't happen again and I want to believe him, but forgiving and forgetting is really fucking hard. Trusting is harder too.
I just want to know how to stop thinking about this shit and move on. I'm crazy about him and even though the lies hurt I can't imagine going on without him.
say this never happened to you. what would you tell your friend if she said all of this happened to her AND she wanted to stay with the guy? people aren't their words, they are their actions. there's so many stupid people here who post and ask for advice about how to move on from something that doesn't matter and you have to drill that into their head. on the other hand, there's people who don't take matters seriously enough and are extremely naive. i was like you once, and life for me was a lot harder in needing to learn that wanting to stay with someone after they cheated on you because you can't imagine going on without them doesn't help. it makes it worse and harder when the time comes that you're no longer with them.
That's the last thing I wanted to hear, fuck. I don't think you're wrong, but I've invested a lot of myself into this guy.
It's really draining, though. I don't know, do you have any advice for moving on then? If I decide to cut ties. I can't really stop worrying and I don't think that will change even if we break up, because I'm still really attached to him.
>It's really draining, though. I don't know, do you have any advice for moving on then? If I decide to cut ties. I can't really stop worrying and I don't think that will change even if we break up, because I'm still really attached to him.
If you cut ties, and ABSOLUTELY cut ALL ties, without fail, you will have a much easier time moving on. I understand it will be difficult, but see it this way - you invested in someone and it was a bad investment. Would you keep putting resources into a bad investment knowing it's only going to cause you greater loss? Or would you cut your losses and look for better potential in the future?
You're not without hope. You've proven to yourself that YOU can be stable and trustworthy and loyal to a person, and you deserve someone who treats you the same way.
It's gonna be hard anon but it's gonna be worth it. Be sure to bump up your time in other areas like friendships, family and hobbies to make up for the space that he leaves behind. If you just graduated I know for certain you can find a lot of things to do to keep you busy until the chemical addiction wears off
i'd be feeling the same way in your situation here, so i understand completely. how long have you spent with him? and it was really draining for me to find out my ex cheated on me after it became a ldr and our relationship details were pretty hazy, so i can only imagine with being around the guy too and not having that wide open space to sort things out internally =/
You're making logical sense, but it's hard to swallow. Friends will be awkward because we've got a lot of similar friends and... I may have snubbed some in the past few years a bit for him.
It's been three years, and yeah, we live near each other. We were going to get an apartment together soon but that plan's on ice now.
Damn, this sucks. Thanks for the advice, I'm going to go lie down for a bit.
i snubbed almost all mine in the past 5 years, half because they weren't worth being friends with and the other half for my partner. if i can get out there after 5, i'm sure you can after 3. people do it after 20 years. it's a pain to think about all that lost time, but you've lived and learned in that time so it wasn't lost. i'll never be 19 again, but 5 years later i now judge matters almost exclusively by actions and that is something i know i will benefit from in the future and use to avoid these relationships, and i imagine you will too. think about how much worse things would be if you got an apartment together, had a kid, or even just a pet. i'm glad things worked out for you in the best possible timing, as much as it hurts me to see this happen to someone who doesn't deserve it
and as for advice about moving on, the other poster was right. you need to rely on your friends, as awkward as it is, dealing with this alone isn't healthy. i had to, and survived, but it made it ten times harder. and the other poster was right in that you really do need to cut all ties. that seems like the hardest thing to do in the present, but it's the only right move until things are sorted out for you.
>We were going to get an apartment together soon but that plan's on ice now.
Yeah don't do that.
Speaking as a person who is living with their ex, bf of two years, it's just not good for you in the long run. I know that it hurts, it's gonna hurt a lot, but you need to give it time. Don't get an apartment first of all, tell your ex that you're cutting off contact for YOUR health. Don't let him whimper and whine about how much it hurts him or that he wants to stay friends, because as a manipulator (and he IS, defacto, a manipulator because he cheated) he will make these attempts in order to assuage the "pain" he is going through.
Tell him you're done, give him back his shit, delete him from your life, start filling the void with new hobbies or new friendships or a job or ANYTHING literally do not go back and talk to him