tl;dr How to not be a bitter cunt?
Dating this dude- he's fun and weird and we get along and laugh a lot. I think he's going through a reinvention phase- Taking cave exploration, kick boxing, intermural sports, music lessons, etc. For some reason this shit annoys me, and I can't put my finger on it. I don't really have any real interests. I love to listen to audiobooks and I am super into standup comedy. Love my job and friends and coworkers. But I don't do "activites." My first instinct is to shit on all of it and roll my eyes, and I don't know why.
Because I don't have any activities of my own?
Is it because I feel like HE thinks he's better than me?
Is it because I think he's better than me?
Does anyone have similar reactions to this kind of stuff?
If that's a reinvention phase then I've been "reinventing" for the last 10 years or so. The core of my lifestyle is to build a list of "been there, done that, got the t-shirt." Novelty is amazing value for little investment.
To be frank I'm not sure your feelings are even worth analyzing. Does it matter that you figure out why you're bitter, as long as you're able to shut the fuck up and just try to keep up with his lifestyle for a change?
Well it'll still bother me- I basically want to figure out why so I stop being annoyed for a completely stupid reason.
I'm not a been there, done that kind of person. I'll try something new, but it's not a burning desire to fulfill these random activities. Maybe I'm just too easily content.
Maybe you feel like he's trying too hard to be original, and that can get annoying, kinda like being around attention-whorey behaviour.
The male equivalent of manic pixie dream girl-syndrome, idk
I think the core of your issue is that you don't realize there isn't one.
Listening to audio books and watching/listening to stand up are just as much activities as rock climbing and bike riding. The main thing about your hobby is that you like it and don't bore of it.
You do those things for FUN and him doing different things for fun is just consequential of him being a different person.
You're not better than him and he isn't better than you. I think that if you show some interest in learning about his activities and invite him to check out Dimitri Martin (or whoever you fancy) with you can lead to you being closer.
If you really think what he is doing is silly let him know you support him but you still think its silly.
Tl; dr make sure you show you care.
It also could be the fact that I'm within that mix of activities- and I don't really take precedence over any of them. I'm just another thing he likes to do.
I feel like it's completely unfair. He's a nice dude, and he's nice TO me. Maybe I'm just more into him than he is into me, and I'm getting mad over nothing because of it.
So what you're saying is that telling yourself "No, this is silly, stop." isn't enough to keep you from being annoyed? Contrary to what you might believe, that's not a superpower. It's pretty common emotional control.
As for the latter part, I'm also a person who is very easily contented. I've got the experience to know what's out there but often times my favorite is something simple. My drive for exploration doesn't come from discontent, but rather from wanting to settle down on things. I can't know what's right for me until I've gone through the possibilities, done most or all and compared the t-shirts. Then I close that book and start reading another.
I can control what comes out of my mouth, and my snarky sarcastic comments referencing Eat, Pray, Love or Stella getting her groove back... but I know deep down I'm rolling my eyes. I know this sounds completely idiotic, but it never occurred to me that people could just will away their feelings about something. Change their opinion, or actively avoid HARPING on it sure, but I don't think I've ever just been like... stop... and stop whatever it is.
Thanks man, that's actually really helpful. If I like him, I should be more supportive and less too-cool-for-school. Even if I find it silly, I should try to delight in it and not be annoyed. Try some of the less ridiculous shit out with him... and try not to feel so left out.
Ugh, 'hunny'........ That reminds me of when people say "belly"..
I'm not denying it man. I feel like that's likely where it stems from. I don't know how to fix it. People with interests vastly different from mine usually don't BOTHER me, but then again I'm not dating them. I'm fucking nuts, and this is why I usually don't date normal cool guys; I can't deal with it well.
I used to be the same way, as I age I've been getting more interested in stuff outside games and books. It's cool you have your interest but there's so much to life outside of things you do on your own, things that make you anxious but are fun because they are a new experience.
Shit DOES make me anxious. So I'd rather sit back and talk shit about it, because that's what well-adjusted people do.
I feel like I'm going to be left behind. He'll have 'cool' shit to do with people more similar to himself, and I won't be a part of that. I really need to gtfo of my head.