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Friend hates being left out?
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So I don't understand this guy at all, so maybe you could help me out?

So let me describe my friend's behaviors
>Easily angered
>Nice intentions but always comes out wrong
>Always hates being left out. Will bitch and moan about it, but always says he's joking
>Takes everything personally
>Found out through mutual friend one early morning that he feels like I'm replacing him in the friend group
Essentially they guy has no self esteem

Okay with that out of the way. Let me elaborate on how he hates being left out. I can go to a restaurant for ONE evening without the guy, he can even be at work or busy, but he'll get upset that we went without him. I'm the only one who calls him out on it, how childish he acts. I'm going to be hiking across the Midwest this summer with my best friend (Not him). The friend in question loves to hike, but because of lack of room, and him not always being the best travel partner, we're going without him, and NOT telling him about it until the day of. If I tell him before, he will moan about it and probably not talk to us for quite a while.

The kicker is, while he complains about being left out, even in the SMALLEST of occasions, he'll kick his feet around. But he never invites everyone to every occasion, and essentially says "Eh, fuck them" like it's nothing.
>Does anyone have a clue what would make a person so upset about being left out of things?
This sounds a lot like BPD or just a very dependent personality. Try to get him help.
>Guy going about his life
>Enter you
>Suddenly guy not getting invited to things as usual
>He makes his feelings known that he feels like you're replacing him
>You basically say he's a prick and tell him to fuck off

Oh gee I wonder why he's mad hmm let me ponder this for a few weeks

>Enter me, at the time when all our friends started meeting each other. Most of his friends were originally mine, except for two, the ones he hangs out with most.
>Other than one on one hanging out with my best friend, he gets invited to all the shit
>I was told from my best friend that the guy feels I'm replacing him, and he feels his friends like me more
>I'm basically saying it's not the end of the world if he doesn't get invited to the occasional dinner or hiking trip

Nice b8 though
Holy fuck, you kind of just described me when I was a teenager. It took me a long time to realize I was fucked up and needed help.

This is good advice, but be compassionate about it, not judgemental
Stop leaving him out, you prick.
Also it there ever is a situation when he can't be invited, don't tell him about it.


This so much.

BPD sufferers have horrible abandonment issues and are generally very difficult people because when the fixate on someone (you) they are their world. You do something without them or intentionally leave them out it's literally soul crushing betrayal in their heads.

Most people can't handle BPD suffers as friends/lovers because they are such intense people.

It's best you tell your friend now about your plans so that whatever drama happens won't effect your trip.
Although I think he's overreacting a bit, I can see some merit to how he's feeling. Despite whether or not you agree with how he's feeling, you're asking why he feels the way he does, so here's what I think:.

It's not so much about whether or not he has availability, but whether or not you guys asked him. Like if you guys didn't know whether or not he was working, it's still the same because you never bothered to figure out and just left him out. I can see why he'd be upset about that.

But of course if he knows you guys knew he was at work, then that's uncalled for. Also, the whole hiking trip thing, you need to give him a reason why you didn't invite him. From the information you've given us from your initial post, you never said if you actually did tell him whether or not that why you decided not to invite him. I'm going to assume that you didn't because you tell him last minute that he's not invited so you don't have to hear him bitch about not being invited, and therefore you probably are ignoring him (so how could you explain yourself to him)?

Moreover, yeah, if you're leaving him out of things, he's going to do the same. It would be stupid to invite you guys to all of his events if you regularly don't invite him to yours.

That said, there's probably more to the story. He probably does have low self-esteem, and maybe he is manic depressive. I see fault on both sides, to be honest.
I've found the opposite to be more of a problem. They have a bout of depression then never want to see you.
Wow, I knew someone just like that, let's call him Bob
>Bob asks me and friend to come over at 9, I visit friend at his store around 8:30 right before he closes up, then we go to Bob's house, Bob asks why we showed up at the same time, we tell him and he starts bitching about how we didn't "invite" him...
>often when we make plans to go to his house he cancels like an hour beforehand
>often when we invite him out to a bar or one of our houses, he's like "huh, I dunno, maybe... Hey! why don't we all hang out at my house instead!" like he makes no effort to come to us, it's literally always us going to him
>explaining his own illogic to him is a chore because he is the kind of person who will talk and interrupt

Eventually I had to just stop hanging out with him, it just started becoming a chore.
Fuck, stop describing me. That's all of my relationships. Shit. And I literally pondered that I had BPD for completely different reasons and just shrugged it off. I'm just in the midst of getting better, I don't want to hear this.
Thread replies: 11
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