But worried if I do, she will literally either kill herself or hurt someone in some way. Long story short, I started dating this girl over a year ago. First girlfriend I've ever had. And then I learned about her insane amount of baggage. Most of it isn't even her fault. I just landed a truly crazy one and now I don't know what to do. I love her. She's a good person. And I will feel immoral for leaving her. But I can't do it. I'm going crazy and I just want to end this now.. I'm thinking about doing it today.. I'll keep you all updated if the thread is still here.
If she doesn't kill herself she will just suck the soul out of some other dude. But let's be honest, women rarely kill themselves. At worst she will swallow 6 Tylenols and tell you she did it.
I dated a girl who played the suicide card, eventually called her bluff. She never killed herself, but she has dated several guys since and as far as I'm sware has cheated on several of them.
Realize that you and only you are in control of your future. If you don't see a future with this girl, it is your responsibility to yourself to end things. Her being crazy and threatening suicide is irrelevant. I know it's hard to accept that, and you think that if she killed herself you'd feel miserable, but no. She's in control of her actions and you're in control of yours. Take the action you're able to: break up with her. Then she can take whatever actions she deems appropriate.
I speak from experience. Dated a girl with terrible anxiety for 6 months. She was a good person, great chemistry when she wasn't anxious, but her anxiety destroyed everything around her. I tried to help her improve and support her, but she lashed out at me and I couldn't take it. I tried to break up with her three times. Don't make my mistakes. Follow through the first time. Write a letter stating that you're breaking up and why and keep it with you so you can't back down. It will suck while you do it and during the fallout, but weeks or months later, you'll be so glad you got it over with.
Thanks for the replies everyone. I just can't bear the thought of this ruining her for a long time, either. I know the situation is abusive but also I know she doesn't mean to be so crazy. It's been put on her and if I leave I'm just another guy avoiding her problems. I don't know what to do. If I stay, nothing will change. But if I leave, things will change in the worst way. Sucks.
Let me explain a bit more. She's overweight, which doesn't bother me but is a huge source of anxiety for her. She is very nervous and anxious almost all the time. Her parents are super Buddhist and so she had a sheltered childhood where she didn't watch TV or hang out with anyone. When I had just started dating her, her dad got cancer. She is helpless. She quit anxiety medication right before she met me. She's been in abusive relationships before that is the same abuse she is now putting on me. I would never let her know I said this but I feel like life, the cards she was dealt almost ruined her. And she saw me as a saving grace. And I have been. I love her so much.. but the craziness is absurd. I feel like I'll have to change who I am to keep her happy. And it's so hard keeping her happy.. but I don't know what to do about her.
i was in the exact same situation a month ago. first gf, seemed normal, insane baggage afterwards. breaking up with her was the hardest thing i could do, but if i waited, it would have definitely been harder. she's only going to get more suicidal if you wait, you're not helping her. fuck, i still miss her, but fuck that.
I was in this situation for 4 years.
She was an absolute sweetheart, very intelligent and academic. She was molested as a kid because her mom was broke trailer trash and let a dude pay to Jerk off on her. Her mom literally sounds like a mix of Ricky and Bubbles from trailer park boys. Very abusive. Her brother is retarded and her dad took of on them when she was young.
She had severe anxiety, depression, bipolar, and schizo effective disorder.
I was her saving grace. The only escape she had from this life, but at one point in the relationship sex was taken off the table, and her anxiety was destructive to myself and herself. I felt like I was a terrible person and needed to change everything about myself to make things work for her.
Only got out of it 5 months ago. She didn't kill herself. She's sad as fuck all the time but has a boyfriend and her own place. I guess me showing her life outside of her home motivated her to get away.
As for me, I left extremely damaged. Thinking I was unworthy of love, unworthy of sex, and all self esteem gone because of what I had to do to be with her... but I'm fine now. Banged a few hookers to get my confidence back. Met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen who is chill as fuck, got a job overseas that I was hesitant to take because of my ex. Literally everything just got better.
Don't ruin your life for a girl. Let her figure herself out. You aren't her responsibility but a complimentary.