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today I found myself alone with my crush and it
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today I found myself alone with my crush and it
turned out she did actually consider a relation ship but decided against it because (here it comes) I once said I do not want kids.
which was more about not making promises I can not keep especially when it comes to family.
we are both studying in the design department where job security is a brittle thing.

I did not feel like backpedaling on this issue or trying to talk her into any desperate compromise so the topic was not pursued further.

I think I believe her and I am not all that mad about the rejection.
But I could not forgive myself for letting things slip away like that.
what can I do?
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I'm totally lost at what you want. Do you want to date this girl, but don't feel like comprising about the kid thing? If she wants kids and you don't a relationship isn't going to work long term.
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>>16660437
Why not explain what you meant?

It's funny because when I was with my girlfriend (still in the beginning stages of the relationship) she told me that she could never marry a guy that couldn't give her kids. I was sterile due to medical reasons and when she said that it crushed me.

A week later I told her we were breaking up for that reason and she said "we'll figure something out" and stayed together.
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I'll date you OP! I do not want kids either and I'm an AD. Match in heaven yeah?
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>>16660457
Are you not sterile anymore? Did they heal you?
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>>16660539

Yes still sterile. We adopted kids.
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>>16660437
Nothing. She WANTS kids. She doesnt want a maybe. Shed never forgive you if you wasted her time like that. She was looking into long term relationships for the purpose of marriage and a family and you do not meet the criteria by your own volition.
Learn to let go
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OP is back
>>16660445
I am not against kids in general I love them.
In fact it is because I would want to care for them properly that I would not want kids right now. Once I made a promise I keep it. Therefor I do not promise anything of dire importance when I can not be sure if I will be able to keep it.

> but anon, what if I get pregnant in lets say five years?
In my opinion it would be okay to just see how things are going one step at a time? we are not even a couple yet.

I think that there is no real problem and I just do not want to fuck it up by bad communication.

Bonus question:
We are both going home for the weekend so do I have to act right now or can we both contemplate till monday?
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>>16660567
I think she wants someone who does wants kids and who is absolutely sure of that fact at this stage in his life. You are not that person and that's a perfectly valid, not even shallow, reason not to date you. You kind of just have to deal with that.
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>>16660560
This seems correct OP. I understand your position, and I think she does too and you don't realize that. She wants someone who is able to commit to wanting kids some day and mean it, and you can't seem to do that right now.
Like this guy said, that's her choice so you shouldn't bother her about it.
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>>16660591
okay yes I hear you guys.
fuck! it was just something I said over lunch with half a dozen other blokes and grils not my iron life philosophy so my wording might have been imprecise. shit I do not even remember my exact words.
Any retard can claim he will provide.
Words are just words.
I could ave accepted to be refused for lack of physical attraction or for a bad character trait.
Even might have survived the friend zone... maybe.
But her to actually care and consider things and blow it up because I made not empty claims.
darn
I know I sound self-righteous right now.
It will take me some time I guess. sorry
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>>16660457
can I just come up and like say " I think you got me wrong. what I actually meant was .. etc."
I am afraid it will come across as spineless.
we are not talking about my pride here mind you. I am willing to talk shit out and commit to whatever is necessary.
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>>16660497
what is an AD?
just curious
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>>16660703
>and commit to whatever is necessary.

No. If you truly believe something, you stand by it.

In your case you may have misspoken. You can use the line you wrote but you'd better be ready to explain what you really meant.
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>>16660437
I'm confused by what you meant.

So do you not want kids or do you want kids?
>>
If you actually don't want kids and she does, then she made the correct decision to not have a relationship with you. That is a big deal. It's pretty make or break in a relationship and it's not really something you can compromise with. If you two weren't in agreement on that subject, then it wouldn't have worked.
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>>16660729
committing as in get my ass in gear to provide.
>In your case you may have misspoken.
sí!
>>16660731
I would love to have kids.
But we both chose to become freshmen in a business we love were one CAN not be sure of a stable future.
To claim otherwise is just a lie.

Anyways no use in self-pity right?
So what would be the next step?
We can not really get back to being mere class mates, we parted on good terms and will see each other in several projects anyways.
As I see it we might as well start going out again.
I do not expect her to commit to anything.
What else am I suppose to do?
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>>16660794
>But we both chose to become freshmen in a business we love were one CAN not be sure of a stable future.
She wants kids regardless of a stable future or not. Do you not get this. She wants fucking kids. Not a conditional. She has her priorities and you are not for her. Deal with it.
>I am willing to talk shit out and commit to whatever is necessary.
Can you drop your unstable job and work at walmart if thats what it takes. If not give up and dont waste her time. Shes a woman. They love thinking about having a family and raising kids. The idea of there being a conditional to having kids is not ever going to be okay with her.
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>>16660840
alright let us just asume I want to get over her.

I do not hate her.
I have to see her on a regular schedule.
I wont pretend shit never happened.

what is your advice?
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>>16660718
Art director, basically the alpha dog when it comes to everything visual. Leads the graphic designers, usually the art director make a one to four pages of a design and then the graphic designers do the rest by mimicking the AD. Basically they get the hit when shit hits the fan about a design that gone wrong because they also have to accept/demand changes for everything that the graphic designers/photographers/illustrators etc do. Just think like a boss for the graphic designers.
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>>16661307
oh yeah sure I see now
she will be a graphic designer.
I am into Industrial design
maybe you can appreciate where I am coming from or at least tell me if I have the wrong perspective on things.

in any case we just talked for like 3 hours on the phone and the gist of it is that most shit we have been fucking each other up with the last weeks was about german-mexican cultural differences and just run off the mill missunderstandings.
We agreed to take it slow and steady and see where things are going.
which is all I could possibly ask for ...
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