My boyfriend's little brother recently moved in with him because reasons too complicated to explain. Basically, the kid has had a shit life and is going to turn out to be similarly shitty if he doesn't straighten up and fly right.
He has not gone to school all year, so he's going to have to start the year over starting next week. He's also really dsgusting. He showers maybe once every 4 days, his room is disgusting, he pisses the bed almost every night because of reasons, idk why.
The kid is fucked up in a lot of ways, bottom line. I feel really bad for him because he never had a chance. His homelife up until now has been absolutely terrible. I want to reach out to him and help him, but ontop of his grossness, he's a 16 year old kid. I don't get 16 year old kids at all. He mumbles, he's awkward, etc. run of the mill 16 year old kid.
Help me figure out how to reach this kid. I never know what to say to him. Anytime I try, he just kinda mumbles or doesn't say anything. If he's going to be a part of our lives consistently now, I want to be able to try and help him turn his shit around so he doesn't end up homeless when he turns 18.
Get him in touch with a counselor. Do shit with him and try to find genuine things to take interest in. Don't pretend to be interested in shit you aren't because kids can sense that. Get him to socialize.
Those are just ideas, idk, maybe talk to a professional?
And what you described is definitely not a run of the mill 16 year old kid.
I gotta say, if I were you, I'd get him checked out with a doctor or something.
Try talking to him, and understand what's going on through his head.
That's all I've got for now. All the best
<- Yes, that's actually me
He likes normal stuff as far as I know. He spends 99% of his life playing video games. Unfortunately we own different gaming systems so I can't try to do that with him.
I've told my boyfriend he should see a shrink, but no one has the money for it. Perhaps we can prod him to talk to the school counselor if nothing else.
I'd really like to get him to stop being so nasty. For his own sake if nothing else. He can't go out smelling like piss and unwashed boy. I dunno how to get him to shower daily.
Just try sitting down with him, talk about his life and his thoughts. Try and analyze what's going on in his head. That's what a shrink would do, so you don't need to go to one if you've got constraints like that.
Is it safe to assume you're also a dude? It's kinda tough for me to know what's appropriate or not for a kid that age. I mean, I'm an absolutely pro at conversation at this point, having solved countless girl problems with my peers. But the kind of stuff I can ask a woman my age (e.g. hyper personal stuff) I feel would be out of bounds for a kid that age. I guess I'm not sure how to talk to someone like that.
Aside from stuff like "tell me about your day/week" and "so what's on your mind dude?" what kind of things would you have wanted someone to ask you at that age?
Yeah, I am a dude. I'm actually the same Indian teenager who replied earlier. Sorry, this is the first time I've ever been on 4chan.
And in reply to your question, normal teenagers do talk about all that materialistic bullzish. But deep down, all of them have a burning desire to talk about their lives, their thoughts, their friends...
Start off by asking something simple, gain his confidence, prompt him to speak out to you very subtly( prompt subtly, that is). It should be easy enough for someone who's good at conversation to recognize the signs of a person who has those feelings while they're talking to you.
Just try to level with him, I've had a shit life and was out of touch, any form of criticism to me was never in a constructive form, so good criticism didn't exist in my reality. If you're wondering what that means, it means that it made leveling with me very difficult because I assumed all that stuff that was being said was a personal attack against me and being raised how I was(or better yet, how i wasn't raised) often turned these things into a fight or flight type of situation, most times I would fight that person in some form or another, causing further self isolation.
Just be nice to him, You're a girl, I assume you suck as most girls do so i can't suggest showing him your interests because it's probably just music. But show him other things.
Show him khan academy, work through it with him, be positive, up beat, form a relationship with him. You might want to talk with him about how shits fucked, i wouldn't suggest it, just being a source of positive energy. If he forms a crush on you, just tell him you'll help him score some puss with some girls down the line.
as a straight white male who went through fucking hell and got zero support from any one or anything(I was even so poor i should have been put on a free lunch program and was just brushed off repeatedly. The counselors I came in contact with had very little interest in helping me, and the medical professionals I was appointed to were all shit or scam artists.
So unless you have the money going down this route is a waste of time.
I have quite a bit of insight in this shit if you have any questions i'll answer.
>He's also really dsgusting. He showers maybe once every 4 days, his room is disgusting
>He spends 99% of his life playing video games
He sounds very much like me when I was depressed. My biological father violently raped me when I was little, as a way of punishing my mother for leaving him, and I went through a long period where I didn't shower, didn't brush my teeth or hair, and I didn't socialize. I used videogames, food, and sleep as a way of comfort and escape from reality. I was very depressed. His issues need to be addressed and he needs to be shown that people do love and care about him. If he won't clean his room, take turns with your boyfriend (and do it without complaint or putting him down). Spend quality time with him, even if it's just eating or watching something on Netflix.