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Can I ever compete with a guy who took a...
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File: bebrazilian.png (80 KB, 500x421) Image search: [iqdb] [SauceNao] [Google]
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Hey /adv/,

The last three girls I tried to date have all been hung up on the guys who have taken their virginity (one was like 27 and she had lost it to a guy at 23, the other 20 and losing it at 15, and the third 24 and losing it at 20). They all talked about how they didn't regret it and would go back to them if they could. This has made me incredibly paranoid of dating non-virgin women-it sucks to know I will always be second place to the guy who had sex with her first. This makes me even more nervous because I myself am a virgin and I feel like I'm just going to be compared and found wanting. It's really killing my self-confidence. Am I right to be worried or am I just dumb?
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>>16658731


I should clarify, second place in her heart.
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The fuck? No! Normal girls move on. I wouldn't want to get back with my
first. That would be completely stupid since i have grown up since then
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>>16658731
Yes, you can compete with them, you have no reason to be worried. I loved the guy I lost my virginity to, but I wouldn't ever consider getting back with him, and I never think about him. If they were hung up on other guys they probably weren't ready to start dating. It's not a that big of a deal.
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>>16658731
My advice to you for every woman you meet from here on out (and everyone reading this): never ask or put yourself in a position to find out a girl's number of sex partners or when they lost their virginity. That goes vice versa as well.

Saves a lot of awkward disappointment/jealousy.
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Christ, all you have to do to be the best boyfriend they ever had is give nice back massages and not yell too much during arguments.
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>>16658741
Seconding this. Still care for the guy I lost virginity to, but happily married and don't want to go back.
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In what context did they say that? Were you pestering them about whether they regret losing their virginity or something?
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>>16658780

Can you elaborate what you mean by care? OP here, I'm just nervous. Do you love your husband a lot more and pretty much never think of the first guy unless your virginity story is brought up or something?

Sorry, just nervous. These three girls have really fucked with my head on this.
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>>16658790

No, I would be dating them for about a month or so, then the guy who took their virginity contacted them and then they would say they wanted to go back to him as they've never felt more strongly connected to anyone else (even the other boyfriends they had after him). It's fucked but it has happened three times to me and it made me want to die.
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>>16658804
That's really hard to believe but really sucks. You sure know how to pick em.
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>>16658810

I know right? These weren't even dumb barsluts. They were nice, fairly nerdy girls into books, comics, and anime on dating sites, ranging from cute to chubby. Pic related is how I feel after all this shit.
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>>16658799
Pretty much exactly. I still have fond memories of the guy and I wish him happiness but I am not in love with him like I am with my husband. I am happy where I am.
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>>16658819
Unlucky. Not a general rule.
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>>16658731
this is why you don't date non-virgins because they release oxytocin during sex and this will make her emotionally attached to that person forever.
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>>16658731
A month into dating, I think my boyfriend probably would've left me for the girl he lost his virginity to, he was still hung up on her. Now, I'm positive he wouldn't, we get along much better than he did with his ex-gf. It's not a part of either of our lives. You had shit luck but keep trying, not everyone is like that.
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>>16658841
If that was how it worked than you would never leave your mother, or food, or exercise, or the person who hugs you the longest.
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>>16658841
>pseudoscience.jpg
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>>16658731
You're dating the wrong chicks anon. They shouldn't even be in a relationship with you if they're still hung up with the guy who took their virginity. But I'm in no position to say anything because I'm married to the guy who took my virginity. You'll find the right woman someday... You'll know when she's nit hung up on anyone.
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>>16658731
Honestly, it sounds like you're with some fucked up people. Most look back on those memories from time to time, with various feelings that range from warmth to utter disgust. But we know there's a reason why we wouldn't go back. My ex is an ex for a reason. He's a huge fucking creep. Like, stole my clothes and some other shit to recreate a sex doll version of me made out of towels that he kept in his walk-in closet turned sex dungeon.
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>>16658731

I honestly can't imagine this
I can't even imagine wanting to spend time in the room with the guy who took my virginity.

I take the strongest bond with the person who treats me with the most kindness and the most loyalty. That changes if your disposition towards the relationship changes.
It sounds like those girls have some really weird hang ups
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>>16658934
>I can't even imagine wanting to spend time in the room with the guy who took my virginity.
>I take the strongest bond with the person who treats me with the most kindness and the most loyalty.
So much this. Thinking back on the guy I was with makes me cringe hard. I ended up with my second, and he's by far a better person than anyone I've dated in the past.
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>>16658934
>>16658930
>>16658942

Thanks girls, it was giving me a lot of horrible anxiety. I've worked so hard to better myself and become a good person (not an easy thing to do) and this was really destroying my ability to date.
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>>16658986

You'll be fine anon !
You may want to reevaluate your taste in women however, if all three of the girls you've dated have been this way
it's not that you are a bad person or have interested in bad things per se, but something about the type of woman you are interested in/go for is drawing you towards potentially unstable people
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>>16658995

I think I've gotten better at that now at least. I'm naturally very empathetic, so I tend to want to give people a chance, but I guess I'll have to be a bit cruel and turn down/away from some people.
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>>16659032

cruel is the wrong way to see it my dear. You are empathetic, and sweet, but you're allowed to have standards. It's not cruel, it's fair (as long as it IS fair)
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>>16658819
It just sounds like you made God angry or something. Did you break a bunch of mirrors as a kid?
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>>16658739
This
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The girl who's virginity I took think she's better than me and won't fuck me but admits I'll always be important to her.

It's infuriating because she's fucking stupid and only has hard work to offer the world(Meanwhile I'm posting on 4chan, it's true).

I know I'm better than the bitch though but this is all an aside.

Answer is yes you can, but she will often have a soft spot for her first.
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>>16658759
good advice


...on paper
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My boyfriend took my virginity and he has a special place for me not because he took my virginity, but because he's my best friend and I love him to death. I couldn't care less about the virginity itself.
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>>16659274
>won't fuck me
>i'll always be important to her
>she's fucking stupid
>i know i'm better than this bitch

....one of you sounds bitter and jealous, and it's not the girl that may or may not exist
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>>16659281
All dumb bitches say this when they're still with their first.
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>>16658804
As you can gather from the femanons and the experience of others in real relationships girls don't normally have any extra special feelings for the cherry picker.

So if this has happened to you 3 times then the common factor is you. Either they are making excuses for dumping you or you're dating extremely young and immature girls.
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>>16659286
Are you telling me how I feel about something in my own life?
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>>16659274
You write like a retarded 12yo. If that's what you are, or how you speak, act or behave then it's no wonder you're considered substandard material.
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>>16659288
I'm saying OP is talking abou bitches that lost their viginity to someone in the past and are now with another man.

You, dumb cunt that you are, stroll in and start chirping about how you love your current bf who is the same man you gave your virginity to. Fuck off - your input is irrelevant here.
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>>16659295
Why are you so mad and bitter anon? Most people ignore posts they consider irrelevant, you're launching an unnecessary full frontal attack.
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>>16659300
This isn't a hugbox. Assume what you will, but I'm gonna be a dick either way. Advice is meant to be given, not taken.
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>>16659310
I wasn't expecting a hugbox. I really don't know what point you're trying to make anymore, you've become pretty incoherent
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>>16659295
Someone is due for their meds and mommy needs to talk to the doctor again.
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>>16658731
>would go back to them if they could
Either they're rocking some retro specs or they haven't grown much in the last 4-5 years.

A conversation with someone at the right time and place in their life can change their world. Unless you're a particularly shallow person you should never doubt your ability for emotional impact.
Hell, even if you are shallow, if you as much as smile at someone who's had a tough time of it they'll love you in return.

Also the virginity taking connection is doubtlessly two way.
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>>16658804
unlucky
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>>16659310
>Advice is meant to be given, not taken.
I can't quit place who, but I'm pretty sure that's a famous quote you've gotten backwards
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>>16659293
>>16659283
I probably am a bit bitter;

Still though. I'm bitter because she was enamoured with me when I treated her like shit, and then when I started being kind, helping her get better confidence and the like she upped and dumped me. She never returned that kind of favor to me, whenever I was low on confidence she'd prey on it.

But hey, you're right I shouldn't dwell on these things. To the OP, my point remains, I reckon a girls first is always special, similar to how yours is except with the added importance they place on not sleeping around.
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>>16658731

Dumping you for their first (especially if they have been broken up for a long time/have had partners in between) is not normal. Have a soft spot, as another anon said, is very normal. I still have a soft spot for my first GF and that relationship was a fucking disaster (it was my own fault) that didn't even end up in me losing my v's and I'm a guy.

I'd say avoid women who are still close with their first and who haven't had healthy relationships in between. Chances are one of them is still into the other and that's a ball of anxiety you don't want to deal with.
Thread replies: 46
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