The last three girls I tried to date have all been hung up on the guys who have taken their virginity (one was like 27 and she had lost it to a guy at 23, the other 20 and losing it at 15, and the third 24 and losing it at 20). They all talked about how they didn't regret it and would go back to them if they could. This has made me incredibly paranoid of dating non-virgin women-it sucks to know I will always be second place to the guy who had sex with her first. This makes me even more nervous because I myself am a virgin and I feel like I'm just going to be compared and found wanting. It's really killing my self-confidence. Am I right to be worried or am I just dumb?
Yes, you can compete with them, you have no reason to be worried. I loved the guy I lost my virginity to, but I wouldn't ever consider getting back with him, and I never think about him. If they were hung up on other guys they probably weren't ready to start dating. It's not a that big of a deal.
My advice to you for every woman you meet from here on out (and everyone reading this): never ask or put yourself in a position to find out a girl's number of sex partners or when they lost their virginity. That goes vice versa as well.
Saves a lot of awkward disappointment/jealousy.
Christ, all you have to do to be the best boyfriend they ever had is give nice back massages and not yell too much during arguments.
Can you elaborate what you mean by care? OP here, I'm just nervous. Do you love your husband a lot more and pretty much never think of the first guy unless your virginity story is brought up or something?
Sorry, just nervous. These three girls have really fucked with my head on this.
No, I would be dating them for about a month or so, then the guy who took their virginity contacted them and then they would say they wanted to go back to him as they've never felt more strongly connected to anyone else (even the other boyfriends they had after him). It's fucked but it has happened three times to me and it made me want to die.
I know right? These weren't even dumb barsluts. They were nice, fairly nerdy girls into books, comics, and anime on dating sites, ranging from cute to chubby. Pic related is how I feel after all this shit.
Unlucky. Not a general rule.
A month into dating, I think my boyfriend probably would've left me for the girl he lost his virginity to, he was still hung up on her. Now, I'm positive he wouldn't, we get along much better than he did with his ex-gf. It's not a part of either of our lives. You had shit luck but keep trying, not everyone is like that.
You're dating the wrong chicks anon. They shouldn't even be in a relationship with you if they're still hung up with the guy who took their virginity. But I'm in no position to say anything because I'm married to the guy who took my virginity. You'll find the right woman someday... You'll know when she's nit hung up on anyone.
Honestly, it sounds like you're with some fucked up people. Most look back on those memories from time to time, with various feelings that range from warmth to utter disgust. But we know there's a reason why we wouldn't go back. My ex is an ex for a reason. He's a huge fucking creep. Like, stole my clothes and some other shit to recreate a sex doll version of me made out of towels that he kept in his walk-in closet turned sex dungeon.
I honestly can't imagine this
I can't even imagine wanting to spend time in the room with the guy who took my virginity.
I take the strongest bond with the person who treats me with the most kindness and the most loyalty. That changes if your disposition towards the relationship changes.
It sounds like those girls have some really weird hang ups
>I can't even imagine wanting to spend time in the room with the guy who took my virginity.
>I take the strongest bond with the person who treats me with the most kindness and the most loyalty.
So much this. Thinking back on the guy I was with makes me cringe hard. I ended up with my second, and he's by far a better person than anyone I've dated in the past.
Thanks girls, it was giving me a lot of horrible anxiety. I've worked so hard to better myself and become a good person (not an easy thing to do) and this was really destroying my ability to date.
You'll be fine anon !
You may want to reevaluate your taste in women however, if all three of the girls you've dated have been this way
it's not that you are a bad person or have interested in bad things per se, but something about the type of woman you are interested in/go for is drawing you towards potentially unstable people
I think I've gotten better at that now at least. I'm naturally very empathetic, so I tend to want to give people a chance, but I guess I'll have to be a bit cruel and turn down/away from some people.
The girl who's virginity I took think she's better than me and won't fuck me but admits I'll always be important to her.
It's infuriating because she's fucking stupid and only has hard work to offer the world(Meanwhile I'm posting on 4chan, it's true).
I know I'm better than the bitch though but this is all an aside.
Answer is yes you can, but she will often have a soft spot for her first.
My boyfriend took my virginity and he has a special place for me not because he took my virginity, but because he's my best friend and I love him to death. I couldn't care less about the virginity itself.
>won't fuck me
>i'll always be important to her
>she's fucking stupid
>i know i'm better than this bitch
....one of you sounds bitter and jealous, and it's not the girl that may or may not exist
As you can gather from the femanons and the experience of others in real relationships girls don't normally have any extra special feelings for the cherry picker.
So if this has happened to you 3 times then the common factor is you. Either they are making excuses for dumping you or you're dating extremely young and immature girls.
I'm saying OP is talking abou bitches that lost their viginity to someone in the past and are now with another man.
You, dumb cunt that you are, stroll in and start chirping about how you love your current bf who is the same man you gave your virginity to. Fuck off - your input is irrelevant here.
>would go back to them if they could
Either they're rocking some retro specs or they haven't grown much in the last 4-5 years.
A conversation with someone at the right time and place in their life can change their world. Unless you're a particularly shallow person you should never doubt your ability for emotional impact.
Hell, even if you are shallow, if you as much as smile at someone who's had a tough time of it they'll love you in return.
Also the virginity taking connection is doubtlessly two way.
I probably am a bit bitter;
Still though. I'm bitter because she was enamoured with me when I treated her like shit, and then when I started being kind, helping her get better confidence and the like she upped and dumped me. She never returned that kind of favor to me, whenever I was low on confidence she'd prey on it.
But hey, you're right I shouldn't dwell on these things. To the OP, my point remains, I reckon a girls first is always special, similar to how yours is except with the added importance they place on not sleeping around.
Dumping you for their first (especially if they have been broken up for a long time/have had partners in between) is not normal. Have a soft spot, as another anon said, is very normal. I still have a soft spot for my first GF and that relationship was a fucking disaster (it was my own fault) that didn't even end up in me losing my v's and I'm a guy.
I'd say avoid women who are still close with their first and who haven't had healthy relationships in between. Chances are one of them is still into the other and that's a ball of anxiety you don't want to deal with.