I was in a similar situation on my other job a year ago, and I also posted on /adv/ about it. It feels like a really weird deja vu.
So I really like this guy from my work. He also really likes me. Or so I thought. We made out at a company Christmas party, and surprisingly, we were both sober. We maintained a flirty/sort of intimate rapport for a while, then I offered to be his booty call - he is recovering from a very bitter divorce, custody fights, money troubles, the whole shebang. I figured the last thing he needs in his life is another harpy to get attached to and worry about.
This is where it gets interesting (ie terrible) - he flat out refused, saying that he is only looking for a relationship, and that at his age (50+) he is no longer interested in having casual sex. At first I was weirded out, but I thought about it a lot, and I really like him. Like, lying awake at night and thinking about him. Hell, I am posting /adv/ threads about him! I called him today to tell him that, but he cut me off because he was swamped at work, and said we are going to talk tomorrow. In the past few days he also ignored a few of my messages, and I have a sinking feeling he deleted my number.
Where did I go wrong, /adv/? Did I go wrong? Is there still hope? I hear people all the time complaining about how they can't get laid, and how women are cold-hearted bitches, so why can't I, a relatively hot female, sexually service a fat middle-aged bald dude older than my dad? This is maddening.
inb4 somebody calls me a gold digger, I am superior to him at work, and he took a huge pay cut a few months ago. Not to mention the three alimonies and shit.
You sound salty. Like I said, I am interested in having a relationship with him, but I fucked up and thought he wasn't so I offered a no strings attached type of deal. Also, if he wasn't interested in young sluts, he wouldn't be pawing me back then at the party.
Salty about what? Having a wife and a kid?
You gave him the impression of being a slut, offering yourself up for him to use as he wishes "without any strings". This has soured his perception of you. Even though you did it to be nice or whatever, he doesn't consider someone like you partner material after that. Move on.
>Where did I go wrong?
You offered something casual when he was angling for something serious and so he stopped taking you seriously. If you can convince him you're genuinely interested in a relationship, that you were just trying to keep things casual for his benefit with the divorce and all, maybe he'll change his mind.
Salty about women in general.
That is sort of my plan, if only I can get him to talk to me, since we're both swamped with work now. I hope I can get him to understand why I said what I said. Besides, we had a really nice relationship prior to that, we share many hobbies and interests etc etc, I really hope such a misunderstanding can't turn him off of me for good. Unless he was an asshole the whole time.
I wouldn't think much of it to be honest.
He is going through a bitter divorce. Who knows why he doesn't want to talk to you now.
> Maybe he wants to try and fix it
> Maybe she cheated on him because his pecker doesn't work anymore. He is too embarrassed about what might happen if he hooks up
> Maybe his wife was selfish and only thought about her needs, and here comes this girl who he thinks genuinely likes him and she comes off just wanting to use him, just like the other woman in his life right now.
> He is a lot older than you. The older men get the less important sex in general is. Frankly I know I am bored of it after 45 years on this earth.
There many reasons why he is ignoring you and rejecting your advances right now. The fact that you turned this into some statement about yourself might speak to you in fact being a little self centered.
I'm fairly self-absorbed, that's why I have to consult a mongolian hawking forum in order to gain some objective insight into the situation. You offered some fairly sobering perspective, thank you for that. :)
I am really weird in romantic/sexual relationships, because I grew up being fawned over by men - I spent almost 10 years modeling - and then I decided to make a switch into a more sensible career (really boring, involves clipboards) and now I see people reacting differently to my looks in this setting. I am also mostly attracted to homely looking middle-aged fuckups, so I guess there is some underlying entitlement on my part when I get rejected.
All in all, I am a big heap of crazy, but I am working on it and trying to spot psycho patterns in my behavior.
> salty about women
I'm not that guy, but it's very obvious that's the reason.
You have to see it from his perspective, he's been divorced several times and I'm guessing cheating was involved because that's the most common reason. Anyway for a guy to get wrecked like that thrice, it's going to make him more cautious and stop thinking with his dick.
So you, coming in strong and slutty would very likely be a strong red flag for someone looking to learn from his mistakes.