I'm a woman and I'm in a relationship.
We frequently have sex.
But no matter what I'm horny all the time and can't satisfy my desires.
So I think about trying to satisfy myself in other ways when he isn't around.
I masturbate often.
Sometimes I chat with strangers online.
I used to post photos of myself online.
But nothing is working. I can't help but imagine having sex with men and women - I fantasize having multiple partners at once.
It's a stupid problem, but I constantly have a guilty conscience about wanting things I can't have - and urges to get it.
How old are you? I went through this phase from 17-19 where I just wanted to fuck everything. I actually masturbated for six hours nonstop until I bled, and would have to take frequent bathroom breaks to masturbate. I'm in my twenties now and it's tapered off.
What's your relationship like? You might be able to get him to agree to a MFF threesome from time to time. You could also try making your sex kinkier and see how that goes. Maybe you'll be more satisfied with bruises.
So have multiple partners at once. It wasn't even edgy 10 years ago. Discuss it with your current partner, and if he isn't into it, just move on and do whatever the fuck you want.
Touché. I really don't want to break up with my boyfriend to just have mediocre sex with strangers. But I would agree that I'm at a loss. I've confessed to my boyfriend that I want to have multiple partners at once. He doesn't want to share, of course, but sometimes he seems open to it.
I can assure you, I've been dealing with it. That's what I've always done. My problem is that the urges, desires, feelings, wants, needs...they just aren't going away. And they get worse. And at times it leads me to drink - not that it's an excuse, I'm just trying to cope with it.
Either way one of you is going to be miserable. If you leave him you could end up in a situation where you're living with 10 people you love just as much and fuck all of them as much as you want in ways you couldn't imagine. You'll never know if you take security over fulfillment.
I've tried dating multiple guys/girls at once. It wasn't as much fun as you think. While I do have sexual desires I try to sate, I also have all the other normal ones. Like the desire to be truly intimate with someone other than sex.
Hm. Of course, you're right. There is absolutely the possibility that I could end up in my ideal situation. But that doesn't change the fact that I actually love my partner. Leaving him would not only hurt him, but it would also hurt me. Yet, I cannot deny your statement either.
My recommendation would be to explain it to him in a sense that it has nothing to do with who he is or your own sex life and intimacy, and that this is an desire you have sexually and is more like a fetish for you. You don't want to "cheat" on him because you're heart and loyalty are with him, and you want him to be a part of this experience with you.
Would maybe swingers parties be an option? I have no clue of anything about them other than the basics.
I think I'm afraid of accepting anything as a possible solution. I would agree that being in an open/poly relationship would be ideal, however I feel the pressure to simply be with one person. I've always been afraid of being open about who I am. Normal stuff I'm sure.
I have been looking into possible events to attend or clubs. I've spoken with him about it. He's curious, but cautious. But I'm afraid that he only feigns interest because he knows it's what I want, and I'd hate to force him into something.
Again, really emphasize that this is a fetish/kink, and has nothing to do with him. Keep a separation between this sexual desire and your relationship. Also tell him that if you were a cheater you wouldn't be telling him about this and you'd go behind his back. Your loyalty is with him. Your passion is for him. Your fetish is meaningless sex with other people, hopefully with him included.
I can't help but feel your advice is coming from a real place. Are you on SSRIs or Anti-Depressants?
I've refused such medication years ago - I just don't believe it's healthy for anyone to try and numb the pain away. It's better to try and talk about since it never truly goes away.
I suppose the reason my urgent desires are such an issue is that I don't want to cheat. I've never cheated in my life, and I won't let it happen now. So I want to avoid anything that resembles cheating. Somehow, open/poly relationships just appear to me as a way to formalize cheating.
There's one guy I think about that I can never get out of my head. It's the same for him, since he emails me every couple months or so telling me that he can't get me out of his mind either. As much as I want to fuck him again (and I do mean to say fuck), he may not be the best person to be with as a partner since we have a history.
What do you value more, relationship or dicking?
Either learn some self restraint/discipline or drop the current guy and go fuck that dude you can't forget about. Choose one or another just don't try to keep both.
Indeed. Although I haven't tried to keep both. The other guy just messages me out of his own volition, and I continue to ignore him.
I've literally put everything I have into my present relationship. It's just that I have these feelings and can't forget about them, can't quell them, can't numb them, can't do anything about them - and I'm just trying to find a way to cope without losing my partner.
I'm aware of that, and I have attempted to join a local sex addict anonymous club because it's so pervasive. However, they're not really active and therefore there are no meetings to attend. I am still presently searching for a support group of some kind.
>I've literally put everything I have into my present relationship.
I dunno keeping in contact with an ex that you still wanna fug doesn't sound like putting everything in to me. That sounds like a back up plan.
>can't do anything about them
I'm pretty sure you can, I just don't think you want to.
>I'm just trying to find a way to cope without losing my partner.
Is that because you don't want him to be hurt or because you don't want to be alone.
Do you even love the guy you're with?
If you had read the previous replies, no, I don't keep in touch an ex. He emails me and I ignore them. I just don't stop myself from reading them. Honestly, I don't know why he keeps emailing when I don't reply.
What can I do about my urges? If I act on them, I risk losing someone I love.
That's my last point, I love him. But I can't help the desires I have - they exist too, despite the fact that I'm in love. That's why I feel like I'm at a loss.
it's normal (for some?).
don't let yourself be told otherwise.
watch some dan savage or get yourself some book on open relationships if you want to explore this issue further/gain some insight. (i have a decent one its just not in english)
Yes I am on Prozac. It killed my sex drive, which was ridiculously high before and even if I try to masturbate it doesn't go anywhere (female, so not an issue of erectile dysfunction). Not sure about sex getting me off because I've never had it