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Getting over it
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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Hey /adv/,

Been a while since I started a thread here, but I've come upon a rough patch and could do with a helping hand. I'm dealing with heartbreak for the first time in my adult life and I'd like to hear from the Internet's lonely heart club how they've dealt with it in the past. What works?

I only ask because I'm past the point of crying and feeling sorry for myself. Right now, I'm at a shitty point of just feeling flat. This is all new to me, so if you guys have anything that could help me back to my usual self, I'd be deeply grateful.

Just to be clear, I've never tried casual sex, which I know many people turn to. I'm open to suggestions, I'm just a little apprehensive about that one.
How long did it take for you to get to the flat state? Because it's been like two weeks for me and sometime I'll think I'm fine and then I'll randomly burst into tears and feel absolutely worthless and like I can never trust another human being again.
It didn't take me too long. As soon as I left her to head home, I started crying and just delved into that feeling. I cried on and off for about four hours, getting it all out. And then the next day, I woke up like this. It's only been two days since then, but that's probably because it was about as good a rejection as it could be. We respected each other and were able to talk about all that needed to be talked about.

I want to clarify, my situation is trivial compared with most of the stuff I've seen on here, but I find that all this stuff is relative to personal experience and it's the worst I've felt it.

I'm sorry that you're going through what you're going through.
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Oh, anon. I know these feels. I know them so well. Dated a guy for 4 years, almost got back together, he chose another girl over me. It's been 11 months since we broke up and my heart aches when I see a picture of him. He even texted me last weekened, and we talked last night. He's still torn up over her...

I tried casual sex. It's okay, but it will not help heal your heart. I've even tried committing to another person, but it ended in disaster. I just couldn't do it.

Fill your time with trustworthy friends who don't mind you venting, or seeing you cry. Get a new hobby, preferably some kind of physical activity. Try to become social and meet new people. Do not use dating apps. Do not casually hook up because your friends recommended it.

Maybe you won't ever be 100% okay with the break up, and -that's okay-. I'm here to tell you that the pain becomes less and less over time. Just stay busy, and respect yourself. Here's to hoping everyone's heart ache becomes a distant memory.
>Try to become social and meet new people.

Where do you suggest doing that?
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Well, I had a few friends who are very social. They started inviting me to small things, like dinner at their house or maybe a game night. I relied on them heavily for expanding my social network. Now I have way more friends than I expected and am always being invited to things. I KNOW it's not easy. I have social anxiety and there were SOOO many nights I wanted to say no, or even leave a party early because people were making me nervous.

Meanwhile, my ex works 70 hours a week and has dropped off the face of the earth/drinks himself retarded every night.
I have friends like that so I can try. I just have to get over the fear of being a burned.

For what it's worth, I hope he regrets what he did to you.
being a burden*
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Thanks, dude. And I sincerely hope you try to heal in a healthy way. Believe in yourself! Just know that some weeaboo fag sitting in her bed and laughing at stupid pics on 4chan believes in you and your ability to become social and meet new people.

Do you have social anxiety?
Drink loads of alcohol and cry as much as you physically can.

Been doing this for the past year or so but I still cry at times. Mostly due to music or food reminding me of something I did with her.

Pretty sure I'm fucked in the head on several levels but drinking a fuckload is still a valid advice.
Means a lot bro ;_;
I wouldn't say social anxiety, I'm just very shy due to some childhood and family stuff. But I'm trying to get better at it.
That's not fair of him to talk to you about her. Especially if he even suspects the impression your relationship has had on you.

I'm fortunate to have a couple of friends I can do that with, and I even found myself going for my first jog ever this morning. Today was probably one of the healthier days I've lived, but I don't feel much better for it. I feel like I'm telling myself 'yes, I'm proud of what I did today' but I didn't feel the reward. I miss enjoying little pleasures, like satisfaction in making an effort or my favourite meals.

What I hate most of all is the melodramatics. I'm fucking 20, going on 21 next month and I've only just started to register what happened last weekend. I'm being told that it was mostly bad timing, that I shouldn't give up completely. But when I was talking to her, I could see it was hurting her as much as it was hurting me. She was still hurting from her last relationship, she wanted to be alone for a while and she needed me to be there for her as one of her closest friends. When I asked if my feelings were one-sided, she couldn't say it wasn't.

I don't want to give up, but she didn't want me to hang on for her. She didn't want me to be hung up on her.

I'm just distracting myself right now, but I have to stop now and then to overcome a memory. It doesn't feel fair and I'm just having to deal with that.
>That's not fair of him to talk to you about her. Especially if he even suspects the impression your relationship has had on you.

This. I wish I could be this chill though. Breakups hurt my pride so much I just cut them out of my life forever.
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Trust me, it was so hard for me not to lash out at him and say "How fucking dare you talk to me about that piece of shit." I helped him get through college, supported him, worked shit jobs to pay for an apartment/life with him. Bailed him out when he got sued, got us a free place to stay while we saved money for a new place... I did everything for him, and he cries about her.

It killed me, but I gave him advice for moving on. Told him "Life is too short to want people who don't want you. There are other girls out there. You've been looking in the wrong places."

RIP me. P.S. I usually cut exes out of my life.
You must honestly be an angel. I would have told him to go fuck himself. I'm actually angry now about the fact that such selfish faggots exist now.
Is casual sex really that bad?
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I think in this day and age, casual sex is part of the breaking up process. You use it as a confidence builder, and to kind of get yourself back into the game.

However, it's a harsh reminder that a lot of people treat other people as a game, a conquest. I wouldn't personally recommend it, as my friends did for me. I think I would have benefited from taking some time alone.

I dated a guy for 2 months, while he had a shitload of baggage, he accused me of taking things too lightly/focusing on sex too much. This is the bad part of casual sex. You get used to it and when it comes time for commitment, you see blurred lines between sex and really caring for someone.
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To be fair, he was blown away that I was so kind to him. "Kill them with kindness." :)

Thanks for the kind words, anon. I really appreciate them.
You're too nice. That asshole will just take it for granted. I hope he'll come crawling back one day and you'll kick him in the nuts.
work on yourself. what i believe to be the love of my live cheated on me with her ex. i was ruined. i got through it by learning new things and working out.
When i go trough a break up, i usually do this:
Completely cut all connections with ex.
Surround myself with friends, as soon as i feel lonely or depressed i call some of my friends to do something together.
Also i begin to focus on shit that i neglected bc of the relationship, like begin to train twice as much and read etc.
after a month, or a few months you will feel allright.
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