My gf has put on roughly 30-45lbs since we have been together (2.5years) and I have felt unattracted to her for a long while now
I love her and dont want to leave her but I dont know what else I can do, I cant drop it or put it to the back of my mind as much as I might try, I am simply attracted to slim girls.
How do I approach the situation of getting the point across that Im no longer sexually attracted to her and she needs to lose weight or it is over, the problem is she has been on a diet for months and simply cannot last an hour being hungry and so all the healthy food and gym in the world wont help because of her lack of willpower (the thing I find most unattractive), she is already 'on a diet' so I cant encourage her any more than what I am doing now without her reacting to me like I am controlling etc.
I cant break up with her right now seeing as we have a flat together and are both in our last 4 months of university, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I fucked her education on top of all this, I am not even sure I could gather the balls to end it under easy circumstances
If I gave her an ultimatum she would either do or say anything to stay with me or be completely crushed, not to be big headed but she tells me constantly how much she idolises me etc she talks about weddings and kids all the time which makes me uncomfortable, surely the relationship would be fucked after hearing 'lose weight or its over'?
It's a shitty situation but telling her how you feel might motivate her. Try to offer to join a gym together. If she's being a lazy fuck just tell her it's becoming a problem.There's no nice way of saying it but unless it's some serious medical problem, she's just letting herself go.
Depends on what her friends and family are like. If they coddle her then there's no chance. She'll just tell them and they'll all call you an ass.
Its not even junk which makes the situation even harder. She has like 3 bowls of cereal a day, just eats whenever hunger strikes granted she is picking a lower calorie option of a healthy cereal she still eats a lot of it, and I dont mean stomach rumbling hungry, just as soon as thoughts of food enter her mind its like she has an anxiety attack
I have eat the same or less than her nearly every day for 6 months and I am a 6'3" male
we both have a gym membership and its literally on the other side of the road, I offer to go with her and she just tells me to go alone...
also her family are honest mother tells her she should lose some weight, friends however are all liberal feminist cunts who probably brainwash her on social media
I want to tell her honestly but with her noticing the relationship hasn't been the same over the last year, due to me being off, it will open up the mother of all can of worms that I am too pussy to deal with
Withhold sex OP. Don't initiate sex, and if she initiates, just say you're not in the mood or you're tired. After you do this for a while without giving in at all, she'll get more self-conscious about her weight and start losing it.
The thing is that going to a gym etc isn't going to help her, since if her approach to food is "eat whenever I think of food" and she can't restrain herself, she's not going to have enough hours in the day to work it off. Eating "healthy foods" won't help either because you can get fat on good, healthy food too if you stuff your face enough.
She should gain the self-control to manage her eating, but that's hard, and its something she'd need to do every day for the rest of her life, so it's not just a one-off epiphany.
It's really difficult. But somehow, it might be good to discuss the subject. The threat of losing you might motivate her. Maybe don't phrase it as a demand, like "lose weight or I'll dump you", but rather as a problem you want to solve with her because you want to stay with her as you love her so much?
I mean, lack of sexual attraction is a problem. It's the stuff that kills relationships. And if she has no control over her eating she'll only keep getting fatter. If you're finishing uni, you're how old, 23, 24? So she's started to get fat at 22 or so, and has kept ballooning ever since? It's bad, it could be that she has always had bad eating habits and now that her teenage metabolism (and activity) isn't burning everything any more her former eating style is just gaining weight. She has to be able to adapt to the new situation.
Maybe stop having sex or at least tone it down and try to raise the issue at some point - if you feel it's emotionally too much now, raise the subject when uni is done. Mention it as being worried for her since this development isn't good, and also in a constructive way, how can we fix this. But I think it's not bad to very clearly hint that you're becoming less attracted to her because of the weight. It's good to hear the harsh truth, sometimes
Tough situation OP, but it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do and plenty of guys have been stuck there before. If you don't want to break up with her, then your best option is to become a little more distant and stop having sex with her (or at least not as much).
Once she starts noticing she'll either dump you (unlikely), realise she's losing you and start trying to sort her shit out, though not necessarily succeeding (more likely), or if you're unlucky she'll start with the whole 'omg you should be attracted to be no matter what I look like ur so shallow you pig' routine, in which case you can dump her without feeling bad (hopefully).
Good luck anon.
Well, it's either "lose weight or it's over" or spend the rest of your life with an increasingly unattractive woman.
As for her diet, it probably sucks, get her over to /fit/ or something similar. With nutrition knowledge and exercise, you can eat satisfying meals and not get overwhelmingly hungry (which is largely psychological, especially early in a "diet").
You need to have a very honest conversation with her. I warn you though, no matter how delicately you say it, she is going to be hurt and she's probably going to cry and be angry at you. The problem is if she doesn't want to change for the better, she won't.
Tell this fat bitch to lose the weight or let you fuck other slim women.
Tell her that it's sex you want, and if she won't be sexy for you, you still need what you need. Don't dump her, be there if you love her. But don't give up your needs because she doesn't give a fuck about you or herself.
Not a good solution. Women overthink everything. She'll assume you're cheating, then become super paranoid and jealous about everything. Then she'll force the truth about her weight bothering out of you, and she'll think ''oh so THAT'S why he's cheating, what an asshole''. Then bam, breakup. Her dumblr friends will cheer her on, she'll get back in shape to spite you for being a pig, you'll hate yourself.
Just be honest about it.
Tell her she's gaining weight and your sexual attraction to her is fading, and it would mean the world to you if she would really put into the effort to lose weight.
Also buy her beef jerky. That shit is amazing at stopping hunger.
>she is already 'on a diet' so I cant encourage her any more than what I am doing now without her reacting to me like I am controlling etc.
You sound like a good person, she is already trying to make the effort to being on a diet.
I wouldn't be that direct, "either you lose weight or I leave" . She might get anxious, and start eating more.
You might join her in her diet, and make it stricter. You might start going to the gym together. Maybe she won't feel that alone in her effort and will get faster results.
btw. You can cheat on the diet.
Fing is lad, ya can't make a fat cunt stop stuffen her now can ya? It's like bein wiff a drug addick only she's addicted to food ya?
No amount of encouragement can make her stop eating. She needs ta get her shit sorted. This one's done believe me bruv
Look man if you truly care about this girl and want her slim sexy self back, WORK OUT WITH HER! It'll probably bring you guys closer and it'll definitely make her motivated to lose weight. Not to mention you get a rockin bod too? Or just dump her and get another one.