Bretty good. Im at a slow point in my life right now. I turn 25 next month and I've accomplished nothing. But that doesn't really bother me. I'm in school and I work. I come home and play black ops 3 and repeat. I gave up on finding a gf and accepted the fact I'm not relationship material. I'm focused on bettering myself now. I'll pull through.
Asked someone I know who I have a huge crush on out. She said "sure", but she didn't seem interested at all and probably said that just to be nice or because she didn't understand that I meant as a date.
Long story short. Started talking to my ex girlfriend from ten years ago, whilst already in a five year long relationship. That ive hated since it started but didnt end because of tired of being alone. been about four months since weve been talking. Feels still strong, not entirely sure its mutual, shes being wishy washy. Told current gf whats up. Break up with her. End up getting guilt tripped back. Ex gf still sending mixed messages. This just blows.
>>16655088 I'm a NEET, 20 years old. Barely made it out of highschool, didn't pursue college. Thought I'd be in Japan by now living my life but I give up to easily on everything I ever tried in life. I have no significance, suicidal/depressed/anxiety since I was 11 and i'm poor. Giving life one last shot, trying to get into web development and potentially some other programming stuff, if I don't make it with that, i'll just end my life, eternal rest.
>>16655088 I made an appointment today to see a doctor because of my anxiety and worry issues. It's been unbearable lately. I have to wait 5-10 to get something in the mail and then call. I wish it was sooner.
im renting out a room in a house for now until i get my shit together again. the owner of the house accused me of smoking weed because she "smelled it" and so did her "boyfriend" (some guy that occasionally comes over and that she has "problems with"). Whatever that means. Anyways, I told her it was not me and I haven't smoked anything in a long time. I then said "I dont know what to tell ya". Then she just didnt say anythnig back. Is this a big deal? Did i overreact? I'm not sure if i should have been like hell yea that was me lets light up a blunt!! or something silly like that. Theres another roommate in the house so it had to have been him.
>>16658438 Well, I haven't, but maybe i'll ask her. She's a fulltime student who arranged her schedule to only attend class two times a week, and I know she works 3 times a week too. It's not like she doesn't enjoy seeing me whenever we're both free, it's just the fact that we're both fulltime college students with jobs... finding the time to be together can sometimes be a challenge.
You want to know what I'm feeling about? My best friend hates me, the girl I love won't love me back, not a single day goes by that I don't feel like shit. The other day I was up until 1am crying my eyes out. Why the fuck is this happening all at once?
Regretful. I'm 24, have no friends, am too socially inept to make friends and to emotionally damage to get any sort of satisfaction from having some anyways, am a NEET, and am too lazy and socially anxious to do things I thought I would like to do.
Every human being I try to get close to that's not family ends up never speaking to me again.
I don't want to give up on people and relationships but I just can't connect with anyone. I love being alone so it's not terrible. It's just so frustrating feeling like everyone else knows something I don't. What's wrong with me? Maybe I incurred some Karmic debt that makes people not interested that I exist.
I feel you. For me the problem's mostly on my end though, which I've definitely come to realise. Any time I'm crazy about someone, it seems like I pull back and don't show it at all for fear of freaking them out or something, because I generally consider myself to be a pest with nothing to offer I guess. So they end up completely oblivious at best and think I'm cold at worse, and eventually wander out of my life, forever unaware that I thought they were the fucking bees knees.
Then there's just my general friends, but they're all useless fucks. No one ever calls me, eventually I get tired of calling them. And it's not just me, they never call each other either, no one ever fucking sees anyone, I don't know how we're all even alive. All we seem to do when two of us manage to get in a room together is bitch that no one ever calls anyone. How can one group of people be so utterly useless?
Don't mind me just shamelessly using you as a springboard to talk about myself, sorry about that, just kinda hit that button.
>>16656088 >didn't seem interested But did she seem actively uninterested? Because if she just 'didn't seem interested' she's probably just being casual about it because she hasn't built this up in her head like you have, and you're just second guessing yourself.
Girls have a lot of defences on hand to avoid going on dates with people they don't like, it's pretty hard to accidentally say yes to a date without somehow making it not a date ("Sure, I'll see a movie with you. Let's invite x y and z too!", always a classic).
You did good, kid. No matter how she feels or how it turns out, you asked, that's what counts.
>>16659377 I guess I'm about 90 % sure she will say no again. And when (or if) she says no again then maybe I can finally realize there's no chance and forget about her. Getting turned down twice beats wondering if she would have changed her mind.
Worried, so very worried. I can't even fucking trust my own trains of thought, it's gotten to the point where I doubt everything I do, and every minor detail seems like a bigass red flag that, yes, things will go as badly as I fear.
Confused. It's been so long since I have really liked someone and I can't tell if this is how it's supposed to feel. It all just used to seem better but now the only thing that makes me think I like her is how lonely I feel when she's not around.
I fucking hate weekends. I have too much time to think, so I get incredibly depressed and sad. At least during working days I have some kind of function and can focus on something and I'm surrounded by other people.
I feel like a shipwreck. A terrible mixture of longing and despair.
I've just got back to my uni, but I have no friends here. The first friend I made here turned out to be a narcisstic and manipualtive sociopath that made me feel very uncomfortable. The other guy I met was an exchange student and have already got back to his university, so I'm totally alone here.
Although I do like solitude, I can't stand the thought of having no one to grab a beer with. It's devastating.
I just hope I'll met someone next week when the lectures start.
i feel sad. i always thought that i would be a creative person. maybe one day i would go down an interesting life path and have an enjoyable career that was artistic and interesting. i'm sad because i'm slowly realizing that my life will never be that way. i'm probably going to work in marketing. i don't really care about it, but i will make money and have a good job. i have a partner who i will probably marry. we love each other. its good. my life isn't what i thought it would be though. i always thought i'd be somebody else. oh well.
I feel a little angry. I can control my emotions, so I dont have problems like feeling sad all the time, but my brother have low selfsteem, is always complaning and dont want to listen to what I say. I just to be alone sometimes and he just cant shut up. I told him what he needs to do but he thinks that nothing cant help him.
I'm upset and angry, mostly with myself. I found out my ex is getting married to the guy she cheated on me with, and even though it's been almost 2 years the feelings came back and it pisses me off. I was doing fine up until new years and then shit just kept coming down with school, work, my car and now this. I told a friend that I was seriously contemplating killing myself, but of course she says not to and that things will pass. I even guessed she would marry the guy since she was always in such a rush to move in and get married and shit. And from what I know about the guy, he knows he lucked out hard and is trying to tie that shit down so that she doesn't run off with another guy. Seriously, I just want to drink myself into oblivion or at least into a permanent apathetic state of mind.
I feel hopeless and ashamed of myself. For a variety of reasons, but I got a exam in... 13 hours, and I can't just stand up all that time and study (I'd be tired as fuck then, gotta sleep)
I've been oggling at the exam stuff for a whole week, and I havent been able to study, when I pick it up, it all feels like gibberish to me, I cant make sense. And if I go to the exam tomorrow, I will feel like a clown. I read through the class chat group and they all seem hard working, they seem knowledgeable after the hours they've spent studying it... but I'm an useless piece of shit that cant even begin the first step.
And yes, I've spent more time self-loathing myself than actually trying to study today. I dont know what's wrong with me, maybe I actually have depression, but I always think that it's just a stupid excuse I make for my shortcomings as a person.
My Dad was sent to hospital on Christmas eve, and a few days later was diagnosed with liver cancer. The tests confirmed that the cancer had spread from his bowels and there is nothing that can be done. He is fading fast and has days to live. From perfect health to death-bed in two weeks. I'm writing this from his hospital room as he sleeps.
>>16659076 this. why can't i just die? i want to. the only reason i am not is because it is a selfish act that makes others around me feel like shit, which i don't want to do. i want to just disappear as though i never existed in the first place, i have no purpose here.
>>16660879 willpower. you have it. you can bring yourself to study. you have to believe in yourself, because you ARE capable of doing this. by now it might be too late for the exam you have in a few hours, but you have to think bigger than that.
you have the power to become whatever you want. you just have to believe in yourself, i know this sounds like some cliche bullshit, but if you just used the willpower thats inside of you somewhere you would know what im talking about.
My gf and I are going through a bad time, give decided to get apart for some time with rules like not getting laid wiht anyone else and that stuff. But I really feel like this time it's all going to end, after a bit more than 3 years togghether.
Taken multiple pregnancy tests and all come out negative, my thyroid is fine according to the doctor, and I'm getting enough sleep/exercise/healthy food.
So I'm feeling confused as to why the fuck I've been so moody, depressed, and all around not myself these last two months. Literally go from pissed off to happy, then alright, then really anxious or bored and sad. Everyday.
Exactly this. Killing myself isn't realistic because that just draws a shit ton of attention and scrutiny to myself while removing my ability to control it at all, that's the opposite of what I want. But if I could go back and prevent myself from being born, oh how sweet nonlife would be. Sometimes I think about starting a new life overseas, naturally losing contact with my friends and family so gradually that no one notices, then just becoming one of those no names who are found rotting dead in their home for months because no one even noticed they disappeared until the smell hit them.
>>16661647 You're just an animal, that, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't matter.
I wanted to kill myself about three years ago-and almost did. After a while though, and watching my dog in disgust because of how stupid he was, I realized it doesn't matter. Nothing does. So killing myself wouldn't matter any more than sitting the gun back against the wall and grabbing the beer from the fridge. Moving to the fridge didn't matter either, it was just a selfish act in order to get myself something I mildly enjoyed, like listening to music. Listening to music is completely selfish thing that we humans do because we enjoy it and there's nothing more past that.
It's a little hard to explain, but at some point I came to realize that life is just a game. Some people can play it easily, and others like me have to drag through it and never really enjoy it.
But along that same thought process came the realization that I don't have to play along. I don't have to play the get up every morning and work for a job that I hate. It's a game, so in the end it doesn't matter and I can play how I fucking want to.
So now I don't give a shit about people or family. I do what the fuck I want and only to an extend that brings me my own comforts and satisfactions and food for my dog.
Sure, lots of people hate me. Find me bitter and wonder why I cut ties with them. But it's fine because its my body, my mind, and I'd rather live a bland, plain existence that pleases me till I keel over then to cut it short just because I didn't like the wau the game was playing out.
Tl;Dr-you don't have to play societies game, you can play your own.
I feel completely worthless. I am currently writing an email to my advisor telling him that I am dropping out of the PhD program. I feel like my life is in shambles, I've been thinking about killing myself several times a day for the past 4 months. On most days it feels like the best way out.
despair because i am captive and i am also my own jailer. my body betrays me mentally and physically. i can't help myself at this point. i only wear people out. i am an emotional vampire. i am like heroin to those who love me. it's not half right.
>>16661895 >I don't have to play the get up every morning and work for a job that I hate. What other way is there to be though? I feel like this is just how society functions. Everybody hates it, but what else can you do? If there was another way, wouldn't everyone be doing it? There's got to be some terrible catch that keeps us all here, right?
All I want is my dogs, nature, books, a vegetable garden, time for it all. I feel like everything else I 'like' - the internet, my bath, my bed, my TV - are just coping mechanisms.
I don't know. I was working full time for about 2 years and just had no time or energy to do anything except a little of what I 'like'. No time for a vegetable garden because I'm working too much so I can earn more so I can just buy someone else's vegetables so I have time to work more to earn more to buy more to save more time to work more to earn more to buy more. I was in really a bad way by the end of my contract and have been jobless for a few months just pulling myself back the fuck together, and I'm finally feeling kind of like me again and it's time to look for new work, but I just want to panic thinking about it. It'll be the same shit all over again and what's the point of living if it's like that? There just isn't any. I know that, and if I go back there, I'm scared I won't have it in me to come back out this time.
I don't know. It's this fucking city. You either play it their way or you get out, and I don't want any shape of it. The only thing keeping me here is the family dog. She probably won't see next Christmas though. Maybe then I'll pack up and find something worth sticking around for. No kids, no ambition, no materialism, the fuck do I need to play this game for? Why does anyone do this?
I go back and forth between thinking I just don't want the things people play the game to get and I can make my own rules, to thinking I'm just a lazy, naive child who needs to grow up and accept that this is life and it sucks for everyone.
Man... Had a text conversation with my ex yesterday. She decided to be the most evil bitch she could be. I was trying to make up for something earlier by sending her something nice. Not romantic or anything. I just wanted to be friends. But she decided she wanted to crush me under her foot as hard as she could by initiating text after she got it. Her bitchiness wasn't really a big deal at first, I didn't pay it any mind and felt I handled the situation well.
Was doing well, no huge problem until today. I had blocked her number and didn't expect any more texts... Right? Well, I turn on my data (it's been off for the last few days) and get a text from last night. It was a picture of some dudes dick with another text saying "guess who's getting laid tonight? Not you".
So uh, feeling pretty angry. just wanted to punch something all day out of frustration. I need to get my mind off this but it's just been there the whole time.
One thing that makes me feel good about this situation is that this girl is fucked. Absolutely butt fucking ugly. And has terrible communication skills because of an incurable disorder. Her life is going to be shit because there isn't much she can do for a good job and I doubt some dude with money will date her. She's going to be low life trailer trash for the rest of her life. Good riddance, you bitch.
frustrated because i'm trying to lose weight and as much as people tell me that they've noticed me losing weight, i feel like i'm not making any progress. excited because i'll be going to visit my SO in a few weeks.
I'm honestly considering suicide. I'm in a spot and don't know how to get out of it:
>mother owed me $4,000 >I live with her but plan to move out >she wanted to move to another city, holding my $4,000 ransom if I didn't move with her >she doesn't want to be alone because my two siblings abandoned her on poor terms >I'm her favorite child but finding living in this new city very restrictive >she says if I leave, she'll move in with her abusive boyfriend
I have $7,300 on me. Money isn't the issue in finding an apartment, it's just I feel like I'm trapped. To give an idea of her boyfriend: he was in jail for three weeks for pointing a loaded gun at his son. He's slashed my mother's tires before, has hit her, etc.
I'm in the same boat. I was 265lbs in November, I'm now 227lbs. To me, if I look in the mirror I look the same, but everyone says I'm looking really good. I went from size 46 jean to size 38 jean, and wear L instead of XL shirts now, so I know something is happening, it's just hard to notice when you're used to seeing yourself.
>>16661987 >If there was another way, wouldn't everyone be doing it?
No, because most people either under thunk their actions or over think and never take a chance when any kind ig opportunity presents itself because they are scared of losing something. Losing their house or car or whatever it is they have that's precious to them at the moment and they never move past that.
But you guys are different-you are already past the point of no return so you literally have nothing to lose. And more than likely you don't have kids either. So you have such an amazing opportunity to take those chances or opportunities that everyone else is so afraid of because you were going to throw all your possesions away anyway.
And sometimes I hear the argument of 'oh but what if I end up homeless or starving or blablabla'.
Well, does it really matter? You were going to kill yourself! Why does it matter if you end up without a car? Why does it matter if you end up without a house?
The only thing that can happen then is that you hit rock bottom and either slowly rot away and die from exposure (which is no less painful than trying to kill yourself), or you suddenly find the drive that you had been lacking before. That instinctual will to live and find comfort and things that make you happy.
People forget that were animals with no natural predators, so we come up with our own struggles and problems because we NEED them to remind us what happiness looks like, and what it feels like to strive to live.
>>16662068 after about two months, a vendor for the store i work at (she comes to the store about once a month) came up and chatted with me. i see her once in a while, not every time she's at the store though. she was floored when she saw me and asked if i lost weight. and i said i was trying to and she said she could tell the difference. but when i look in the mirror i just don't see it. physically my body looks the same although i've dropped a pants size.
Scared. I'm getting close to graduating in psychology, but society keeps making me feel worthless for not being "STEM masterrace". I don't even want to be rich, I just want livable money and to be happy.
I'm in my last semester of college and it's bittersweet. On one hand, I'll graduate with my master's degree and a license in education, but on the other I'm afraid of not being able to find a teaching job in my area and being forced to move away from friends and family. I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually. I also have depression, but there isn't really anything I should be concerned about. Life is good, but I worry too much.
I didn't ask the girl I liked because I was too embarrassed to do it in front of a mutual friend who was there. I would've been the perfect opportunity to ask her out otherwise. Plus I don't know when will be the next time I see her.
Also, I just saw myself on my friend's snapchat and was reminded of how ugly I am.
girlfriend and I broke up on the 3rd, been keeping my distance and not talking because I've read that's better than trying to talk to her like a friend. Took a /p/hoto and uploaded it to instagram and she liked it so I mean, eh? Going to give her space for 30 days and try talking to her and setting up something. I've broken her heart before and I gave her 30 days and she forgave me so idk. Any similar feels?
I hate everything about myself. I don't know who to talk to about this since I'm almost convinced everyone else hates me too. Tried talking to bf about it and he redirected the conversation back to how bad he has it. It's frustrating and draining, I just don't want to be alive anymore.
>>16663092 I had the same feelings a while back. I felt shitty and my ex gf kept saying "I have diagnosed depression, your sadness isn't as bad as mine". I eventually talked to god and asked him to reveal himself. I then that night had a dream about killing myself and in the dream I felt immediate regret. Came to realization that I needed to not let this cripple me and did things that got my mind off of it. I think I would fall in the same state if I led the same lifestyle I did back then sitting in my dark room on the computer all day. My advice is go out and do stuff with friends, gets your mind off things.
I ruin every conversation. im really fun in person, but online im such a bore. Kinda makes me pretty much a bummer most of the time cuz then i just get depressed and feel like talking to nobody. I know im fun and can really communicate but the more i think about how boring i really am the more i give up on conversations online
>>16663104 Ironicly the moments when I feel worse tend to be after hanging out with large groups, I keep running over things I've said and how I acted like an ass. I don't know, I try and distract myself as much as possible when I can..? Usually it just means I end up alone though. And so the cycle continues. There's gotta be a way out of this?
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