Okay. I would like to have advice from a guy, please.
I'm married. My husband works A LOT. He says that's why he doesn't have sex with me much anymore. Well, last night I found out he's been watching porn & masturbating. The only reason this bother me is because he has to time & energy to fantasize about some random girl on his phone, but not the time or energy to make love to me anymore.. We recently had a baby a few months ago. I know my body isn't as great as it use to be, but that doesn't mean he should just stop having sex with me. I just feel like I'm not good enough. This really hurts.
Kek why is there suddenly a massive surge of clingy bitches that need to calm their tits down?
Masturbating is easy, "making love" is exhausting. He's tired when he comes back and sometimes he will want to empty his nuts and you take this personally? If you are horny then masturbate, if you want to have sex with him then initiate and stop wishing for him to beg you for it. Fuck damn these people.
I talked to him about it last night. I've actually been begging him for the past week. I even tried giving him orale a couple days ago but he said he was too tired. Which is strange, it's not like he would need to do anything. He said he's tired of me. We've only been married for a little over a year now. He's made comments about how he feels more attracted to really skinny females. I'm not big or small, I'm average. But now (being a girl & all) I'm obsessing with losing wright in hopes that he'll want me.
We've had sex about a dozen times in three months. But the past couple of weeks he's lost interest.
I do want to start working out. But I'm always exhausted from taking care of my little guy. Not trying to use excuses, but difficult. My scoliosis makes it more difficult also.
giving birth gave me way better awareness of how my vag muscles work, sex is WAY better now
DESU it sounds like the problem is him, not you. Seek relationship counseling before it gets worse.
I'm sorry to hear this. While getting back in shape will be good for you, especially since you have scoliosis, I think the issues run deeper than just your weight. Did he explain what he meant by tired of you? Did he say what he feels is missing or what he wants? I'm asking if he proposed a plan to work things out or was he just whining. Could be that the stress of having a small child is wearing him out.
He said he's tired of always being around me. Well, he doesn't really help with our son. He kisses him goodnight & good morning. But as far as taking care of him; that's all me. When he comes home from work he mainly plays in his Xbox.
He doesn't ever want to work things out. He'll shut down & give me the silent treatment whenever I try to talk to him about what's bothering me.
It usually happens to women but maybe it's more about the baby. Maybe he's being depressed of this big change in his life.
If he really refuses to open up, you should seek help from a therapist and learn what is really up
Okay, just a couple things, when a guy watches porn it doesn't actually mean he's fantasizing about the woman, sometimes when a guy sees those things it just causes chemicals to start flowing in the brain which makes it easier to get off, you'd be surprised how a guys masturbation to porn can be cold and clinical.
Second you said yourself he works a lot, that can take a lot out of a person and also take a lot of time away, masturbation is not only faster, but you don't even need to clean up and shower after if you take precautions, so just that time alone is a lot of hassle and effort, when the goal is to just get off and satisfy the urge and demand the body puts on its self. Your husband might not even masturbate if his body wasn't telling him to satisfy that urge, it can be similar to a feeling of hunger or being tired.
Next you said you just had a baby, there is recovery time for that and he might be afraid of hurting you, and also psychologically he might not see you as a longer anymore and might see you more as a mother, that might sound weirder than it is.
He might see you as a real part of his family, meaning your sexually off limits and wants to preserve your dignity and such, you don't have sex with your sisters and mother, even if they're beautiful you just don't feel that attraction.
This might be overwhelming to your woman mind. But I am sure to most women, most things are. Just take it slowly talk with him about it calmly.
But remember his side, HE JUST HAD A FUCKING KID AND HAS TO WORK HIS GOD DAMN ASS OFF TO MAKE SURE YOU TWO HAVE A HOME AND HE DOESN'T RUN OUT OF MONEY, SO JUST LIKE YOU HAVE A JOB TO SUPPORT THAT KID, SO DOES HE. I'M SURE HE FEELS MORE PRESSURE THAN YOU'VE FELT IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. He might also just be afraid of getting you pregnant again especially so soon.
>hurr durr I'm too stupid to understand that the vagina is made of muscle and doing an extremely strenuous and difficult activity with it can only be beneficial to future use/performance
I'm going to tall to him about setting up a date to talk to a therapist. Hopefully we can have a break through, if not then I can't spend my life never having any pleasure because my husband is tired of me.
Anyway, I'm going to let you in on a little trick or two.
1. Instead of begging for sex, demand that he help with the baby or housework, then "let" him get out of it with sex. This requires skillful signaling.
2. Get him healthier. He is staying away from the house (because of the baby?) and needs exercise. Cut back on his carbs and feed him more protein, especially red meat. Men who around babies get lower testosterone levels.
Calm down, you said it's been two weeks since this started. You can't just go up to him and back him into a corner with therapy. Give him some more time to get his shit straightened out before you do anything drastic that could bring even more pressure to his life.
But he doesn't support us? We live with my mother who helps me buys diapers & food. He pays no bills. He works hard to buy himself gaming equipment. No, I've felt more stress than him. I was in foster care for years & had to learn to raise myself. He's always been sheltered. He doesn't have reasonabilities. He works, plays his game, buys himself drugs, jacks off & sleeps. That's the stress in his life.
You picked a man child and now you've had a man child's baby. You need to get a job and have your mother kick him out. He's not doing anything for you anyway, so kicking him out will relieve you of that bullshit.
>leaves all this details out of initial description
Woman why are you married to such a piece of shit? You set him up to be the man of the family supporting you and your kid and now you tell us that he is just worthless trash. Leave his ass, stay with your mother. Having him in your kid's life will do him no good.
or maybe it's not about you at all and you should stop thinking that everything he does is motivated by your needs.
men masturbate constantly, it's not a reflection of you or your body, and who he masturbates to has absolutely nothing to do with you. his masturbation is, essentially, stress release. so when he jerks off, it's to release energy, not to simulate intimacy.
as for why he's not sexually intimate with you? likely there's a lot of reasons, from a change in lifestyle, work, pressure, boredom, fatigue, or just simply that he's tired of you being tired.
When we first met he had goals. He was smart & ambitious. We got married, he said he wanted to have a baby because he would have even more motivation. He asked me to stop taking my birth control. Then when I got pregnant finally he just stopped trying so I had to move in with my mother.
I'm about to start working after my mom starts working less so she can watch my baby while I work.
How is kicking him out the "irresponsible" thing to do? He contributes nothing and doesn't help with his child. He was all about feeling motivated. Nothing motivates someone by putting them out on their ass.
He sounds overwhelmed and underwhelming. Above all he needs to loose weight and gain muscle. This will incense his energy level, and allow him to contribute more in all aspects.
I refuse to show my face. But O took this picture about three weeks ago & sent it to him. He didn't even save it. I have a little belly pidge & my butt is jigly. But I think I look amazing after having a baby.
Unless you're using extreme angles I'd say you're pretty slim so I have no idea what he's saying when he says he likes really skinny women. How much skinnier can people be?
Anyway you're fine, especially for someone who just had a baby. He sounds like a terrible childish person.
so, you're clearly not the problem. even your underwear choice has a bit of class to it, so considering you said this happened since having a baby, and what you've described, here's my suggestion.
Accept that we're animals, and that chemistry in our bodies change us all. Men, after having children go through hormone changes just like women do, and it's hard to understand but he sounds depressed.
Consider talking to a doctor without him first, and him in a supportive way to see if he'd consider it as a possibility.
Also btw, for your own sake, take the time to read Hold me Tight, it's a wonderful book on what love is, and how you can salvage your relationship. If nothing else, read the first chapter, it'll save your marriage.
some men just like small women. Age aside, I'd have a difficult time dating (or fapping) to women over 5'3" or 100lbs. I'm not into young women, I'm French, our women are tiny by US standards.
This will be hard to tell, but you must know my story, OP.
Almost the same thing happened to me, but I'm the guy in this. I met a girl, we had a son, life was good. Unfortunately, after the birth, I felt scared and trapped. The reality of a family smacked me hardcore, which made me withdrawn from her and our son. I watched porn, I drank, I gamed, fuck, I even gambled. Truth? I was afraid that I would never be free again. She became depressed because I ignored her almost entirely. It was true, I was going out all the fucking time.
3 years ago, with our son in the car, she drove off a cliff in her depression. A suicide note was left on the bed for me.
After that, I got a vasectomy, destroyed my gaming rig, quit drinking entirely, stopped gambling, and swore never to be a burden to another person again.
Talk to your husband, OP. Make him feel untrapped.
Yeah I know, my self blame is an automatic response, one which I can never rid myself of.
Not weird, all good. I don't have Kik.
All I have now is a phone number. I've exiled myself.
But enough about me. Have a talk to him about how he feels. Throw home truths on him, make it a big deal if you must.
Yeah, he's way too far gone to be into anything. I'm like that with my wife right now, there's nothing wrong with her but the thought of her wanting to be physical with me is unpleasant because of where I am in my life.
>That gives me comfort. At least I know it's not me, it's him. I just wish he would open up.
If you want him to open up, figure out what's bothering him and empower him to fix it. In the mean time, accept that there's nothing wrong with you and just keep being the best self you can be.
My issue is PTSD, diagnosed, and drugged. Without the pills, I can't sleep, overly emotional and become 'combat fatigued'. With the pills, the only sex I enjoy is extreme domination and I wouldn't do that to somebody I care about .. so either I'm an emotional puddle, or I'm drowning girls for sport ... that's not a great way to be but also completely not her fault, so we just don't fuck.
I'm sorry. At least you know your issues though & you're not in denial. I'll keep being the best wife & friend I can be for him. If I stopped that then he would be completely alone in his personal battle.
Wow sounds like somebody large and in charge here. I was 135lbs prebaby. During i was 173lbs. With proper nutrition and diligence i am now at 125lbs and fir (3sets of 12 pull ups!!!). Btw, i have 2 children. Anything is possible when you arent a quivering twat!
Is this even real? Fucking hell...
For how long have you been together as a couple? I don't have the experience to answer your questions except the masturbation: It's easy and it doesn't mean much.
I think you know where this is heading. I'm sorry.
You're overthinking it. Men bust nuts quick and out of laziness. Men must release regularly and jacking it is a quick method. Sex is quite an ordeal to someone overworked and tired when they get home. I've been there despite being madly in love with someone. Even guys sometimes just wanna cuddle and sleep. Nothing to do with you unless you've gotten noticeably fat.