>>16647846 That depends on a lot of things. On the whole, yes. But there are certain things were honesty isn't good. If you're trying to justify lying to your partner because full honesty is bad though, I don't think that swings.
I think honesty is more a matter of degrees than absolutes.
Situation: you aren't happy in bed. Responses:
>say nothing >say you're satisfied and really love the sex >say it's okay but could be better >say it's bad but omit the true reason >say it's bad and explain why it's bad
Which ones are lies?
In a relationship you end up swallowing your feelings and opinions a lot to keep it together. People who talk about "honesty" haven't had a long term relationship and won't understand this. Humans are complicated and multifaceted, we can simultaneously like and dislike something, we can simultaneously be satisfied and disappointed. "Are you satisfied?" Any response you give is a "lie".
In other words, say your fetish is tying your girl up upside down and shoving an octopus down her cunt while lapping up the salty ocean drippings. Should you be honest about that? What do you think?
Let's try another thought exercise. Are you completely honest from the get-go? On date one, you drop a ton of bombs, including socially unacceptable answers to questions he asks. Are you going to get a date two? Probably not. So you lie to some degree at first. "Are you good in bed? What are your hobbies? How's your family?" You leave out the fact that you are an early ejaculator, have a collection of painted decorative plates, and your mom is a schizophrenic. So if you eventually want to have a "completely honest" relationship, at what point do you judge from? 6 months? A year? After a year you drop all the bombs, and that makes up for previous dishonesty?
Lying is socially acceptable, and further, socially necessary. Stop being an autist thinking in black and white. Everyone lies about everything to different degrees. Sometimes you can't even explain your feelings in words that make sense, so every possible answer that isn't ten pages long and full of ambiguous prose is going to be a "lie" because it isn't the complete truth, in your book.
>>16648121 Up to a point, you don't owe the other person full disclosure, Everybody has flaws and problems and somebody who can't accept that in another person is not mature or self-aware enough to have a healthy relationship.
In regards of the situation you gave as an example: say it's bad and explain why it's bad is the only good reply in my opinion.
I do agree that life is not black and white and that there are situations where you don't need to disclose everything. It's situation when info is need-to-know basis or lying by omission.
Plenty of experience regarding long-term serious relationships. Just find somebody who has similar enough values that you both feel the same way about what lying is to you, which is hard, no denying it.
Yes and no No in the sense where you don't always have to say what's on your mind. If there's no surprises the relationship will get dull. I'm not saying live a double life or go cheat I'm saying keep some shit to yourself if it needs to be said then do it.
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