Bare with me because I'm going to sound like a bit of a dick here.
I have an online friend who I've known for quite a while, we usually speak for several hours a day. Recently I've developed stronger feelings for her but I realised they were getting too intense with very little basis. I was waiting to hear from her and was getting a bit anxious if I didn't. I also felt like sometimes I was bothering her a bit, always replying to her. She is on my mind all the time, I sometimes think about her and smile and every damn thing reminds me of her.
So I decided to immerse myself in work today and not respond to any messages (from anybody). I heard from her a few times and nearly caved but stayed strong and got on with my work. I'm not one to play games but by not waiting for her messages and showing myself I can deal with a day without this person (and also seeing that she was still trying), I feel a lot stronger and it's helping me view the situation a lot more objectively, which is basically that I need to back the fuck off and get back to reality rather than pining for her and worrying about nothing.
Now, my question is - it's getting late on and even though I haven't spoken to her, she's still on my mind and I'm missing her. Should I send a message tonight saying hello and apologising for being busy today or should I hold out until tomorrow?
She might not be around now and I'm a bit worried that if I send a message and she isn't there to reply then I'll just feel as dejected as I have done recently and it'll have been a bit pointless.
Chances are she's been thinking of you all day, and if she's messaging you and being honest then it's likely she's really into you too. Do it, or better still ask her out next time you get a chance. We live once. Trust your feelings, your energies are best served for the best feelings. I don't only mean sex, the whole deal
Thanks man. Already asked her out, that shit is happening very soon. I just felt it was getting a bit intense (on my side) and it wasn't healthy for me to spend as much time thinking about her as I was/am.
I think it might be a bit too late to say anything now anyway. I hope she's not sitting in bed thinking I hate her. I just wanted to prove to myself I could do it, give her a bit of a break from me which would hopefully show if she cares or not.
I understand that, I was just offering my perspective as a woman who has been in a situation like this with a man for ages. Good luck. I wish you much happiness in your mutual experiences. From personal experience, she probably thinks you've had enough of her if you suddenly started ignoring her after strong interest signals. Some people think it works but I've found that kind of game in the past a turn-off, it's not the same as having trust issues. Anyway, do your best and what feels right for you
The shit side is that the further the grill you are interested in, the harder something is to happen, and the easier is for you to get crushed when she moves on. If she's less than a few thousand miles and you can visit her go for it. You've already proven to each other that even after 7 hours of straight interaction, you do not want to kill each other.
We're talking more like under 20 miles. It has a real chance of working out if I can just keep a grip on things.
I gave in and just sent a message saying goodnight so I don't disturb her.
How come you haven't met in person yet?
Don't play that game OP.. just message, people like messages, it's not a bad thing.
and.. >>16647862 do not take this advice at all
My current girlfriend and I were online friends (met on the internet) for nearly 3 years and then after all of those years of talking online constantly we finally decided to meet in person last year and have been together and year and a half now, it works out if it is meant to work out.
If you already asked her out, and this is very different from what you normally do, she's probably worried.
Drop her just a quick line, something like "sorry busy day talk to you laters" or something like that, and then don't check it again until tomorrow.
In general, I think you're right to keep yourself un-addicted, or at least try to practice giving space and not always being there all the time. It's also good to not be dependent on whether or not she answers or waiting for her responses.
But sudden total silence can be a bit shocking and surprising. I'd ease more slowly into it, so she knows that sometimes you're not available and it doesn't mean you hate her or have died.