25 year old here. Been alone all my life. Over the last two months I met and fell in love with another girl. Lost my virginity to her. She told me she loves me. Then she got engaged to her boyfriend, I had no idea she was in a relationship. She told me she does love me and she had been in tears when I found out. It's possible to love more than one person she tells me. Fuck her.
I was happier when I was still a virgin. I feel fucking dead inside.
And this is not the only issue in my life. It's just the most recent issue. I am living with chronic pain and fatigue so severe my quality of life has plummeted, I'm going to lose my job because I can't focus any more. I lost all my friends. I stay in every weekend now. They tried for months but they must think that I think I'm too good for them now or something. So now I really am alone.
I don't get enjoyment out of anything in life any more. All I do is take a lot of painkillers to get high and drink beer. I've started cutting myself again for the first time in two years. I don't think I'll get on top of it again now.
Two years ago my mum died a horrible death and I'm still thinking about it every day. I missed a call from her the night she died because I was sleeping. She was probably terrified and knew she was going to die. And the phone rang out.
Fuck I'm in so much pain right now as I type this.
I can't take being alone any more. Obviously I'm not at all boyfriend material.
I'm not going to kill myself, not directly anyway. But I really don't give a shit if I die right now. There is no light at the end of this dark tunnel.
You know why girls move on so easily?
because they always have many possibilities
start talking to more women, not to fuck everyone of them, more about to have wide options, practice your flirting skills, don't waste your life crying for one pussy who is for sure not worth your time.
Also, if you could tell her fiance that she is a slut, you would save that dude's life.
>2 month relationship ends
>i dont want to live anymore
Pretty pathetic. Whatever you do just don't try to embarrass yourself by trying to win her back. Stew in your own misery for a while and don't do anything stupid.
>two months I met and fell in love
OP this wasn't love it was confusing pussy with happily ever after. it happens to most of us and you get over it especially since you didn't really know her. I mean how can you know anyone in two months
I love suicide threads. No, not because I take some morbid pleasure in seeing people suffering, but because I find it so intriguing just how willing people are to believe the standard science theory that death=annihilation.
What makes you think suicide is a good solution to any problem? Because you believe the <theory> that the death of the brain is the death of you and complete end of life forever. You believe that killing yourself simply speeds up the inevitable process of being ushered into oblivion forever and ever and ever and puts a nice early end to your problems.
I used to consider suicide, too. Then I started thinking, well what if Buddha knew something Richard Dawkins doesn't know? What if death is not the end but merely a transition to another body, bringing with it the karmic force of your actions? If that's the case, suicide will just switch bodies and bring the same problems with you, which you must inevitably face again and triumph over the next time, or else keep committing suicide life after life and getting nowhere.
So, what I do now is, whenever some brutal problems arise in my life, I deal with them in the best way possible, I don't let them get the best of me, I've developed an attitude of being unstoppable, I've painstakingly uprooted weakness from my mind. Why? Because I don't think it's so easy to get out of this problem called life via suicide.
In the ancient Buddhist view, life is samsara, a realm of endless births and deaths, wandering life to life. The only way to get free, to escape, is to transcend birth and death via the holy life, attaining enlightenment and nirvana. This is what I believe now.
Think of it like a game. If you lose at level 25, you have to start again from the beginning, going through the same exact things all over until you hit that boss at level 25 that fucks all your shit up. Suicide is just taking a step back, a foolish step back. Keep on chugging, keep going, get tougher, and reach level 26.
Move on with your life, there are many girls out there I'm sure you'll find one that's worthy of you. Don't kill yourself or hurt yourself over one girl that cheated on you, NOT worth it.