Is it considered shady if you have a friend of the opposite sex, but haven't mentioned it to your SO? There's no flirtation, no sending of nudes, no skype sex, or anything like that. Just conversation.
I can't bring myself to tell my SO because he's jealous and controlling to the point where I can't have any friends independent of him, and if I told him he'd probably go nuts. I've never cheated on him, but somehow I feel like I'm doing something wrong, even though it's platonic. Am I just being a huge faggot?
It's not wrong at all to have a friend like that, and don't let anybody here tell you otherwise, but it is wrong to not mention it to your partner. OK, you have reasons -- the appropriate thing to do in this instance is to tell him that level of possessiveness is unacceptable, or to just leave the relationship. You know what he's doing is abuse, right?
It's pretty shady. I wouldn't be upset if my boyfriend had female friends, but I would definitely be upset if he was purposefully hiding it from me.
If he is this jealous, reassure him that it's completely platonic by letting him see the messages, or hanging out with both of them together so that he can be friends with him too.
wow, by the sounds of it you're in a pretty fucked up relationship. Could you ever imagine your mom trying to control your father's friends the way you're describing? That's the sign of a pretty creepy personality.
It's easier said than done since my family is far away but it's possible to move back home
I know it's fucked up, I'm miserable with him. It's probably why I kept talking to this other guy because he's the opposite of what I deal with in real life. He makes me laugh and I always look forward to talking with him. Fucking pathetic, I know...
>I can't bring myself to tell my SO because he's jealous and controlling to the point where I can't have any friends independent of him, and if I told him he'd probably go nuts.
Why exactly are you with this guy?
Pack up your shit one day and leave. I don't know where you are but I have a spare bedroom and no parts available to rape you with. I have been trapped in that type of relationship before and it will only get worse and you will become more jaded to the devastating effects it will have on your life and mind.
Seriously, get out now.
You can do better, and you deserve better no matter what anyone else tells you. No one deserves to be with an abusive, manipulative partner who makes you feel awful about yourself.
You don't need to save money to leave. Seriously. What city do you live by?
Abuse doesn't necessarily mean punching her in the face, you know, there are other forms of abuse: psychological, emotional. Not only that, but this behavior can be laying the foundation for what can be a physically abusive relationship.
Well, he is, though. He has been physical with me in the past...but I hit him first so I had it coming. Holy shit what the fuck am I doing...I feel like such a fucking idiot just typing this. When I was young I vowed to never end up in a shit relationship after seeing my parents...but here I am! The cycle continues...
Awareness is the first step. I'm glad you seem to have reached that point. If even the degenerates of 4Chan see that your relationship is abusive, then it's petty hard to deny. Please pack your things tonight and leave. You can save up for the long term once you're safe.
The problem isn't hat you have a friend of the opposite sex but that you feel compelled to hide it from your partner because you fear their reaction. Work on your relationship or find another partner.
I was in the same place as you at one point, too. Don't hate yourself for it. Get up, wipe the dust off your feet, and move forward into becoming the amazing person you once were and can be again.
There are several shelters in your area or you can catch a flight and I will foot the bill, no joke. You just need to get out immediately. I am assuming he is at work right now. You can pack your bags and be gone before he gets back.
>he's jealous and controlling to the point where I can't have any friends independent of him
That's quite an offer, and I believe you're sincere. I wouldn't blame OP for not being comfortable accepting money from an internet stranger, though, or going to a shelter (I want to be clear that I also think it would be right to do so -- just that I can understand resistance to the idea.)
OP, what I'm hoping to hear from you is that you are taking active steps towards leaving. i.e. you said it's mostly money tying you to him. Are you saving money? Do you have any idea how much you need, how long it will take to save it, or is it just some undefinable "more"? Are you completely sure that money isn't just the excuse you're giving yourself for why you haven't left yet, and the truth is that you don't want to? I'm not telling, I'm asking -- I sincerely hope you've already thought about all of this and my misgivings are wrong!
You've agreed it's not a good relationship and you need to get out. So I'm hoping you have a clear exit plan with a definite timeline. If you don't, I'm sure many of the good folks who've already posted in this thread would be more than happy to help you come up with one. We really are here to help.
Your friend is the huge faggot here
>controlling to the point I can't have any friends independent of him
There, you fucking said it. He is too controlling. Seriously, don't let him control your social life. That's a bad relationship. Talk to him and tell him he is a control freak determining your social life. He fixes it? Good. He flips the fuck out and breaks up with you? Good.
Leave the dude your with to much hassle down the line, they will start to treat you like property and start to fuck around, it's just not worth the pain in the ass to be with these guys.