I wish your friends would stop feeling the need to inform me of what you get up to these days, skippy. You pulled a neat 180 from how you were acting for all of 2015, though. Just be sure to realize that you set yourself on a one-way road. Enjoy your love life in 2016, though my wishes go to the girl you fawned over and proceeded to disregard for your newfound love. Mean what you say and say what you mean, now that you've said certain things, I trust your 2016 will be filled with your commitment to your new lover.
Do stop popping up where you shouldn't be, though. Like, really you and your friends stop. You focus on that commitment, you'll never have a reason to skulk about somewhere else now.
I'm a fat kissless virgin piece of shit who's addicted to strippers and has zero life goals now that I have a stable job and a degree. I eat like shit and don't exercise because I hate myself. I act happy and nice on the outside but inside I'm bitter and angry at myself and the world. All I want to do is hurt people but I'm too weak and stupid to even do that. I'm thinking about getting a whore for my birthday in a few weeks to break out of this virginity.
I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate myself.
>>16647218 I just want to be right about everything I know nothing about. I just want to be a part of your life. I'll shout through a megaphone to make you see how much I know nothing about anything. I want to finally piece together the puzzle. I want to project everything bad onto you so you won't matter. I want to suffocate you with every single bad memory you shared with me. Maybe you'll feel how much you want to make things right with me. I'm right and you have no right to live without me.
I want to pretend I'm you and I'll be cruel while I'm being you. You're not here maybe I want to find out if this issue still matters to you so I'll hurt you. Does it hurt? Does it matter, I only wanted to see your reaction. I'm bored, no direction, no fullfilment, no self motivation on my own. I need you to understand that I hate you yet I love you.
I'll never be indifferent to you, I'll either hate you with a passion or love you when I feel you are capable of being angry with me. I'll make your emotions boil and soothe them at the same time. I'll be on the opposite of the see-saw, slowing sawing your guts out with my critical demeanor so I can remind you who's on top.
I don't like stability and I crave chaos and uneccesary drama. Don't you dare escape from my clutches or I'll bombard you with reminders of how much of a failure you are and how you are worthless to society without me by your side. I'll remind you how unlovable and stupid you are without me. Even if I don't speak I'll find ways for others to be involved in this debacle. And yet you escape my clutches for good? Fuck you, you're a piece of shit slob, loser, you're no good, asshole, I cheat on you, and I want nothing to do with you. Yeah fuck you, I don't love you, I never loved you how could you think I ever could stupid. It's not my fault you acted in such an asshole way you lied to me. Yet I like relationships with no honesty in general. We both had secrets and demons. The last thing I want is sorry.
I lived outside of DC during 9/11. I feel anger towards muslims and I'm terrified of another terrorist attack. I don't want to feel this way and feel no violence towards muslim people. I'm sad because I feel I have this prejudice and I don't want to have it. I can't take muslim people seriously. How do I be less prejudiced?
I lurk these threads because I know my life is worthless without it. I'm just happy to have learned recently that anons can say what they want and leave my life if they wanted to. They didn't even leave my life they just lived their lives. Yeah maybe I was at fault for being a condescending, negative asshole to them when I felt their humble nature became too confident for my liking. I was only helping them grow in my mind but what I was doing what control. I was in the wrong, the fact of the matter was I needed that person in my life to grow. That difference in personalities was something I needed. I needed a different perspective. I was surrounded by family, siblings and relatives too satisfied with drugs and alcohol to function clearly. Their anger issues and unchecked aggression affected me growing up. The effects of this trauma has shown in the quality of my relationships. This isn't the case now but I'm reminded of all these unresolved problems in my mind. I don't know what to do but make it worse by lurking here. I love this place though and I wouldn't change a thing. The only thing I do regret is I was affected by my own insecurities and now I think every post is an attack directed at me when it's not. I understand if you're telling me here that you don't want me to be aggressive about this topic but I can't help myself. Sorry is never enough when I pushed you away and attacked you personally. Now you push me away yet you teach me a lesson. I really do hate your guts. Fuck you.
I hate my body. I hate my nationality. I hate my emotions and dreams. I hate people for being so difficult and obtuse. I want to die so badly but i can't muster up the courage to end my miserable useless existence. I just want to be held by someone and loved.
I hate myself for reading these. I hate myself for realizing what I have been doing I hate myself so I hate everyone I hate myself and I can't enjoy my life I hate being boring because I hate myself I hate myself for being jaded at 23
So when you're shitposting in a thread on another board, you should realize you already confirmed your presence in the thread earlier by what you posted. So when you go back to post but you changed your IP because of your previous bout of shitposts where you spoke about yourself to force yourself, you probably should have made sure it didn't show as a new IP again. What I'm saying is that you should have posted again before that post where you felt the need to defend yourself again.
I'd tell you that in the thread itself, but then I'd be calling attention to the fact you can't stop shitposting, playing innocent and then insulting yourself. I don't actually care what it is you speak about, I just thought I'd make a comment on your habits for your future improvement. Instead of needing to make everyone in that thread aware of your circumstances, should you not be focusing on the boy instead?
A girl my boyfriend went on a two dates a year ago has become a stalking, bitchy nightmare obsessed with getting him back and neither of us want to act on it because we all have so many mutual friends and don't want to start drama. I hate having to pretend to be blind, I I want her to disappear. The most relief I can hope for in the near future is that the mutual friends notice on their own and slowly cut her off.
I hate that I cant read I hate that I can't learn I hate that I'm autistic I hate that I'd rather hate you I hate that my emotions are all hate I hate that all I drink is hater-aid I hate that I have AIDS I hate that subway doesn't show jared anymore I hate that everything in life requires hard work I hate that my car isn't a rolls royce that I keep envisioning myself in I hate that I'm useless except for the fact that I can gossip I hate that I feel inferior whenever someone is accomplish something in their life I hate when I'm wrong about anything when I put people down I hate that when people dont cooperate with my needs that I gossip I hate when people find out I gossip I hate that my life is based on smiling when I'm miserable inside I hate this life because I'm not even mid twenties yet and I'm already dead
I only really exist around ppl. I have a consistent personality and sense of morality and humor and all that shit. But the second im alone it dissapears and i dont have opinions and nothing at all bothers me. Literally nothing. I once dropped myself out of a second story window and didnt bother controlling how i landed to see if i was lucky or not. Spent a week in the hospital. I wind up able to focus and learn faster, but the complete absense of careing scares me so i always live with friends. I would like to get over that.
I'm afraid I'm about to have another psychotic break and end up in the mental hospital. My symptoms are all getting worse and my meds aren't helping. I can't talk to anyone until I go see my therapist because I only have one friend and I don't want him to think I'm crazy. I'm terrified of the hospital and am planning to kill myself if it gets to the point I have to go.
>she says she loves me >but she doesn't wanna date yet because she "wants to make sure it's what she wants" >but she doesn't want me to talk to other girls >and I can't get mad that she's talking to other guys >but she says she loves me >yet any time I try to ask about taking things more seriously she just wants to blow it off
Like seriously, I'd at least prefer a yes or no over the bullshit she keeps pulling on me... and then she just tries to laugh it off... I'm not needy by any means but come on don't pull the bullshit head games...
>>16647578 >I hate my body. What do you hate about it?
>>16647587 >I hate myself and I can't enjoy my life This is really the worst feeling in the world
>>16647607 >I hate that my life is based on smiling when I'm miserable inside I know exactly how this is. Everyone wants to pretend that everything is a big fucking ray of sunshine and then get mad when it turns out that it isn't...
>>16647633 >I only really exist around ppl. I have a consistent personality and sense of morality and humor and all that shit. But the second im alone it dissapears and i dont have opinions and nothing at all bothers me. This has been the same for me my entire life. My parents don't quite get how making music and being on the internet was sort of my release from the outside world...
So my dog is 12 years old, and she'll be 13 in March. I love my dog to death. She's the cutest thing, and I've had her since I finished first grade. Now I'm a sophomore in college. She's going blind and deaf. She doesn't have a lot of energy, except when we take her for walks, then she's really happy and energetic. I just spent like 10 minutes petting her while I cried, because I know that dogs don't live much longer. I don't want her to go. I want her to stay with us. She means a lot to me. I hate being a wreck, but I care about my dog so much, and I can't imagine her not living in my house anymore. Just imagining not hearing her bark when someone's at the door, or getting kisses from her, or just seeing her everyday, it's too much. It hurts a lot. How do I deal with this?
>>16647662 You can think of it in two ways. One is that you imagine yourself in your dog's skin: in pain, partially blind, going deaf. All senses are dulling. Sure, some things make you feel really happy. But there are always the mornings waking up, not hearing those around you or seeing where they are, knowing your body is failing and you have no comprehension as to why. Would you really want to continue life in that state?
Two: The last act of true kindness and love you can do for your dog is put it to sleep. You have given it a good life, and warm home, and all of the affection a dog could want. Pamper the shit out of that thing. When it comes down to her final day, spend all of it with her. Give her all of the treats she wants, give her a steak, eggs, anything. Make her last memories with you and your family the happiest. If she likes vet trips bring her there. If not call one to you. Either way, do not leave her side when the vet gives those injections. The first injection will free her of all the pain she is experiencing, putting her into a blissful high where she will feel like a million bucks. Ending her life humanely is the kindest and one of the most selfless acts you can do for your dog; you are putting her needs above you own selfish desires to keep her alive through her pain and suffering because you aren't ready to deal with her absence.
>>16647769 I go to community college, so my parents would have to be the one to make that decision. I don't know what their thoughts in putting her to sleep is. But I don't want her to die with a chemical. Dying naturally seems more humane than putting it to sleep.
>>16647815 Seriously? You would rather your poor dog, who has no decision in the matter, to wither away and break down before your own eyes? You would like to see your dog, who only loved you unconditionally for it's entire life, lie in a pile of her own shit because her back legs no longer work? You would rather her wonder why it hurts for her to walk, why she can't jump up on the bed to be with you at night? You can honestly say that it would be better for her to die in her sleep, alone at night downstairs because she can no longer muster up enough strength to carry herself upstairs, coated in piss and shit, all alone?
How is that more humane than a pin prick delivered when she is surrounded by those she knows best in a warm, comforting environment?
So the curse reared it's head and I accepted my fate in life. I have tried to walk away from it all, the constant heart ache and pain the curse brings me. Then I dream of you and it's back to square one. I didn't even have the feels the first time, you were just the first real prospect I've had in a longest while. All the signs were there, then the curse strikes for the 24th time that year. Your friend dropped the bomb you were seeing someone, I didn't even get the chance to be rejected which was the worst part. And I dreamt of you. Today. I am so very tired of this life now, tired of feeling this way. Tired of deluding myself, by wanting something I can never have with you or anyone else. I am not sure how I can live another year with this existence. I am in an eternal nightmare and I cannot wake up.
Why won't my old weed smoking buddy smoke weed anymore? I've been crying about this for days. He told us we're junkies and we're losing our minds with our bpd and schizophrenia. Why can't we be good enough to take advantage of anything good in life without drugs. I feel like a junkie but I need weed because I'll be clinically depressed if I stopped smoking it. They say I'm addicted well I'm not you fucking retard.
Yeah you're outcasted from us now. I just can't understand why it's so difficult for people to smoke weed. It's so stupid I feel bad for no reason. I know I have to respect people's choices in lives but I'm just disrespectful in general. My car is filled with weed smoke to hide my tears good luck with your no weed life.
I can't stop from being a negative person. I tried to bring others to my level and they avoided me. I'm just depressed and psychotic. I just need help but I will rather be a coward and attack you rather than be friendly and be a positive person. I've been hurt so much by my siblings and relatives it made me unable to trust. It made me hurt others until they avoid me. The more they avoided me the more I wanted to hurt them.
It doesn't help that I'm stuck in ACN, I've become a sociopath and a psychopath without the perceived success that comes with those disorders. My narcissism and psychosis has been worsen by my time on the Internet.
My constant drug use may have something to do with this as well. My emotions are either anger or depression and I choose the latter. I choose to be angry at everyone and everything that has a pulse for life.
I'm useless and my family is suffering yet all I can do is post here, paralyzed with my own indecision in my own life. I'm a coward and I'm sorry for existing.
>>16647848 We would carry her upstairs and help her. We wouldn't let her lie in her own shit, or be alone. We love her. Would you be able to just let someone you love get a shot and die, and that was it? Wouldn't you want them to live for as long as they could so you could spend as much time with them as you could?
>>16647218 I don't understand why a girl would give you her real number and then never answer you when you go to text her. What is this ridiculous bullshit nowadays where people just ignore you when you text them? No one has the decency to answer someone back even if it is just to reject them. I hate having this attitude, but it just makes me feel more and more like most women just aren't worth the time and effort because the ones that actually do answer back and don't play games or ignore you and just give it to you straight are the ones worth spending time with. So far I've run into three girls that didn't play games and were cute and I had three really good relationships with them. Now, all that I see around are the female versions of fuckboys that don't answer your texts and calls after they give you their number. If people were just honest with each other instead of giving each other the silent treatment, the single life would be a lot smoother.
When I saw you, the only thought I had in my head was that you were beautiful and that I was going to go over and talk to you. When we kissed, I just figured that at the end of the night we would go our separate ways and never see each other again, but something told me to ask for your number and when I did and you said yes and gave it to me, I got this false hope that maybe I could take you out to dinner sometime, but clearly that would require you answering your phone, which you haven't done. Sure, if you suddenly decided to text me and ask me to hang out, I would say yes, but you wouldn't get as much of me as you would have had you just answered me from the beginning instead of ignoring my attempts at communication. I can't say I hope someone shows you what that feels like one day, because I honestly don't hope that, but you should at least think of how your actions affect other people's feelings. If you didn't want to give me your number, then you could've just said no to me.
Fall in love with a girl, but she leaves me hanging rather than outright reject me, leaves me feeling like she has no respect me, so I try to forget her
All's going well, and then I hear she's on tough times, and she's all I think about again.
So I decide to finally cut all ties, delete her from my phone, social media, etc. Never going to see her again, right? All is looking well again
And then today I hear her call out my name, and it's "I love you so fucking much" all over again.
Which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't completely a case of unrequited oneitis. It's not like we did date, or that she's ever lead me on, it's that I'm a fucking idiot who feels the need to torment himself when there never was hope in the first fucking place.
And I'd be a colossal, childish fucking dick if I told her to go away and never speak to me again just because I can't have her
>>16647218I can't take this even when I'm rejected they still find a way to spit at me for being in ACN behind my back. It's not my fault you rejected success and now you reject me? Fuck you you piece of shit. I'd rather be gay after all of this.
Just because I'm in an MLM doesn't mean I'm not a real human. women leading me on only to reject me in the end has taken its toll on my psyche. I'm automatically angry when a woman comes across me, I shout at other males who can conversation with a woman with no shame. Why am I like this? Why am I so jealous? Why am I even posting here? Maybe I should just kill myself because even failures have more success than me starting their own business own their own. Fuck this world is unfair. You're all uneducated losers and failures except me. You'll all see one day woman. I'll be a millionaire in ACN just you wait. I'll be the one rejecting you.
I fucked up so many things. School, girls, my hobbies get worse and worse. I am afraid that if i continue doing the shit i am doing now i'll live with my parents in about 5 years, that i wont have a good degree and that i wont have a good job. I am afraid that my parents will see me as a failure. Well at least i dont like mlp.
I'm still in shock how one can just stop smoking weed. My body and mind is literally paralyzed trying to comprehend how this could happen. People need weed to survive in this modern age. How the fuck are you so weak to not smoke weed you loser. Enjoy being a failure in life while I enjoy my mega joint that took one hour to roll and two hours to enjoy. Sure I'll be high for twenty minutes due to my excessive habit but it's the only thing making me happy after a long day at work. I don't get how someone can live without it and be a happy person. You're a fucking loser and an outcast if you don't smoke weed. Kill yourself asshole.
Being mid thirties doesn't help, people drop their jaws at my age due how I look but I've been miserable my whole life so what's there to show. Might at well be an asshole to everyone even to the man in the mirror as well.
>>16647992 I can relate to a certain point, I'm only happy for a few days at a time at the most and it'll show as I get older and more questions are asked about my lifestyle. I wonder what's going to happen?
Weed isn't for everyone. I don't like people who hang out with us and doesn't smoke weed tho. Why are you even here if you aren't a weed smoker. I don't get people like that. I already look like a shrivelled prune looking at these retards who do this.
Try being late thirties and being an arrogant asshole that everyone hates to deal with. I can't even make things right due to my enormous pride I have to keep appearances with. Everything comes out wrong and eventually I just want to either hurt others or avoid people. My parents say I'm too old for this but they never really understood what I went through growing up. Being a man with unresolved emotional trauma is rough enough but dating is even trickier. I tend to try and help people younger than me but I'm just tired at the end of the day. A bit jaded inside but I can't show it, maybe I'll joke and offend you. I look at the mirror and I know the clock is ticking. I just feel it's ticking faster for me.
I'm starting to become a regular here as a means to cope with my responsibilities in real fucking life. I'm starting to sugar coat shit, lie and procrastinate like a little bitch while the girl I like is getting her shit filled with some guys cum. I'm not responsible, I have a chance to be something in life but instead I chose to sit here waste my time playing videogames, looking at 4 chan and jerking myself off at the thought of my ex's cheating on me while at work. I'm not even 30 yet and I'm fucking myself over. I owe 2k I'm not even going to college yet and I'm a fucking virgin because I'm one of those guys that are picky about shit and wants someone in their fist sex ever etc. Omly good thing in my life was being promoted to a higher possition in my job. The highlight of my entire shitty life, oh and my last relationship was with a girl I fucking loved and she left because I was boring. Im fucking boring There I said it, that doesn't mean I can't change shit though. That's whats been bothering me for tge past months. Happy?
All this ACN has made me lost my mind. My exes and prospects are intentionally provoking me at my workplace with their dates. I'm in my mid thirties and bisexual and I don't have a problem with this. I have a goal in life and I won't be deterred. I'm somewhat indenial about my depression but it's slowly getting better. I think I just have an internet addiction that actually attention seeking that I crave so dearly. I love arguing more than actually putting in effort working on something that will bring personal success into my life. My siblings and relatives have questioned me multiple times. I tend to deflect by using other people in my life as examples. At least I'm not like those people or I could save them from their failure destiny. I'm a bit frustrated since everyone just goes about mindlessly about their lives and no one is there for me. I wonder if I'll ever learn to be truly positive like I portray myself to be. I give others hope but I need that for myself first.
I'm falling for this guy who I think is either emotionally unavailable or using me.
I'm wasting more gas and another night on him because I really like him for stupid reasons, he's SO good in bed and he's handsome as hell, I'm not sure I'll be able to shoulder the pain of breaking things off with him. I get emotionally invested in things too fast for my own good. I want it to work out so badly, but my gut's telling me otherwise and I don't want to believe it.
I'll add that after reading all of this everything was because of my severe drug addiction and social peers that I hang out with. It took the edge off yet I know in the back of my mind I shouldn't be doing this anymore in my late thirties. The weed gives me a smile and I notice people who stopped smoking weed have a better control of themselves and have a more fulfilled social life without it. They still smiled like they used to yet I just can't seem to make that jump yet. I'm not really an asshole but everyone I know is an asshole. They just hate me because I made them feel bad about their business and I was negative about their dreams.
In totality my business of social pressuring my peers has stopped working. I can't make them join me so all I could do is look them in the eye now and criticize them I'll say it to your face since I'm older yet you hate me I just wanted to teach you a lesson in person. I'll drive off feeling angry at the world and I get it.
I'm not gonna intervene, but stop asking him about "us." No he doesn't love me anymore, yes it was short, yes I'm the one that ended it. My love for him was and is one-sided. If you do read this, just knock it off. He loves the ex that he lives with, and wants love from anywhere that isn't me, that's why it ended.
I almost died smoking weed last night. Was driving when some other pothead cut me off. I tried to flip him off but I forgot my joint was in my hand. It fell and I instinctually stopped my car to get it. Almost died because of this. Why does my heart hurt when I break up with weed. I got rejected again and I don't know when I'll be able to smoke again. This is the worst.
I don't want to live in a world without weed. This isn't the right time to leave me be. I would die without you weed, I almost died because of you but I'll do everything to be with you weed. Weed take me with you, my life is for weed. I can't relax after work without weed. Weed is my life that's why my favourite colour is green. My car has neon tints and I have a green rag hanging by my waist. I need weed.
I can help but feel as if you forget you ruined me. You talk to me so casually like it means nothing and yet every time i message you i wait desperately for a reply. It kills me every time.
Despite you telling me that you'd help me with my issues you're the one person i feel i cant trust with my issues anymore.
When i said make a selfish decision i guess i didn't understand the magnitude of what i was saying, nor what i was telling you to do.
I wish i could take it back. All those times i said no to eating a meal with your family, for whatever reason. All those times i didn't cuddle you to sleep as it was too hot for me to share the single bed. Id deal with all of the problems in the world just to have the relationship you killed come back to life.
More than anything though, I'm sorry i wasted your love.
>>16647944 You're an idiot. Do you have a lab? Because those guys are dumb as bricks and can be shitting all over themselves and still be happy. That doesn't mean their bodies aren't breaking down and bone cancer isn't ravaging their insides.
Can you honestly tell me you would be happy if you were living life in her body?
I'm losing my mind, my business isn't working out and I'm arguing here with bots. My ACN shtick has cost me my sanity, future romantic relationships and has cast a shadow on my intentions whenever I interact with anyone. No one trusts me anymore and I'm foolish enough to think that I'll solve my problems posting here.
>>16648017 >I don't like people who hang out with us and doesn't smoke weed tho. Why are you even here if you aren't a weed smoker. I don't get people like that.
You don't get people who are able to hang out without smoking weed? Are you retarded or do you just smoke weed every minute of every time you hang out and do nothing else? Then I would understand because people who only want to smoke weed non stop and do nothing else are boring to hang out with.
My delusions of grandeur has tormented my relationships with my cousins and brother. We couldn't see where this business was going, I don't think we're ever going to break even yet they fervently believe that it's going to make them millionaires. I just go along because I feel sorry for them. They get called assholes and rejected by women a lot. I feel embarrassed for them but also inspired. It takes courage but I wonder how long their facade will last until it takes its toll. I don't want to be fifty and be stuck in a business going nowhere. I'm already thirty five and life isn't getting any slower.
Found out the person I am with, recently looked up their ex again. (They don't know I know)After over a year they promised it would never happen again. And is lieing about it to me. Saying it'll never happen, when it just did.
Fuck social anxiety. Fuck being a total pussy with no confidencr. Fuck making excuses to not go hang out with a chick because I'm nervous. And fuck not even having the balls to go into Hy-Vee to order a Chinese 2 entree meal to go.
>>16648434 Oh, oops. I skimmed. Then it's obviously important to talk about it with them, tactfully and lovingly. If they're super hung up on their ex to the point that it's making you miserable, though, I'd give them an ultimatum: to stop lying to you and drop their ex completely, or you are going to leave them.
I have a complete lack of empathy and compassion, and I fucking HATE myself for it. I'm trying to improve myself but it's. Not. Fucking. Working. I may be an utter piece of shit, but I don't go out of my way to purposely hurt people because what does anyone gain from that? It's a waste of time. I switch between being angry, depressed, manic, or empty/numb/unreal(???) and I can't think clearly. I end up saying something and unintentionally hurting people. I either don't realize that their hurt/that I hurt them in the first place (and how) or if I do know they're upset, I don't care. Like I said, I'm trying to improve. I try to make it up to them. When they need someone to talk to, I pretend to care and try to offer some support. On the inside, I'm impatiently waiting for them to shut the fuck up already.
I distance myself from everyone. I push them away. For various reasons, some being that I don't have the energy to put up with anyone, feel absolutely terrible either physically or mentally (or both), or because of the above; I don't feel like hurting them again. There's more reasons why I shut everyone out, but I don't feel like explaining.
Why can't everyone just leave me the fuck alone? I probably don't like you, anyway. I don't care about you. Why do you care about me? I have zero redeeming qualities. I'm toxic. I'm tired. I'm miserable. How and why is that so hard to get through your fucking head? Are you stupid or do you just hate yourself that much?
>>16648457 Nah, I don't think so. Maybe I cared too much about her and went too fast from dating to relationship and AFAIK the guy wasn't even strictly her bf, but she wanted him to be. Maybe if I didn't care that much about her, I'd get some too before we got together. Sucks to know that there are some privileges other guys had that I don't have and I won't tell her because even if she sent me some now, after me asking her, I would feel bad that she didn't do it herself in the first place. This stupid, silly little thing makes me feel like shit, but I can't tell her anything.
I wish I wasn't so insecure. Trying to schedule time to hang out with my friends is stressful for me because I always feel like they're going to end up having a bad time or they might not want to come and I'm annoying them. Feel is the operative word. I don't really think it, but I feel it nonetheless.
>>16648452 Dude, I envy you so much. I would fucking love to get rid of my excessive empathy and compassion. I end up getting fucked in the ass by it all the time. You should just try not to feel bad and enjoy the advantages that come with being able to be selfish.
Sometimes I just want to toss my phone and any social media accounts I have and ditch everyone. And whoever actually tries to actively find and talk to me will most likely be worth keeping in touch with. Tired of feeling like a burden being the first one to talk to people all the time and being ignored half the time. Makes me feel boring, although I kinda am
I have uncontrollable violent thoughts and urges, and I don't know what the hell to do about them. I'm worried that I might actually do something stupid. When I was around eight, I actually did stab myself in the leg with a pen. When I was around nine, I threatened to kill my sister, chop her up, and scatter her remains across the yard. :/ I've broken so many things because of my rage. I've had anger issues since as long as I can remember, and I've had some violent thoughts/urges here and there, obviously, but it's getting worse. I don't want to hurt anyone.
There have to be so many things wrong with me, but I don't know what they are. I want to see my therapist again. I want to see my psychiatrist again. I want the closure that comes with knowing what the fucks wrong with me. But I don't know how to tell my parents that I want to see my therapist/psychiatrist again without them freaking out. I don't want anyone to worry about me, nor do I want anyone to waste their time on me.
I don't even know who I am anymore. One day, I'm depressed. I'd go into further detail but do I really have to? The next day, I'm manic. Then I'm absolutely furious. Sometimes I don't feel anything at all? It's like nothing is real. It's like everything's a movie or I'm a ghost or I'm asleep or something. I'm usually confused out of my mind and end up zoning out for at least fiftheen minutes at a time if I'm lucky. Sometimes I'll be zoned out for a whole class period. Nothing feels real. I hear what people say, but I don't understand it half of the time. Etc etc. Then I'm depressed again. It's an endless cycle. I care too much but I don't care at all. I want to be alone but I don't want to be lonely. I hate myself but I'm better than everyone else. Etc etc
They have repeated to me many times that they actually hate their ex. I did just have a conversation with them about wheater or not they still like the ex or are into them. Or would ever talk to their ex again. I asked a lot of questions and their reply to everything was, no. So I guess I am just stuck like this. One of their replies was that I'm getting 'obsessed' with their ex because I'm talking so much about it. I don't know if that was just a defensive move or what.
I might start seeing the counselor at school since its included in the tuition. There's too many problems and too much bullshit to help me - I just like being able to vent and talk about myself and seem of interest to someone.
>>16648674 I agree, I wish I called them on it, that it seemed defensive while in the conversation. Maybe this is wishful thinking, but I hope and pray that the guilt X feels will tear away untill they can come clean to me with the truth. This may sound harsh, but If only some way I can corner X with their lieing. So they can finally come clean. I deserve at least the truth.
It's boring without you here, man. Now that you moved, I'm back to the lonely state I was at before we became friends, except I drink more beer now and less whiskey. And I have an existential crisis damn near 3 times a day.
>>16648877 I hate myself rn for letting my girl go away because i wasnt man enough to express my feelings after we broke up. I could have gotten her back but its too late now ... omfg how can i ever forgive myself i just wanna fucking die
Amanda You fucking led me on and teased me, and played my feelings purely because you enjoyed it. You knew I came from an abusive relationship. I can't believe I still have feelings for you. Part of me wants you to get hit by a car, while the other tells me let you go. Either way I hope you get your heart broken by all of the millions of fuckboys at our uni.
Honestly, I would highly advise you to see your therapist. You know that side of you that feels like your asleep? That shit can lead to psychosis. Recently had a psychotic episode which damaged me pretty badly physically.
Essentially cause i thought I was ready to finally 'wake' up. Part of the reason why you feel like its all a dream is because of how unaware most people are around you right? Like you constantly ask yourself how they fuck can't they remember that, or how can they not see that. Like your the main character in a game surrounded by all of these scripted npcs.
I mean, i don't want to sound above everybody, but people love to be blind to a lot of shit. Anyways, you sound like me about a year or two ago, especially the not knowing who you are anymore. Stay safe bro.
Hey Jasmin, where's your YouTube channel? And go make pictures, don't let the poor girl do it all by herself! You love makes pictures after all, don't you? You stingy Jew!.....You know I'm just fucking with ya, huh sweetie :D
Dear best Bro Seriously, could not be fucking eating all the god damn time whenever your on teamspeak. Or at the very least stop smacking your fucking lips while you do it? Jesus Christ you think someone as fat as you would have learned how to fucking eat in his 20+ year life span but nooo... almost every god damned day "nom smack nom smack nom smack NOM SMACK NOM SMACK SNOM SMACK" AND YOU WONDER WHY THEY FUCK YOUR ALONE?! I COULD TOLERATE THIS IF THE GAP BETWEEN BOUTS OF FISTING YOUR GAPING MOUTH HOLE WITH SHIT WEREN'T FILLED WITH YOU TELLING PEOPLE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE YOU JUST SO HAPPEN TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE EXACT TOPIC WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
fuck, and I have more friends to yell things about...
I like you so much I'm not sure what to do. You told me you were bad at dating but you still wanted to give us a try, but we can't even hold proper conversations. I just wanna ask if I can talk to you without coming off as a bother...
>>16647218 i'm all done now, too much for too long, ive got the set up all ready anyways so i think its probably time to go. just sick and tired of everything hurting, there aren't too many left thatll care so i guess that works out. adios folks, i know this won't mean anything to anyone anyways, just felt the need to say it somewhere
I want to reply to you but I know your text was hollow just like your fucking heart. Fuck you. You don't feel for me at all. I put in way too much time and energy and effort to try and grow a rose that was already dead. Bitch.
I want so badly to tell you I got a job and am one paycheck away from leaving this house and my toxic ex behind. You told me to contact you when things settle down and I'm on my own. I know that technically I'm not out yet, but I'm so anxious to have you back that I just wanted you to know I'm doing it. But I'm afraid of what you may respond with, and even more afraid that you won't respond at all.
The more my mom talks shit the more I just wanna move out even though I lack the funds and it'll give me a bad rap with the rest of my family. (My job barely pays for my car's insurance + gas) She's been more of a crazy cultist nutcase as of late stealing either me or my brother's chair to spend like 15-30 minutes praying at some makeshift shrine using a small drawer with fake candles and a cheaply made statue of Jesus.
To the thieves who stole my car and never got caught and still break into cars in my apartment complex:
If I ever find you, I will first cut off your legs, so you can't run. Then I will cut off your arms, so you can't retaliate. Then I will cut out your tongue, so you can't tell. Then I will saw a bit in/on your genitals to make it all the more uncomfortable for you, because fuck you. Fuck you and the fact that you are never satisfied with the shit you take. You stole possessions that are completely worthless to anyone but me. Things that I can never replace. You stole my identity, and my money, and fucked with my credit for a good while. You will not be spared with a merciful death, I wish you only suffering.
2015 was the worst year of my life. >graduated, so I can't keep pretending I have a plan in my life >best friend of 15 years got a new girlfriend and subsequently forgot I exist >started drinking too much >blew it with a girl I really cared about
You ever fall down some stairs? Like the first bit is scary but then you accept it as you're tumbling down that your'e going to hit bottom soon and the in-between time isn't so bad.
That's how I'm feeling in my life. I've fallen and I haven't quite hit the bottom yet.
>You're a fucking idiot for jumping >Just as people were starting to see you for who you are >Now most people probably think your crazy >Your 'best' friends left you >It's okay, you'll get through it like you always do >Just heal >Dont let the anxiety take over your life >Develop a skill and get the fuck out of here >Easily the toughest year your gonna have and that's saying alot
I love myself. I love my body I love horses I love my family I love school I love my friends I am grateful even that my beloved grandpa passed on, because it gave me some real perspective. I accept all of you as you are. I genuinely believe it will all be okay.
Finally admitted I wasn't in love and didn't want to be with him anymore. He's under the impression that he can change my mind (he can't).
Went to a lawyer to get a custody arrangement, he got primary custody because I have no job or place of my own since we decided I would quit working to stay at home with our daughter.
Stupidly try to rekindle with an ex before I moved out of the house or even got a job just to have it sabotaged by my crazy ass ex fiancé.
Forced to play house with said crazy ex because I have nowhere else to go and he kicks me out whenever he feels I'm not reciprocating his unrequited love, just to blow up my phone and beg me to come back ten minutes after I've left (he's done this four times).
Uses our daughter to emotionally blackmail me into staying at the house.
Thank god I got my old job back and will be starting soon. I can't wait to get the fuck out of this house so I can finally live my life on my own terms.
Ex, fuck you for fucking two of my best friends and my cousin and leaving me with zero friends and family as a result. We were engaged after being together for 8 years and you send pics of you fucking that lawyer who is "soooo much more successful" than me while I'm trying to get through college with the optimism to change the world. I should have cut your head off and shipped it to your parents house when you invited me over to your house saying you wanted to get back together but instead just showed me all the guys you were fucking on campus. EIGHT YEARS. Nothing burns like my hatred for you.
Why did this have to happen? We were great friends for so long. We were close and spent a lot of time together, we would hug, and cuddle, and hang off each other, and yet it never got weird. I knew I felt more for you than just friendship, but it didn't feel like a normal crush either. I never understood what I was feeling. All I knew is that you were my best friend, and nothing would ever change that. We grew up together like that, and it was great.
And then one day you decided you wanted to fuck me. And after a while I realized that I wanted it too. It took so long for me to let go of my hesitation, especially since you're in a relationship, and I should be out dating instead of wasting my time on a married man.
In the months it took you to convince me our friendship seemed as good as ever, but now you were always flirting with me too. It was pretty nice.
And then sure enough, as soon as we started fucking, everything changed.
When we spend time together, everything still feels great. You feel like the same best friend you've been my whole life. Plus, the sex is great... even if that is all you seem fixated on a lot of the time.
But it's the times where we're apart that feel different. They feel empty. I feel like you talk to me less, which has me feeling pretty bad. It has me looking back and questioning our friendship, and wondering just how much of it was just because you wanted to sleep with me.
I feel bad for your wife too, though I know if you weren't doing this with me you'd probably still be doing it with someone else anyway. In fact, you probably are still doing this with someone else anyway. I really doubt I'm the only one.
I know I should just go get a boyfriend, but I don't want to because I know I'd go into the relationship cheating on him. I won't do that.
I should just walk away from this stupid thing we're doing, but I can't.
I'm realizing now just how much more you are to me than a friend. I'm in love with you.
>>16649963 Man, that fucking sucks. I hope to god when I'm ready to start dating again, I don't get attached to someone in a relationship. The problem is that they never really want to leave their spouses. They like the comfort and stability at home, but they lack a certain excitement in their relationships. So they find a fun and attractive person to befriend and flirt with, and one thing leads to another and you end up fucking. And then you catch feelings for him and it changes things and not only can they never go back to the way things were, you probably won't end up being with that person either. I definitely would find someone else to date, even if you're still fucking the married guy. Eventually it's gonna come to an end, and you may as well have someone else on speed dial for when that happens so at least you have a distraction.
I've been trying to stop shooting heroin for 7 years now. I've spent 2 years homeless on the streets. I've done prison time. I've been in and out of rehabs all over the USA and nothing works. October 19th my best friend in the whole world overdosed in front of me and died. I still see him every time I close my eyes. 11 more of my friends from my circle in highschool have died since. I'm now in my 25th long term rehab. Typing this because my roommate is snoring. Rip teddy.
I love you and I thought you loved me back. It turns out you did, just not in the same way I did. I would honestly do anything for you. It tore my heart apart when I saw you were dating someone else. I thought we had something special and yet you didn't notice it at all. It's so difficult to just be your "best friend" it's killing me on the inside. If only you were in my shoes and realized how painful it is to know that you're not good enough. It's becoming a daily struggle being around you. I promised you I wouldn't leave your side, but it's the only way that will help ease my pain. I don't know what to do anymore, because I don't want to be the cause of your pain. Yet you are the main cause of mine.
>>16649978 I hope you get better. I worry I may turn to drugs. I already binge drink when I'm feeling shitty, and even though I do it maybe once or twice a month, I'm told it's a form of alcoholism. I hope you can find the strength to fight it.
>>16649987 Ya man when I graduated highschool in 2010 I thought life was a game and shit and didn't take anything seriously. I've been doing drugs and drinking since I was 12 but heroin started after I first smoked crack in sophmore year. At first it wasn't bad, but then I started getting really really sick without it. No one told me that would happen. So I started selling drugs to fund it, which lead me to join a gang and then I got arrested and did 2 years. I have 100 days free from all substances right now by using AA but sometimes I just wanna go out like my best friend did and die and stop suffering. It's hard being 24 and covered in track marks and dealing with this
I was so desperate for love i latched on to one of my bi friends. We got really flirty and i said anything because he made me feel like a special snowflake. I was willing to pay for him to come and motel to fuck at. I got scared bitched out because i didn't want to disappoint him not being a total faggot. Now he won't talk to me and I'm really upset. I feel so bad and i know he feels worse than me. I really want to make it up to him but fuck up so bad.
2015 I spent lonely, in a new, large city. I ran from home, essentially. Split with my ex whom I was living with and was across state borders in less than 2 months. I needed to distract myself. I'm bpd and I was the poster boy for misery the first time we split. Attempted suicide. This time I just up and left. I just turned 20. I've spent the last year 1. Getting over my stupid fucking ex 2. Working copiously, up to 70 hrs a week, only to be screwed out of all my money by a slumlord fuck 3. realizing I have no direction, no hopes or dreams unrelated to selfishly, shallow-ly needing to restore my shattered ego, no social skills, I'm painfully introverted, am ADD, I'm unsure of everything I do, and have probably wasted a mind- that I was commended for all through my years of schooling - by slipping into complacency and laziness. 4. Letting my smoking habit run rampant and picking up great new habits like heroin and ecstasy binges In short, I'm shit and I'm not going to be shit - To anyone. That's the reality. I want so badly to break through layers of bad habits, horrible coping, and un healthy escapism, so badly in the coming year. But i know I won't. Because i haven't done much of anything of which im proud in the last 20 years of my life. The reality is that I'm already dead + rotting yet still trying to live
>>16650062 Love isn't a choice, nor is it logical. It's easy to cling to memories that make you feel good. And there's still the fact that the person is sexy and attractive and appealing despite the fact they're no good.
Looking at Facebook's "On This Day" 6-7 years ago brings me back to simpler times when I was new with computer programming and the world was my oyster. Everything was for fun, even if my lil programs sucked. I just pulled out my old AP Computer Science folder and was looking back through it. I had some decent code... I wasn't the best, but certainly wasn't the worst. Might get back into programming just because of how fun it used to be for me. It'll give me something to do as opposed to partying and drinking all the time. It's the best idea I've had all year! :B
>>16650037 I feel ya bro. At least you had to courage to get out there. I wish i could get back to the states but only have enough for a ticket, also still healing from a bpd related accident. Also feel like I wasted a praised mind. Could have been so much more than I am. Its fucking sad.
What state did you go to? What job did you get? Stay the fuck away from heroin and ecstasy too, seen way too many people throw away their inner sparks for the brief buzz.
Shitty to say but I got close to dating you but never did. But you were perfect, looks, personality, skills hobbies, and that alone is in the back of my mind. every time I think about it it feels like a dull knife reminding me everytime I finally have fun or enjoy life I think of you even after all this time and think that i fucked up and realize life is only suffering. I feel guilty for exisiting already let alone that my dream girl slipped up from me and it's all my fault, and in haven't looked at women since.
I can't fucking talk to anyone anymore I've become so desesensitized to socialising I can't think of anything to say to anyone no matter how interested or anything I am I'm just silent all the time I want to do shit but I have to force every emotion apart from being self conscious I spent too long inside and I can't fucking formulate words
I can't do this anymore. I haven't made any progress. There, I finally said it. All these years and all that stupid fucking treatment and I've only made reverse progress if anything. I may be creating my own fate by thinking it, but I don't think I'm ever going to recover. I just don't want to live anymore, it feels like it's all over for me. I don't enjoy anything, I don't have any friends anymore, I can't even leave the house or have a relationship because I'm so fucking scared of all men even though I KNOW the vast majority aren't abusers or rapists. The girl I'm in love with dropped me abruptly after years of friendship over one dose of stupid fucking prescription drugs. Treatment worked so hard to force me to be sober, but now I just hate my life more than I did when I was using drugs and I'm losing everything I care about because of chemicals I don't even do anymore.
My eating disorder gets worse every fucking day and I can't seem to stop it. I know I'm going to end up back in treatment but it's my worst nightmare, I'd rather die than do another round of brainwashing isolation. I don't want to do any of this anymore. I just want life to be over.
My life is meaningless and no one loves me and everything I've ever achieved in life is solely because I look good and not because I've genuinely earned anything. That about sums it up, I guess.
Every time I end up with a career goal it goes away after a couple days after I realize how much I really don't want to reach it or that there's no way I can realistically do it. But of course, that means I can't give myself a reasonable amount of time to even test something out. "Oh maybe I can try economics//law enforcement/archaeology/japanese/programming/medicine/business/psychology/etc." It all falls through after thinking about it the next few days. I feel like I've thought of everything I possibly could. I've taken a couple of those career aptitude tests and those didn't seem to lead me in the right direction either. Just left me feeling like I have some amount of skill that I can't really put into anywhere. Right now the only thing I want to do with my life is something involving music, but I have very little faith in my musical talent, I feel like I'm too late to start getting into music theory at this point, I want to be able to support a family one day and I'm not confident that a stable well off job will come of it, and I'm not even sure if I'll even be able to get the degree. Otherwise there's nothing else I can see myself doing. It all just ends up with me being apathetic and angry at myself. I don't feel like I'm good at anything. Every time I set myself up to accomplish something I fail in one way or another. The only thing that I feel confident in is my appearance and somewhat in my social skills. I feel like I'm lost and even if I found a map, the closest it would lead me to where I need to be is another map, and who knows how many maps I'll have to go through to finally find where I'm going? If ever? Will I give up before then?
Look -- this thread is like knives in my heart. Yeah, I'm here because I have unresolved issues with someone and I read these letters thinking it might be him.
I know the chances of it being him are very slim. I am not stupid. But yeah, when it comes to sex I am fucked up. And I know he is too. But that's all I really know about him. I got "pumped and dumped" and that sucks. I mean that's a fucked up thing to do to someone. I think it happens to a lot of people -- women -- whatever but it hurts.
Yesterday morning I wrote some letters that were truly nasty and mean. I felt like shit afterwards. I didn't go out last night I just stayed in bed which I never do and watched "making of a murderer" -- Ya'lll THAT shit CRA!!
Anyway I just woke up and I wanted to apologizze to the guy I wrote that shit about. If by some chance he read it. J - yes yet another J - all I want is for us to be chill. I don't want to be with you. Yes, I'm interested in fucking you but I won't bother you. I just want a smile, a hug, you know? I don't want to feel bad any more. Peace. For real K
>>16650062 THIS. Yes, it sucks. It usually stems from parental abuse. My father was terrible to me -- so I am drawn to people like him -- rejecting, critical, abusive, unloving -- hoping that I can resolve that by making that person love me.
You're never going to quit. You're never going to quit trying to get me in trouble, even when im not doing anything wrong? So what, i moved on, im dating a stable person now and your dating a registered sex offender? Fucking lol. At least people can see i have good taste in people. And sure, everyone may know of my crimes against you, but you kinda had it coming. When you push a person that, things are bound to explode. You dont know how to run a happy relationship. And you never will. I pray to whatever higher power that you get whatever is coming to you. I'll see you this morning in court, and you're gonna lose.
Jesus fucking Christ, always hanging out in the kitchen. I live in a student appartment, right across from the kitchen, and everyone is always doing stuff in there! It drives me nuts! I just want to work without hearing you clanking your dishes together, and I just want to listen to my crazy music without knowing that you're standing there, listening to it, too! Just fuck off! No-one needs to be in the kitchen for half the goddamn afternoon!
It becomes easier, but when I think on what I have lost, or feel low... Well, we both know how quickly H can make everything better, and it will cross your mind. Remember, in those moments, why you quit; remember hitting bottom.
I am sorry about your friend. The lifestyle robs us of those we care about, and we are powerless to help.
>>16650001 I was functional for a long time, and was in denial when I actually needed H to simply feel normal. A Hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.
Your tracks will fade, but the pain never truly will. A large part of addiction is escapism, not facing our problems, and you will have to learn. You are young though, and have a chance, right now, to turn it around. Take it, brother.
Congratulations on 100 days. The real difficulty will come after rehab, but clean time helps, greatly.
do my parents really know whats best for me? do they really completely understand me? i understand that they're more experienced in life but does it translate to a better understanding of my situation? i feel conflicted about what i should do. deep down iknow that my parents' aren't right but they aren't listening to me and i can't just straight up rebel against them can i?
>>16649526 I still get teary eyed at times when I think of putting my family dog to sleep over 10 years ago. Even back then I understood what we were doing and we made his last day the best amidst a mountain of tissues and treats. When it was time for the drugs we all stayed with him. While he may have been on cloud 9 after that first shot he still responded to his name. It has been a powerful memory for me and I always urge owners to be with their pets when they pass.
Make the last days the best because you will remember them years down the road.
>>16651141 They're not even fucking cooking. Just banging their fucking dishes together for two hours.
Two fucking hours! These people can never do something quickly. And no doubt they're asking themselves "why can't Anon clean up his dishes?" Well, my dear roomies, that's because I have to dash in there between your insane periods of kitchen-use to get my cooking and cleaning done.
I swear, one of these days I'm going to make an epic stew, and they can all just suck it. I'm in there for the day, and I'm using the countertops for everything.
>>16647662 Same guy. So I talked to my parents last night at dinner about our dog. I told them what I thought and that I didn't want her to suffer. My dad told me he agreed with what I said, but he doesn't think she's that far gone yet. He told me since she's still energetic around the house sometimes and still has a hop in her walk when we take her for walks. He agreed that we wouldn't make her suffer just so we could be happy that she was with us and that we would do the humane thing and put her to sleep, but he says that it's not that time yet. Which I agree with. I know my dog is still happy when we walk her and she still does get energetic in the house sometimes. Maybe I was just really upset and I wasn't thinking clearly. My dog can still walk fine and do everything, so that's good. But I do still worry about my dog because I love her. So I just wanted to give an update.
>>16647218 I've lost my mind, I distinctly thought "It has become a different reality now," and it was, but no one else noticed but me. That's okay. No one needs to notice, everyone is the same, it's all the same. I am you are me are they are us are we, you know it is true because they have said it before. I am unable to detach from the Oneness and I feel it all the time, everything, I feel all the time, I feel all Time all the time I feel, and it just goes on and on and on, like scales. I am neither happy nor sad nor listless and empty, I am full. Overflowing, even, but not like a vessel. My soul is the vessel for my body, not the other way around. I've completely lost my mind, and no one knows but me. It's not even a problem, it's foolish of anyone to think that it would be. That's just brainwashing, garbage, a core of truth floating in a sea of perversions, nasty brutes. No one even knows that we live in the Dark Ages, where is the Black Death? History goes on and on I feel all the time all the time.
Eu até poderia escrever em inglês, mas estou cagando e com preguiça. Sua vagabunda mirin, eu sei que seu sonho é seguir os passos de sua mãe, que desde cedo lhe disse (como você mesma me contou): "Engravide de um cara rico, ou você não terá futuro". Pois bem, é o que você quer. Eu tenho dinheiro, e vou ter muito mais logo, mas, enquanto isso não acontece, você usa essa sua desculpa que eu era " ciumento" ou "controlador" demais, Balela, o que você quer mesmo é dar essa buceta rosa pra outro, e por mais que eu tenha tirado sua virgindade, isso não teve valor emocional nenhum pra ti. Assim como aqueles dois babacas que provavelmente já estavam de olho na tua bunda vieram falar comigo depois que eu mandei você se foder, tudo isso só mostra o quão fútil e estúpida você é, você é um projeto bem começado e muito, mas muito mal administrado. Mas ainda tenho empatia por ti, o que me faz pensar em você as vezes. As vezes vejo seu rosto em pessoas aleatórias ou acho que ouvi sua voz, que se foda, fiz o que pude...
In the verge of entering university, have 2 options, having an english degree + teaching, or a really complicated IT carreer
there are 4 total tests needed to get a carreer going, language, maths, history and sciences
i only did language, maths and sciences, as i was sure i was gonna study IT
Then i change my mind and choose english degree
4 days later i call the uni and find out that the history test was absolutely necesary and there's nothing that could be done about it
i really suck at maths and IT is gonna buttrape me, and i have no way to tell mom about it cause she'll get super fucking sad and she's very morose lately exept for me going to study something that i find easy
just had to say it, fuck me lad, just because i got fucking sick the day of the history test i didnt do it cause i said fuck it, i dont need it to go study IT and now im screwed
>>16651102 You know, I get all kinds of advice but what you said really gives me insight. I've had a year clean before doing the steps and I got fucked over by all ny friends and relapsed. This time somethings different and I think I can beat it this time. Thank you for that advice man and congrats on your time, its cool to see anons in recovery.
When I go from sobbing hysterically over the futility of it all, to laughing at the overly-fat squirrel that's fallen out of the tree, it's a reminder that I need to take a few deep breaths and calm down.
The job will come. I won't be unemployed forever. If my SO doesn't want me to go, tough luck. I may or may not see "The One That Got Away" this year either way, it's for a reason.
I can worry myself into a knot of nerves and lack of appetite, and spend my nights running hypothetical conversations through my head. But instead I breathe and for a few moments, everything seems ok again.
I'm frustrated to the point that I'm worried I'm going to freak out and hurt myself. There's no one around I can call to come help me. I've tried my boyfriend three times and he won't pick up. I just need some help.
My father in law is the stupidest man I have ever met. We live in the U.S. and he's in the military. He recently requested orders to move halfway across the country, which he was granted. (If I get any details wrong it's because I'm not familiar with the specifics and I just have a vague idea of how it works.) So he left yesterday. His wife and daughter (sister in law) are moving with him after six months without him. Before he left, he wouldn't stop talking about wanting to buy a boat. Well the family doesn't have that much money, so they can't afford that. So what does he do to pay for it? He cashed out his fucking 401k. He got $23000 from it and it isn't enough for the boat still. The boat costs $30000 and it has a broken steering wheel. It's too big to keep on base where he would be living, so he would have to pay an extra $100 a month to keep this stupid fucking boat on a dock somewhere.
And my sister in law is stupid too. They have some chickens and my sil saw that one of them hurt its foot. She thinks they should fucking AMPUTATE the chicken's leg off because otherwise "it could bleed out." If you couldn't tell, she takes a lot after her father.
Once my husband convinced her not to cut off the chicken's leg, she freaked out because their dog (~50-60 lbs) accidentally stepped on her dog's (~15lbs) foot and so the other dog is "evil" and she locked the poor dog outside and kept crying about her dog's leg being dislocated. Meanwhile her dog is just walking around like nothing happened and she's literally CRYING IN A CORNER because of the travesties done to her innocent dog.
She's 14, so it's slightly more understandable than her dad's behavior.
>>16647218 there is that one girl iam writing with over snapchat atm but iam always the one who needs to ask something so she does send me a snap and reply you know i dont know what to do .... how to start a great conversation Halp ,-,
I'm not even angry/mad, just confused: they say women like to be desired and love sex. So when I desire them and want sex, they don't. When I don't desire them and don't want sex, they want it, but then I don't want it. So wtf? Is someone always chasing the other or does reciprocation exist? My experiences point to the former. Did nature intended this to happen?
>>16652651 I'm gonna go asexual. Sex without desire is like having sex with another person without them being there. Isn't it about the interaction? They say I'm needy. Ok goodbye. Oh now you're back, but now I don't want anything anymore? Are you talking to me? Or am I just a solution? A walking and talking object to provide you with feelings you can't give yourself. Why shouldn't I go and hide in a cave and hum until the day I die. Wait, it must be my craziness is shining through. Nvm. Forget all that I said.
You have no idea what I went through. But I don't want pity, or attention or be a fucking leech. But I can't just shut off the feelings I sometimes or many times have. Call me a pussy, Idc, I can even see the humour in it. But that's all there's to it. Maybe I can change, maybe I can't. So be it. There's only now. Maybe a comet hits the earth tomorrow. Who knows? It seems like we need to live like there's forever, like we're Gods on the planet Earth. But I'm painfully aware that the clock is ticking, tick tock. I don't even know why I'm writing this shit. Feels like everyone knows something I don't. I just can't snap out of it yet and it sucks. Nobody seems to care but maybe it's me that doesn't care. I don't know what can change this shit. I feel like burderning everyone while simultaneously burderning no-one cause I don't have the right, right?
Tomorrow I'll be seeing my psychiatrist and I really need to say that I have a strong desire to rape a teenage girl just so I can lose my virginity before I off myself. But I just couldn't say it last time and I probably won't this time.
You were lucky. I suppose I can't blame you for that. I was always pissed off at how you couldn't see it, and how you believed that it was easy for me to be who you were. In every way you were born perfect. You were skinny and athletic and you didn't have to work for it. You could easily improve from that when you DID start working out. You were an optimist, you were exactly right in everything, even perfect in moderation. Your family was wealthy and educated. You had the right nature to be anyone's friend, and even the morality to hold you from abusing all this.
I was unlucky, fat, short-tempered, a mess from all that I had experienced, from a torn family with little money, and girls thought I was a creep regardless of all I had done, things I never told them. I even prevented the suicide of my best friend, more than once. They never knew, and I couldn't bring myself to use those things to brag or to take advantage of them. The only reason I was better than you in very few things was because I spent five times the effort on them. I was losing my mind, and the psychologists told me I was beyond repair.
I told you all of this, and you didn't understand. It wasn't because you were evil, you lacked perspective. Nothing truly bad had ever happened to you in your life. You had no empathy for that, even when you tried. You still didn't treat me differently even after all that shit, but I saw you walk away. You didn't actually care, and I don't blame you. I was always angry. I wasn't a likeable person in the first place. You helped when you could.
I know you can't fix me, and I should stop trying to get you to do that. I know you can't help. That's why I'm doing this. I'm leaving. Not forever, I don't quit, but for a long while. We won't see eachother for long. I doubt you even care, but I will fix myself, no matter what the psychologists said. And when I'm done, I'm coming back. I will be someone better, and I hope you will never see that memory of me again.
I'm a 23 year old kissless virgin who is hopelessly in love with a girl from high school and have no idea how to tell her that I like her. I smoke like a fucking chimney and drink to excess to get over the fact that I hate myself and my life. I have a few friends, but personally I think they only allow me to be around because I am mildly funny since I tend to blurt out random shit, but when it comes to social gatherings, I hear nothing about them until the next day. I have a dead end job that I hate with a passion, and a lot of days I wonder if its even worth it to continue living.
I navigated an asteroid belt to land here on this planet, but its inhabitants are unsure if I am an alien or a leech. I've found I can't shut off the instincts from my homeland, though here they are no more effective than a cat's on Mars. It seems like everyone present has access to inherent knowledge that I will never grasp. And I can't break the chilling notion that the oceans here are too suckingly deep for me to swim. No-one else I've encountered seems concerned with the situation but recent evidence I've found suggests their apathy might be ideal, and I'm misdirected in my mission, shouldn't have made the trip. I think my presence must be weighing this planet down beyond max capacity, and the natives resent me even as I write this log.
Tomorrow a comet will wipe us off the face of this irregular rock. We shall live as Gods in the moments that we have left.. tick-tock.
You were like an older brother to me. You gave me advice from your side of the fence. The grass is always greener, huh?
You were always the rebel, the guy who didn't care about anything. You were always partying, you were the guy who got the guys to follow you and the girls to love you. Your charisma made you invincible anywhere. No suprise that a guy like me wondered how you did it. I asked, and you answered, first in a vague and funny fashion, but then you started giving me advice. Instead of telling me how to become more like you, you told me how to be me.
I don't remember half of what you said, not because it was bad, but because it was so good and obvious in retrospect. Instead of being afraid of judgment, I at least knew who I was. I wasn't anyone special, but I think that's a part of the reason I needed your help. You shined, my friends did too, and I was left in the shadow of your popularity.
You had your own troubles though. You let your emotions control you, which led to you making bad decisions. They hurt you, but I helped you. For some reason, I understood your problems even though I had never been there. I told you how to understand the people you hated, and how to forgive. I helped you become a better person in whatever small extent I could, you helped me accept myself and reality.
Still, I feel alone. I want to find you, I want your advice in this. Is it worth being real and true to yourself, accepting who you are and being that person without lying to others, if that means I will be alone? You could accept yourself, but you were never alone. You had friends. Your family wasn't of the best sort, but you were never alone. I'd ask you if I could.
I have been hopelessly in love with this girl for a like three months now. Not too long, I know, but it's intense. To be honest, she is not even hot (she has amazing hair though). There is just something about her that makes me nervous when I think about her, and I want her to be mine. She is shy, but very easy going around friends, so I want to ask a friend of hers for help. (This friend is cool and trustworthy). I just love this girl so much it's almost crazy. She was about to go to prom with one guy, and when he told me that she said yes I almost threw up (he doesn't know I like her - I'm not mad at him :-P ) but thankfully she backed out a few days prior to the dance. I used to get stomach aches when I was around her, or even though about her, but that has toned down. I like to think that I'm over her, but I'm not. What do? Do I talk to her friend or...?
My mother told me recently I have ADD that explains a lot and I mean a fucking shit ton and I never got treatment for it all, my failures whenever I tried to do something, I can't sit still, why I like to talk about random shit so much
I don't understand how I could be wrong when I'm obviously right. I'll admit I'm never going to be an open minded person and I'll never change. I multiple people to everyone that I meet and what irks me the most is how you can exist around me. I can't figure it out that's why I hang around you.
You should be the most depressed piece of shit I've ever known yet you're alive and it bothers me. How you can just live your life and not give a fuck about what I think of you. How you can take the moral high ground despite being such a piece of shit yourself. How are you even making friends you fucking worthless dogshit. I hate you and everything you represent.There is no kindness in this world so shut the fuck up, I hate you, your friends and how lucky of a piece of shit that you are. You don't deserve anything. You belong with us to suffer. You will never be anything in your life. You won't amount to anything so don't even bother living your life. You are a loser and a piece of shit. You won't accomplish anything and it will always be too late. I hate you.How fucking dare you cut me off. How fucking dare you make me feel terrible by being nice to me. How fucking dare you try to be the better man. Guess what? You're not the better man and you never will be. That's why I'm here and anywhere you go. I hate you and everything you represent. You don't even represent anything.
I hate that you remind me of something I never had. Fuck you for leaving, fuck you, you piece of shit. I'll gossip all I want because unlike you I have nothing to live for.
HEY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME! FUCKING DIE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! No, I just try to choose good over evil, that's it. Stop taking every joke so personally, let go and just have some fun for once. And stop hating on me when I cut you off for hating on me all the time. Who the fuck do YOU think you are to think you can just come into my life uninvited and start messing things up. Fuck you! You're the crazy one and stop trying to put your insanity into my shoes. Be sweet and nice and good. For yourself. And for others. And don't bother contacting me until you are. And you won't see it now, but if you ever will later on, you'd understand it's in your own best interest to do so.
Could have got with a girl but my depression at the time really screwed me over and I gimped things up.
So I'm watching fitness videos to get myself ready for the gym tomorrow and this female presenter looks almost exactly like her... but if she got into shape but I can't decide if I'm just thinking about her so I sent a picture of the presenter to my friend to see if he mentions it. I swear that they're practically twins.
I couldn't figure out who she looked like and then it hit me.
I only followed you anywhere because I'm too much of a coward to tell anyone my issues with them. And it's not even like that you don't listen neither you just do what you want and still feel happy doing so. That's what pisses me off the most is how good you think you are being to others. How perfect you think you are and how you think people shouldn't be shitty around you. Who the fuck are you to remind me how shitty I am behind your back? How dare you call me out for being a bitch tagging along you? Well you're right about that, that's all I live for, it makes me happy to gossip about you. Frankly because I'm a coward and you never seemed to care so why don't I just disrespect you anyway you worthless piece of shit. I'm not kidding when I want to hurt you when I'm angry but I don't hurt people physically when I'm insecure I gossip. It's all I do, so shut the fuck up with your NERDY shit asshole, we only pretend to like you you piece of shit. Nobody likes you and you won't amount to anything. We all hate you because of me and I admit it's my fault people hate you. You suck, nothing you do to succeed in life will work because I'll always pretend to be your friend to drag you back to where you belong. Even if you don't want anything to do with us for anything that's happened or want to talk about it I will disrepespect you and everyone I feel threatened by. You're a piece of shit for even bringing that up. Fuck you and die.
You know? Die asshole, don't ever be nice to people like me again. I'll keep texting you to see how you are just to fuck with you. Keep responding you nice idiot.
Newsflash: the moment you start worrying about being cool, you're not cool anymore. But still! I want to be the coolest I can be! That's ok anon, just remember: if you start worrying about it to get cooler for you, you will automatically seems less cool, at least for awhile. Just deal with it.
I'm losing my mind over how true these postings are sometimes. My cool friend ditched me and I have all these uncool emotional baggage I have to dump here. In honesty he doesn't even give a shit. Fuck this life for being like this,
Newsflash: I live in these threads and everywhere because my life is boring and I take things from here and make it real so my life will be 2x more interesting! Too bad I got found out as a fake friend, I knew they had suspicions already even after years of hanging out. Now my cool friend doesn't even exist. Even if I make no effort to text them. I just like attention in honesty everything is actually just normal and boring.
To add in retrospect, it wasn't even a friendship I just tried to invite you into my business and was going to dump you if you didn't join. Truth be told you changed me and if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have reconnected with all the relationships damaged by my shennagangs.
Thanks friend and have a great year. Sorry for everything false and things I have said that were untrue. It's all my fault due to you being an asshole as well. You weren't an asshole, I was too and glad we both learned from each other even if I brought you down to my level first.
I used to find you attractive but damn, not anymore. Your real self is pretty ugly. Still would love to be your friend but you're still being a little bitch, so, hey, enjoy being alone every night instead. I recently took a good look at myself in the mirror. Damn. I look good. I don't know why I put you on such a pedestal, you're not worth the stress. I'm ready to move on and choose someone else.
Why does it hurt being unwanted and yet thinking men still want me. All I can do now is plead for their attention by being a cunt... What happened to me when it was all my fault to being with... You shouldn't have left me... But you wouldn't have been happy with me either way. It's not you its me.
I don't agree with the narcissism here but the most level headed approach is to just not say a word and move on. There's no point in revenge, just live your life and be happy. If someone is angry at you, it's mostly because they'll either be that or depressed. Most people are indifferent until you give them a reason to like you or judge you for being different. Like turns to dislike because of expectations and love turns to hate eventually.
The best course of action is to take a step back and use your positive or negative energy to move yourself foward with those you want in your life,
That's what I did sure I can been seen as an asshole or whatever but thats only fair since I judge people or don't care to judge them enough.
Be a friend to yourself first or go on a I don't give a fuck. Personally I'm killing myself because I'm full of shit too.
I was not in a relationship with you. I was miserable around you and you still found a way to not move on... I left for a reason and I tried... But it's you who cannot be mature enough to leave. Please find your happiness... I already moved overseas a long time ago...
I went to Applebee's to get a burger the other day. I'm a fairly attractive 24 year old. Don't have a huge amount of friends, but I have a nice group that I party with and shit. Average.
You would have thought I had a pair of testicles growing out of my forehead. Three ghetto black girls were giving me dirty looks, mocking me, all of the female staff was looking at me and smiling in a pitying and condescending way. My waitress kept behaving toward me all weirdly and pityingly.
I'M HAVING A BURGER BY MYSELF AT 3 PM IN THE AFTERNOON, LET ME EAT IT IN PEACE. Christ.
>>16647269 bro, life is like that sometimes. best way to get out of it is to do one thing different. you'll start to feel better almost instantly. follow a passion, even if it is a destructive one. Be a constructive critic of yourself. maybe start exercising and seek a relationship? idk. Theres absolutely plenty that you can do to improve your situation. never give up bro, i'm cheering for you!
Ever since I've come home my depression has gotten only worse and worse. I hid it at first for quite a while but then you guys started to notice me with red eyes coming out of my room or from outside. You didn't say anything. Dad, I remember you laughed this one time when I did. All this pain and despair that felt like a constant pain turned into something else. I felt anger. Angry at the army, angry at sfc.gillispie and yes, angry at you. You guys work a lot but you never made it easy for me to talk to you. It just feels awkward to talk to my own mother about how I feel and dad.. you probably wouldn't even care or tell me to man up. Why the fuck would you guys make me work and go to college and everything if I can't even enjoy the privliges of being an adult? I can't go where I want, I can't stay out late, I can't buy what I want, I can't own a gun, I can't go into the woods for walks anymore. I can't do shit and you expect me to take it all like this? Again? This is the exact bullshit they did when I was on suicide watch. I had to sleep on a fucking nasty couch in the storage closet at the fucking cq! I couldn't even sleep on my own bed! But ya know I learned something from that too. As I watched people go through to do their laundry or whatever, and they looked in as they were passing by; like one would look at a caged animal. And that's how I feel. I feel trapped. Caged.
I'm going to kill myself, but before I do, I am going to take some people with me. Judgement Day is still about 6 months out, but it's been hard to hide all the stuff. Don't think that this is your fault, but you didn't exactly make it easy for me either. You didn't dump me on the street, but you expected me to be able to jump right back into my old life as if nothing happened. I hope you guys can find some way to move on after what I have done and know that I am now in the eternal slumber of non existence. I have no more pain, happiness, fear or joy. I am nothing forevermore. Goodbye.
find step 1 do step 1 do rest of steps now that you've started
literally the way to start something is to simplify it into the easiest first little task, and for me, once I do that, i'm invested, i'll continue to do the things. Best of luck, and remember it's an ongoing process, you're not going to be a master of organization and motivation immediately, but you'll get there.
>>16654025 Do you think you are special in this life? Are you the only person EVER to deal with life itself and issues? You are trapped in a well, which is ok because everyone gets trapped there several times during a lifetime. But no one will ever throw down a rope to pick you up. You have to get up from the well by yourself. How you do it, is totally up to you. If you wanna kill yourself then theres that option. Keep in mind that the people around you will remember you as in this state you are in right now? You really want your family and friends to feel sorry for you? Should their last memory of you in your funeral be that you were a sad little man who couldn't handle life pressure?
That's a pretty good idea. I've been living with my psycho dad who looks like a serial killer and I'd trade places with you anyday. I only say that because he's so sketchy with his little phone he carries around with him all the time. He remarried and my stepmom and stepsister just annoy me. I can't move out or afford living on my own I'm essentially fucked. Hate being a shitty beaner in a project building. Dad laughing at me behind my back because I cry about hearing my neighbours fap and fuck everywhere. The piss and shit on me and its hell everyday. I want to die too.
Don't kill yourself over that, I have a girl I think about when I'm alone too anon. She never leaves my side. Even if I feel like a loser dying from lung cancer and misophonia. My dad has my back when I feel terrible when people are fapping around me. My sister caught me jerking off once and I feel shitty and insecure ever since. Everyone thinks I'm a junkie and a failure.
>>16654106 I know, clearly at first I sound like I must be pretty dysfunctional, but in day to day life I've been able to hide the details of this other side of me pretty well now. Like I said, I've had over a year for these thoughts to boil over in my head and I've been able to blend in pretty well. If anything, I imagine they would assume exactly the truth, I was dealing with old issues that have not been resolved until that point.
>You really want your family and friends to feel sorry for you? I don't care what anyone thinks because at that point, no words would be able to take away reality. You guy's have motivated me in the sense that sitting here bitching about it, isn't helping me at all. If I want to make a statement to the world, a brand sticks longer than the mark of a pen.
>sad little man who couldn't handle life pressure? Why do you work? To make money so you can survive I assume. What if you were given all the money you need to live the rest of your life; would you continue to work? Alternatively, if you had to work to survive, but you didn't have control of your money, would you work? Similar thinking about my life.
>>16654115 I wish you could join me in Judgement Day. I will see how "human" these people really are. How little it takes for these apes to turn on each other. I will say I was quite like you but I grew very tired of taking shit all my life and expected to "man up" and "lol pussy fag". Love is fleeting and can end at a moments notice; but pain is eternal, constant and forever present.
I wish I was a woman, yes, I know I sound like the typical degenerate queer faggot but I’m not. In fact I try to act in the opposite way or people may notice. I fucking hate my life, I’m not bad looking, and I thought that all the fat I lost was going to ramp my self-steam but it didn’t, I don’t hate me but I’ll never love me either, and at this point I realize that I’ll never be able to love anyone because I don’t love me in the first place. I’ll never get to experience true happiness and waking up, living and going to sleep again knowing that is slowly killing me inside. I wish I could go far away from everyone, you remind me of it, and I know that if went far away I might forget about my wish to be a woman, and maybe experience actual peace, even if it’s lonely, it’s not like I’ve had anyone in my life anyway, I just don’t want to see anyone anymore, I wish I could run away. The worst thing is that I don’t want to kill myself because I know that happiness is out there, I just can’t reach it, even if I’ll never be 100% happy because I’m stuck as man, I could be happy if I’m left alone, but no, I have to wake up and put the act to all of you every fucking day. I wish I could escape this shitty existence, I’m going insane.
Not only that but my journey to become a woman was fuelled by my ACN scheme. I've been teased for being so fat short and a virgin that it's taken its toll on me. I watch hockey and all I could think is being the first transgendered player in the league. Too bad I'm too poor to afford a sex change right now. All I have is this board to fulfill my fantasies.
Are you are skinny transsexual with misophonia and if you are will you help me be the beautiful orca female I've always wanted to be? I've always hate being called a short Korean clone of Kim Jong and ever since I've had body problems. I envy straight men in this day and age but my ACN influence isn't strong enough at the moment,
I haven't drank since Saturday night (technically Sunday at 2am but still) and was planning on holding off til Thursday but... My friend who's addicted to meth and struggling to quit has inspired me to put the bottle down for a while just to show her that its possible. If not drinking means my friend quitting meth, then I'll be as sober as Jehovah. I've already felt more clearheaded the past few days which is nice. Even played with the idea of switching majors and getting back into programming. Although I graduate next term so its a little late for that. Oh well. And not drinking means I can lose all this weight I've put on from drinking beer! Hot damn!
I only stayed with you because you threatened suicide when I tried to leave the last time. You've broken down my self esteem and self worth over time. You flirt with other girls (and I'm pretty sure you've fucked at least one, you shitty liar) but I'm the one feeling guilty for some fucking reason. What the hell. I want out but I'm afraid of what you'll do.
If I see you tomorrow (later today) I might tell you something, quite...whatever. It's probably too soon, because you're being fairly unresponsive and all and I'm being dumb about my reaction to you, but oh well, let me be dumb then.
Around a year and a half ago, I met this really cool guy on Warframe, a F2P game on Steam. We would play matches together talking about random shit. Eventually we start chatting on Facebook. He helped me a lot when I was depressed, any problem I had, I came to him for advice. He's a very smart man and I looked up to him.
It's been 6 months. 6 months since we last spoke. How low do you have to get to make the person who stopped you from suicide doesn't even want to talk to you. I feel like absolute shit. I have no other friends. So now I just sit here like a piece of shit all day. I just wait until he talks to me. He never reaches out to me. It was always me calling to him and never the other way around.
So here I am writing this at 11:45pm, please help me. I just want to fucking talk to someone.
I have great friends. Not many, but all of them close.
My family life is excellent; my parents and I have always gotten on well.
I'm teaching myself German, and have been overseas thrice (once on a scholarship).
Realistically, I should be at the top of the fucking world. But I'm not. I fucking hate myself. I'm physically and socially awkward. I can't stand seeing pictures of myself, and wish for the day my face finally matures. Being 20, that likely won't happen.
Why? What can I do about this? I'm insecure as fuck and I wish I could just fucking like myself.
Your promised we'd be best friends forever, that you'd never leave me like the others did, and for years you kept that promise.
I made the mistake of encouraging you not to abandon your faith, to return to God. I now regret ever pushing you in that direction, because now you've replaced me with him. You don't have time for me anymore and you don't enjoy what we used to do together.
Any free time you have now, you desperately try to fill will work or "being productive." Relaxing is wasted time.
You're still here, but you're not the same person. I miss you. Please come back
My relationship will inevitably fail, yet I'm still going to Chicago to see him. I don't know how I'll do it.
I can't trust getting close to anybody. I've been taken advantage of way too much. Thrown under the bus way too many times. Considered "Weird" because my interests don't revolve around drinking or drugs.
Are you me? My dad beat me up and my mom sodomized me. So I did her the favor of raping her. She was Asian too, my shitty dad moved back in and we're stuck in the middle like sardines raping each other. Kill me.
>We broke up just under 2 weeks ago >He's easily replaced me several times over in that time, as he should have >He lives with the person he's so incredibly fond of and trusts more than he could possibly trust me >He still takes the time to take shots at me in casual conversations with people he doesn't particularly know Why is it that I'm even a conversation topic for him? Even now he's happily adding people for indecent reasons, seeking his "brand new special best friend" and telling everyone how he's obsessed with the ex he lives with. Why do I even come up when I am no longer relevant? I was replaced just as easily as I expected, which only served to prove me right for breaking up with him to begin with. But why am I ever even mentioned even briefly when he feels like it? And why do the people around him bother to bring me up to him and spark those conversations?
If someone is so easily replaced right after a breakup, because you only sought the affection but didn't truly feel anything for them, then there is no reason to ever talk about them. My name has no reason to even be uttered when the entire world can replace me in your life.
Been smoking a pack a day with this site on the other hand. Shit, my step sister is laughing at me for being ugly. Fuck you you're what 7 years old? I'm 19 and I may be a dropout fuck up but I'll raise hell bitch. One day dad will beat you up like he beat me. When you're old they want you to marry rich to save us but knowing dad. Holy shit. God help the five of us.
I've been doing really well since we've stopped talking, M, but I'm terrified of how I'll be once we start having class together again. The guys have been doing a good job of keeping my spirits up, but their words don't stick like yours did. I guess I'll see you on Monday, then.
I wish I could just talk. Just bring myself to up and speak to her. I don't usually get nervous but seeing her, I feel like I a child too afraid to move out from behind their parent. How can I fall so hard over something so stupid? I'm not even attracted to their looks, she has a deep contralto voice that is somehow sexy only to me. Every word is performed with a kind of underlying passion that seems to only be caught by my ears. My friends just say "You can do better." or "Don't let Lexi catch you going after some ugly girl" but fuck there is something about her. It's like I see a pheonix a blazing burning ball, and everyone else see's this awkward looking toucan. She's sexy and intelligent, in such a subtle way. It's too bad, even though I want to so badly, I can't talk to her. Different kinds of social circles, you know.
I'm too nervous to even talk anyway, the one time I tried it was just me being a sputtering meathead.
you're a sociopath its going to fall apart in a bad way when you need it not to
you're a pathological liar
you just straight up suck. either do it or dont. don't tell me you're gonna help in a big way like that and then not. you don't want to, then dont and don't tell me you're going to.
you need to stop trying to save my soul.
you need to realize that if I have nothing to lose, I'm going to hurt you, and stop trying to hurt me. really. you're gonna go too far, and cut the ties to morality that i have a little too close by trying to ruin my life... and bad things will happen because my life will suddenly be revenge.
you need to get over yourself
you need to think more of yourself
I need to leave this place far behind cause it sucks assholes.
motherfucker you said you were gonna be late by a quarter hour. in the interest of not sitting there waiting for your ass I decided to be just slightly less late.
its not my problem you can't accurately judge when you're gonna be somewhere. I don't feel bad. I'm not taking the blame. you tried to blame me for you almost hitting a pedestrian the other day. I didn't distract you, I wasn't driving. the fuck is your fucking problem?
The fuck are you on about? Yeah I'm a sociopathmand a psychopath and all those things in the post and yeah I'm in ACN. So what? I can accuse anyone of anything even if I'm the liar with no morals. None of your business.
I did this to E to M and even my own family if I have to. I have no conscience. And don't try to save me you asshole.
Just jerked off on livejasmin to a cam model. It was free but I had to enter my credit card and everything and now im scared it's some sort of scam. My fetish for the last few years has been exhibitionism which I explore mainly via omegle or chatrandom. I'm decently sized so I get some good reactions but sometimes it really eats away at my free time and gets out of hand. I would call it an addiction at this point really. It's so pathetic and I usually regret the time wasted afterwards. The worst thing is I have a girlfriend and she would hate that I do this. I don't even talk to the girls, I just get off from seeing them watch. It used to be fun but now its just shameful.
>>16654975 I'm aware of that ACN, but they're talking about weight loss and being "in ACN" so it didn't seem like they were referring to that pyramid scheme, to me. But I'm sure I'm wrong... I have no idea wtf is going on desu.
I can't stand the fact I'm catching feelings for you youre a lost little girl who hates herself and is a vicious bitch to people you care about. You cheating on your boyfriend with me is enough for me to know not to fuck with you but you love all the shit I do, you empower my ego and you are fucking sexy. Why I can't just tell you to fuck off I don't know but it's driving me insane and I'm starting to slip on my game, the one I should have just never even played in the first place you manipulative, scheming, lost wonderful little slut.
I just want people to be happy and enjoy their lives. I attune with people quickly and tend to over-extend myself in order to meet people's needs though. I have difficulty recognizing and separating my feelings/intentions from other people's, but I'm getting better and I want to use these lessons in order to better help people in the future. I would really just like everyone to be content with themselves, flaws and all and whatnot.
the world is only defined my own perception, and at that rate, I play a minuscule role in what I understand the world to be, so why am I still in it? if I don't change the world soon, I will be dead, and I will make sure I never come back.
I feel gross for considering dating a girl who I know is a moderate-to-high-functioning autistic; she gets super attached to everyone in her life, writes em songs and cuddles with em and is super loyal and all of that... And I don't like her that much, but I want that attention.... I feel like it's kindof wrong, she's close to 23 an still in high school in SHSM program so she's pretty fucked up... But I'm still talking to her and thinking it'd be an alright idea, at least for now...
I want to kill myself, I want to die, and I want off this awful ride.
I wish I had the courage to end my life instead of having this primal instinct to survive. I'm worthless, I feel all the self-pity emotions that are spewed everywhere as rhetoric. I don't even feel like I'm real anymore saying this same shit over and over and reading people saying almost the same thing.
I just want to not be alone. I've spend so many years of my life feeling alone and I've had it. I've tried so many times, failed over and over. People do this trash talk about "A champ gets up when getting knocked down and keeps going!" A champ also is just superior to everyone else, and doesn't fail that often. They are just so highly successful, that their few failures in long streaks of success damage their ego more. I've failed more times than a champ would ever have been permitted to before being told "it's time to retire." and I'm tired. I'm weak, I'm sick of walking on. I only have such a strong constitution, I'm not like the rest of everyone else who feels an occasional moment of sadness and suicide, this is awful. If I was normal and had those few moments of weakness, I would be able to stand tall no problem, but it is 24/7 at this point. I can't do this anymore, maybe I wont be missed or noticed outside of my D&D gaming group, maybe everyone who says they care about me will just forget about me untill 6 months go by and they say 'Hm, I wonder what happened to anon, they never log in anymre'
I keep telling myself I accept he doesn't share my feelings and that I'm over it anyway, but he just needs to pass by me in the hallway and smile at me and it's enough for me to not get a proper night's sleep. I'm such a fucking trainwreck.
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