Broke up with my bf a couple days ago. We've been in an LDR for a little over a year (living in different countries), the reason for our break-up being the need for both of us to wait until I'm done with uni. We agreed it's too selfish to ask for such a thing, given I'll need 2 and a half more years to grad from med school.
I believe I love that person, that he is the one, and (at this point) I'm convinced I'll be looking to recover what we had once I'm free to move to his country.
I'm turning to you for advice and suggestions how to suppress those thoughts while I focus on preparing for my exams (3 of them incoming in the next 20 days). I realise it'll get easier with time, but I find it difficult to concentrate right now when I need my focus the most.
Feel free to ask any supplementary questions that you believe will help my case.
Thank you in advance!
Without getting into the judgement issues of LDR's etc, the only advice I can give is find a distraction. Usually, in the form of a throw away boy, but a distraction none the less.
Yeah, believe me, I found that out first hand.
Sorry, I worded it poorly - just noticed. We both agreed it would be best to break up for now until my situation changes. Happened right after he suggested it, so it wasn't me initiating it as it was wrongfully implied in the OP.
To answer your question, he's exactly as heartbroken and devastated as myself. That's what I gathered at least.
>I believe I love that person, that he is the one, and (at this point) I'm convinced I'll be looking to recover what we had once I'm free to move to his country.
I'm not judging or anything but I really wonder why people do this. If you're so sure he's the one then why would you let him go? I was in a LDR with a guy and we broke up for similar reasons with him saying it's selfish of him to ask me to wait. Maybe I'm just childish and idealistic but I would never let the person go. Do you really think you will be able to get him back later? It seems doubtful and if you're so sure then why even break up?
I mean, are both of you willing to wait? If both are on the same page, I don't see the problem. Unless, one of you are having thoughts of cheating or something like that, or you both want to be free to live the college life. Honestly, I think this is the time for growth, and it's very hard to do that in a committed relationship. I have seen it happen though. If you are truly dedicated, I mean no doubts, You know that you want to be with him, and he with you. Then you made a mistake, get back together, so at least, you have your head in the game, when it comes to school.
I think you made a pretty stupid decision.
You split up because it's hard and you need to focus on your exams.
But you've split up, that's a hell of a lot harder on you than remaining together but just not talking as much for a while because you're busy.
LDR aren't as hard as people make out, google it, theres a billion things to do to keep close without lots of effort.
He also said he needed time and I respect that. He's in a rough spot himself and I can't offer anything different than moral support to get him out of there. To be more precise, he can't find a job, so he's strained with money. I don't have any steady income as well, so our chances for meet-ups will be highly limited until I'm done with uni and get a job.
In no way interested in living the college life. I'd rather just focus on my studies for best results. It may be different for him though, given he's the one saying he needs time, but he still claims it's not that.
Please do point out if something doesn't add up. I'm pretty socially inept, so some things may be escaping my attention.
It does ad up. I'm just saying that you should just focus on your life without assuming you'll just find your way back to him eventually. Most likely it won't happen so don't just shut yourself off from the world and other (romantic) opportunities due to some hope that he'll be with you some day.
Not really what I want to hear, but that's a terrible excuse to ignore advice.
Hard to focus on improving myself, my life and acing exams when I have this on my plate, however. Reason why I approached /adv/ for suggestions in the first place.
I know how you feel, I've been through something very similar. As females, and especially young females, we tend to have a very optimistic outlook. However, the reality is that life and things happen and when you hold onto a fantasy, you might feel like you've wasted your youth in the end.
I mean I don't know, maybe it's only temporary for you and maybe he feels the same, but unless you make your intention of reconnecting later on clear to him, he might move on very quickly.
Wasting your youth has a whole new meaning after you've come to terms with the notion that you'd be dedicating decades of your life to becoming a medfag. Thank you for the input though, it's much appreciated!
Sounds stupidly idealistic, but I doubt it for financial as well as emotional reasons. Even so, given we're currently split up. were in an LDR previously and that the same rules apply to both of us, it won't bother me too much if that's what he pursues while I'm not in his life. I've made it abundantly clear to him, and yet he says fresh pussy is the last thing on his mind right now. I will be bothered of course, if he picks up a new girl and decides to stick to her.