[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Home]
4Archive logo
Trust issues PLS HELP
If images are not shown try to refresh the page. If you like this website, please disable any AdBlock software!

You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

Thread replies: 26
Thread images: 1
ok so my bf is gonna go out partying this weekend whilst im gonna be in my hometown 2.5h away and i have my panties in a twist. How do i stop being a whiny bitch about it?
>>
>>16645311
What are your panties in a twist over?
>>
well im afraid he might get shitfaced or whatever and do something stupid + idk who he is going out with so that makes me sad and he is gonna go out have fun without me while im sitting there missing him
>>
>>16645311
Tell him that, and he'll tell you it's cool. And then ask him how it went and he'll tell you it was cool.

There isn't really anything you can do here but trust him or not. Have faith and be positive.
>>
>>16645317
So, you don't trust him. Are you sure this is the relationship you want to be in?
>>
If i tell him that he might throw a tantrum about how i dont trust him. Well i do have trust issues because of shit that went on in my family so i guess thats fair. And im scared that if i get angry or upset and tell him the reason he is gonna do sth just to get back to me idk
>>
he has done a couple of shady things in the past and tried to explain them to me but that also fucked me up pretty bad

But since i dont wanna seem overprotective or jealous all the time he thinks everything is sorted
>>
>>16645311
Trust.
>>
>>16645326
"shit that went on in the family". . I have that too, but I like trusting people, and the rare occasions you get let down, trust me rarer than you think, you are in the right anyway because you trusted. But let them know how badly they fucken up.
>>
im trying to, i am. But i would like him to try more and earn my trust... how do i go about that?
>>
>>16645326
>>16645332

if you dont feel comfortable trusting tjis guy then i dont see how you can have a successful relationship. you should tell him how you feel, and you should expect him to at least understand your position. if you cant or he cant, then theres obviously a disconnect that you have to make a decision upon
>>
yeah i understand and i told him yesterday i was very anxious about it and he said i need to work on myself in order to feel better but damn im confused and would like to see him try and make me feel better as well
>>
>>16645356
communicate with him. hes the one your in a relationship with. tell him this shit plz and if he keeps ignoring you should be suspcious or come to the conclusion he may not be who you need
>>
youre right... i do want to trust him and ill try my best but i need to think of sth to take up my time while he is out so that i stop worrying. Any ideas?
>>
>>16645375
reading, music, movies. i have anxiety issues sometimes and these are my vices. that probably didnt help sorry
>>
i have them too and i appreciate your input. And i recognize that my trust issues could as well appear even if i get another partner
>>
>>16645395
just understand that you have no obligation to anyone in the world. if someone isnt treating you the way you want, there is nothing stopping you from changing that other than yourself
>>
thank you
>>
>>16645311
It's okay OP, I live alone, have no friends and people don't like me.
>>
I dont think thats true desu
>>
Keep in mind that trust is something that you build over time, be scared of him doing stupid shit in this party doesn't make you a bad person, but have the mindset that if he doesn't cheat on you at this party, the relationship will only grow stronger, because you will have more trust on him and will not go paranoiac if another similar situation shows up.
>>
>>16645311
Deliberatey. Whenever you catch the fears coming up, you say "No, I refuse to distrust my own boyfriend" (not necessarily aloud, but you must at least think it consciously) and you shut it down in whatever way works for you. Eventually your mind will make this real, and you won't have to do the deliberate refusal to distrust thing anymore, but that takes time. There may not be enough time for this process to completely finish before this party, but you can at least get it started.

This is powerful stuff, and you shouldn't use it recklessly. Generally, you should only use it with people you know to be trustworthy but can't bring yourself to actually trust, or in cases where trust is logistically necessary to accomplish some major goal.
>>
Getting cheated on isnt even my essential fear. I cant find the words to explain it though.


Im gonna try to tell myself its going to be fine, and if it is, then i hope the relationship will evolve.

However, if he actually does something stupid, i hope our his/ pretty mutual friends that are with him would let me know, or is there that bro-code concept where you do shit behind her back and your friends keep silent about it?
>>
>>16645326
>Well i do have trust issues because of shit that went on in my family so i guess thats fair

Don't punish people in your life for mistakes that others have made
>>
>>16646409
There isn't a bro-code persay, its just based on how honest and nice the person is and if they are willing to keep it a secret.
Also OP why can't you join him at this party exactly?
>>
>>16645317

>It makes me sad that he's going to have fun without me.

Get used to it, a relationship doesn't need to completely encompass someone's life. He is still an individual and is entitled to go out every now and again to do things by himself, much like you're entitled to.
Thread replies: 26
Thread images: 1
Thread DB ID: 378245



[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / biz / c / cgl / ck / cm / co / d / diy / e / fa / fit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mu / n / news / o / out / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vip /vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Home]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the shown content originated from that site. This means that 4Archive shows their content, archived. If you need information for a Poster - contact them.
If a post contains personal/copyrighted/illegal content, then use the post's [Report] link! If a post is not removed within 24h contact me at [email protected] with the post's information.