ok so my bf is gonna go out partying this weekend whilst im gonna be in my hometown 2.5h away and i have my panties in a twist. How do i stop being a whiny bitch about it?
well im afraid he might get shitfaced or whatever and do something stupid + idk who he is going out with so that makes me sad and he is gonna go out have fun without me while im sitting there missing him
Tell him that, and he'll tell you it's cool. And then ask him how it went and he'll tell you it was cool.
There isn't really anything you can do here but trust him or not. Have faith and be positive.
If i tell him that he might throw a tantrum about how i dont trust him. Well i do have trust issues because of shit that went on in my family so i guess thats fair. And im scared that if i get angry or upset and tell him the reason he is gonna do sth just to get back to me idk
he has done a couple of shady things in the past and tried to explain them to me but that also fucked me up pretty bad
But since i dont wanna seem overprotective or jealous all the time he thinks everything is sorted
"shit that went on in the family". . I have that too, but I like trusting people, and the rare occasions you get let down, trust me rarer than you think, you are in the right anyway because you trusted. But let them know how badly they fucken up.
if you dont feel comfortable trusting tjis guy then i dont see how you can have a successful relationship. you should tell him how you feel, and you should expect him to at least understand your position. if you cant or he cant, then theres obviously a disconnect that you have to make a decision upon
yeah i understand and i told him yesterday i was very anxious about it and he said i need to work on myself in order to feel better but damn im confused and would like to see him try and make me feel better as well
communicate with him. hes the one your in a relationship with. tell him this shit plz and if he keeps ignoring you should be suspcious or come to the conclusion he may not be who you need
just understand that you have no obligation to anyone in the world. if someone isnt treating you the way you want, there is nothing stopping you from changing that other than yourself
Keep in mind that trust is something that you build over time, be scared of him doing stupid shit in this party doesn't make you a bad person, but have the mindset that if he doesn't cheat on you at this party, the relationship will only grow stronger, because you will have more trust on him and will not go paranoiac if another similar situation shows up.
Deliberatey. Whenever you catch the fears coming up, you say "No, I refuse to distrust my own boyfriend" (not necessarily aloud, but you must at least think it consciously) and you shut it down in whatever way works for you. Eventually your mind will make this real, and you won't have to do the deliberate refusal to distrust thing anymore, but that takes time. There may not be enough time for this process to completely finish before this party, but you can at least get it started.
This is powerful stuff, and you shouldn't use it recklessly. Generally, you should only use it with people you know to be trustworthy but can't bring yourself to actually trust, or in cases where trust is logistically necessary to accomplish some major goal.
Getting cheated on isnt even my essential fear. I cant find the words to explain it though.
Im gonna try to tell myself its going to be fine, and if it is, then i hope the relationship will evolve.
However, if he actually does something stupid, i hope our his/ pretty mutual friends that are with him would let me know, or is there that bro-code concept where you do shit behind her back and your friends keep silent about it?
There isn't a bro-code persay, its just based on how honest and nice the person is and if they are willing to keep it a secret.
Also OP why can't you join him at this party exactly?
>It makes me sad that he's going to have fun without me.
Get used to it, a relationship doesn't need to completely encompass someone's life. He is still an individual and is entitled to go out every now and again to do things by himself, much like you're entitled to.