How do I get her back, /adv/?
No contact, then reach out in a month or so with an improved version of myself and hope for the best? Everything I read says this is pretty much the only way. Anyone have any anecdotal experiences with NC they'd like to share?
We had been together for 3 years, and she broke up with me on Christmas Eve, ultimately saying she thinks she wants to work on the relationship but not right now, she needs time and space.
I'm at a week of no contact right now with her, and it's getting harder every day despite me actively working on improving myself.
Thoughts, comments, suggestions? Thanks /adv/.
It really comes down to what you want to do.
On one hand, you shouldn't feel you owe him anything, money doesn't equal love, and if he tries to bring that down on you, he's being shitty and manipulative. It seems there might already be some manipulation on his part already - he arranges things and built his perfect little bubble.
But on the other hand, it seems you really are interested in him still. It seems foolish to throw away a relationship just because you want to hook up with other dudes. As a male I would find that kind of behavior after a break up to be pretty immature.
Bottom line is, if you want out, get out, and afterwards go into damage control mode - give yourself some time and ease back into the hookup scene of that's really what you want. And next time you're in a relationship, be hestitant about letting someone be too financially forward (he buys your groceries? That's fucking weird.) - it's really not so subtle manipulation like that that's brought you to this question in the first place.
>How do I get her back, /adv/?
You don't. Since she's the one that dumped you, she's going to have to decide to come crawling back. And 99% of the time when one person decides to take a break from the relationship, they just never come back. Sorry mate. You're better off chalking it up to experience and starting to move on.
>reach out in a month or so with an improved version of myself
Unfortunately, anything bad enough to contribute to the downfall of a 3-year relationship is probably not going to be fixable in a month. If I knew someone for 3 years who had certain habits and traits, and then a month later they popped up and said "guess what I don't have those anymore :DDD" I would be very skeptical. The thing with self-improvement is that you can change your behaviour, but the underlying reasons for the old behaviour take longer to change, if they can be changed at all. I'd say it takes at least 6-12 months to assess whether any significant, lasting change has been made.
Source: have been working on self-improvement since college days, pushing 40 now. Also have (admittedly mostly secondhand - friends etc.) experience with people "taking breaks" from relationships.
>she broke up with me on Christmas Eve, ultimately saying she thinks she wants to work on the relationship but not right now, she needs time and space.
Sorry to break you this OP, but I've seen countless cases of this happening, all to the same result - the girl fucking some other guy and never returning.
You should try to be an improved version of yourself, not for her, but for yourself instead. If it sounds pointless, you're probably depressed. It's okay. Just remember that you survived before her, and that you will survive after.
YOU WILL SURVIVE
YOU WIIIILL SURVIIIIIVE
Dumped my gf over a month ago and at first she wanted to stay friends but I got mad at her over stupid bullshit now she has blocked me everywhere. I can't find her anywhere and I miss her. I fucked up and I regret.
I'm trying to live with the idea that there's just no way back but it's very hard to move on.
1) spend months and months trying to find a way to accept that she's gone and get your life back on track
2) be a total cuck and try to contact her and have her reject and humiliate you, then realize you have to spend months and months trying to find a way to accept that she's gone and try to get your life back on track.
Choose your path, mortal.
everytime i see people trying to get back at their exes i see people sacrificing the possibility to use the opportunity to work on themselves towards their best self and refusing to travel the world to find the one lucky girl crazed about meeting the one man that guy has become and having one of the best relationships you will ever have beyond your wildest dreams.