I've known my best friend for the past 18 years, but last year he started acting weird and more shut in. Finally found out that the reason why was because he had been going to court, and ended up pleading guilty to 100 counts of child pornography. I ended up looking up his case and before the plea deal he was facing 400+ charges of it as a class B felony and got it down to a class C felony. This guy was hanging out with and watching my kids when I had to work late; they haven't said he acted weird or anything, but I can't even fathom that I let someone like that near my kids. He sent me mail asking me to box up his stuff and put it in storage and that he's sorry for what he did, but can/should you even forgive someone who has done this type of stuff? Right now I feel like "accidentally" breaking his stuff, and setting something up to watch his computer activity so if he does get out I can make sure he doesn't get back into that stuff. At the same time though I feel if I see him I'd come close to killing him, if not outright killing him. He swears up and down he never touched a kid, and according to the police report he said he was glas he was caught because he wanted to get help. I don't know though. Your thoughts?
P.S. Is it considered doxxing to post his court information? mainly so you can see the same information I found of it.
Dude, you are considering fucking killing someone and you think he's the bad guy?
The man is guilty for having a preference he never acted out on.
And you want to kill him.
Gee, I wonder who the psychopath is.
I don't know if he's acted on it or not, and I said I might because of how fucking disgusting it is. The "preference" he was looking at was baby to 5-6 years old. so yes I do think he's a bad guy.
Ah, that shit is creepy lol. Figured you meant more hebe and liking girls like my favorite, Maddie Ziegler. Which I wouldn't call sick at all. I'd call that having good taste!
But yes, liking babies to 6 year olds is fucking disgusting. Idk though, does it inherently make him a bad person? I think it makes him diseased, not bad.
>the guy's life is pretty much ruined
>police will have regular inspections of his house and his computers WITHOUT WARNING to ensure he's not keeping any pics or other shit
>probably going to jail for a number of years
>will never have a proper job
>statistically, he has exponentially increased his chance of suicide
>you want to spy on him by setting up spying shit on his computer
>"accidentally" break his stuff, when his stuff is pretty much all he's going to have left when he comes back from jail since society will pretty much label him an outcast
>want to kill him even though the law and society have pretty much killed him
Just let him be. Sounds like he was always the "look but don't touch" type of pedos, so you don't have much to worry about it since it means he was probably a coward and ashamed of his addiction.
You're act of helping him out is probably be the last time anyone ever treats this guy like a fucking human in his entire life. He's mentally ill, and will be treated like trash for the remainder of his life.
Youre best just cutting all contact and moving on with life.
Yes he is disgusting and yes you should protect your children , but how is destruction of his belongings and outing him further than your town going to help?
How will it help you family if he takes you to civil court to sue for damages done to his property.
Do yourself a favor and walk away, he owes you nothing and vice versa. He is already facing punishment both legally and in his personally life.
Forgiving is different from condoning. In your position, I'd just get his shit sent out and cut ties. Regardless of how repentant he is, there's always going to be a risk that's not worth taking as long as your children are in the picture.
>Gee, I wonder who the psychopath is.
Neither party, because apparently you don't know what the term means.
You have no reason to hate this person. He was looking at some freaky shit on the net, and he paid the price. He wasnt convicted of anything but being a bit too curious with looking up taboo material.
I know people like this too. Made me think less of them, but I didnt hate them. They never made any effort to actually harm children, it's actually more common than you'd think.
If you don't want to have any contact with him, that's fair. It's your life and you choose whoever you want to hang out with.
And it is most definitely understandable if you don't let him watch your kids.
But yeah, if you dont want contact with him just tell him. No need to fuck up his stuff or trying to install spyware on his computer. Nor spreading his court informations is a good idea. If you head down this road you basically already made your choice if you want to continue being a friend to this person.
I'd say you have two choices, if you felt this guy looking at freaky shit is a personal insult and betrayal of your trust, then break it off.
If not just get over it and act like a sane humanbeing.
Lynch mob mentality is pretty shit. Look, 70-80 years ago people outwardly and probably still do attack people for being gay. It's "disgusting/sick". You can't help what you're attracted to, right? The same concept applies to pedos. The difference being, it involves kids. So any outward activity to act on that attraction is what breaks the law. But you can't help what your attracted to all the same. I'm not comparing people who are gay to pedos. I'm saying the concept of that you can't help what you're attracted to applies to pedos just as much as it does to people who are gay.
70-80 years ago, it was socially acceptable to lynch on people who were gay because of that attraction. Now by todays standards, it's not.
Don't be that person who lynch mobs someone based on their attraction. Even if I or you can't understand it and find the idea sick, so long as he hasn't acted on it, he's done nothing wrong other than be born with an attraction that's really a curse.
Do they really get to do that to him now? If so I won't put stuff to watch him. and the "look but don't touch" I'm more okay with, though the stuff he was looking at had real kids being used according to the report. He apparently is only serving 3-10 years according to his laywer, 10 years being the max if he acts up the entire time, to 3 years if he has good behaviour.
I know his aunts and uncles are all trying to find ways to help him out; I still talk with them and help them around the house since their kids have moved to other states and they are good people. He has a shit ton of xbox friends, and I know he has at least 2 friends into the same "things" as he is since apparently one ratted him out to get a better deal, and he mentioned the other only downloaded things at public places then put it on an offline computer to not get caught.
On a sidenote: are things niches usually local? This is probably just me being overly worried, but I trusted this guy for 18 years and never would of guessed it. He's good with kids, though said he doesn't want any of his own. (which is probably partially due to his "hobby")
This is a good and sensible post.
OP, you need to understand -- the man didn't ask for this. Okay? It really is a mental illness, not one that we have any idea how to treat, and even approaching a therapist comes with a substantial risk of being reported to the police. Our society doesn't offer any support networks or treatment options for these people. Very little research has gone into this area. Many pedophiles exist who understand how awful molestation is and would never actually hurt a child, but who really struggle with their conditions, often swearing off child porn for months and a time and then binging on it ... yes, child porn is absolutely disgusting, and if this guy ever directly participated in anything that hurt a child, he's well beyond sympathy or redemption, but assuming he's telling the truth about that, then back the fuck off. What he's been through already is well beyond anything you'll ever have to deal with.
We could have structured our society in a better way, bearing in mind that urges are not deeds and offering practical and sympathetic help to people like this who need it, but we didn't do that. Now his life is ruined. Don't let him near your kids, don't be his friend if you don't want to anymore, but don't punish him any further yourself.
>freaky shit on the net
looking at things like babies and toddlers being sexually abused is freaky shit?
Also I never said I hate him, I'm disgusted by him and think he shouldn't reproduce.
the court information is public record, which is how I found it.
If you want to look at freaky shit, that's fine, I don't care, if you want to look at little kids being abused, especially sexually, that is when I care.
I'm fine with pedos if they want to look at or draw fake shit. like wanna see a cartoon girl get fucked idgaf, but the moment it become a real little girl or boy it's a different story. They might be "not as bad" as child molestors, but what they do makes child molestors feel okay with what they do, and requires them to be around to get the "look but don't touch" crowd their pictures.
>What he's been through already is well beyond anything you'll ever have to deal with.
How do you figure this? for the months between his being fired and him being put in jail he literally just played video games and was on the internet all day.
I honestly feel that if you found out your best friend was a pedophile who had been alone around your kids, you would be just as distraught.
Though you kind of ruin your post with your back the fuck off. since you go from a pretty down to earth person to a dickweed in an instant.
>They might be "not as bad" as child molestors, but what they do makes child molestors feel okay with what they do
I don't think that's true at all. Any child molestor knows inherently what they are doing is wrong. They didn't justify to themselves by saying it's okay because other people look at it. I think that's an assumption on your part, and a wrong one at that. He's already serving time for looking at it. But he's never acted on it, which means you are wanting to harass him solely because he's attracted to kids.
And this just proves you dont want advice, you want validation for your anger which you wont get here. You want to host a party for your vendetta then fuck off, people have given you genuine and logical advice.
Go destroy his shit if you want you dumbass but dont come bitching about the lawsuit that follows.
did you not read the second part of that, of it making them needed for the "look but don't touch" group?
you can think it's an assumption and a wrong one, we're both entitled to think the way we do, but the reason I believe my thought to be true is, if someone knows it's wrong to touch a child, and feels an urge to, they can try to find help before touching someone which isn't illegal. and isn't something that can get you arrested/put in jail. and again I'm fine with people watching to look at the drawn stuff since that doesn't hurt real kids.
I don't want to harass him, I just feel 3-10 years for over 400 counts of child pornography is way to low.
how has that proven I don't want advice? I am taking the advice of not breaking his stuff, and most likely cutting ties with him; though I'm definitely not letting him around my kids again.
Oh my god yes I can read but you ignored the most important points, you asshole...
About the part where they can't control it so you should move on instead of being a fucking cop-for-hire?
This. Thank you, this is what I meant by you ignoring that post. You replied to it yes, but ignored the point.
I have to go for a while, but first I'll shoot a quick response. Might be able to squeeze one in later on my phone if this thread is still going.
Man, to me, "back the fuck off" is pretty mild for 4chan! It wasn't really meant to be directed "at you"; honestly, a splash is profanity is how I keep my posts on serious subjects from becoming too heavy and serious, since even when the subject is serious this remains, in my mind, an informal setting. That's way more analysis than I ever thought I'd subject to a single instance of the word "fuck." Not trying to backpedal, though -- didn't mean to give offense, sorry if I did.
Anyway. I wish I had more time to write a more thoughtful reply, but quickly -- you know about OCD, right? It can be quite an unpleasant condition, linked to compulsive behavior and thoughts of every type, from the stereotypical "flip the light switch fifty times" to self-harm and intrusive suicidal thoughts. Now imagine that you had one of the more painful strains of it ... and there was no medication available, you couldn't get therapy, and if you even told a friend you risked being reported to the police. Ditto if you acted on your (very strong) urges.
When I talk about what he's been through I mean that internal struggle, not that his life is necessarily physically a living hell -- although once he hits prison, it might be.
>did you not read the second part of that, of it making them needed for the "look but don't touch" group?
I did read it, but it has no relevance to your friend and feels more like a justification on your part. It sounds like you're stretching here. Child porn/molestation won't ever be eradicated completely, and people who look at child porn risk a sentence for their curiosity. But they are not actively harming anyone by looking. A child molestor is.
> if someone knows it's wrong to touch a child, and feels an urge to, they can try to find help before touching someone which isn't illegal
Think seriously what you're asking someone to do. You're asking someone to willingly come forth and say they are attracted to children. To invite people such as yourself to install spyware, "accidentally" break their stuff and possibly find themselves "accidentally" breaking bones from "falling down the stairs" into their life.
Would you do that willingly? I sure as fuck wouldn't. The reason people don't come forth willingly is because of the attitude you're wanting to display right here.
I'm not trying to make a lynch mob, so how did I miss the important points? If it's a mental illness then he should be in a mental hospital to get help.
nah you're fine dude, I just read it wrong from the looks of things.
If you feel urges to do stuff but haven't looked/done anything yet can you still get in trouble? I feel you could talk to a psychiatrist(the one who has an M.D. so the conversation is covered by doctor patient confedentiality.) without getting arrested. though I don't know the laws fully.
So far his prison life according to him isn't that bad and he's "treated alright considered where he is" (in him own words).
> it has no relevance to your friend and feels more like a justification on your part.
it is relevant since he was looking up and getting pictures of REAL children not drawn ones, meaning real babies and todlers were abused for the pictures he looked at.
>Think seriously what you're asking someone to do. You're asking someone to willingly come forth and say they are attracted to children. To invite people such as yourself to install spyware, "accidentally" break their stuff and possibly find themselves "accidentally" breaking bones from "falling down the stairs" into their life.
I want to because he was shown he would look that stuff up, if he came for me for help with the issue first I'd talk to him about it and be there to talk and shit. I'm fine with people wanting to look at whatever type of porn they want as long as noone is hurt in the process without wanting to be.
Because pedophiles are considered dangerous, pedophiles is explicitly not covered under doctor-patient confidentiality in some jurisdictions (meaning doctors are obligated to report it) and up to the doctor's judgment in others. In all cases it is a risk for the patient.
This is what I mean when I say our system offers no help.
Having the porn is acting on it, though not directly. He's supporting the people that DO abuse children. That's not to say child abuse would end if there was no audience for it, but it would at least cut down on exploitation. He might as well be giving people who do abuse kids a cigar and a hearty pat on the back.
Keep him away from your kids, put his shit out so he can pick it up without you having to see him or talk to him, don't do him any favors. He's dead to you, you don't need to kill him.
There are actually a lot of them that think it's absolutely fine to do, and turn to others for validation. You'd be surprised. I've talked to some of these people.
I personally don't find pedophiles inheritely dangerous, it's when they act on it or use real pictures that makes it dangerous. I feel it SHOULD be reported IF the person has touched a kid, otherwise the focus should only be helping them get better or at least cope with it.
Also you're fine.
>t is relevant since he was looking up and getting pictures of REAL children not drawn ones, meaning real babies and todlers were abused for the pictures he looked at.
But it wasn't him who abused them. Which is what my point is. Like I have already said, you won't ever completely eradicate child molestation, so you're making a moot point saying that "look but don't touch" enable molestation. They don't, be realistic now. You're clinging to an idealistic view and arguing it, which is why I'm saying you're trying to justify doing nasty shit to your friend. Look at it perspectively. He looked at child porn and got sentenced for it. Has he ever harmed anyone? No. That's perspective.
>I want to because he was shown he would look that stuff up, if he came for me for help with the issue first I'd talk to him about it and be there to talk and shit. I'm fine with people wanting to look at whatever type of porn they want as long as noone is hurt in the process without wanting to be.
That might be you, and that might be what you think you would do. Chances are you would reacted a lot more hostile. But even if you didn't, there are people who will. Until people like you stop with the lynch mob mentality over pedos, pedos will not step forward and willingly let themselves be treated as sub-human for their attraction. Honestly, I don't blame pedos either. I wouldn't want to be treated as sub-human and have people try to break my stuff or harass me or physically be violent towards me for something I can't help being attracted to either.
I actually know what it's what I would do, I've helped quite a few people with issues like this. So don't try to act like you know me, and can you stop trying to act like I'm trying to make a lynch mob? you're starting to sound as bad as SJWs.
>So don't try to act like you know me, and can you stop trying to act like I'm trying to make a lynch mob?
>"Right now I feel like "accidentally" breaking his stuff, and setting something up to watch his computer activity so if he does get out I can make sure he doesn't get back into that stuff"
I'm not making out you are lynching. You are right here.
That's strange, because the feminists I speak to hate pedos, yet fully support homosexuals, not realizing the hypocrisy right there. And a usual feminist tactic like the one you used is to call anyone who doesn't agree with them on a taboo subject as rape as a rapist. So naturally I assumed you were part of that crowd.
"(of a mob) kill (someone), especially by hanging, for an alleged offense with or without a legal trial." Not seeing how I'm trying to lynch him, nor where I'm trying to make a mob, so do please fuck off with the bullshit.
called him/her a pedo because of their responses not because they didn't agree with what I personally think. and I told a half truth I guess, they fully support female pedophiles. such as liah dunham, or the 38 year old teacher who molested an 8 year old boy but got off because "she realized it was wrong"
OP acts like women are never sexually abused in the porn industry
(Men as well in some cases I'm sure, but there's loads more research and information regarding females). Porn in general advocates unhealthy sexual activity, but myself, you and everyone on this thread watches it.
I'm not at all saying pedophilia is okay, or that child porn isn't far worse, but don't act lol it's just CP that involves sexual, physical and mental abuse. And yeah, obviously adults make the conscious choice to be sex workers while children don't, or aren't mature enough to consent.. But I'm sure these adults don't agree to the abuse the end of facing
You're wanting to do petty things to do him and treat him like he's sub-human because he's attracted to kids. I'm not meaning lynch formally, I'm meaning the concept of lynching. Your "street justice" because he's a pedo. Sheesh.
That person was me, and no, you used a shaming tactic, trying to discredit a debate by calling someone a pedo. Much the same as feminists using the tactic of calling someone a rapist. It's a shaming tactic trying to discredit someone. Those feminists weren't supporting females, they were supporting feminism through cognitive bias.
>looking at things like babies and toddlers being sexually abused is freaky shit?
I'd say it's not normal, so sure.
>Also I never said I hate him, I'm disgusted by him and think he shouldn't reproduce.
So you don't hate him, you just have all kinds of ill feelings towards him, want to kill him and destroy his property. mmmkay.
>the court information is public record, which is how I found it.
Sure, so let other people find it if they feel it is relevant. You are trying to broadcast his info, which is not something you do for a friend.
>If you want to look at freaky shit, that's fine, I don't care, if you want to look at little kids being abused, especially sexually, that is when I care.
Newsflash, he is already being punished for it.
As I said, you should either cut off you ties or just let it go and act like a sane person. I could understand this anger if he actually did anything to harm you or your children, but that is not the case. If it was, then I'd say you should put the hurt on this dude.
As some other people already stated, you are not looking for advice, you just want people to support your vendetta against someone who did nothing to you apart from downloading some pictures that doesn't concern you. The feds got him, and he will pay the price. Most likely his life will be shit from now on.
So i will give you the most solid advice I can give you, based off your behavior. Just cut ties with this dude and tell him you don't really want any more contact with him. Do not destroy his stuff.
If you really want to put the hurt on him, then just place his stuff nicely in storage for him without being an ass. That way he would think he is actually losing a good friend instead of a psycho anyone would love to get out of their life.
>I'm sure these adults don't agree to the abuse the end of facing
you are talking about a very small fraction of the porn industry, and sometimes the abusive porn makers do face rape charges.
As others have pointed out, having porn is acting on it and also perpetuates the abuse of children. Good for the guy for wanting to get help but if he was sincere he'd bow out of the friendship understandingly. Also, you shouldn't expect people to army him just because you're angry about being duped and putting your kids at risk. Just be grateful that they weren't harmed.
Forgive him, but that doesn't mean you have to be friends again or even associate with him. If he hasn't done anything to your kids, be thankful, at least he thought enough of you as a friend to not pull up shit like that.
>Persecuting someone because of a mental illness they can't get treatment for
>Don't give him his stuff back.
>Cut contact, call the cops.
Call the cops for what?
>Please make sure your kids weren't harm.
Solid advice. But I imagine that's the first thing OP did.
>All you fucks saying this guy done nothing wrong, fuck you.
He did nothing wrong to OP, so fuck you
>The lynch mentality people have towards pedos is fucked up, though.
It is. And it isn't rooted in a good place. I'm sure it takes a far stronger and more noble mind to have an attraction towards children and to not act on it than it does to just follow the braying mob and tar all paedophiles as monsters.
Agreed for the most part
What about when the transgender leads you on without letting you know he has a penis? Has you fall for them, maybe even doing something sexually with them, while misleading you?
This shit does happen and leads to violent cases. Thoughts? It isn't the same as taking advantage of a child, but it is taking advantage.
I totally get why people dislike pedos. It is really low to prey on kids for sex.
That said, I'm not even sure if some guy looking at pics like that can actually be called a pedo. Unless he ofcourse genuinly wants to fuck children. If all people who downloaded that shit actually raped kids, the whole society would be fucked.
I believe there are people who get caught up in the fetish without ever wanting to act upon it in real life.
Yeah, I think you are kind of confusing yourself here. We all agree that people who just look at pics without acting on it, while being mentally ill, are not exactly 'low', 'disgusting' people. They have a problem. People who act on it, yes, are low. Glad you seem to agree.
It's because children are so vulnerable, and really easily damaged by this shit, physically and emotionally. We see someone with these urges, we think, "this person would like to hurt my baby/nephew/niece/cousin/etc.," and we flip our shit because we see them as a threat to someone that can't possibly defend themselves.
It sucks that it leads people to not seek help, but it does make sense. We have an exaggerated response in regards to things affecting those we perceive as innocent or helpless. We do the same thing with animal abuse. Someone murders a guy, that sucks, life goes on. Someone kills a dog, people sharpen their pitchforks and start shrieking incoherently about their guns or something.
Right, we agree there.
However, what I'm saying is that I'm not sure if a person can rightly be called a pedo if he just gains sexual pleasure from the fetish itself. I do believe many people enjoy the fetish pictures, but do not feel attracted to kids in ordinary life.
Whereas a pedo would, whether he looks a pictures or not, find children highly attractive in real life.
I totally get the argument that pedophilia is a mental illness and there's not much that can be done.
However, I think anybody who uses real CP is part of the problem, too. I know it feels really harsh to ruin somebody's life over it and throw them in jail, but their demand is what creates those pictures to begin with, so even if an individual user is only a small slice of the problem, they still contributed into some fat old pig fucking a little girl and putting it on the internet.
Of course, that's assuming that kind of thing is what he had, and I think the kind of "CP" possessed should be taken into account in court more than it is. If the guy's just fapping to leaked JB selfies, for example, those girls put those pictures up of their own initiative, and he doesn't really deserve punishment for that. Something similar goes for those "nudist" photos you see around, although I have doubts about how many of those are what they appear to be and what gets done to those girls between photoshoots.
I also think there needs to be a legal distinction between Pedos, Hebos, and Ephebos. Being attracted to post-pubescent teen girls is basically natural (though actually doing anything to them is wrong), while pre-pubescent little kids definitely isn't normal, but society and law don't seem to make much of a distinction between the two.
>, but their demand is what creates those pictures to begin with
I don't quite understand this argument. At one point, it might have been a financial reason to do it. However, these days it seems more to be produced among pedos who want to share with other pedos, and its spilling out into the web from there.
It would just be so hard to make money of it, I imagine people who have the knowledge to do it would find easier ways.
That it would be a multi billion dollar industry seems to pretty much be a myth from my perspective. Not that I'm in a position to say much about it, since i havent even gone onto the deep web.
Ya know on b when people talk about accepting pedos you kind of take it with a grain of salt, like people there are just trying too hard to sound edgy.
This fucking thread though, holy shit. You guys that are saying "is just a preference like being gay" are fucking serious aren't you?
Man I'm done with 4chan, I know there are some decent people here but between this shit and the racism I think it's time to move on and leave you turds to your cesspool.
inb4 "good riddance" I'll take that as a compliment
I honestly don't know enough about the circumstances under which these pictures are created to say anything, I guess. The stories I've heard have been of it being a totally commercial enterprise, shit like it mostly being borderline human slavery and coming out of Russia with backing from their mob, but I suppose it'd be in the interests of the authorities to make it look as bad as possible.
>The stories I've heard have been of it being a totally commercial enterprise, shit like it mostly being borderline human slavery and coming out of Russia
I've just never actually seen any real cases that support that notion.
I've only ever heard cases about some pedos treating it as a hobby venture. The only pictures ive seen have been in documentaries or briefly on /b/ and their quality has been so bad I suppose it fits well in with the business model of a pervert trying create memories, and swapping for other peoples stuff.
If there was any industrial production of this stuff, it must have been closed down during the 80s or 90s.
Just beaucause people are stating it is a mental illness, and there are treatment centers specifically made for treating pedophilia with licensed drs, doesnt mean they do not need lega punishment as well. The legal side only punishes the behavior it doesnt try to help or rehabilitate a person, so they are more likely to reoffend. Without any form of mental health counseling its a vicious cycle until it gets to dangerous points where a real child is involved.
I know there was a case a few years ago where a Russian girl's mother was sentenced for "renting" her daughter to porn producers. IIRC the girl was also a child pageant star or similar. Sandra something I think.
>don't lynch people = pedos are a-ok
Try reading comprehension or pic related.
Well, yes, that could potentially happen. Some parent getting money to leave her child with perverts. I never said stuff like that didn't happen. I just question there being a financial incentive to go into that sort of business considering the large international focus there is in order to stop it.
I still believe that business isnt driven by profit but rather perverts treating it as a hobby.
OP here, went to get groceries and return to a lot of new stuff...
To the people saying I'm trying to make a lynch mob, I said in the original post that I'd post the dockets so you can see the charges, and find out what he was looking at. I never said anything about trying to get anyone to hurt him. When I said if I see him again I feel as though I'd come close to/or straight out kill him. No where do I say I am planning on it, it's an emotional response. FFS stop acting like a bitch and actually put thought into this stuff. I didn't post this on /b/ because I didn't want to just get the "kill him" and "topkek, dude's awesome" sides I wanted actually conversation, and help of what I should do other than straight out cut ties, while also wanting to know if I should forgive him and/or accidentally fuck some of his stuff up.
some of the stuff he looked at includes stuff like a dude rubbing on and cumming on a baby's ass. what apparently looked like a 5 year old giving fellatio and things like that. It also stated that he said when he first saw images like that he was disgusted then started getting aroused until he almost soley looked at that sort of pornographic material.
I know he shouldn't die if he hasn't touched a child, but at the same time he should get some punishment for not actually trying to get help, and for not saying shit about the real life CP stuff. I feel if pedophiles snitched on the real life shit they wouldn't be as bad because they'd be taking more of the trash out, and might be able to get help much like an crack addict.
No one wants to be addicted to crack, just as hopefully noone wants to want to look at real CP both are illegal, and will get you in trouble, though I feel we're more lenient with the crack even though you're more likely to murder for crack than pictures of CP.
and if anyone has proof that being a pedophile is a mental illness I'd love to see it, because I kind see it as more of a pavlov's dog sort of thing.
Interrogate your kids, otherwise leave him alone. He could have always threatened or bribed your kids into keeping a tight secret. How old are your kids? The younger, the worse the case is.
My kids are 3 and 7. Though I worry that if I interrogate them and he didn't do anything they'll dislike/hate me since they were used to hanging out with him usually once or twice a week because of my work. Is there a good way to probe without them feeling they need to hide anything while also making it so they don't think I'm trying to make something. If that makes sense.
Probably if you're legitimately worried, just monitor them for any behavioral changes, any references to sexual behavior inappropriate for their ages in their play, etc etc. Best to consult with an experienced pediatrician or a child psych experienced with trauma for a proper evaluation if you think it's necessary. If they seem to be doing okay it's probably okay. Just be around and watch em play mostly.
>if anyone has proof that being a pedophile is a mental illness I'd love to see it
It's currently listed as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
OP, if you're still here, there's a fantastic article about "good pedophiles" committed to never molesting children here. It documents the struggle of several of them (one of whom eventually created a support group for pedophiles trying really hard to permanently give up child porn) including the difficulty of getting confidential therapy (and frankly the therapist's reaction in the article, as well as that of the pedophile-in-question's relatives, was vastly milder than many cases I've heard of.)
It's a fairly long article, but you don't have to read the entire thing, and it's a fairly engaging and breezy read despite the subject matter. It also helps a lot to humanize these people, and dispel a couple of myths about them (For instance, current thinking is that pedophilia is in fact deeply rooted and possibly even tied to biological causes, certainly not a choice or a Pavlov's Dogs response. That's why it's so hard to overcome.)
Obviously not all pedophiles are as benign as these guys, by half (and even they aren't exactly without sin, as many did access child porn, they just stopped themselves eventually.) But I can't help but think that if your friend, ex-friend now I suppose, had been pointed in a non-judgmental manner towards a group like this, and had access to supportive therapy without the fear of his confidence being violated, this might never have happened.
Being 'mentally I'll isn't an excuse. If you seriously believe that the pedophiles are 'mentally I'll for this shit, then are all murderers mentally ill? Are all rapists? Are all thieves?
This logic is so flawed and is why there are so many pedophiles out there; because if they look at photos of children or molest a child, they can just scream mental illness and it'll all be okay.
OP here, about to go to sleep, but I'll probably tell him about the article. I'm still trying to figure out what to do aboutt he friendship. If he'd of came to me before this stuff went down I'd of tried to help with it and that might have kept him from talking/meeting the other people into it. I know even if we stay friends it's going to be rocky at best and awkward at family dinners since I've always eaten with his grandmother and relatives on sundays. Since he's been locked up it's already gotten awkward a bit because they don't know I know why he was locked up.
I honestly hope that he can either get help, or at least control himself enough to only look at animated/drawn stuff.
There's a difference between having thoughts and actually acting on those thoughts. I've had thoughts about killing people I hate (not actually planning on it, just fantasizing about it) but I never came close to murdering someone.
>This logic is so flawed and is why there are so many pedophiles out there; because if they look at photos of children or molest a child, they can just scream mental illness and it'll all be okay.
First of all, most murderers aren't addicted or aroused to killing. If they are, they are also labelled mentally ill.
And mental illness will probably make their case worse, not better. It's just harder to condemn something for what they can't control. Especially if they haven't actually done more than look at a picture.
No no no, I meant that people saying pedophiles have a mental illness and aren't just fucked up is ridiculous.
It means that literally all a pedophile needs to say is 'oh but I'm sick and I need help' (even if they don't mean it), and then they have less jail time, more acceptance in society, and actual legit help from trained medical professionals who could be helping the people who do have an actual mental illness, not just a person who gets off on photos and/or molests kids.
Tell him that you hope he can get his life together and fix whatever issues he has. Then cut ties and move on with your life.
As for taking care of his stuff, I would have a more in depth conversation with him about these allegations before you do that. If after doing that you believe that he truly never touched anyone and is sorry for what he did, go ahead and do it for him. Otherwise, don't. Or just ignore him and do what I said in the first couple sentences.
You simply don't know what you're talking about. This kind of cut-the-bullshit, hardline stance works when you're the least bit informed about the subject, but when you're not it just makes you look like a loudmouthed, immature tool.