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Tomorrow is the day
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice

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Tomorrow is the day /adv/...

I have decided to break up with my boyfriend of 4 years because of our sex life. We've been through so much together but I can't do this anymore.
He has had a porn habit since he was 16 and it didn't stop when we got together..when he was 22. He has tried to see therapists and it didn't help, I have tried to talk about any fetishes he has, tried to be prettier/sexier, tried to be patient and understanding but nothing is working. I suggested a diet change and exercise but he didn't stick to it either. We've had sex once in the past 3 months and I am feeling very unwanted and neglected.
He is a good person and a great friend but it's just not working for me. I need sex more than once every 3 months.

My friend told me I am making the correct decision, especially since she has witnessed my self esteem plummet since I found out about his porn addiction a year into our relationship. I think I have been more than patient and understanding, I guess I just want reassurance that I am doing the right thing here, that I am not being irrational or crazy... or going about it the wrong way.

Any advice/tips would be really good right now.
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Damn. If you loved him I think you would try harder. Instead of just dropping him like that, if it's an actual addiction you'd stick through it together. Just touch yourself? Try to be more understanding if you actually love him, but I mean probably not right?
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>>16642243
She tried for three years, how is that not enough? You can't help someone that won't help themselves.
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>>16642245
This. 3 yrs is a fuck long time to wait for him to get his dick straight.
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>>16642245
Yeah, it isn't like she is leaving him when he is in rehab and fixing his problems.
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>>16642243

Did you read OP? she tried and he went to therapy but nothing happened and it looks like he doesn't even put effort on fixing it
If this situation really makes her feel bad, break up is the better decision, you bitter faggots have to stop thinking that the girl is always evil, her faggot boyfriend prefers touch himself than fuck her, sex is crucial in a healthy relationship
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Or stay with him, but promise him that you'll be getting your needs satisfied by someone else for as long as he keeps this shit up. Make it an open relationship. If he refuses, you have our permission to break up.
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>>16642243
I know it seems like I am just giving up. I genuinely love him as a person and I wanted a future with him. This thing is tearing me apart though. I feel so bad about myself as a desirable mate and I just hate myself when I am around him. We were apart for a month for the holidays and I found myself healthier and happier. I feel so miserable.

>>16642253
Thanks. I really don't think I am evil or giving up easy... I have tried for 3 years and have been patient... but it's eating at me every single day.

>>16642271
Well there came a time where I thought he wanted to sleep with other women, so I offered him an open relationship and he rejected it. I personally don't want to go sleeping around, I just want to move on and yes, find someone who is compatible with me.
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>>16642250
This.
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>>16642236
It's just time to end it, I'm afraid.

To everything there is a season. I'm sorry it is ending this way though.
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I'm having the same problem with my boyfriend and you are right for getting out. I'm planning on breaking up after his birthday next week.
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>>16642374
Well the reason is that he is addicted to porn lol But I am not sorry it's ending this way, it could be worse. I just feel bad for ending it because of this reason..

>>16642375
I wish you luck!
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>breaking up because of lack of sex

Congratulations you're a fucking slut
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>>16642385
I'm not a slut I just love love :)

Not op btw but I broke up with my ex for the same reason.
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>My friend told me I am making the correct decision, especially since she has witnessed my self esteem plummet since I found out about his porn addiction a year into our relationship.

Have you even told him about that? Have you sat him down and seriously talked to him and said "Hey, you seemingly not wanting to have sex with me is hurting me"? If yes, then do it again, if he still doesn't care break up with him. If you didn't then do it rather than end a good relationship just because he didn't see something.

You seem to imply that him watching porn is upsetting you as well as the lack of sex. That's bullshit, you can't be mad or upset because he watches porn. I can understand a lack of sex making you feel unwanted but there's no reason for watching porn to make you feel bad.

Either way it feels to me you're ending this reportedly good relationship because of sexual issues. That's like, the least important issue in a relationship. He isn't cheating, he isn't beating you, he isn't a dick to you. You could have it much worse than just "he only fucks me once every 3 months". What if he got paralyzed from the waist down and couldn't do it? What if he has ED? Have you two tried other ways of pleasuring you (ex: him fingering you or eating you out)?
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>>16642392
there are other ways of loving someone than sticking your organ into them you slut
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>>16642402
I watch porn Anon, it's not the porn. I am not fucking stupid or childish. It's that he has a porn addiction and our sex life is non-existent. I don't care about the porn watching, it's that we don't have sex because of it.

As for your hypothetical scenarios, if I had an issue that caused me not to be able to fulfill him completely, I would offer him alternatives because I am not a selfish person.
> Have you two tried other ways of pleasuring you (ex: him fingering you or eating you out)?

No because his desire is not there at all. He is affectionate but almost like he is petting a cat or a pet, it's robotic.
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holy shit, OP's image made me cringe hard af. So bitch-made.
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>>16642375
>week after Birthday

Fuck you
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>>16642385
>>16642406

topkek

Funny how if OP would be a guy with a girlfriend that doesn't want to fuck, everyone would be shouting 'break up with that bitch, it's unnatural not to have sex'. Fucking double standards.

OP, you are completely right with your decision. There is no true love without sex and you deserve a lot of credit for trying this long, especially since you tried it in different ways. Everything beyond that is his decision, and by not doing anything to change his behavior, he is to blame for the end of the relationship. You seem to be very caring and reasonable, don't let some depressed wankers here tell you otherwise. I hope you get over him after the breakup and find someone without any addictions.
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>>16642375
What the fuck are you waiting for? Do you really think his fucking birthday should be any factor in a decision like this? What the hell...?
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Very curious what you mean by porn addiction. As in like, he faps to porn once a day?

If so, he's a normal guy.

But please answer.
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I've been in a relationship for eight years. The sex has always been awful but I tried to work with him to make it better. He shows very little interest now and it's painfully obvious that he isn't comfortable with the idea of sex (it's like everything he does or says is pulled out of a porno).

I find him physically attractive but almost sexually repulsive and the last time we had sex was about six months ago. Your situation is slightly different but I also know my partner masturbates when he's by himself, so I can relate to how it destroys your self esteem.

I want somebody who wants to fuck me. It's literally all I think about. The first person who shows me any sexual attention is going to get fucked and although that makes me sound terrible, it's at the point where sex is an obsession for me.

In my opinion, you are doing the right thing. Sex is such a huge part of a relationship, especially when you're young. Some might argue and say you should spend longer trying to fix him but that's because they're excusing his behaviour.

He could stop masturbating and fuck you but he doesn't want to,because he's happy with his current life. And this is coming from somebody who absolutely loves the idea of watching porn and masturbating together. There's a line, he has obviously crossed it and has been doing so for several years.
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>>16642700
Not OP, but why don't you fucking google it?
No it's usually masturbating like 5-10 times a day, having no interest I'm having sex with real women, and usually involves strange fetishes.
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>>16642317

I would fuck you senseless if I wasn't in a relationship
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>>16642236
Shit, you've had sex within the last 3 months and you're complaining?

In the last 3 years I've had sex twice. Twice. Both times with hookers. Neither time I came.

I'd be grateful for quarterly loving. Shit, even a backrub would be sufficient.

Do you live in the Atlanta area?
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>>16642712
What the fuck, how am I suppose to google OP's interpretation for what porn addiction is? I just wanted to double check, sometimes OP is insanely dramatic and gives misinformation.

Fuck off.
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>>16642720
Gee everyone, look at this great guy here, model boyfriend. Bet your girlfriend loves that you post shit like this on 4chan's advice board.

She's a lucky winner.
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>>16642385
Guess who has never been in a healthy relationship! Or any relationship...
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>>16642402
>Good relationship
>No sex

So tell me about the happy couple that had a terrible sex life.
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>>16642236
I don't blame you op. At least he tried for you. Mine won't admit he has a problem but every morning there's like three to five new porn downloads on his pc. Obviously he's getting off to them as he can't even stay hard in bed. It's unattractive and creeps me out he's so into porn. I don't even want to try at this point (it's been two years) I'm thoroughly disgusted with him. He has all these movies where a common theme of women getting raped in them. He's actually tried to make me watch them knowing full well that crosses a line for me. Maybe it's because I grew up with country boys who are outdoorsy so never been around it much before. Either way I've come to realize we're different and value different things.Sad to let go after so long but you need to make yourself happy and healthy. Doesn't sound like he does it for you anymore, if ever. Good luck op!
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Agree with other anons you're doing the right thing op
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>>16642385
They've been together for 4 years, sex is incredibly common in relationships of that length. He isn't meeting her needs and she's making the decision to end the relationship because of it. It's not like he's fucking Tim Tebow and Jesus is shaking his finger at him. He has a problem that he's not solving and not making an effort to solve. She wants a healthy relationship, how does that make her a slut?
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>>16642243
>Damn. If you loved him I think you would try harder.
Bullshit. If someone is improving their problems that's one thing, but this man is refusing to seek help or stick to any plan. At this point it is only reasonable to assume he will not make any substantial change in the foreseeable future.

>>16642375
If I was in his situation I'd rather have it come up sooner than later honestly.

>>16642271
That's a great way to just make the breakup even more bitter for no good reason.
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>>16642385
>>breaking up because of lack of sex
>Congratulations you're a fucking slut
Nothing in this thread indicates that she has any desire to be anything but monogamous. A slut would be sleeping around already, or at least take a side guy. She has done neither; indeed, as far as we can tell, she is taking pains to do the right thing by this guy. Your accusations of sluttishness are completely unfounded.

OP, to be honest, this is probably the compassionate thing for him as well as for yourself. Some people can't get turned around until they hit rock bottom, and your leaving him may provide the (metaphorical) swift kick in the butt that he clearly needs. Or it might not, but even so, you need to be out of there. This is killing you.
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>>16642243
>Damn. If you loved him I think you would try harder.
She has beem trying for three years (since becoming aware of his habits). She has tried hard enough. More than enough, really. Sure, it turns out she's not a saint, but neither are you, and neither am I. She's gone above and beyond, and there is no shame in not being able to take it anymore.
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Op here, thank you all for the replies, I don't even need to reply individually because most of you have done it for me.

The support here is more than I could ever get in real life and I am reassured I am doing the right thing by ending it.

I do hope for his sake that he gets the help he needs.

Like others said, I am not a slut by any means, I don't like casual sex or ONS, I just want a healthy relationship and this is not healthy.
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>>16643860
Good luck op sounds like you have your head on straight
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