Tomorrow is the day /adv/...
I have decided to break up with my boyfriend of 4 years because of our sex life. We've been through so much together but I can't do this anymore.
He has had a porn habit since he was 16 and it didn't stop when we got together..when he was 22. He has tried to see therapists and it didn't help, I have tried to talk about any fetishes he has, tried to be prettier/sexier, tried to be patient and understanding but nothing is working. I suggested a diet change and exercise but he didn't stick to it either. We've had sex once in the past 3 months and I am feeling very unwanted and neglected.
He is a good person and a great friend but it's just not working for me. I need sex more than once every 3 months.
My friend told me I am making the correct decision, especially since she has witnessed my self esteem plummet since I found out about his porn addiction a year into our relationship. I think I have been more than patient and understanding, I guess I just want reassurance that I am doing the right thing here, that I am not being irrational or crazy... or going about it the wrong way.
Any advice/tips would be really good right now.
Damn. If you loved him I think you would try harder. Instead of just dropping him like that, if it's an actual addiction you'd stick through it together. Just touch yourself? Try to be more understanding if you actually love him, but I mean probably not right?
Did you read OP? she tried and he went to therapy but nothing happened and it looks like he doesn't even put effort on fixing it
If this situation really makes her feel bad, break up is the better decision, you bitter faggots have to stop thinking that the girl is always evil, her faggot boyfriend prefers touch himself than fuck her, sex is crucial in a healthy relationship
Or stay with him, but promise him that you'll be getting your needs satisfied by someone else for as long as he keeps this shit up. Make it an open relationship. If he refuses, you have our permission to break up.
I know it seems like I am just giving up. I genuinely love him as a person and I wanted a future with him. This thing is tearing me apart though. I feel so bad about myself as a desirable mate and I just hate myself when I am around him. We were apart for a month for the holidays and I found myself healthier and happier. I feel so miserable.
Thanks. I really don't think I am evil or giving up easy... I have tried for 3 years and have been patient... but it's eating at me every single day.
Well there came a time where I thought he wanted to sleep with other women, so I offered him an open relationship and he rejected it. I personally don't want to go sleeping around, I just want to move on and yes, find someone who is compatible with me.
Well the reason is that he is addicted to porn lol But I am not sorry it's ending this way, it could be worse. I just feel bad for ending it because of this reason..
I wish you luck!
>My friend told me I am making the correct decision, especially since she has witnessed my self esteem plummet since I found out about his porn addiction a year into our relationship.
Have you even told him about that? Have you sat him down and seriously talked to him and said "Hey, you seemingly not wanting to have sex with me is hurting me"? If yes, then do it again, if he still doesn't care break up with him. If you didn't then do it rather than end a good relationship just because he didn't see something.
You seem to imply that him watching porn is upsetting you as well as the lack of sex. That's bullshit, you can't be mad or upset because he watches porn. I can understand a lack of sex making you feel unwanted but there's no reason for watching porn to make you feel bad.
Either way it feels to me you're ending this reportedly good relationship because of sexual issues. That's like, the least important issue in a relationship. He isn't cheating, he isn't beating you, he isn't a dick to you. You could have it much worse than just "he only fucks me once every 3 months". What if he got paralyzed from the waist down and couldn't do it? What if he has ED? Have you two tried other ways of pleasuring you (ex: him fingering you or eating you out)?
I watch porn Anon, it's not the porn. I am not fucking stupid or childish. It's that he has a porn addiction and our sex life is non-existent. I don't care about the porn watching, it's that we don't have sex because of it.
As for your hypothetical scenarios, if I had an issue that caused me not to be able to fulfill him completely, I would offer him alternatives because I am not a selfish person.
> Have you two tried other ways of pleasuring you (ex: him fingering you or eating you out)?
No because his desire is not there at all. He is affectionate but almost like he is petting a cat or a pet, it's robotic.
Funny how if OP would be a guy with a girlfriend that doesn't want to fuck, everyone would be shouting 'break up with that bitch, it's unnatural not to have sex'. Fucking double standards.
OP, you are completely right with your decision. There is no true love without sex and you deserve a lot of credit for trying this long, especially since you tried it in different ways. Everything beyond that is his decision, and by not doing anything to change his behavior, he is to blame for the end of the relationship. You seem to be very caring and reasonable, don't let some depressed wankers here tell you otherwise. I hope you get over him after the breakup and find someone without any addictions.
I've been in a relationship for eight years. The sex has always been awful but I tried to work with him to make it better. He shows very little interest now and it's painfully obvious that he isn't comfortable with the idea of sex (it's like everything he does or says is pulled out of a porno).
I find him physically attractive but almost sexually repulsive and the last time we had sex was about six months ago. Your situation is slightly different but I also know my partner masturbates when he's by himself, so I can relate to how it destroys your self esteem.
I want somebody who wants to fuck me. It's literally all I think about. The first person who shows me any sexual attention is going to get fucked and although that makes me sound terrible, it's at the point where sex is an obsession for me.
In my opinion, you are doing the right thing. Sex is such a huge part of a relationship, especially when you're young. Some might argue and say you should spend longer trying to fix him but that's because they're excusing his behaviour.
He could stop masturbating and fuck you but he doesn't want to,because he's happy with his current life. And this is coming from somebody who absolutely loves the idea of watching porn and masturbating together. There's a line, he has obviously crossed it and has been doing so for several years.
Not OP, but why don't you fucking google it?
No it's usually masturbating like 5-10 times a day, having no interest I'm having sex with real women, and usually involves strange fetishes.
Shit, you've had sex within the last 3 months and you're complaining?
In the last 3 years I've had sex twice. Twice. Both times with hookers. Neither time I came.
I'd be grateful for quarterly loving. Shit, even a backrub would be sufficient.
Do you live in the Atlanta area?
What the fuck, how am I suppose to google OP's interpretation for what porn addiction is? I just wanted to double check, sometimes OP is insanely dramatic and gives misinformation.
I don't blame you op. At least he tried for you. Mine won't admit he has a problem but every morning there's like three to five new porn downloads on his pc. Obviously he's getting off to them as he can't even stay hard in bed. It's unattractive and creeps me out he's so into porn. I don't even want to try at this point (it's been two years) I'm thoroughly disgusted with him. He has all these movies where a common theme of women getting raped in them. He's actually tried to make me watch them knowing full well that crosses a line for me. Maybe it's because I grew up with country boys who are outdoorsy so never been around it much before. Either way I've come to realize we're different and value different things.Sad to let go after so long but you need to make yourself happy and healthy. Doesn't sound like he does it for you anymore, if ever. Good luck op!
They've been together for 4 years, sex is incredibly common in relationships of that length. He isn't meeting her needs and she's making the decision to end the relationship because of it. It's not like he's fucking Tim Tebow and Jesus is shaking his finger at him. He has a problem that he's not solving and not making an effort to solve. She wants a healthy relationship, how does that make her a slut?
>Damn. If you loved him I think you would try harder.
Bullshit. If someone is improving their problems that's one thing, but this man is refusing to seek help or stick to any plan. At this point it is only reasonable to assume he will not make any substantial change in the foreseeable future.
If I was in his situation I'd rather have it come up sooner than later honestly.
That's a great way to just make the breakup even more bitter for no good reason.
>>breaking up because of lack of sex
>Congratulations you're a fucking slut
Nothing in this thread indicates that she has any desire to be anything but monogamous. A slut would be sleeping around already, or at least take a side guy. She has done neither; indeed, as far as we can tell, she is taking pains to do the right thing by this guy. Your accusations of sluttishness are completely unfounded.
OP, to be honest, this is probably the compassionate thing for him as well as for yourself. Some people can't get turned around until they hit rock bottom, and your leaving him may provide the (metaphorical) swift kick in the butt that he clearly needs. Or it might not, but even so, you need to be out of there. This is killing you.
>Damn. If you loved him I think you would try harder.
She has beem trying for three years (since becoming aware of his habits). She has tried hard enough. More than enough, really. Sure, it turns out she's not a saint, but neither are you, and neither am I. She's gone above and beyond, and there is no shame in not being able to take it anymore.
Op here, thank you all for the replies, I don't even need to reply individually because most of you have done it for me.
The support here is more than I could ever get in real life and I am reassured I am doing the right thing by ending it.
I do hope for his sake that he gets the help he needs.
Like others said, I am not a slut by any means, I don't like casual sex or ONS, I just want a healthy relationship and this is not healthy.