I'm miserable here! The desire to travel and backpack has overcome me to where I don't even want to finish school or work at this shit job o be in this shit town. I'm going to finish school regardless. I'm just growing impatient
Who stuck a cookie to my fucking house? Was it a child? A grown, heavily drunk man? An asshole? Who stuck a half eaten cookie to the siding under my fucking mailbox? Just what the fuck? I'm just both angered and perplexed because I have 0 relationship with anyone in my little townhouse community so what the fuck. My mailbox isn't even by the road, you have to walk up some steps and fucking stick it there right by my front door, so WHAT THE FUCK
Makes me suspicious of everyone. I suspect it was some punk kids, some landwhale lives across the street from me and her spawn run wild like animals
I've always had a knack for tech and this developed into a fledgling career in IT. I start my first salaried job Monday, in fact.
Holidays, Christmas especially, are hellish. My family is very fractious and I spend probably half as much time driving between peoples' houses as I do at those houses. On top of juggling everyone else's schedules because I'm expected to make 5+ stops every holiday, there is now an expectation that I spend my holidays doing pro bono tech support.
"Anon, the computer isn't working!" "Anon, why doesn't the Wi-Fi work anymore?" "Anon, can you set up my new tablet for me?" "Anon, why won't my new phone turn on?"
I'm willing to accommodate these things to an extent, especially for my grandparents. But it's gotten to the point that, on top of driving everywhere, I spend a lot of my time fixing things for people I barely even know and get no thanks for; many times, I even get blamed for problems down the road. It's just exhausting.
>>16634992 It came to a head this Christmas when my dad's cousin, who I see maybe once every three years, asked me to set up her son's new tablet. While I connected it to the Wi-Fi, she started telling a story about how she brought her iPad in to the Verizon store for some reason, and the technician noticed the game "Roblox" was installed; her young son wanted to play it with his friends. The technician told her that it was a graphical online chat room used by pedophiles to solicit sex from minors and she immediately asked him to uninstall it, then lectured her son in the store.
She kept going on about how shocked she was and at that point it hit me: "Holy shit, you really are dumb! Why am I helping someone this dumb?" I don't blame people for being bad at technology; I have to take my car to the shop for things I'm sure a mechanic considers basic. But at least Google search something before flipping the fuck out in a public store on the word of some minimum wage goon. I realized it's just learned helplessness and laziness, and it's thankless to boot.
I got her to the account creation screen and told her to fill in the information; customarily, they dictate this to me and I type it in myself. But I can't be bothered anymore. I feel guilty for not wanting to do this anymore but at the same time, I'm whiling away my holidays doing what used to be my job for free. I feel conflicted about it, but I think I'm done.
>>16634586 I've fucked four people since we split up. One who did for me and with me all the things I wanted to do with you, the one I was talking to on the side that helped break us apart, an old friend, and someone new, a friend with benefits.
I'm falling really hard for this guy I'm banging and I have no idea how to stop it. This is the first time I've felt such strong feelings for a guy in years.
He looks like a greek god, his hair is long and he's got sizable gauges a few facial piercings. Physically, he's like a goddamn dream come true. He's got just the right amount of chub and he's the best sex I've had so far, I mean, holy shit. He's really damn good in bed.
Neither of us are looking for dating right now, so we sort of came to an agreement to hold off on jumping into anything until we figure out what we want and get our shit together.
...But I'm scared. I'm so scared that he'll really get to know me, and I'll fall even harder for him. It's all going to feel like a dream. I'm going to spend nights at his house staying up while he's asleep and think about how fuckin' lucky I got. And then one day he's going to come to me and say something along the lines of "Sorry anon, I don't really think we connect." or something similar, and then he' going to break thing off with me and I'll be completely heartbroken.
The idea of getting involved romantically with this guy scares the shit out of me, because I have this heavy feeling that it's going to inevitably fail because of me. I'm so scared that I'm going to ruin everything because of my own mental issues and paranoia.
I have some type of horrible depression and it's finally starting to slowly kill me. I can't take it any more. All i want to do is curl up in the fetal position and scream until i die. There's no one who will love me, i'm useless. I just wanna die.
A good woman will love the childlike part of you, but she wants your life to be guided by your deepest truths, not your untended childhood wounds. She wants to feel that at your core you have grown beyond the need for kudos and million-dollar toys. She wants to feel your self-generated strength of truth.
I could have been nicer to you. And you could have been nicer to me. But I'm pretty sure that although I think your bat-shit insane, you have a good heart. There, getting that off my chest felt good.
My grandfather (who is also my best friend and father figure) has had terminal cancer for the last 6 months. He has changed so much during that time, he is nothing like the man I once admired so much. He's now just an incontinent, babbling old man; I barely recognise him anymore.
Part of me of course wants him to survive and last as long as possible... but another part of me wishes he could die quickly, get the pain over and done with. This prolonged agony is going to make me have a nervous breakdown. I've had panic attacks, a relapse of clinical depression which had been all but cured 3 years ago, and I hate my life at the moment.
I feel so shitty and guilty for feeling this way, I genuinely feel worse than Hitler. Who the hell thinks of themselves when a relative is dying in such an awful way?
I believe in you, I really do. Honestly and fully, I believe that you can haul yourself out of the shithole that you've been flung into. I don't usually have a lot of faith in people, but I know you can do it. For the record, you broke up with me, even if you didn't mean to, that's what you did. And that's fine, we needed that, both of us I think. I can't deal with your shit anymore, and you can't trust me to love you so I'm glad it ended up like this, at least for now. You're a wonderful person, and I hope that we can try again some day without these disappointing situations.
>>16635538 Oh come on, you can't even call that an age difference, you're so young. I'm 17 and I have a huge crush on a man who is over 10 years older than me. It doesn't really bother me, I kinda find it flattering that an older guy wants to spend time talking with me. If your girl was like 13 then it would be sick, but a 17yo is technically an adult.
>>16635291 Because he drove me there. He lit a fire in a dead an dying forest and walked away from it. Now its a wildfire and other men feel the heat of it. You've left all this destruction in your careless and uncaring path. Someone has to fix it.
Plus it turns me on to know that you're only feet away. Maybe you can hear my screams.
We just broke up. I’m not sure how I feel about it. You want to work on yourself, and you don’t want to love me. I understand. I know I’m difficult to love, and to be honest, you do have some things to work out. I hope you find your happiness, and I wish you all the best, and I’ll still be here if you need me. Thank you for everything. It’s been fun.
>>16635533 I've been through the same, anon. I'm really sorry for what you're going through, and for your grandpa.
What you wish for your grandpa right now is perfectly normal and it shows how deeply you love him. It is normal to be concerned about your own mental health and no one would think less of you for that. You shouldn't do it either.
Seek help. Talk to a therapist. Stay with your grandfather as much as you can. Be strong!
It feels like the Universe played a trick on me in 2015. I started the year single after a recent breakup and in the Spring I started checking out Tinder. After a lot of dates and no luck I finally matched with a girl who seemed to be exactly who I wanted. A cute, kind of nerdy art student who shares certain traits with me that I've never really seen in anyone else. I felt a real connection. She seemed to also, but something was holding her back from showing it as much as I was. I put a ton of effort into trying to make things work. We would cuddle, make out, see movies together, go out to dinner/drinks. But she had this thing about totally cutting off contact for days at a time. She wouldn't return texts for like 2-3 days and then suddenly she would be apologizing and asking when we can get together again. This went on for a few weeks. I was totally falling for her, but there was a point where she just totally stopped responding and I wasn't going to try to get her back this time. Fast forward to the summer: I go on a trip to Germany with a friend and meet a wonderful girl there. We stay in touch throughout the year and I eventually flew back in November to stay with her for almost 2 weeks. We are madly in love at this point and will soon plan on a next step as far as being together long-term. Anyway, on Christmas Eve the art student girl texts me asking if we can catch up. 7 months later she's coming back to me. The girl of my dreams who I couldn't catch suddenly becomes interested again. I'm not mad at her. I would never chase her when she didn't reply. I would just wait for her to reply to my first text or call, in no way wanting to be a pain in the ass about it. She would always respond eventually. It's just that the last response came 7 months later and I'm set in a new direction. Not sure how to feel. Laughed about it at first. Feels sort of bad remembering how much I wanted her. She was the one, I just hope that she still isn't.
I'm afraid of people going all /pol/ on this due to the content, but I need to rant. I don't hate black people. I'm kinda racist but I don't consider myself a bigot. I do really hate BLM, so that might make me partially biased, but I don't think all black people should be eradicated or WHITE MASTER RACE like /pol/. But I cannot fucking understand what is wrong with these people who defend Jamar Clark. If you're not from MN you might not know who it is, I'm from the Twin Cities so I hear way too much about this shit. In short, he's a black guy who beat the fuck out of his gf and then actively threatened/assaulted paramedics when they tried to give her medical care. Supposedly, cops came to the scene and shot him unarmed while he was already handcuffed on the ground. I don't know or really care about the validity of that last part. BLM protesters in MN are treating him like a fucking hero, talking about how evil police are and how he wasn't a bad person and they won't let him "die in vain". He committed a crime. They don't talk about her injuries ofc, but he beat that girl so bad she needed an ambulance. And then WOULDN'T LET IT TAKE HER. These people are rallying for a domestic abuser. Why? Fucking why? They're excusing a horrible crime just because his case works well for their political narrative. There are other cases of unarmed, TRULY innocent black people being killed unjustly by cops, why are they defending this piece of shit? And then they have the audacity to air interviews with his parents saying he's not a bad guy and he was "getting his life together". How together was his life when he hit that woman?
As a victim of domestic abuse myself, I hate this case and it makes me sick to see people shutting down airports (lol) and getting cops fired over this. The way the media portrayed the case was just fucking disgusting. No one cares about his VICTIM at all.
The only thing getting in the way of your gash and the D is YOU. If you want it bad enough you could get it very easily.
Just go into a bar. Any bar, by yourself. Some guy will try and talk to you and buy you a drink. Even if you are a troll, the closer to 2am it gets the more likely that the guys who struck out with all the other girls all night will go to you as their last resort.
I'm normally pretty antisocial, but confident, and I just sort of do my own thing, with or without other people. But lately, I actually feel very lonely and left out. It's weird. I normally do not give a shit about my status among people and acquaintances, but I feel really down and rejected right now. I can't figure out why, but it feels like shit.
I just want my life to end. that's my fucking birthday wish, to die without having to commit suicide. this has literally been the worst week of my life and today is my birthday, all I wanted was to have a nice day. that's it, one fucking day without fighting and bullshit and stress and everything that normally happens, but no. I cant even have one day. I've been feeling so fucking depressed and overwhelmed with everything that's happened and I know Im close to a serious fucking explosion. they cant understand why im not happy, I just want to die. fuck all of you.
I dated a girl earlier last year for about two months. We got along really well, but we were both busy and lived an hour apart, so we only hung out a handful of times, but things seemed to be going well. And then out of nowhere, she said that she wasn't interested in anything romantically and that she wanted space. I was level-headed about it, but disappointed. That was about eight months ago and we haven't talked since. I still think about her frequently, because they're happy memories. I really want to talk to her again, but it always feels like it would be unwelcomed by her. And the more I think of her, the more I realize that in the brief period I knew her, I had more in common with her than almost anyone else ever, and it feels bad that it's over.
>>16636929 I'm so sorry. I hate birthdays not because of the stupid age thing but in my family there was always some terrible unpleasantness which would invariably leave me alone in my room crying myself to sleep.
I'm breaking, it's progressing, it happens more and more lately. I find myself talking to myself, talking with different voices, having a hard time functioning with daily routines, focusing, remembering. Hearing things that aren't there, seeing things that aren't there. Nervous break downs, panic attacks, crying for no reason, repeatedly saying things over and over when I get episodes, I'm happy one minute and, I want to die the next. I hate myself and want to die, but won't commit suicide because, I don't know. I want to check myself into a hospital. I'm fucked up, I'm diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and ocd, but theres more, I know it, but I don't know what. I need help, but I have a job, a kid, responsibilities. I have urges to just do weird things, whether it's weird movements or making weird sounds, shouting, mocking other people. I can't control it half the time. I snap at everything, I'm always on edge, when im around other people including family i feel smothered, get dizzy, panic, have a hard time hearing, i get lost standing still. Almost anything sets me off. Everything is happening more frequently, But I absolutely refuse to tell family any of this for fear of judgement. I need help, why don't you notice.
>>16634586 I feel like I'm going nuts because at this point I have no-one around me and I haven't talked to anyone I actually give a shit about properly in a week. I mean this situation has happened before and it's lasted longer, but I've never acted like this because of a lack of being social. Is it because I'm in a relationship with someone or is it just because I'm slowly turning to a bigger pile of shit then I already am? I'm getting headaches from it and it's causing someone who already has a fucked up sleeping schedule to have even more trouble sleeping.
I dont think I love you anymore. I just want to be with you, to protect you, I can no longer see you as my lover, as my girlfriend not even as my friend. I just want to know if you are safe, if you feel cool and if you feel happy. Im sorry I didnt tell you this before, but I dont have the guts to talk to you face to face and speak this out. Im sorry I didnt want to be this way, im really sorry.
>>16637054 If your family truly loves you then it wouldn't hurt to tell them what's going on and get some help. Even if they decide to be dicks and deny you, fuck them. Dear god I'd be worried about getting help right about now. If you're willing to admit you have a problem, that's the first step. The second is going and getting the help you need, don't let fear stop you from doing that.
>>16634586 I wish guys would stop pining after women out of their league. If you're a fat neck beard you deserve a fat land whale. If you're a skinny fat with social issues you deserve a skinny fat with social issues. Stop complaining when normies and Stacy don't give you the time of day.
>>16634586 Today was a good day. I think I'm starting to like qt 3.14 for her personality and interests instead of it just being purely physical attraction. She's a cool girl, and caught me off guard with rad interests. We share some pretty good common ground. Some music, film, world views. I hope everything goes well. I should probably be less excited since this is only my third time hanging out with her. I think she likes me for who I am. That makes me happy. After failing with 5 diff girls, I think she's a keeper. I'm excited to see where this goes, and I hope I don't end up boring her.
I hate being with you. You have wasted the last year of my life making me love you. There are so many goddamn things about you that are amazing, but goddamn do you make my life so much harder.
You lecture me like you think you're my father, all you really want to do is drugs all the time, when you first met my family all you wanted to do was talk to them about your ex-girlfriend who is MARRIED now, you dolt. Get over it. You think you're so much better than me and everyone else because you're further ahead but you don't realize you've had EVERYTHING in your life handed to you. You're a spoiled rich boy and you live on your mother's dime and you're so goddamn arrogant.
But fuck if I don't love you. I hate this bullshit relationship.
I feel like people dont like me. I'm told I'm charming and funny, but I'm a tall girl, and I dont like needless flirting. I tell myself it's my straight forward approach to things that puts people off, that most guys are parties are just looking to get laid with whatever girl seems down (which I never am because boyfriend ) and girls seem intimidated by harsh humour, but I'm worried I'm just unpleasant, that people really dislike me and wish I weren't around. I don't know how to stop feeling that way. After every party or social interaction, I just feel like apologizing for who I am. Do I have some kind of problem? Anxiety or something?
>>16636369 I always find it interesting in a morbid way how guys see this as something positive. Then again, many men feel that it's perfectly acceptable to sleep with prostitutes.
Let me clue you in, sex where you don't feel desirable is worse than no sex at all to a woman. You might be content to stick your dick into a talking ham and leave it at that but women want different things. And it goes for pretty much for most females of most species.
>>16637023 It's not some conspiracy to keep women in their place. It's just growing pains for our society's changing values.
You're going to have hypocrisy, lots of it, on both sides. And you just have to tune it out and let them figure it out for themselves. It's not like they actually say this to every woman they come across, and in all likelyhood, these fellas are probably easier to sway with your own opinions because real life isn't an online medium where you can state your position and that's that.
I have no drive to keep living. It's not that I particularly want to die, but life just seems like more trouble than it's worth. I have no plans in life and I don't want to make any, I just don't see any realistic future that I'd want to participate in.
Yeah, same. I'm running out of the optimism that things will work out for me. They haven't so far. Things just seem to be getting more pointless. I want to die, but unfortunately, I have friends and family that would be crushed by my death, so my stupid fucking natural instinct to be a good person is winning and won't let me be a selfish asshole. I have to keep suffering so everyone around me doesn't. Life fucking sucks. I wish I could be deleted from existence so I was never here to interfere with anyone's lives. If I kill myself, everyone will only find some way to blames themselves. I should just drive my car into a tree or something so I can make it look like it was an accident with no one to blame.
This. Life does not seem worth living to me. What the fuck is the point? Struggle with life until I die. Like, what am I supposed to be working so hard for? What am I supposed to gain that sounds more appealing than not existing at all? The only reasonable I'm still alive I because it would fuck up everyone I know if I died. I really just need to wander off and burn every bridge I have so I can go die somewhere without bothering anyone.
Me and my girlfriend got into an argument, she went into the bedroom and closed the door. I sat on the couch for a minute, then was like "I could use a milkshake" so I left and got a milkshake, then came right back. She didn't even notice. Then this morning she saw the cup and was like "when did you get a milkshake" I was like "last night" "when" "when you were in the bedroom" and then she got angry with me and started saying shit she's said before like "That's just like you to leave, every time!!" or something similar. But I didn't even fucking leave to leave her or anything, and the past times she's talking about are me just stepping away into another for a moment in which she says "of course you're leaving" or some shit and one time when I left the house because she literally fucking said to leave and she needed some time. What the hell am I supposed to do? I just wanted a fucking milkshake, ice cream calms me down in all honesty. I wasn't even gone ten minutes. I don't understand. So here I am, on the couch, posting on 4chan about the love of my life being confusing.
I'm not even mad, I'm just confused. I want to understand the point of view she's coming from. But when I try to talk I just get backlash instead of talking. This and one other thing are the only things that consistently come up and I don't get it. I didn't leave her. I won't. It's not something I do. I face most problems head on. But sometimes I just need to step away for a second and breathe and really think. Sometimes I realize I'm in the wrong and sometimes I realize what the real issue is and can help fix it. It helps me to just be in a different spot for a moment. But it's taken by her as me running away from the problems.
We have a wonderful relationship and we're both very loving but sometimes we argue. And if there's a problem I'm not seeing, I'm never told. I'm just yelled at. And I'm left on the couch, confused and sometimes hurt. It sucks.
She's as clueless as a puppydog in a purse. She doesn't know how to be your other half, the queen of your underworld. She is not your equal. You will always rule over her, simply because she is too stupid to see you as you are. You will need to fill the void she leaves in your soul with someone else, someone you can really communicate with.
Puppydogs are endearing and will pretend to be clever if you reward them with treats, but interacting with one is nothing like interacting with a human.
But then again, maybe dogs are superior to humans in general. We're pretty shit.
Most couples have trouble communicating so it turns into fights. She has problems communicating without yelling or accusing and being emotional. You have problems formulating what you really want to say without thinking about it first.
Next time you guys are having an argument, you grab the dish towel and sit down, turn off the TV, the phones, all distractions. Give her the towel, and the rules are, whoever holds the towel gets all speaking rights. The other person is NOT ALLOWED TO INTERRUPT. Only the towel holder can speak. Let her start and get everything off of her chest.
If you have the towel and you need to think about what she said, write a note and say that you need to think about it. When you are done, write up your thoughts on the computer and email or text it to your girlfriend when you are done.
When communicating focus on HOW YOU FEEL. Eg. "It makes me feel like you don't appreciate me when you go to McDonalds and don't get me a milkshake." Try to avoid accusations or talking in the second person, Eg. " YOU DON'T FUCKING APPRECIATE ME! WHY DONT YOU EVER GET ME A MILKSHAKE!!!"
When the other person is talking, FUCKING LISTEN. Listen to UNDERSTAND, NOT TO REFUTE.
>>16638626 Thanks bro, I'll give this a shot. I've tried something similar before and had good results but sometimes there isn't a chance before everything escalates. I need to listen before I say anything, every time.
Last night I had the worst nightmare that I can remember having. I was in a forrest chasing you and no matter how hard I tried or what I did I couldn't get to you. It was like you didn't recognize me or remember me at all and I couldn't get you to just listen to me. I'd yell but nothing would come out and everytime I got close you just tricked me and ran away laughing. I felt so scared and alone and you werent there and I just wanted you to care, to remember us, to see me. The more scared and helpless I felt the further away you'd get. One of the times i got you to look at me and i looked in your eyes and could tell you felt repulsed by my affection, it wasnt a look of pity, but contempt. I was so devastated that i just fell on the ground and started crying while you ran away laughing and the forrest and the rest of the world fell apart around me. When I finally woke up I was so relieved it was over but then the reality sank in that my nightmare had been more time spent with you then I was ever going to get again. It truly feels like the closest person to me just died. And every time i get the motivation to move forward im frozen again because i dont want to do it without you. I don't know what to do. Every second that passes the vividness and the reality of everything we had fades. 100 years from now it'll be like it never happened and the thought of that is more than I can take. How...why dont i matter to you? Did any of it matter? I've come to the realization now that you really dont care anymore. I didnt think that was possible or something i was taking for granted. I'm not sure if you ever cared or who you are. The world just feels so meaningless now. You can't even just be someone who will listen to me when I'm hurting so badly? My heart is in pieces without you. I'm going back to sleep now, praying you'll be there to make me feel bad again so at least I can see you and be reminded of what i felt. At least I can feel something.
>>16638778 I was close to someone who had dreams like that. I know you're not them, because they are at the side of the person they want to be with at this very moment. Still, it gives an odd feeling of missing when they'd tell me about their dreams
Thanks anons. This experience is just so surreal it's like a nightmare.
Just as an example today (be aware he's doped up on morphine and god knows what else), he tried to use his watch as a telephone, got frustrated, then fell into a deep asleep. Bear in mind this is, or rather was, up until a few weeks ago before things started getting weird, the smartest man I knew.
Part of his cancer (some of it is internal, especially the lungs) is on his neck. It's a blue and purple protrusion, bigger than the size of my fist. Due to its position, he can't cover it up easily so it's almost always visible. It's just a constant reminder of how shitty everything is.
I am ashamed to say it, but I am starting to dread my daily visits to him. Part of me wishes I hadn't got so attached to him in the first place.
>>16634613 Right with ya , man . Getting ready to have dinner with a very sweet , attractive lady who has it together and I'm on here to distract myself from overthinking things . Of we're nervous ,we'll be ok if we just stay chill .
FUCK YOU CHRISTOPHER J I WISH I'D NEVER MET YOU, YOU COLD, SHALLOW, APATHETIC SANDY CUNT OF A MAN >muh annoyances >muh boundaries >muh facial aesthetics >can we be friends? I love/value you >you aren't worth 15 mins srry loal FUCK OFF AND BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS YOU WILL LITERALLY NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN, YEP I'M MAD - Derek
I miss you, dumbass. I miss your blue eyes and your messy hair. I miss your nose and your lips. I miss the way you looked at me and the way you smiled when you saw me. I miss the way you made me feel. Loved, cared for, understood. And I miss you, more than anything. Your sense of humour, your kindness, your intelligence, your silly obsessions, your sexy mind, your amazing heart.
I really hope we will have next life. I still think you're my soulmate. And I can't stop thinking of you, and loving you.
Just want to let all of you guys know, there is hope. Just few days back I wrote a huge letter to my ex in this thread. I wrote how much I miss M and that I love her. Today I got her back. Im happy as fuck. Maybe you will be too.
Why did I ever think I could be a normie and have friends? Even more ridiculous, I thought I could have a gf.
The minute I thought I had "made it" I got full of myself and began to rot from within, becoming more and more grotesque and hideous until I completely destroyed myself. I became an ugly, superficial copy of a human being. I was addicted to receiving attention from others and I became a cruel, abusive leech. I made the lives of dozens of kind, decent people worse. Thank god it's over.
It's simple. That sunshine world wasn't meant for me. I am meant to be alone; no friends, no gf, and no distractions. All that matters is the work. I get it now. I exist for the work, nothing else. Sentimentality only confused me. The allure of human company was like a narcotic. It's obvious in retrospect that I'm not supposed to be around others.
The only good I can do in this world is the work. As much work as I can. Every day. Until the day arrives when I break down for good.
I hope that when the time comes, someone will say that I was useful and provided some benefit to humanity.
I was so stupid.
I thought I was a person, but I'm not. I'm a robot. I'll always be a robot. I get it now.
I fell in love with this girl. I hate the idea of love, I hate the idea of relationships, but for some reason I wanted to be in one with her. I had plans and everything! In the last month she just avoided me and lied to me. I was pissed I became her stalker and everything to find the truth. It took me sometime to get her to come clean, but that's because of putting the friendship on the line, multiple time in the end. She kept trying to leave while I was trying to talk to her. I kept getting her to stay so I can finish talking to her. So I found out how I was acting, and I figured out how I was acting. It was like a crazy jeliious boyfriend, and we wasn't even dating. I wanted to be with her I really did, but she kept lying to me, and avoiding me in the end. I fucking hate that. Im still going to be her friend.I feel like I wasted my life to help her, I can't leave her though. I have those feelings. Im still going to be her friend, and be there for her. It may be stupid. When we stop talking it's going to be gradually. I did something I regret in the last month to find the truth. I feel like shit. I've become something I didn't want to be.Something I never wanted to be in, or do, or even fucking deal with. This last week has been hard.
Probably super incoherent, but basically stream of consciousness.
I hate my friends. Most of them are douchebags that only talk about themselves. And I hate myself, because I realized I'm like them now. I can't get rid of them, because I'm too scared of being alone. More than that, I've become like them.
Fuck, I used to be nice.
I'm not anymore. I've tried so hard for so long to fit in and now I can't stop. I'm desperate for company but get little enjoyment out of it. I'm happy when alone, but literally can't stand to stay that way, because I'm so desperate to be noticed/recognized. My friends give me that, but at the end of the day I feel shitty about it.
Despite all my big talk, I basically switch my mood to the one in the room and say what I think everyone else wants to hear. I have my own views, my own opinions, and my own convictions, but I dump them the moment anyone I care about contradicts them.
But then it gets worse, because the moment I have a chance I go on to a higher stage of needy and show off to get approval. It's gross. I pull every card I can to get noticed. I act edgy, grandstand, push boundaries, say controversial stuff, and am generally an obnoxious shit of the type I supposedly despise.
I'll be going away to university in September, but I'm afraid. Really afraid. I'll still act this way when I get there.
I think I don't have much motivation of my own. I only do things when others are depending on me to do them. When other people count on me, I always do my best to get them done, but the instant it's up to me alone I just give up. That's why I'm here and not studying like I should be.
I know all of this, and the more I think about it the more afraid I am because even though I know better I still find myself increasingly hating everyone, hating the world, even though it's my problem and not anyone else's.
Im miserable after me and gf broke up, been drinking heavily and am a very reserved person till i drink, lose all self control and ramble about /pol/ tier shit and make myself look crazy/stupid and I may have done some illegal shit to her that could have the potential to get me in shit.
>>16639281 Its nothing violent or rapey, but im not really comfortable about even typing it, I know im being tin foil hat about it but the thought of it makes me feel very conflicted. Its not even what could happen to her about it that has me fucked up but could happen to me.
>>16638778 Last night, I chased you through the forest. I called, but you would not recognize my voice. You wouldn't listen! wouldn't see or were my yells silent to you? You tricked me! ran with laughter at your lips or were you a mirage all along?
As I became scared and helpless at your flight, the distance between us grew and grew-- but for a moment, you drew so close, I was able to look into your eyes.
O! the devastation my heart felt that instant! For when you beheld my affections, you displayed revulsion, and not even pity: contempt.
The ground beneath the trees above rose up to meet my tears I lamented the loss of my world! and though you saw me fall, you ran again.
On waking from this nightmare, I gasped for breath, treaded desperately, inevitably sank beneath new waves: though you fled from me, I cherished our time together. That's right! I loved every moment of our interaction.
The truth of how things were between us has faded with every grain of sand I have rubbed from the corner of my eye upon waking.
In a hundred years I'll still be trapped here, beneath the ice-floe weight of Us waiting for you to drill me free.
I am ship-wrecked far from your shores, I am a hull adrift in the currents. I pray I will again find my way to your beach, even if my Fate is to be shat on by gulls.
>>16639274 And to add on, I have a very radical obsession with firearms, and it amplifies when im drunk, I have a very dark sense of humor and spin my 357 revolver and pull the trigger on my while its unloaded or hold my guns and load/unload them alot in front of my friends and it makes them uncomfortable as fuck, and I getting like this but idk how to cope or motivation for doing anything.
>tl:dr I get drunk and swing guns around with my friends and it makes the uncomfortable AF and I hate doing it too.
Watching the destruction of an old good friend I went to high school with. She's only 17 and dropped out of high school, just got fired from her job. And in the past month has become addicted to meth. She's sleeping next to me at the Chinese buffet - we always go on Chinese dates. Only a month and she has face and whole body twitches and lost 20 pounds in a week. I don't know what to do...
Fuck all these losers trying to tell me how I function and acting like they have me all figured out. They are acting as if they have seen the future and know that it is impossible for anyone to change at all. I buy into your garbage sometimes and it kills me inside. Why am I taking everything you people say to heart? I have my own philosophy don't I? Things people said months and years ago still float in my head. I have to wait for the next shitty thing to happen to forget about the last one. I want to figure out what I want out of life and it feels like I am censoring myself from doing the things I enjoy because of my fears. Can't I say or do something that surprises me? I have the whole world to work with and I don't do anything. I don't think I have anything to offer. I question so many things now and it's annoying. I envy tons of people and the few people I do talk to seem condescending in a 'nice way' after I open up. Give me a break. I'm starting to doubt I am going to talk to anyone that I enjoy being around. What is it that makes me interesting anyways? What makes me 'me'? What do I have to do to make myself do in order to be a person comfortable living in their own skin? Why should I care? Everyone says I beat myself up too much and I don't want to do that anymore, but how can I get out of this? Clearly being hard on myself hasn't got me to do anything worthwhile. I need to grow up goddamn
I fucking hate myself for being so shy/nervous around girls. I'm 21 and have never kissed a girl. Every time one shows interest in me I can never pull the trigger, and I've done some pretty cringe worthy things around them due to extreme anxiety. I definitely have some social anxiety and fear of intimacy, which I'm convinced is rooted in childhood trauma. What sucks is that I know I have plenty of potential, the only thing that holds me back is fear.
I'm literally successful in every other aspect of life, but I suck in this one area and it is just making me seriously feel like shit. People make fun of me about it and its just a big insecurity I have that makes me feel inferior.
I am freaking done with my anxiety and depression! For past couple of year after I had to was kicked out of school due to my depression, my life hasn't been at it's best. I have low self-esteem, my depression has gotten worse, I haven't got to study even if I truly tried, in the end I always go back to step one and lose motivation! I produce music, go to conventions, cosplay, draw, do graphic design, take care of my body and go to gym a lot but I am slowly losing my inspiration to these things because I don't know what I want to do in the future and feel like they are just wasting my time. I am really afraid of the future and feel I have to decide and do everything now or I will ruin the rest of my life. I am anxious of getting a driver's license, or move away from my home (I am 21 btw) because I don't know if things will get better or worse and if I end up on doing absolutely nothing. Even if right now I don't need to truly focus on those things as their time will come. I am afraid nothing will change even if I know things will get better, but I am really anxious just to sit around and be. I want to become a better person and enjoy life more, but at the moment I feel like I'm engaged to boredom!
>>16634586 >gf admitted to being with other guys before she met me >ask her to go into details. >makes me a bit hot, and want to dick her down harder than she's ever been dicked down. >she's into rough stuff. >explained my reasoning but she still tried to deny everything she's done and claims she doesn't remember or that she hadn't done much.
from my standpoint, I'm 8.5 inches so I'm not really concerned about my dick being small, or anything. but the way she treats it, she makes me feel like she sees me as a sensitive puss, and it really turns me off to feel that's how she sees me...gah, I understand if it's just something she doesn't want to talk about, but I don't understand why she makes it seem like she's trying to save my feelings, when she knows I ain't no saint and used to fuck strippers... I wish she wouldnt see me or treat me like some crybaby. I a pretty emotionally reserved guy, so even if she hurt my feelings, I wouldn't show her. and she knows that I wouldn't judge her by her past...she didn't know me, or have any obligation to my feelings. I feel like her disinformation is really dishonesty...and she's the type of person who I always try to be honest with.
I'm done, no advice needed, just needed to vent. (especially since I know she is a 4chan regular)
Hung out with a lady friend today. Then this creeper who stalks her found out and he got my number and tried calling me. Didn't recognize it, doxed him, have a copy of his resume. He asked how I knew who he was. I told him I know how to get info. Now he's asking me what me and this girl did today. Tempted to fuck with him, tempted to get aggressive, but should probably just ignore him. He'll get rustled every which way DECISIONS DECISIONS
You should probably consider not doing that thing you do so often, cat. You know the thing where you try to get as much negative attention as you can? I know you call yourself an attention whore but you do it and then you end up all depressed. Then you go to your ex, have him cheer you up or the gay guys on /v/ and get their affection for a while and then cheer up just to do it all over again in pretty much the exact same cycle.
I need to learn to look away, because it's not even any of my business now. I need to just not care about you or anyone I no longer have much to do with, but unfortunately I do care. So seeing you like this is saddening, but it's nothing I can change. You cut contact with me after I said we were over. I said we were over because of how much better off with your ex you would be. Instead of some weird limbo you put yourself in, why won't you just work on the relationship you clearly want? At the very least, you should be striving only for his attention and not your random need for all the negative attention you can get from one place, and all the sexual attention you get from /v/.
Almost wish you read this board just to read this. You don't, and that's probably a good thing or I'd falter and write something even more stupid again. I'll just hope that 2016 is the year you experience the cute little romance you used to talk about. That you overcome that depression of yours and have a relationship with someone who makes you happy and is right for you. I can't contact you, or perhaps I could and just don't want to be the one to initiate it, but I truly wish for you to smile and to never say you want to die again. I never reply to you where I see your posts, because it's none of my business what you do. I say that and still vent in a thread like this, how stupid
So I talked with my doctor and it looks like the current medication isn't treating the problem areas of my arthritis very effectively, meaning we've got to switch to something else. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be rid of the pain.
I also realize now that my old goal of becoming an illustrator is completely off the table because of my condition. Maybe that's for the better, I dunno.
Sometimes I think about killing myself. I feel that I've reached my peak and have met and tried to be there and love as many people as I could. Why not leave now when everyone has fresh memories to remember me by before things go bad? Now obviously I won't kill myself, I'm pretty sure. The thought just crosses my mind frequently
I can't get you out of my head ever since you left. Its like there is this hole in my chest. I'm sorry I said all those things the last time we talked. I was angry, I wasn't thinking. You left at the worse possible time. Right before my birthday, my grandma was sent to the hospital in a coma shortly after. I had no one to turn to and I felt abandoned.
The most fucked up thing is you were the worst partner I ever had. Always taking and never giving. Leaning on me like a crutch because you always failed to take care of your own responsibilities. We don't belong together and yet your're who I wanted to spend my life with.
>>16636052 I was in a similar situation. Found out he dropped off because he started dating someone else. He hit me up months later after they broke up and told me everything. I was single though, you're lucky. I forgave him cause I'm dumb, he's doing it again. I refuse to believe these people could be the one.
My bf's mad at me and wants nothing to do with me at the moment because I wasn't really talking to him (because I felt like absolute shit/hit a bad low from dwelling on shit I shouldn't think about, but that I always end up thinking about every day anyway).
I don't know how to fix this and I don't know what to say. Everything had been going so well between us and of course I went and fucked it up, again. I'm such a piece of shit.
woohoo just updates my voter registration so that im no longer affiliated with any political party. also. fuck you cat guy. i dont give a fuck if youre doing a good thing feeding the stray cats. you dont need to sit there for fucking 2 hours doing head counts you pathetic fucking loser. drop your shit off and leave.
I've avoided dating because I'm afraid I'll end up abusive like my step father... I'm fucking 20 and I haven't given it one shot.. what if i fall in love? No matter how sweet it starts who's to say I won't lose my shit, start beatting and threatening her over petty shit? I'm already prone to violent outbursts when no one's around... ever since i bought this house I basically come home from work and break shit until I'm tired.. I always make sure when I blow up it's always when i am alone... but i blow up worse than my step father ever did. I feel like I'd end up just like him if I ended up in a serious relationship
I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown at some point.
I think my most standards I'm doing okay, but deep down inside I feel deeply insecure about being responsible. I have a job that I love, but I don't think I'm actually mature enough to handle it, and I've been faking my way this entire time. I know people keep telling me that it's okay to have time to myself and that I have to take care of myself, but sometimes I Just feel too self-indulgent and enjoy my off time too much. Sometimes it's to the point where I develop a mild anxiety about going back to work. At some point, my poor time management skills and my general laziness and horrible procrastinating might pile up on me and I"ll face some sort of really horrible consequence but... I don't know how to stop.
I don't know. I keep steadfastly ignoring it and swallowing it down, but it'll come back and I think each time it comes back, looming incrementally more and I think one day it's gonna really fuck me over.
But I keep pushing on and just ignoring it instead of solving it.
OH MY GOD WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU YOU'VE MISSED SO MUCH DRAMA PLEASE LOG ON SOON PLEASE LOG ON SOON NFDFHSJHFSJDK YOU ARE GOING TO LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF WHEN YOU COME BACK OH MY GOD THIS SHIT IS HYSTERICAL
>be me >5th to 8th grade >had a crush on a girl in my class (she still doesn't know) >she was the only one in my class that was talking to me because i usually stay with my faggots >usually talk about games/shit >ending 8th grade, gotta go to hs >still did not tell her >1st year in hs >in one random night my old classmates make a whatsapp group and invites all of us >meet her in the group >i found out she listens to metal >she finds out i listen to metal >start talking about bands & shit >the admin of the whatsapp group rages and tells us to talk in private >still talking about bands & shit >stay up all night to talk w/ her and listen to a band that she likes and that she recommended me >before that i wasn't listening to metal that much >after this night i was listening only to metal/hardcore shit >a few days pass >nye >tell eachother happy new year & whatever >sound a bit like friendzone >days pass >finally somehow tell her that i still like her >doesn't respond, she doesn't even read the message (she wasn't online) >somehow her sister adds me on facebook >tells me that this girl doesn't like me and i should leave her alone >k >sad.jpg >sending a message to her whatsapp that i'm sorry and i will leave her >a good friend of this girl that is also a good friend of mine says she likes me >confused.jpg >the girl answers my message on whatsapp >"but i loved you" or some shit like this, i dont remember >gets somehow mad at me >i get sad >she doesn't answer anymore >cant sleep because i think of her and i fucked up >depressed because she was the coolest girl i ever met in my life >listen to metal every night, reminding me of her >fml >want to kill myself >newfags find out and try to stop me
It's my 20th birthday today, and this will be the first time I'll be spending my birthday alone.
Not completely alone, I have my grandparents here with me. But I politely asked them not to bother with anything for my sake.
My parents were always around on my birthday before this one. They visited the family here in the Philippines coming from Saudi for Christmas and New Year. Now, we decided that this year in particular, it was not safe to be around any airports, what with all the crazy things happening recently.
All my friends are visiting their families for Christmas and New Year as well. My one best friend is in Japan, and the other, well, i'm having mixed feelings about him.
So much yet so little happened this year. I'm not even sure if I was depressed through most of it. I must have been, since it's also been a year since I decided to make a visual novel and joined lemmasoft.
I couldn't go to my classes cuz I just couldn't get up in the morning. Even when I did get the courage to go to class, nothing was different, nothing changed. Either that or something happened that screws up my anxiety even then.
So after that semester crashed and burned, I was able to enroll for OJT in the middle of the year. That's when the depression started to wane away since I discovered that I'm not a useless worthless fuck I thought I was.
Not only that, I got to taste what it was like to truly live alone and have the house all to myself. It was dreamlike, exactly how I wanted it. I controlled what I eat, and how much I eat. And even though I remember eating a lot, at the very least, I was also controlling what I eat, and I was vegetarian for most of those days living alone. Tofu stir fry all the time.
Since the depression was fading away, my best friend, who's in Japan right now, pushed me to start jogging with him, and also play as goalie in futsal games.
I got thinner than I was last year, but I'm still a fat fuck.
The experience fueled my already existing ambition to ultimately live alone, but at the same time, it helped me appreciate family and company just a little bit more.
Even with my newfound worth and my depression fading away, I wasn't able to enroll the next semester in school, which basically knocks me away half a year from my old batch.
It was a small batch, with less than 10 people, 2 of which I was really close to. Or so I thought anyway.
If anyone in our batch was absent, or was acting weird, we always came through for them. Asking if they're okay, giving them a little more attention, asking if we can help in any way.
But when it was me who had problems, none of them came through for me. Nobody asked me how I was doing or why I was absent all the time.
Which makes me think that I really shouldn't expect anything from anyone. I've actually always known this, but I can't help but feel disappointed. It discourages me from going back to class, knowing that everyone I'm familiar with is now half a year higher than me. I'm actually familiar with others in this lower batch as well, but I can't help but feel anxiety. Not the anxiety that fueled my depression, but back-to-school anxiety, which is a much lesser hurdle.
I used to always think that it was a good thing I grew up in a school where it was normal to graduate highschool at 16 and graduate college at 21. I used to think that what matters most is getting this nightmare over with as soon as possible, and that I can find my inner peace once I live alone.
But now I can feel the importance of a few more years of education. I still feel incompetent to some extent, but at least I don't feel worthless.
I learned a lot this year, but the biggest thing I learned is that I need to be a person who finishes what he starts. I've never really completed any personal goals and projects, my visual novel is proof of that. But I need to be able to deal with negative feelings and events in order to accomplish my goals. I used to simply compensate negative feelings for positive ones by hanging out with what few friends I have.
I cherish my friendship with the friend who's in Japan right now. So much so that I really really wish he were here right now to vent all of this to. I never know if he's listening or not, and that's fine, as long as I can let it out. He surprises me sometimes though, remembering small details even though it looks like he isn't listening most of the time. And even though he's just 2-3 years older than me, he's always been my big brother throughout these years i've been in the Philippines. But now, even though I treasure him so much, I have to learn to be independent of him too.
I'm not a teen anymore, and I was supposed to be an adult a couple years ago. I'm really just a kid.
I really wish you would ask me out, because I want to be your girlfriend. But I also understand that I'm not what you'd call relationship material. So why do you put so much effort in to me? You don't have to pay attention to me, buy me things, or filter yourself around me. You already know you can treat me like dirt and I'd still do whatever you want me to do, like some pathetic fool. And sometimes at night, I make up scenarios in my head, in which you want me, and only me, and I keep telling myself that it's only a matter of time before you want commitment. God, being in love sucks, especially when it's so damn hard showing how I feel, and I always end up acting cold and distant, when all I want is affection, and you.
I hate where I live, my life direction and the fact I can't connect with in a way more than friends because when I do they run. I like to talk to people constantly, not in a needy way, just talking is fun to me. But after a while they seem to think I'm needy.
My current plan is to start going out more and writing a blog to deal with my constant need to talk. Sadly it won't cure the fact I'm so crippled by loneliness that no one can even fucking see apparently. I hide my self-loathing well but can't bring myself to accept that I'm not what I feel.
So, I don't spose anyone has ideas for what I can do on my weekends instead of sitting at home playing WoW like a faggot?
>>16642151 Australia S T R A Y A But sometimes I feel afraid that my mind will just crack, and literally act like a completely different person who appreciates this sort of thing, acting feminine and... I don't even want to admit some of these things
My bf had slept with a lot of people too before we got together (and some after..). But his number is stupidly high. Like, I've never met anyone who's slept with as many people as he has. And it makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it (mainly the sluts he fucked when he was supposedly with me), which is every single fucking day.
I'd also slept with a number of people before we started dating, but my number is like 1/10 of his.
It makes me feel like absolute shit tbqh. He says I'm the best sex he's ever had and all that but I never believe him (and probably never will). He says he regrets sleeping with so many people and that he wishes we were each other's firsts but I find that hard to believe as well.
Feels bad man.
>>16641625 My bf is also bi, and I too feel like I'm competing, just with every fucking guy. I'm bi as well, but I know for a fact that my bf slept with way more guys than I did girls.
>>16642190 Ever dreamed about it Sometimes I feel the consciousness wants to deny the truth, but in the dream, it feels like it makes more sense.
I had a dream really that I was with with someone I admire, everyone in the room was in the mood to make put, but really I just wanted to have fun and play video games together,even though others asked us when we were going to do it. It feels like it was lucid, however.
Been dating this girl for almost 3 months now. Her feelings toward me fluctuate a lot. Some weeks she's super in love with me, all she wants is just to chat with me and cuddle. Chatting with me for hours before sleeping and telling me how much she wants to be with me.
Other days she just doesn't seem to give a shit at all. Almost impossible to get her to talk with me. Doesn't wanna hang out even though she really has nothing else to do either.
I really love her though. She's the only girl I want. I couldn't imagine dating anyone else. However when I get so miserable whenever she stops giving a fuck about me. I still can't let go of her because I feel like I'm genuinely happy when she wants to spend time with me.
What's the point of dating her if she's the main reason I'm miserable every other week? Right now I can't even think of a reason why I'm with her. I'm actually starting to feel hatred toward her. I've never in the past been so depressed.
Can someone just wake me up and explain the situation to me so I can finally make up my mind about leaving her? I feel like I have to hear it from someone else.
>>16642218 Your boyfriend fucked other while you were in a relationship with him? Why are you still with this dirtbag? Wash your hands of him and move on, because that resentment will only build and destroy your relationship in the end.
I simply don't get it anymore. You talk about all these things we're supposed to do together but when it comes to it you never show up or seem to really care. What am I supposed to make of it? How do I know I should take it seriously when you could leave me at any given second asif I never existed? How can I make sure I'm not investing time in a relationship that will only screw me up in the end? Is it all a freaking game to you?
Am I not getting it right? Is there any requirement I'm not meeting? Something that would make you come to me quicker? That would make us come together like we were supposed to in the beginning? Just give me a sign that there's Hope, and I'll make it worth it for us.
>>16642348 It sounds like she's going through some shit and its hard to say if you're the problem. Let her know that you're there for her if she needs you and give her a little bit of time to open up to sharing things with you. Personally, relationships have always been really hard for me because I'm on my own personal roller coaster (I've been diagnosed with manic depression) and I don't really want to get anyone else involved. So when I'm happy I love to be with people but when I'm not I just fade away by myself untill I feel better. Not saying the this is the case with your girl, but its a possibility.
I know you're not reading this because I don't even know if you can read, let alone write, let alone give a fuck about anybody's heartache. But fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I was stupid to even try to make it cool with you because of course you just took the opportunity to hurt me again. I want to forget that shit and just be cool. But no you gotta be an asshole. Feel good? FUCK YOU.
fuck you it's not fucking hard to clean up after yourself. even if i don't spend all my time in the living room i still have to walk through all that garbage, and i'm sick of picking up after your lazy ass.stop being a fucking manchild and learn some responsibility. you're not the only one who lives in this apartment
>>16634586 i have no life but to be a pest and evesdrop on my neighbors. i do heroin, coke and look like a skinny faggot living with my dumbass dad. i know if i start shit in person ill run like a pussy and call my dad. he was a bouncer for a tranny gayclub back in the day. hate all my neighbors living and fucking everywhere. i hear everything. im a loser who stays at home all day not making money. im just jealous and controlling. i have to get my head checked before i die one day.
I hate my fucking life. I hate waking up and having to do the same song and dance over and over again. I'm 19, making up 5 credits of high school and having to fucking be seen as a disappointment by my parents. I hate the fact that I had my bed taken away and am now sleeping on a mat. I hate that my dad constantly disregards any sort of emotion and internal conflict I have while my stepmom just coins in her agreement with him. I hate that any time I'm alone with my dad he just vents the whole time about how I don't do enough and about how nobody does anything for him and how I don't care, yet if I needed any emotional support, I'm just told that its life and I shouldn't be upset. I hate my fucking life. I've been contemplating suicide for 2 years and every fucking day I want it more. I'm never allowed to leave outside unless I have my siblings come or unless its for school. I have virtually no social life because my dad ruined it. My brother offered to let me move in with him but he fights his girlfriend every 2 seconds. I feel suck. I feel trapped. I'm going to die here. I'm going to die here and nobody outside this fucking house will realize it I hate myself
>>16634586 I have no future but to be a shut-in loser who's addicted to drugs. I'm just angry because my worthless existance is based on anger. My dad says if you are miserable then try to make others miserable. Now I think I know things when I don't and they don't even care. They just see me as a nosy pest who's 19 years old.
I'm sorry for being 19 and being such a piece of shit dad. I should kill myself soon.
Brother just left for college. Won't see him again until summer. He was home for a few weeks for winter break. They were my only good days since he left last summer. He's my only friend. I'm a shutin. I don't mean anything to him the way he does to me, but at least he never judge me. There's so much wrong with my life but being with him I could forget it all and be happy again, like the old days, but now that he's gone the state of my life is hitting me again and it's all too much to bear. I never expected my life would end up this way I only ever wanted to be a good person. I'm too weak to overcome my problems on my own. I should be in school like him but I get so stressed I'm too sensitive to everything. Being a shutin was the only possible outcome. I want to change but I can't. I have no excuses. I love life but I'm so bad at it I want to stop wasting it and the longer I go on the more I realize I'm meant kill myself.
I finally realize there is no right time to be ready for thiss. There is no right time to conquer your fears but now. I feel bad for how long I made you wait. I know you were only trying to be gentle but I keep thinking I should've seen it earlier. I'm sorry. Please come back and show me how stupid I was.
I take everything perssonally and take it out on strangers. I'm mentally ill and sensitive to everything I perceive as a threat to my shut in persona on the internet. I'm only 19, live with my dad and my step sister.
My drug addiction, smoking and anger issues has ruined my life. All I do now is sit at home listening to people walk and sleep on floors. My neighbors think we're bums who stand around doing nothing outside smoking. I feel depressed being stepped on in my life when they are so miserable as well.
When will this end, why are they just laughing at me. Why is it that my life will be miserable for the rest of my life while theirs won't. I'm being worthless passive agressive piece of shit.
Sorry dad, hope you liked the coat and hat I have you. I got it from a homeless guy for $5.
I'm too mich of a coward to move on with my life so I focus on others who already have enough problems of their own. In actuality they have problems because their lives have so much more potential than mines and that scares me.
It makes me feel insecure and scared. This is something I need to fix.
I'm gay, skinny, a shit skin and he will never call me. Why are the big dicked straight men have girls they never talk about. Fucking bullshit. One day you just see them with a girl. Put a nametag if youre straight holy shit.
Im now convinced this was just a way to try to break me. And it's right this was the only way to break me. I thought you were the red-hot green-eyed fuck-angel of my dreams but instead you are just another crooked magi using sex as a weapon against me.
As a slim gay korean, only reason you are nice or feminine to someone is if they are your girlfriend or you are being empathetic to someone crying. But some are too nice if someone is also nice to them. Creating some sort of gay illusion aura.
Lesson is never be nice but be polite. If you're both too nice well don't be suprised if you look like a gay couple. But then again some straight guys that are super nice get laid by chicks too.
This confuses me.
+1 to straight nametags
Least you find out everyone is secretly gay anyway. At least I want them to be.
I know you had bad relationships in the past, and I respect the fact you're hesitant about dating me. You did say if it evolves past friendship, you wouldn't complain. I care about you, and want to be the person who makes you happy, but I'm not gonna sit around waiting for you to make up your mind. I love you, and if it happens, I'll be there, but someone else might snatch me up before then.
Whether you and I become a couple or not, I wish you all the happiness in the world
As a straight black man hybrid I would like to fuck your girlfriend, your sister and your female relatives. I'll walk all over you because I don't give a fuck and spit on you. I don't give a fuck if I'm a failure in your eyes because you're blind as a bat. I'll be comfortable in a year while you cry about your neighbors. Your parents will stay stuck as crackheads and you'll be a fag smoking fags.
I don't care because unlike you I make money while doing nothing.
>>16643345 Oh no. He turned me into one of those. What if I meet someone else and he doesn't measure up? I mean, the sex could be good but my ex literally was the best lover I ever had, and he made me O so hard I couldn't move after besides all the shaking. It felt like an out of body experience when he made me cum sometimes. I can't even describe some of them cause I didn't think it was possible. Yeah I just convinced myself to call I think.
We were together for 4 years. He was going thru some things, I was going thru some things, and I felt like he was putting his family before me, and our sex life had been suffering and he had a breakdown and ended up in a psych ward for a couple weeks. I kinda left him when he was in the hospital cause I couldn't deal with it any more and I was so angry with everything.
I realised it was him I wanted to sleep with when I was with someone else. Him being hung and a god in bed was just one of those great extras. And I just realised I still want to be with him. Fml.
>>16643182 Move in with them. I know it's hard to live with constant yelling but if it's not directed at you you can escape from that, go for a walk, put some headphones. Take the chance and get the hell away from your father, trust me, there's no end to that pressure, after high school it'll be "you didn't go to college" "you didn't choose X course" and so on, it's fucking poison. If you have a chance to leave take it, it'll get better I promise
Sometimes I wonder that I'm not the only girl you're attracted to. That I'm not the only girl you kissed, you touched. It makes me angry to think, that you're maybe just a player. But in that sentence there lies a word 'maybe'. Maybe I'm actually the only girl you're interested now. I like you. Please like me back. Sometimes you scare me with you words, but I'm still here. Please, like me back.
>>16643312 >with something that size it's probably real easy to pick up other women. Not necessarily, a big dick doesn't really help pick up women. I'm about the same size, over 8 inches and thicker than my wrist, and I have a good face and body too but I'm still a virgin.
I would try to get back in touch with him if that's what you want. If it's just hid dick you want back, offer to be fwb.
i can't do anything for my partner, i want to help him, i want to support him, i just force him to exist, im sorry i'm so shit, i'm sorry i can't make your life any better, im sorry i can't give you the same confidence she gives you, fuuuuuuck i'm so retarded i want you to be violent to me why can't you feel those fucked up desires towards me too?I WANT TO SEE THAT PART OF YOU
I love you like a brother, but you really piss me off sometimes. Yes, I'm a 23 year old dating a 33 year old single mom. But it's not like I'm jumping into this. It's a relationship that's grown and taken it's time; I've gotten to know her and her kids. Her mother, brother, sister-in-law, and everyone else approves. Why can't you be happy for me?
FUCK THIS. I had a girl ultra dtf. But the moment she was ready to step out of her house, a friend of hers came by to cry about her lovebreak. Damn, that girl was so pumped up she even asked her friend to come with her, which she obviously refused. We could just spend the night texting about how horny we were. Shiiiiiiit.
I've been talking to this girl for about a week now. We used to talk a few months back and it went pretty good until she told me she wasn't looking for a relationship or to lead me on so I backed off. This time she is being overly sexual, sending me pictures, dirty talking and all that, but she also does nice things like bring food to my house when I'm not feeling well and hang out with her. She retweeted something the other day that kind of scared me. It said something along the lines of not wanting a relationship, but wanting someone to go on adventures with and other gay shit. I personally want a relationship, but I'm afraid to tell her that, because it could damage my chances of sex. Do I carry on with what we have going on now, do I tell her how I feel, or do I bang her and cut things off? If anyone has any better suggestions I'm all ears
It's been 2 years now after my second failed suicide attempt. I don't know why I'm not dead now. Perhaps God wanted to save me for a beautiful event in my life? Maybe I was an incompetent idiot that can't even work a noose? I honestly don't know what I'm feeling. I met my soul mate a few months back, and she is a literal angel. She's currently helping me on getting my shit together. I suppose life is a lot better now, but I still wonder...
>>16643807 Have sex. Telling her what you feel may be troublesome right at the beginning. Do not bang her and then cut off things.
You're being given a chance to fuck, you can even use that to see if things work out. If you later on feel like she is not for you, at least the fuck window will still be open; but if you cut off, that may be it. Sex just once.
>>16642350 We had a fucked up on/off relationship for a while and that shit happened during the 'off' stages.
Our relationship is pretty solid now, we're working through it and I trust him a lot more than I used to so I'm not going to end it. He also knows that he fucked up, big time, but I can see that he's trying to fix his mistakes.
If I end up resenting him (which I doubt), then I'll/we'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
I know you're not, and I know you're lying to me. either that, or you're both fucking morons and on the verge of bankruptcy and I wouldn't want you helping me anyways because itd push you under. same reason I haven't asked anyone else in the family for help.
but I'm like 80% sure you're lying. so fuck all that. I'll do it myself. was really hoping I didn't have to go this route. thanks once again for not supporting shit.
my family everyone, not supporting me and making decisions that make my life about 100x more difficult since 1990.
and no, I don't want to live any closer to you. I'm already too close, you keep getting in the way and trying to make shit a pain in the ass.
you're all beginning to piss me off something fierce.
everyone thinks they're sooooo smart and that I'm not noticing shit. I'm sorry but the appropriate response to this sort of behaviour is violence frankly. so don't mistake my lack of a response for not noticing or being stupid. you of all people know my IQ.
fucking sociopaths and crazy people have more credence with the people around me than I do. soooo fucking sorry the truth hurts and I push you people. but no, I don't want your fucking money, you don't have to lie. do you think I've been lying the last couple years? I don't want your fucking money, and you don't have to offer to pay for college to my face where I can see the lie either. why don't you just stop the charade and finally tell me fuck you? the fuck is your problem?
>>16635260 Man I'm struggling with you. It's hard to explain. You can't. It just this feeling of. Sadness, Sorrow, self hate, and regret. Every Night I hope that I die in my sleep. Here's hoping to it happening tonight.
>>16643636 You're not playing this the correct way then.
You can either slow-burn a woman with subtle hints, a wingman, and their curiousity inevitably leads to questions, and a romp in the bedroom. You can also be direct, and drop a pack of Durex XXLs out of your pocket; this works well at the bar, or a club.
Most women never have someone as large as us. They are always curious, and if you're attractive, it is easier than Hell.
I cannot have the one woman I want, and have gone the soulless, casual route of sport-fucking. Maybe you shouldn't take my advice, at least not until you are more jaded.
PV, you made me so confused. I guess I grew numb, I don't know. I miss being cuddled too, but at the same time, I don't think I want anything with anyone. Guess we could be cuddle buddies at most. I don't know.
I'm physically ill, and I'm dying. If things don't improve my deadline is set. I have one year left to live. It's not going to stop at me though, this will also kill my family and close friends (albeit few of either I have). I'm sorry.
I made plans to see my gf, my flight was canceled when she picked up the phone her voice was quivery. Got to her apartment, turns out shes been cheating on me while i was out buying her all she wanted and being nice
You make me feel sad. Every two nights I go to sleep feeling sad as fuck because of dumbass reasons, and you're one of those reasons. I love man, but sometimes you're a dick. You have no respect for me or others, you just won't admit it like I do. I'm trying to get better, I really am, and I hate it when people bring me down all the way back to the bottom. I've known you since birth and most of the time you just shit talk to me. I'm also sorry that I come off as rude to anyone else...it's just...I wish I was confident in large groups of people like you, maybe that's why I hate you? Idk man, but I love you and J a lot, but all you guys do is bring me down. I might just all together stop talking to you guys and everyone else, I honestly hope things get better by next year. I'm sure they will.
Sometimes I fantasize about castrating you and gouging your eyes out. Then replacing your testicles in your eye sockets, and your eyeballs where your balls would be, facing backwards. Because maybe then, you'd see what we all see when we look at you.
Look niggers, ya'll keep shrimping around in here wasting ur breathes. lusting after ur anal tubes and ur hidden vasectomies. Nigger ya'll are in denial just say it nigha. ur an asshole too faggot. Go take some krill supplements so u stop self medicating with ur methlab. fish food nigga in denial. go see betty crocker and boil yourselves.
At least you'll feed a real starving child for once.
im overweight, im an alcoholic, im depressed, ive become a NEET and moved back in with parents and brothers. im 20 years old. i lost the chick i loved 6 months ago and been going in and out of depression and gaining weight and fucking a couple chicks since then but they werent great. i wanna get off my ass and work out and shit again but i just wanna do nothing but drink and i know if i get drunk ill feel like working out but like how would that help the whole situation
Moved back with my relatives and I feel like I'm in limbo with my mental issues. I switch between extreme depression when friends have lives of their own and extreme agression when I find out I'm useless in their lives. I don't want to be like this, I know they're just being nice to me because I look like a serial killer who hurt others emotionally so I feel better about myself. Truth is I know they are being nice and I can't seem to grasp what genuine kindness is, there must be an ulterior motive because I'm insecure. I just don't want to face life alone so I hate others who can. I dont want to face my own so I focus own those that have them so I feel better.
I'm a piece of shit with no hopes for a good future. I'm only 19 too.
I don't know what I did to gain your attention and attraction, but I'm sorry. Whatever idea you have of me is probably wrong and misguided, and whatever attraction you have for me is probably unhealthy. I don't know if you want me, or if you just want a significant other in your life and you've projected that feeling onto me, but you have come to the wrong person. You're a follower trying to gain the attention of a wanderer, and it's not meant to be. To be clear, me telling you this is not your fault. There's nothing you've done wrong and there's probably nothing you could have done right. This is me, not you. Go find someone better for you, because honestly, I'm better off alone.
I've been thinking that the whole world revolves around me lately and all these online writings have been bothering me. Everything hurts because reality is different, nobody cares and everyone has their own lives. It hurts to know this, that they tried to share their lives with me but my manipulative and agressive tendancies got in the way. They are like this but if I just enjoyed my life more then things would have been different. I wouldn't be hurt or seek to hurt others. Maybe I'll be happy for myself and for others. Just once let me be happy so I can realize that all this drama is fueled by my uncontrolled emotions. Let me be satisfied so I can see the good things coming my way for once. Let me be happy so I stop thinking about others and I could start helping others who really could love me.
Let me be happy while I'm young. Not mid twenties and I feel jaded. This has to change.
I wish I could just become a 2hipster4u artist and disregard any desire for relationships deeper than a friend level. It's a fucking pain always thinking about whether or not I'm good for a potential partner. It's hell on my self-esteem from my last relationship, and I don't fucking care what any potential partner would think, since I want to focus on my own passions. God fucking damnit.
I'm not sure how to feel. I traveled 440 miles with 6 hours notice to do a course I wasn't sure about, in a city I had such high expectations for, that turned out to be absolute fucking shit. The landscape was shit, the people were cunts and tried to fight me and others every chance they got. The course wasn't bad. The people in it were just fucking scum who sought the legal ability to hurt others and nothing more, then when they couldn't pass, came to me to inform me why it's all a "dick waiving competition orchestrated by ex-cops." Cunt fuck off, they're doing their job to help educate you. The weather was actually nice save for one instance where it was humid as fucking balls. I figured out that I don't want to do the job role being offered to be, but another position in the same industry would be acceptable instead. Sydney doesn't feel like a city, and is in no way enjoyable once you figure out what makes that cuntish place tick. And now that I'm home again, it doesn't even feel like home. It pisses me off so much. I just wish I had enough fucking money to get the hell out of this shit country and where I want to be
Last week my job laid off a ton of people, and those of us left have to take weeks off unpaid.
I still have a job, but I'm off this week and only got to work 3 days last week due to public holidays.
I don't know if I will be able to afford my rent. Let alone my bills. My mother just bought me some groceries. I've never been so embarrassed.
I don't know what I am going to do. I have 0 savings. I'm only going to get paid a few hundred dollars and I will have to work out how to come up with enough to fork out rent. Then I'm going to have to pay my bills with my emergency credit card, which will just sink me that little bit deeper into the hole.
I'm hurt and the only way I could release my anguish is by accusing you of what I'm guilty of. I'm talentless and miserable in general. If I'm here, it's because I was longing for your approval and attention. I ruined everything and you have moved on. I know you have friends and I'm just jealous that you can not care about us. We need you, we're a sinking ship and our mental issues are calmed by your presence. Please stay even if I'm useless, please stay even if I know you don't want me in your life.
It's not my fault I'm clingy online and offline. I'll never admit it but I sure as hell show it don't I?
Good luck man life is hard for everyone indeed. That's why I'm here talking shit. My parents raised me this way. I just want to learn from you and how you are so good with people even if you had a shitty life. How lucky you are and how trouble free your life is. How you just take it easy and things come your way.
It disgusts me, I may be autistic at 25 but let me vent.
A few posts in this thread hit a chord, or reminded me of you , or us, in some way, and I just... I still don't want to believe you left me. When I told you to never give up on me, and think on what we could have, literally in this moment...
All of those years, sacrifices, tears, and they mean nothing now. Is this what you want? Has removing me from your life made you happy?
I want us to spend the rest of our lives together, and I know you love me, but if you can't accept that and truly give us another chance...
>>16634586 I'm not sure what to do anymore. I try helping my dad, I try giving him advice but he always waits until the last minutes to fix things. I know I'm not a good son. I'm abrasive and at times inconsiderate but most of all a coward. Your wife isn't a good match for regardless of what you think. She's a mean-spirited self-centered wench who gets offended at any little thing. She doesn't help with rent and she certainly doesn't care much for anyone aside from herself. I know you say "I don't know her personally" but nonetheless the things she says and the things she does and the things I hear about her make me lose faith in your words. At times I just want to give up and leave everyone and live by myself. But you hardly survive and here we are yet again to be offered to the streets, evicted once more from our home. You don't think long term, you think short-term, day to day but that won't help anyone. That won't help you. Realize that. I just want you and my siblings to be happy.
This is what I get for being in ACN. I should have focused on being a decent human being instead of blame shifting all the time. I'm sorry family, siblings and relatives. I'll be a better person instead of blaming others.
I dont like being an anchor on people on my life but negativity and self insertion to other people's lives is all I can do. My siblings and relatives keep me alive and I would be dead if it wasnt for them. Yet I talk shir behind them and everyones back to make myself feel important. When really they just tolerate it because if they know in the back of their mind where im heading in life.
Not even the gutter I'm homeless and yet I distract myself by talking shit here instead of making a plan. I'm useless and they're right, I'm nothing but an anchor and I finally recognize that. I've been denying it for so long. Hold on family I'll get us out of this rut.
>>16634586 I'll always be a passive aggressive woman with OCD and this bothers me. It really bothers me that you think I'm a loser. It bothers me that I need you and you just discard me after I was a bitch to you. You're a loser too and we belong together. I'll be the most unfaithful and the most unreliable woman you'll ever meet. But don't mess with me or make me feel bad I might be fragile but I'm a psycho. I'm psychotic and a sociopath. I might be a social climber who is secretly a heavy drug user but I'm not like any other girl.
You won't find anyone else loser. All your assets should be mine and you should be miserable with me for the rest of your life! With or without me! If I bore of you and I will well I hope you're not stupid enough to have married me.
Now come dance with me you autistic asshole! I'm autistic as fuark. Marry me!
I hate that I'm so desperate for other peoples attention/approval. I recently annoyed this one girl till she pretty much hates me. No matter how funny I may be I guess it's just annoying. I can't fucking control myself once I start getting infatuated. I fuck up everything even when we both like each other at first. I hate that I care so much that this happened at all. I feel terrible that I kept pushing myself to try to win her favor and made her feel scared or pitiful. I wish I felt nothing at all. Yeah, I guess I'm a loser. Whatever. I just wish I could detach myself like everyone else can. I knew all the things I shouldn't be doing and I did them anyway. Am I some sort of retard? Can I only learn when I fuck everything up?
>>16634586 >Other one's past its limit This one's on its bump limit, as well.
Good night, dear raccoon(s) living under my porch. If I didn't happen to have exactly one portion of emergency food left, you would be cooking right now. Despite me knowing that I shouldn't mess up the natural food chain more than humanity has already done; or me not knowing how I'd exactly handle the leftover blood and fur; or that it's a quiet night that could become quite spooky if you loudly made your last shrill squeals of pain; or that I'd get weird looks from the people in my apartment if I was cooking scraps of meat from an unknown origin; or this being the first time I'd have actually decided to work butchery.
>>16645385 This sounds uncannily like a reaction to what I've done recently. So I'll respond like you were that person, selfish, I know.
I'll stop being a follower one day WF. I actually liked your cute personality and admired your creativity. And we seemed similar in attitude although it wouldn't be obvious to you. I've been living a lonely life without dating, and I just wanted to break free forcefully. I guess I pushed too hard. I should have considered how you felt about everything. You're not wrong, I did end up projecting my feelings onto you. I was selfishly pursuing you when all signs pointed to no, so I'm the one at fault here, not you. Just let me feel bad about it and get on with your responsibilities. Also, I don't know if you'd actually be better off alone, that's just what people say to stop themselves from getting hurt. I would know
Almost lost a very close friend because i told him about how i had feelings for him. Luckily we can still be friends but it also turned out that he didn't feel the same way. That also hurt me too. We probably wont be having sex anymore, I already fucked that up. Hes got enough hoes but i bet he doesn't have their virginity. He said he still wants to take care of me and make sure no one plays me which is pretty ironic because he actually did play me.
In one week, it'll be my deceased older brother's birthday again. Every January since his death has been miserable. Every Christmas since his death has been spent trying to keep busy. Every time my birthday comes around I wish he was at my side like he used to be until April 2013. I got to spend the Christmas just gone with family members I haven't spent it with in far too long, but I still kept busier than I needed to to take my mind off it a little. New Year's, too. But both Christmas and New Year's I would eventually come home from spending time with family, then feel miserable. I actually had someone I wanted to spend those days with, but I broke up with him for reasons and he spent those days happy with his ex instead.
Sometimes I just want to cry into someone's arms, instead of it always being that they turn to me and cry on my shoulder. Funny, because I push everyone away instead. My brother and I would have spent those days playing games instead of how the rest of this family is determined to drink and be merry. The person I broke up with probably would have just cuddled with me instead of wanting to drink. I didn't spend it with either of them. Now that birthday's going to come around again and I'll just light some candles for him and not speak to anyone on the day. I did the same thing last year, I just lit candles and shut off all ways for anyone else to talk to me.
Ironic, then, that how I am behaving now regarding everything would actually annoy my brother if he was here. He'd have looked at how I've been, especially all of 2015, and feel disappointed in me. I need to stop soon or I would never be able to face him if the afterlife did actually exist
I have a boyfriend but I'm constantly fantasizing about fucking men and other women and just about anything really. I want my mouth to be stuffed with dicks and pussy. I think about sex so much I relate everything to it, we fuck at least once a day but it doesn't last long enough and I don't always cum, as a result, I have to secretly masturbate afterwards (like I just did) thinking about other people. They're never specific people I know.. so I guess it's fine.
Move on with your life please. How long will it take for you to mature as a person. I'm indifferent at best and I'm only investing this time so you'll understand that you have to move on and be happy.
Not everyone is like you or want to be miserable around you. I know you need affection and care but that's what meeting new people can potentially give you. I'm not perfect but I tried in everyway to communicate that you have to move on too. It's been to long to be digging up bad memories.
Nothing personal and I'm sorry if you're hurt. We'll all find our relatioships and you'll be happy if you stopped dwelling in the past. Your future is bright. Focus on your personal success and improve your already existing relationships. We all want that for ourselves and for myself as well. Have fun and don't worry too much.
I did it to find out who's who and I had to. Be happy and start again with your life. We'll all be fine.
Goodbye and take care.
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