I just don't like people. By default I look pissed/lonely/depressed. I see people smiling and having a good time and doing normal people things, and it just irks me. I've found that one way or another, every person ends up letting me down somehow. And this is why I prefer being alone. I'm an asshole anyways. I hurt people too, and I blow off my friends or come up with reasons to ignore them or not hang out with them. I avoid people, even my family. It's not that I don't like my friends or family, because I love them all dearly, it's just that I feel different. Eh. I'm rather dull anyway
I feel like I'm not in control of my own actions anymore. There are things that I know I must do (work out, study, etc.) but every time I try to get things done, it's like some bad instinct kicks in and my body just stops. Even if I do start something, it doesn't last. I don't know what to do anymore.
FUCK YOU, instead of trying to work things out you decided to just leave me and fuck/go out w/ someone else the next day of our breakup! Little dip shit, i hate you so much because even after the hell i went through i still love you...fucking two years.....
I really miss the days back when I was a shut-in. I had so much peace of mind, because I was doing what I wanted. Browse 4chan all day, play vidya, go for bike rides around the suburbs.
Of course it got lonely, I cried a lot... only people I interacted with were my teachers (at community college - at least the equivalent of it), my family... and well that was really about it.
And you know what? I could lay in bed all day.
Now, I got forced back in to it. My friends held an intervention... the ones that I had all cut off.
They were worried about me.
Well... it's been a good 3 to 4 months since I placed myself back in to society... I guess it was sort of voluntary, just because I saw how much me keeping to myself hurt the people that I used to care about.
And to be honest, I hate it. I really miss doing fuck all, and all these interactions feel so fucking forced.
The people that made me feel so alienated now all of a sudden are expressing interest in me. People are saying I got more attractive... shit, I don't care about.
Drama. Drama. Drama. Everyone is so fucking toxic, I'm so fucking toxic, too.
Can you see why I want to go back to how I was?
I can't conform anymore... I'm being serious. The more I stay around these people, the more I feel so fucking tired of everyone. I want to tell them to all fuck off. It's unhealthy, I know. People need people. At least, I know I do. But... I can't shake the feeling that I'd be so much more content by myself.
I see people as they are: deceptive, manipulative, back stabbing, traitorous. Everything is done for their own good.
It makes me sick, and sad.
And I just wanna disappear somewhere, where they can't find me. That's all.
>be in ldr >move in together for year >have to move out because some shit went down in family >almost ready to move back in with GF >gf acting very distant, blaming me... >red flags, red flags everywhere >try the "be supportive" route (NEVER DO THIS AT HOME KIDS) >things get even worse - starts blaming me for everything, even more distant >fuck this, now I'm going into distant mode
I feel like crying all the time, I am paralyzed socially and I can't controll my libido enough to talk to women without feeling like a disgusting creep. I feel like going to sleep and dying in my sleep. Also I have a shitty job and my ungratefullness is depriving me of any motivation to do even that. I am trying, but right now it's overwhelming how much I want to waddle in self pity and self hate...
I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so fucking sorry I can't control myself. With every relapse comes a whole week of me breaking myself down and regretting it. Why the fuck can't I learn from my mistakes? Why haven't I gotten help? I don't fucking trust people. I can't even trust my family. They've been wrong. I've been wrong and I haven't fixed it. Every day I'm going more and more downhill and I don't think people realize it. I don't think I realize how bad it is yet. I'm going to lose everything. I'm an ungrateful shit.
I wonder if it's true that my friend wants to fuck me or if it's a combination being paranoid and wishful thinking (because naturally, it makes me feel better about myself). And I don't know if it's a problem if she does, but either way, I wish I didn't think about it so much.
Tired of being the "best friend" of all my female friends. They all love me and think I'm the greatest guy friend ever, but none of them have any interest in a relationship with me because I'm "too good of a friend" and they don't want to "ruin that". Fuck that, ugh. Can't you guys just see that I really really like you?
I don't know to stop being suspicious of everything you do. I'm sorry. I'm trying to fix this before it ruins everything. I hope my ex is miserable because his cheating ass made me this way. I refuse to let his actions dictate my future. I will change and be able to love unconditionally again. He will always be a liar and insecure. This thought comforts me. I now know love. You never will.
I spent last night with a few friends. There's this guy who hangs out with us more and more because he's in their class. he's kind of the douchey dudebro type who doesn't take anything seriously, mocks other people or talks about things no one cares about (like bragging about this girl he knew whom he used to throw water at for kicks every time he saw her. "And she liked it. She was like "haha, stop Anon".
He's a very lively guy, extrovert, with that habit of shouting, punching stuff and having harsh movements (like winning a game and jumping up while shouting and throwing his arms around in a way to brag).
He's also pretty physical with people, including that one girl. I don't have feelings for her, but I noticed how easy it is for him. As an introvert and calm person, I always kind of envied this ability to be this outgoing, but at the same time he's behaving like a jackass most of the time and it's getting on my nerves.
I don't know what to think about that. Should I want to be more like that? I tried many times, but it's not my personality. besides, I don't think i want to be close to the people attracted to that type of guy.
>>15380974 I only started posting about this last year, so it is hardly been years. And I don't care if it is creepy or not to enjoy spending time, sharing hugs and cuddles with my cousins, because I love them, and their company makes me happier than anything else I know of. And I am only 21.
I didn't think being by myself was very noticeable to others, but everyone keeps bringing it up more and more now. I can't just come out and tell them the main reasons, is it really that big of a deal to be by yourself?
>>15380919 Crying rape isn't a common thing where I live at all, so I don't think this is a concern for him, but he knows I'm a virgin and we've been dating for less than a week now. So he probably didn't try to go any further out of respect.
Are you sure I can really just say that? Won't he think ill of me?
Ouch for now and ouch for what's to come, you better pray he's your average white boy.
Anyway, if my GIRLFRIEND wanted to fuck after a week of dating I'd think it was a bit soon. Just get used to teasing him for a week or two, but I usually think around a month is average if there's a strong bond between you two.
If you've been intimate for longer than a week, then go ahead. Give him that quiet whisper and I'm sure he'd rail you until the sheets run red you unprepared virgin you.
Jess, I wish we were able to talk last night. I really wish you didn't avoid the awkwardness between us by, talking to M about hockey all the goddamn time when I was getting my shit. There was a reason I decided to come by later when we were home. I fucken miss us. I miss what we had. I just wanted to talk about us. I hate this.
I split the class in two parts. I don't know why this happened. I didn't want this to happen, that's for sure. But I acknowledge that it seems the whole "helping people" thing is complicated. I can't have preferences. If I do, I'm with a person and against other that may need my help. I can't make clones of myself. I can't spend most of my time on many people at once. My goal was to help people, not to break stuff.
I have people with me, people against my group, but no one really against me. It's stupid. Always someone else takes the blame. Because that person got my attention. I have more issues now. My group has new members, more people that I can't handle at a time. I am losing control of whatever happens around me.
>>15381031 You are scaring me, anon. But I will wait a little longer. We have not been intimate at all and he's the first guy I've ever kissed at all. Thing is I'm 26 and while I did "fine" holding all of it back until now, it feels like I'll explode any minute now and I don't know how to tell him that.
Met a cute girl who's into me it seems, but now I have to follow up...this is where I get rejected or friend zoned, and I can't help but feel like history will repeat itself. I'll be as confident as I can etc. but fuck it man chicks get to know me and they find out that I'm not whatever, perfect or some shit, and they run.
You know that feeling when you know something is going to go wrong , and it's going to end badly for all parties involved, and yet...and yet you still feel like going in that direction anyways, just to see what happens, just to see the extent of the damage?
The only thing right now that makes me angrier at myself than my lust is my selfishness. If only I could shake these feelings I have for you off.
Same here. I've also taken a liking in hurting people because I find it funny and I have nothing to lose since I have no real social life and I don't feel like changing the situation, not implying I could if I would, don't get me wrong. People say I have no faith in the world and a bad person on a social degree but I'm really pissed off about everyone keeping smiling for no fucking reason. I may be autistic and edgy but I think they are so happy because they don't realize how much the world sucks.
My gf has too many cats to the point it is not pleasant to even spend time with her at her home anymore. It smells, there is hair everywhere and my shit ends up getting eaten or goes missing by the morning. I dont know how to tell her this without being a dick
>>15381167 Take it properly, when I was having sex for the first time with my first girlfriend, who was also a virgin(never fucked a virgin since), it took us 2 days of trying before she could manage to get it in, even then she only lasted a minute before she gave up.
You should be fine as we were both 15 and she was a ballerina, so that obviously had some effects.
But yes, chief it means first try no pussying out in this context.
I'm starting to get seriously worried about myself. I've been thinking of suicide more and more and the ideation is becoming increasingly bleak. It used to be a what if scenario where I think about hanging myself and imagining who would find me and how everyone would react. Except now it's becoming more a matter of me just imagining eating a bullet and not caring about the consequences. I don't think I want to die, but I don't want to go to a doctor just to get fed zombie drugs. I guess I'm depressed though I don't really see it, but I don't know how to do anything about it without getting doctors or family involved.
>>15381555 See a therapist. Also: see a psychiatrist.
Antidepressants typically don't make you into an unemotional zombie, but if they do there are simple fixes (boosting the antidepressant with another one, boosting the dose, switching to another antidepressant.). However, they're still not a replacement for therapy.
How to find a therapist: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist Finding a mental health provider: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/mental-health-providers/MY01650 Coping with suicidal thoughts: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm Antidepressant mythbusting: http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/458275/152610/taking-myths/
Depression is a medical problem with a medical solution; it's not always drugs, but they really can be helpful.
OH MY FUCKING GOD just when i thought you couldn't get more fucking retarded, you out do yourself.
You started on E-cigs but YOU DON'T FUCKING SMOKE IDIOT! You are just using them to act cool. Are you always that fucking easy to persuade? Like if someone started eating cardboard, would you start just because it was cool to that person? you are an adult, stop acting like a retarded teenager.
An old friend sponsored me on Patreon. It's really cool that he wanted to help but i kind of feel very guilty because i haven't spoken to him in ages. he's autistic and i'm afraid that he's giving more than he feasibility can. I feel bad about it. but i need the money. My moral compass is all over the place. He's so sweet, i don't want to take advantage. Fuuck.
I am slightly obsessed with being in control... I sometimes feel like all facets of my life need to be under my control in some way. Even if it's not personal. I would want, expect, or demand things to go a certain way, and that probably just makes me seem like a child...
I get worried, sometimes. If I were to end up with someone, would I want to control their whim to make sure I'm always satisfied? Would I be too scared and not do anything at all? I really don't know how to be around people.
>>15381846 Have you considered becoming a Dom? Some people get really turned on when they are being controlled. There is someone out there for everyone, someone will like you for you. have you talked to a councilor? or a theosophist? Cause it could be untreated OCD.
Please text me. I so desperately want to work this out, but I don't know what else to say to you. I'm not gonna be one of those assholes who texts nonstop 24/7. I've told you how I felt as honestly as I could. If you don't want to try to work this out, there's nothing else I can do.
Psychology, you know how to use it. Malice that's all in your heart isn't it? I'm two faced but I always choose my head over wagging my tail for you. Sadly my style is distinct, you just won't be able to measure. Goodbye.
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