You have to try to get out there, and socialize, and find friends. And try to figure out why it is that you have no friends; usually, this kind of thing is a problem that you can solve, with a little (or a lot, or a hell of a lot) of work. You just kinda have to pick a strategy, adjust as necessary, and wing it.
I've gone through periods where I had a bunch of friends, but no close friends, periods where I had literally no friends at all, and a period where I had no casual friends but one close friend. It's a result of psychiatric issues (I have depression and nonverbal learning disorder -- basically Asperger Lite), a lack of socializing (I was homeschooled until the second half of tenth grade), and emotional insecurities / a lack of self-confidence.
It helps if you do your best to look your best (in a fiscally affordable fashion), carry yourself well (have good posture, look people in the eye, etc), and figure out the red flags for which of the people who are talking to you are crazy (my experience is that people willing to spend a lot of time around you without knowing you well are sometimes doing it because they're lonely, and often they're lonely because they're crazy as shit.).
It also helps if you find people that share your interests and ways of thinking -- people who can understand you and who you can do a lot of stuff with.
>do your best to look your best, find ways to be social, put yourself out there despite any shyness or anxiety you might have, and focus on the relationships you do have -- relationships take work, and aren't entirely organic in nature, durr
>>15258221 Being too clingy is off-putting, but you can manage that if you're self-aware and try to manage yourself socially. The key is to make yourself socially available and to just spend time with people who you enjoy being around.
You don't have to bother people when they're busy -- you just have to talk to them and do stuff with them without being super intrusive. If someone is obviously studying or working, for instance, don't bother them (or just wave hi), but if they're just kind of chilling you should take that as a go-ahead to hang out or whatever unless otherwise noted.
I dunno, man, you just have to put yourself out there and adjust your actions based upon what you learn while you do that kind of shit. Someone else will probably have better advice than I do in this area, because I'm still fairly awkward in a lot of ways. *shrug*
>>15258132 >my experience is that people willing to spend a lot of time around you without knowing you well are sometimes doing it because they're lonely, and often they're lonely because they're crazy as shit.
I enrolled in online college and have taken to browsing 4chan. I've accepted that I have no friends and will likely never develop the social skills to make or keep friends. I take comfort in the fact that I'm the only person I will ever have to worry about, please, or encourage. Nobody will ever dump their problems on me while ignoring or trivializing mine. Nobody will be upset with me for cancelling plans or avoiding leaving the house. I can do whatever I want with no judgement from people who actually matter. It's almost kind of nice.
>>15258309 See a therapist and start working on your mental health issues while learning how to build healthy relationships.
Being lonely sucks, and you don't have to be, but you also don't have to get trapped into abusive friendships just because you need other people -- whether or not you're the abuser or the abused.
>also: your most important relationship is with yourself, and if you think you're this person you, at the very least, have serious self-esteem issues that need to be dealt with. You matter as an individual and should have at least a little bit of intrinsic self-worth.
Some helpful links: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist http://psychcentral.com/find-therapist/chapter-2-payment-of-therap/
>>15258348 No. My acknowledgement of my craziness has generally been a good thing. Being aware of it helps me stop from doing crazy shit.
My issue isn't that I can't build healthy relationship. Of all the friends I've ever lost, only one was ever actually related to my craziness, and even then, she still mostly placed the blame on herself. The problem is I don't build relationships at all. I find people impossible to connect with or relate to.
Learn to cope with yourself. It'll make life easier. Also, learn the difference between friends and acquaintances. One tends to be very few while the other can easily become plentiful.
>>15258115 >I've done more, seen more, and enjoyed more without having friends that hold me back. ^This.
>>15258325 Here's the downside: You won't have anyone to pull you out when you're drowning in a river. There are times when we need what we don't want--the help of others.
> I've accepted that I have no friends and will likely never develop the social skills to make or keep friends. A bridge undeveloped is never built. Of course you won't have what you never worked on. Ducks don't fall out the sky bearing green onions. Put in the effort for self-improvement or hope you don't become a miserable old grouch in a couple of years.
>>15258428 That's like biting into a pie and skipping the filling. You're disregarding the life you live inbetween the beginning and end.
I'm forcing myself to not have friends. Keep people around to meet that weird social want I have sometimes, but I don't have an actual friend anymore. When I get drunk, I start asking the people I'm with if they're my friend, and since we all work together (military) and I'm drunk, they say yes so things stay happy and fun.
I realized, after watching a video of me being fucked-up-drunk, that I'm not asking if THEY'RE my friend. I'm looking for the friend who killed herself last year. The only friend I ever actually had.
I interact with people on a "low-level." I'm socially intelligent enough to be able to let others think they're my friend when the exact opposite is the truth.
>>15258985 Your life isn't over; get the mental health treatment you need to start making reasonable decisions.
>"I have no redeeming qualities and am worthless" is not a reasonable statement for any individual to make
How to find a therapist: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist Finding a mental health provider: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/mental-health-providers/MY01650 Paying for therapy: http://psychcentral.com/find-therapist/chapter-2-payment-of-therap/
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