I met a nice guy and we started seeing each other on a regulary basis (2x a week). We had a wonderful time until my sister asked if we are exclusive after 2 months. I told her i don't really know, that i don't see other guys and that he said he isn't seeing other girls but we are not in a relationship. Ahe said this is realy weird and i need to find out. I brushed it off and went home. I kept thinking about her words and apparently started to get a bit too clingy. After a week he started to back off and act strange. I waited a couple if days (could have been just bad mood) and them asked what was wrong. After a long conversation we finaly found out that he felt pressured by my clingyness and that things went to fast. So we decided to take a step back. We were back to out former selfe and it went very well. Then maby 3 weeks later it started to bug me that he acted distant and cold again. I was a bit emotional anyways and told him that we should just stop "us" if he does not feel it. I told him we could be fwb because i like him as a friend and the sex is great. He did not want that. So we decided to give us some space and not see each other for one and a half week. 4 days in he asked i he could come over. I was really horny so i said yes. It was weird, because he suddenly was very loveydovey. The lack of intimacy outside of the bed was what upset me in the first place. So where did that come from so suddenly? Well, 3 days later he asks me out for dinner. I say ok because i am curious what's the matter for his new strange behaviour. We have a wonderful evening and then he INSISTS on paying for everythig. Until that day we always split bills. We went for a walk and ended up sleeping together at my place.
I am really confused /adv/. Whats up with us? Are we fwb now? Why is he so cuddly suddenly? I tought i habe drove him away too far with my dumb shit and pressuring him...
I see that now. And i made a point to not act on somebody elses shit anymore. I did not feel like pressuring him or taking things to the next level. She just got me thinking and that was a real pitty. I just tought the damage was to big. He ha a bad breakup not ver long ago (5 months). And he has a hard time trusting/opening up again. He just needs time and i can respect that. Don't know how i could have been so dumb. Now i just try to keep the damage as small as possible.
I do. The problem is, that he backed up because he tought i had more "advanced" feelings for him than he has for me. Which wasn't really true. I just apparently acted that way because of my sisters words. I told him that. And i guess that took some of the pressure. But now he is kind of pushing forward and it really confuses me. Honestly i am afraid to give in to his new cuddly selve because he could back up again and i don't want this to become some push/pull shit.
I'm speaking for myself here, but if I was in his position, perhaps maybe I realized that I actually like you and that I want to pursue a relationship with you? I don't think is the push/pull game because I know for a fact, that I wouldn't (and neither would any of my friends) pay for dinner if I wasn't actually pursuing a relationship.
Fuck it, does it feel right when you're together? If yes, well, go for it. Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
Just my two cents, best of luck.
I feel like he's doing that because he thinks you're kind of expecting him to. Maybe you should try to get him to open up, to find out how he's feeling deep inside. No idea how, though. Asking directly probably won't help.
That's just a thought, tho. I might be wrong.
Yeah, that really confused me. Before we could always brush it off as just going to get some food together.
Yes, i do like him. And i think he likes me too. We have much fun together and if there is somethig bothering us we can always call each other and talk it out. We can discus many subjects and most of the time we have very similar views. We go on daylong trips, i met some of his family/friends and the sex, well, is amazing. I do think this is inevitably heading in a serious direction. But i guess he just don't want to label it yet. For me it would be ok. I was single a long time before and i have no emotional baggage from previous relationships. But i am not in a hurry. Just overthinking as usual.
But we agreed to stop the couply behaviour if it is too much for him. The bevaviour in question was me always going up to him, kissing him, hugging him and so. He never did that to me and he rarely reciprocated. So i told him i feel like he doesn't really want it. He said he likes it but he only does that to somebody who is his gf. I answered that this is fine, but that i do it just because it feels nice and i like to. But that i will stop now because it feels weird to not get any response when you get intimate with somebody.
Not sure if he now feel like he has to do those things. I tried to be as clear as possible. And the paying for dinner thing was never even talked about. It never bothered me in the slightest...