>>14666798 for the same reason it is wrong for a man to be friends with a girl who said has romantic feelings for him. This isn't a gender issue and if you alone don't see what's wrong with it I don't think anyone on this board will be able to make you see why it is.
>>14666798 It's not. You might make your partner feel uncomfortable, though. If you don't care about that or you can make him say he doesn't mind, even though he does (I mean, in case he mentioned it once, then he probably does). Then it's okay. It can lead to a bunch of problems though, depending on the guy.
The way you posed this question is interesting. The answer is dependent on why the girl is hanging out with the guy. If it is for an ego boost and because the guy liking her makes her feel good, this is a circumstance with potential for cheating. If its just to hang out, there is nothing wrong. This of course hinges upon the "terms" of your relationship. Whether your s.o. Is okay with you hanging out with them, alone or in a group, etc. It is after all up to both of you what your okay with from your partner. These things need to be clear cut, defined, and agreed upon by both of you.
OP here, actually I am a girls s.o. and I dont feel comfortable with it, and I know it's wrong, I am just not sure how to communicate that to her. it all ends up with >you should trust me and you should know me better, I would never do that.
>>14666994 Nothing you can do if she feels it's not a problem. I'd honestly just find someone else, and make sure you're clear about friendship boundaries with them i.e. what you expect from them and what they feel is important from you.
>>14667031 Would this be acceptable though? In my case, one of my friends told me he "had" a crush on me, but when I broke up with my bf, he instantly broke up with his gf too. So that's suspicious. However: >I think it's pretty obvious I don't want him >he never straight out said he had a crush and isn't being a creep either >we only meet a few times a year.
>>14666836 Not op but with your logic should it go like this? >have a good guy friend who has feelings for you >get a boyfriend >tell the good guy friend that you two can't be friends anymore at all because you have a boyfriend so you two can't even have a platonic friendship and he should have shut his autist mouth or else you two could still be friends With this logic, if I were a guy and wanted to be sure I could keep a girl as a friend, I would literally never tell them if I had feelings for them because I wouldn't want to be thrown to the side and have my friendship abandoned over such stupid shit
if you don't know why it is wrong you are not mentally mature enough to be in a committed sexual relationship and should probably continue to let your mommy drive you to the mall to meet boys in the hot topic store.
>>14667201 Yeah, I get what your saying, I tried every way imaginable to make her comprehend that its just not even fair for that guy either (however much asshole he is), but it seems like her "wants" get in the way of her doing the right thing. "oh I told him I am not interested it's his own fault if he keeps hoping for something" >>14667377 No, because as long as you are friend with a guy he thinks he still has a chance. it's not really just limited to a situation like in my OP. If you have a guy in a friendzone and you do care about him you should cut off all contact, it would be better for him, cause for as long as you are still maintain contact with him he cherishes the chance of you two getting together. >>14667448 dude what? it's a real situation, I just needed someone to help me word out the wrong of the situation.
>>14666798 The guys will eventually try and fuck things up for you and your gf. He'll deny it if you ever bring it up (unless he is a cunt) and your girlfriend will get listed if you do.
I 100% assure you if you allow them to be friends it will end poorly. It's exactly what happened to me. He waited until me girlfriend was mad at me and followed her to a club. He acted nice and flirty then when she was drunk he made a move and she cheated on me with him.
I'd made it.clear he was trouble and I didn't like him, but all I ever got was 'dont you trust me?'. The problem isn't trusting your girlfriend, it's the other guys who don't give a fuck about you and will prey on her when she is emotionally vulnerable.
>>14666798 >>14667537 And really, why would your girlfriend even want male friends? Would.she.be pissed at you if you spent time with other girls alone? She absolutely would. Fuck women, they're all shit
>>14667537 the answer to that I get >I would NEVER cheat, you should know me better etc etc. I am going to try and go with >I am not comfortable with you being friends with someone who will constantly will try to put our relationship at risk.
My friends are my friends. Some of them happen to be guys. If you're so insecure about our relationship and you don't trust me enough to be okay with this, it's your loss. I don't have a problem with you having female friends, I don't expect you to have a problem with my male friends.
>I-I swear I didn't know he/she was like that!! We've been friends for so long and he/she knows about you, he/she just leaned in so fast and kissed me while we were hanging out! I'm so sorry and it won't happen again, I promise!
Fuck you and all the people like you who willingly test your relationship by purposely hanging out with people who have feelings for you while your significant other is not present. 90% of you tend to be manipulative cunts who would flip shit if the situation was reversed.
>>14667542 so far they are only spending time together at work and he calls her at her cell. if she ever met him on her free time I'd probably end this relationship. (not just because of just that, there is some other stuff too, but it's mostly minor child shit that can be worked out, this would be the straw that broke the camel's back)
>dating girl for 2+yrs >insert beta orbiter >instantly he's trying to win her over and badmouth me >I bring this up to her >get the typical oh he's harmless you know you can trust me >bite my lip because hey she's right I should trust her since she's never done anything before >fast forward 2 months >we get into a huge fight because of a huge misunderstanding on her end over a situation at a party *later found out she was wrong thanks to a friend having a video of what happened and I wasnt even there* >she goes out to a party and gets shit faced >a couple of guys prey on her upset with me >beta orbiter is one of them >she ends up hate fucking 3 guys because she thought I cheated on her at a party *mentioned* >she finds out next day thru our mutual friends I didnt and saw the video >she starts acting cool again >find out thru beta orbiter she cheated on me with him and his 2 friends at party because he sent me a vid and outted her >forward her the video and go for a run over to beta boys house >beat the dog shit out of him in front of his 2 friends who do nothing but cower in the corners >he goes to the hospital and I get arrested >get out 4 days later and have court >still havent said a word to my ex *havent broke up yet* she knows what I did to her beta orbiter friend >she's scared im going to do the same to her >bump into her with friends >tell her we're done and I want nothing to do with her and tell her I was right about you and him being friends and he did in fact cost us a relationship that had zero problems for 2+yrs til she let him in her life >she starts crying in front of everyone begging for forgiveness and wants me back >walk off without saying a word >she cuts all contact with beta orbiter >she still 3 yrs later shows up randomly in my life to win me back >still blow her off and treat her like she doesnt exist what you do with this story is up to you op but I will never allow another situation like this in my life again,
>>14667560 problem is he already did somewhat try so she won't be able to say that. so I will definitely try it, I think it might work. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, the whole "well with me it will be different", but hey no hard trying, eh? and yeah if nothing else will work I am prepared to force her to choose. though about just being an asshole and stop considering this relationship as a serious one and just going with it, but it doesn't feel right or just.
>>14667715 I didn't fuck her. I just sort of fell her. Told her I liked her and she said she did back but had a boyfriend then left the country and have been talking to her since. I'm thinking of stopping now and would have but she's coming back in a few months.
>>14667735 well if you laid your cards out and she decided to stay with her boyfriend then you should stop. if she thinks that you are the person for her, she should be with you. if she doesn't and stays with her boyfriend you should fuck off, for everyone's sake (yours included, like for example imagine this, they break it off for some reason, you end up together, would it feel good to know that she wanted him more, but ended up with you not because you are her "one true love" but because of other reasons?)
On a related note how would you guys feel about a girl still talking to a guy whom she had a crush when she was 14 or so and dated briefly when she was 14-15, and then kissed when she was about 20 when she was in a relationship with another guy. she is now 23 and the guy seems to be interested in another girl
>>14667765 >>14667770 Thankyou guys. I've decided that I'm going to leave. We are/were talking nightly so should I just go or say goodbye some how? Also should I bother with her when she comes back? It won't be till July and I won't be able to avoid her cause she'll be at my school and in some of my classes.
>>14667798 also if you are pursuing this girl cause you cant get any other grls, i cant really help you that much as far as talking to them. However i will suggest learning as much about being awesome at sex as you can. Nothing gives me more confidence with a girl than knowing i can fuck her better than anyone else i know
>>14667809 YEah sure. Especially if you still have feelings for her. She will obviously protest, but you could just go the slowly ignore route. I always like disappearing but that probably isnt the best way to handle it lol. I would just say goodbye. If we are going to be friends my feelings for you are going to persist, and i dont want that causing any unwarranted drama in my life. Now if you dont have feelings for her then keep being friends, unless she has feeling for you, in which case you tell her that it isnt going to end well then grab your jetpack and fly off
It's not wrong, per se. But unless this other guy has managed to friendzone you since telling you about his (former) feelings, it's going to drive him insane, quite possibly literally. That just happens to people who stick around those they want but can't have. To do that to someone knowingly is cruel.
>>14668087 >To do that to someone knowingly is cruel. you know what really grinds my gears about this? if you try to explain that to a girl she just goes >it's his own fault, I told him nothing will happen. I am fine with them being a selfish cunts, but at least own up to it
There's a girl I have romantic feelings for but we're not together, and I still value her friendship greatly. If she were in a relationship with another guy the last thing I'd want to do is interfere with that
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