There's a girl who I am getting the impression is trying to steal my boyfriend away. She's wedged herself in his circle of musician friends and there's essentially in a band, so he has to see her at meetings and at shows. The girl has him drive her home and she took his hat. They drunkenly tried to hook up when we were taking some time off to figure out the relationship and I found her stuff at his place when we got back together. I told her we were back together and she has seen it.
But she's constantly pushing boundaries and he loves the attention, maybe even interested in her. It makes me feel like shit, especially since she is 6 years younger than me.
It used to be that he was attracted to girls like me, or me in general. But his phone background was a picture of a girl who looked like her until I saw it and got upset. Now everything she posts on the internet is like what he posts. They've completely merged in interests. I also found out they are neighbors (after she asked him to drive her home one night that I was in the car) so I'm constantly worried that he's sneaking over there and everything he says seems like a lie. I can't tell if I am being paranoid anymore.
He's still with me, we see each other almost every day... but I can't get this anxiety out of my head. When I say something about how it bothers me he gets defensive and claims he "has" to be friends with her.
What can I do to get her to go away?
If you're both trying to make it for the long haul, supposedly, then you have to take precedence over a friend. I would dump anyone who wanted to be together indefinitely but didn't agree to this.
I'm not telling you to dump him, but just realize your request he stops this shit with her is not that tall an order.
If you aren't even in that level of your relationship yet, just consider yourself plan B and leave the liar to his own devices.
Doesn't sound like your relationship is that solid and it's going to be easy for her to come between you, to be honest.
>They drunkenly tried to hook up when we were taking some time off to figure out the relationship and I found her stuff at his place when we got back together
So it's not exactly like he doesn't like her. In fact, it seems like he prefers her over you. Maybe it's about time you broke it off?
I figured you to be an asshole, but I missed the part she said about "getting her to go away". That is creepy, OP, considering you can't white knight such behavior. Don't become a bad person over another bad person. You'll just feel like shit for some time and then go back to your ordinary self.
This. Girls are easy to sway and guys understand breaks only fuck things up. If he really wanted you he wouldn't be acting this way with the other girl or agreeing to any kind of break.
I don't understand why people who are obviously just lonely and horny automatically assume that they need a relationship. What the fuck are you so jealous about that you need commitments to be made? Or are you so scared of STDs that you really think a promise is going to protect you from them? Because heaven knows people never lie.
Unless you're both totally on the same page for NEEDING a relationship, be friends. Hook up as friends if you want, too. But be friends. Don't go trying to stake claims. You don't need exclusivity from people just to feel valuable in someone's eyes.
> When I say something about how it bothers me he gets defensive and claims he "has" to be friends with her.
Why is the other woman "stealing" your boyfriend? He's the one CHOOSING to rub his cock all over her.
>What can I do to get her to go away?
Introduce her to some other guy who's available and looking. If that doesn't work and she fucks your prince charming then at least you've got a backup plan yourself.
You sound like all those people who answer Yes to the question on OkCupid about whether or not jealousy in a relationship is healthy. I just never got it. Can someone explain it to me?
He keeps saying it's paranoia and threatens to break up with me.
But for instance he went to a meeting where she was tonight, and then walked his bike back alone. I asked if she walked with him since she doesn't have a car and they are neighbors leaving from the same place and he became furious with me.
I know it's stupid of me to want to believe him. I don't know what to do. I know what to do. But you're supposed to trust your boyfriend and that I do agree with but it all seems so suspicious.
He's looking for an excuse to break up with you so he doesn't look like the bad guy for cheating. He knows you're paranoid and insecure, and he's just waiting for you to do something extreme and stupid so he can break up with you. That way he can tell people the reason he broke up with you is because you were crazy
OP. You sound clingy and possessive as fuck, don't get me wrong, its ok to get irritated when some other girl or guy starts trying to fuck up your relationship. But from what I've read it sounds like your boyfriend long ago made up his decisions and is just looking for excuses to escape and do what he wants while looking morally justified. The relationship is clearly over, he is just tilting it back and fourth like when you tip a coke machine. You missed your opportunity to defend your relationship by letting things get this far, now everything you do will be seen as irrational by your partner.
You should cut your losses and leave, and count yourself lucky your free of someone who essentially acts like a sociopath and likely only wanted you for sex or simply was to immature for a long term relationship.
Next time set boundaries and stick to them, if the other person doesn't leave. Also breaks don't work, its just a small push in ending a relationship, don't do them or accept them. Just end it if they begin.
Face it he knows this relationship isn't going anywhere and is finding out that you aren't the only woman who finds him attractive. He is just keeping the relationship going because you are more or less a habit. He might be cheating and the thrill of not being found out is giving him power over the relationship. If he is cheating then she won't be the last person. most likely because if his band and plays live for groups there will always be a chance that a girl will show interest. Dump him for your well being if he cares enough he will cut ties or make it work in a case that you allow him to talk to the girl but only in front of yourself or people you know. It's hard to end a relationship when you are the one who has strong feelings still but just think about yourself and well being, will it hurt more to know his cheating or to leave before something more happens before the two.
Besides you can always be friends in the end and he might even mature enough for you to take him back or not.
New to the thread
cause it's easy pussy. People don't give up easy pussy, no matter the circumstance.
As a lot of people here have said, and so have you, he likes the attention. He's already got you, and seems like he likes this other girl too. He wants options. You're already showing signs of paranoia and adding fuel to him wanting to sway more to the other girl.
Some people are just too weak, and would rather the other partner break up, than being straight up. Also again, easy pussy.
Also, why the hell do you wanna be with someone who doesn't respect you?
Because HE looks like the bad guy if he breaks up with you then jumps right into a new relationship. If you become jealous and possessive, the break up seems justified to other people
>Tfw my female ex did this and everyone saw right the fuck through it
>She got incredibly butt hurt about it and destroyed every bridge she made in the years we were together that didn't cut her out right then and there
Feels good to know not everyone gets away with that, and some people get majorly punished for it.
>They drunkenly tried to hook up when we were taking some time off to figure out the relationship
It's not appropriate for him to continue such a close friendship with her. Tbh it sounds like he is going to/has been cheat/ing on you.
This, a million times.
OP: have you considered that he might not be happy with you? If you play lawyer by whipping out the imaginary contract he signed with you then he has to play lawyer back by seeking loopholes. That's what calling you paranoid is about - he's searching for an escape. If you REALLY want him to stop desiring a way out, then stop scrutinizing his life and start looking for ways to put the magic back in your own side of things.
lady anon, i dont think i could handle that
neighbors? nope. thats where i lost it. I would leave him.
Unless youre so in love with him, definitely going to mother all of his children and wipe his ass when hes 93, leave... sounds like super sketchy shit and that bitch probably will not top trying to get with him
unless if she finds herself her own guy.... lol
sounds super awful anon. im really sorry
OP is ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP with this guy. OP never said she needs to just be with any guy, maybe she loves this guy. Nothing you said addresses her problems. Really, did you post to the wrong thread?
No Geenie or wishes necessary, you just have to win the genetic lottery and not be a realist or pessimistic personality because stupidity and unhealthy egos apparently attract women. Oh and dont forget you also have to be a musician or a athlete or something else society and women specifically hold in high regard.
Basically you have to be in the top 10 percent of men, then you get this. Women would rather all fight over the same handful of guys who are the most saught after, even sometimes going as far as agreeing to have non traditional relationships essentially amounting to harems where one guy lives with multiple women who all fuck him and each other.
I wish I was joking, but I'm not. I know a guy who basically fits this description and lives this life. He currently has a wife and two kids, and another girl who lives with them that basically acts like a second wife who partakes in threesomes. They also take other girls home from the bar.
Meanwhile I can't get laid, I cared once, but honestly all that bothers me is how rediculouse the whole situation is.
>What kind of geenie do I have to stick up to be able to wish to have women fighting over me? It sounds like the plot to some anime for lonely NEETs to watch.
Listen closely, anon, for I shall reveal the secrets that wil make your wishes come true:
Step 1: Get a psycho girlfriend
Step 2: Break up with her when things seem to be going well
Step 3: (Assuming you can get another girl) Date one of her friends, or someone she knows
Step 4: Profit...in the form of an embarrassing cat-fight that most likely takes place in some parking lot
People do this shitty stuff all the time. They're the ones who want to do it, but they're too cowardly to be direct so they try to manipulate the other person past the breaking point. The best thing you can do to avoid falling into their trap is to be direct and break up with them without going crazy. Because you will have good reasons to be crazy, but other people will see you as the bad one even though you're not
Need info on the guy here.
The only way I'd be able to muster up the manhate OP seems to want is if I knew what he was like the past few years or at least before the relationship began.
OP's fault for trying to monopolize someone as they sprout wings and begin to fly for the first time. Would make me suspect that OP is an undesirable partner merely calling rank rather than actually trying to keep them legitimately.
>highly fuckable popular type
OP's fault for thinking that one coat of lipstick on the king of highschool's dick makes her the queen. This scenario would qualify her as the kind of whore that future partners inevitably become insecure and uncomfortable with.
If he was an old friend turned boyfriend turned arrogant, then that's his fault.
Don't tell him that. He needs an excuse to justify being a lazy, undesirable slob.
If he got off his ass, he'd realize that ladies want to get laid too and that everyone has different ideas of a good man.
But that anon is probably NEET, so he'll just continue to moan.
OP is an idiot for going to 4chan for advice, basement dwelling misogynists like this dumbass here post in these threads. People on 4chan do not give good advice, they just come here to laugh at you. There are other places to get advice
>Dates a musician
>Girl tries to get between relationship
>Have a "break" (middle school underage alert)
>Break apparently means "hands off my man" in retard logic
>Complain on /adv/ when girl ends up fucking "boyfriend" over and over
Okay seriously OP this is some mega bait level posting. Either you're underage or you're a fucking whore, either way you're stupid.
>But that anon is probably NEET, so he'll just continue to moan.
There's normal hate, and then there's internet hate.
Looking up at the conversation, I think the question was how to become the kind of guy who already has a girlfriend but other women are trying to intrude and steal him away. If that's more than 10% of the male population, then I'd damn well better drop everything I'm doing right now so I can start prioritizing pussy above all else.
I actually had a very healthy relationship for years, and had several before that. I just find it absurd how hard it is to find girls my own age who want to date now in my 20s. They all seem to want older and thus more wealthy guy, and they seem to all cluster around the same handful of older men who are pretty terrible when it comes to how they treat women since they have the social capital to get away with it. If I wanted to date teenage chicks or older girls I wouldn't be single.
One of my females I dated still wants my dick but is crazy as fuck, and ironically after I dumped her she got involved with a guy like I described and when she wouldn't have sex with him in his car, he dumped her on the side of the road and took her money to pay for her dinner. Once again, wish I was joking.
When a guy has chicks fighting over him, there I no incentive for him to stick with them or treat them well. And as such they often treat people really poorly.
At the risk of sounding too >fortunate
Having chicks fight over you is fucking bullshit. It's trash and you basically get saddled with the decision of dropping one in favour of the other, which is a shitty choice to make. At best, you wind up in a relationship that may or may not have been made up entirely of romantic tension; at worst, OP's case, where one (or more) party(ies) enjoys the attention of it all and refuses to give closure-- IE OP's man telling off the other girl, the other girl backing off, etc..
Basically, it's drama you can't control and drama you can't win with. Wow, so fucking great.
I know it might come as a surprise to some /adv/goers, but having girlfriends, girls paying attention to you or other girl-related things doesn't always factor out to being amazing and great. In fact, a lot of the time it's more of a headache than it's worth.
And don't listen to this guy. Anyone can 'get laid' and most people can get a girlfriend. Having your head as far up your ass as this guy will not help your chances. Tips for the wise: pessimism is neither edgy, nor mysterious and it's most certainly an extremely unattractive trait. If you want to attract chicks, it literally takes just being okay with you-- or working with yourself to be as such.
I'll admit it takes nominally less for a girl to score but that's hardly an infrastructure they created-- au contraire, because we have more guys online bitching about dating and fewer actually out there doing it, the jocks are the most common eligible bachelor and so tend to get chosen.
>source: skinnyfat nerd who just doesn't let other peoples' opinions dictate his lifestyle
But I digress.
OP, you sit your man down and have a good, long talk with him. Did nobody tell you that 'communication is key'?
>prioritizing pussy above all else.
And that is why you'll have failed before you even get out the door.
Women don't want a man who devotes his entire being to their vagina; they want a man who will succeed in life regardless of them. In short they want a real man, not some boy who buys them a bunch of drinks to get in their pants one time.
Nice Hitler McSatan full house.
>or working with yourself to be as such.
Can't disagree there, but it's distinctly easier said than done. To be honest I never really had a problem with being a male virgin until I discovered the internet and learned to start thinking of sex as a rite of passage.
And another person ignored the entire point of my post to attack my person and making grand assumptions while knowing practically nothing about me besides a few paragraphs that I typed stating what I've come to understand about being one of those guys who has tons of girls fighting over him.
But please, continue to tell me the error of my ways while you know nothing.
>But please, continue to tell me the error of my ways while you know nothing.
He wasn't a musician when we started dating. Well he did in his basement but not in public. We broke up, needed time to figure our shit. It had been two years and people fight sometimes...
Nobody said it was easy, they said it was worth it, yeah? It's less about getting swole in five days or less Zyzz-mode or whatever, and more about having a plan, the drive to stick to it and the results-- no matter how minute-- to show for it. There's no instant gratification, which makes it hard.
Being that I was pretty unfortunate up until 19, I understand where you're coming from but it's a mentality that does nothing but exacerbate the situation. I started small, myself, by running. After that, it was just sort of hammering it out every day out of stupid stubbornness; when I managed to make a really solid sprint much further than I'd ever managed before, shortening a 15 minute walk to a sub-5 minute run, I knew I'd done something and it gave me shitloads of confidence.
It doesn't have to be grand, it doesn't have to make you the next male dance lead for every girl singer in the country. It just has to be something you've done that you can show for yourself.
That's not what we're saying about your point.
What we are saying, is that you've come to a conclusion that is definitely not true.
I am far from a perfect guy, I have very little money, and I am not the greatest looking, yet I've had girls fight over me and I can still get other girls. Stop looking in the wrong places and at the wrong people.
Every woman does not fit the mold you have cast them in.
We all know you don't give a shit about the people who are failing and you're just using this as a way to brag about your own successes. Some of those people really will never get girls. What you're saying to them does give them hope and makes them try, but the reality is that some will try and they'll fail, and they have to accept that reality
>have a girlfriend of five years
>happily improving each other and ourselves
>happily planning our future and lives together with little pressure
>enjoying a relationship built upon strong communication where we hide nothing from one another
It's not about the error of your ways or attacking you. It's about trying to show you an alternative point of view. Is it so hard to fathom that you may actually be wrong?
As for the delivery, suck it up buttercup-- life gets far worse than choice words on the internet.
>there is a definitive, objective line of attractiveness below which only guys exist
You're either in serious, utter denial, trying to convince yourself that you don't need to put in the work to get a result (which is true of nothing anywhere); either that, or your standards and your appeal are so horrifically mismatched that your last bastion of hope is to find company... after all, if there's one thing misery loves, it's company.
You might not enjoy other people succeeding where you fail but that's hardly a reason to try and shittalk people genuinely interested in seeing them help. Most people who come to /adv/ thought they were foreveralone at one point.
Please consider the following, especially any that sound close:
a: He may have previously thought that he had no chance at life, and then took the first chance he found. People normally fall deeply in love with that person, but...
b: Once the honeymoon is over and we start getting stressed out with each other, some might come to regret their previous decision. This is normal relationship trouble, then again...
c: Now that he at least seems to be *playing* music, other women are pretty much guaranteed to enter the scene. I have seen fat jobless neckbeards with a room completely filled with anime figures pulling slim D-cup girlfriends who would do anything; I'd go on but it's a story I don't enjoy telling.
d: Whatever the case, it strikes me as a reasonable assumption that he's not happy with the relationship. Scrutinizing things will make him even less happy, which makes the other woman look steadily more and more attractive.
e: As a guy's social capital rises, he WILL have other women interested in him. I don't really know or care if it's true or not, but it's a tale as old as time that a minority of the gents lay a majority of the ladies. Sometimes it's better to just let someone go and cut your own losses.
f: If you try to chase the other woman away and/or browbeat him into shutting his eyes whenever they're facing her, it will create resentment. When people get divorced they don't do it because of sex with strangers, they do it because of resentment. If this can't be remedied then it might be better to exit gracefully than to watch things keep getting worse.
g: It's entirely possible that he's just going for a high score, which is what happens when you lay the guy who is capable of laying lots of women.
Advice? Find a shy friendzone'd guy and crush his dreams of being a musician someday. But also, if you're going to leave then leave smoothly so you don't look possessive or constantly angry.
Look OP, as someone who's been there (on the male end of this problem) I am gonna give you some advice so you can end it well like I did, or fix it.
It sounds like he's being very immature about it. He should set a boundary with her, tell her that he's committed to you and that her advances are unappreciated/unwanted; you said that he came home without her, so maybe he is trying to do that.
If he doesn't set a boundary, or make it clear to her, then what is she to expect? Hell, what are you to expect? She probably thinks he wants to be with her. Either way, you need to tell him how you feel and that he needs to set a boundary.
>Well, he used to be a loser he said. Loved girls who had no interest in him. Now he's kinda popular, yeah, but hasn't been the entire time we've been together.
If that's the case, maybe he just loves the new attention, which proves that he has the mentality of a child who is simply seeking others' attention for self-validation.
Do you mind telling me your age, OP? If you're in your 20s then this makes sense a lot of sense.
Did I say that they wouldn't fail?
You won't get anywhere by giving up and moaning about your "owies" on 4chan. You have to try again and again. Like anon was saying, no one said it would be easy.
Hell, do you think those good looking guys, with good jobs, good women, and good lives were just handed all of that? Sure a precious few might have been, but a lot more of them worked hard for it.
So stop bitching and trying to validate your own pessimism; instead, why don't you stop venting your failures on 4chan and do something constructive with yourself
>Anonymous 08/06/14(Wed)01:38:47 No.14588
Yup, mid twenties.
The thing is, I do socially well for myself too, and I have a bit of klout in the same social group for my own artistic endeavours.
It's kind of a struggle for him sometimes, he battles with insecurity and his own jealousy issues.
I don't want a shy man, I want a respectful one... Like, someone who shows me love because he wants to - not because I'm "all he can get".
>They drunkenly tried to hook up when we were taking some time off
That's fair game, OP.
I'd love to absentee-convict your SO just as much as we always do on /adv/ but the question is whether you have a legit monopoly and the answer is no. If his options are to be happy with her or unhappy with you then what would you EXPECT someone to choose?
So you ask:
>What can I do to get her to go away?
Kill the whole band and make the world hate you forever like Yoko Ono. Seriously though, if you want to monopolize a human being then they need to be happy enough with you that you don't find yourself asking strangers how to build a leash that won't break.
This post is pretty solid advice.
This post was mine, and after reading it over, it doesn't convey what I should have been trying to get across.
Maybe you're just making a mountain out of a molehill, or maybe he's being an asshat. You need to decide which one of those two things is going on and then move from there.
>I don't want a shy man, I want a respectful one... Like, someone who shows me love because he wants to - not because I'm "all he can get".
If you want someone to love you deeply and unconditionally then they need to enjoy their time with you. Does he, really? If you'd say yes by pure reflex without considering it might be no then maybe he is better off with somebody else.
I see. That's not much to ask for in an LTR; in fact, that's pretty much the crux of one.
If he's really showing so little respect and giving you a lot of doubt in the relationship, then tell him. If he cares and is smart enough to understand what you're saying, he'll try to fix it, if not...well you have your answer there.
Who knows, maybe he just needs to mature.
He says he isn't interested in her. "I chose you because I wanted to be with you" is what he says. But then he acts very oddly about it and seems to want her attention when I see them together and when they chat online from the little I have seen. She'll then make flirtatious facebook status updates saying she'd marry him and tweeted a screen cap of his picture. She does subtle things online to remind me that she is still around despite how he claims they don't interact.
We have a lot of fun together a good 80% of the time. He says he loves me a lot. I don't know, maybe he is conflicted.
>She'll then make flirtatious facebook status updates saying she'd marry him and tweeted a screen cap of his picture. She does subtle things online to remind me that she is still around despite how he claims they don't interact.
I'm guessing that she either wants to take him, or wants to make you feel bad.
>We have a lot of fun together a good 80% of the time.
If I asked him the same question, would he give me the same percentage number?
>He says he loves me a lot. I don't know, maybe he is conflicted.
It's worth considering that it might be more like an obligation than a relationship at this point.
>You suck at buying computers then
No, I'm just old enough.
>Not buying individual girl limbs and assembling your own perfect GF
That's how pre-IBM home computers worked. I'm glad the world went back to doing it that way.
We broke up. He didn't have to get back together with me. He chose to. He had no reason to feel obligated to be with me.
I don't want him to feel trapped in a relationship and he knows that. I just don't want to be toyed with.
We go out and have fun, have great sex, party, play video games, make each other laugh.
>I'm guessing that she either wants to take him, or wants to make you feel bad.
Yes. That's why I made this post... I want it to stop. She's almost a decade younger than us and it shows. But that's also part of her draw I'm sure. I don't know her that well, but I know she struggled with identity being a scenester teenager who still talks about pokemon in her early twenties. She takes a lot of duck lip boob selfies while making fun of other girls on facebook who take selfies. I'm not really the kind of girl to make fun of another lady - especially their appearance but her personality is definitely immature.
A mutual acquaintance said she was "the local music scene's fleshlight", and another mutual friend told my boyfriend that she's slept with everyone he knows. I don't even think she would want him if it weren't for me because she has a lot of neckbeard type guys who worship and flirt with her on the regular.
It didn't seem like she wanted much to do with him after they hooked up until I came back into the picture, so it seems more like a game than anything.
If he's putting your relationship on the line over this strumpet its not worth continuing to waste your time on him. As far as I can tell having read the thread I would assume they're already fucking.
OP you need to GTFO. It's hard I know, you have such strong feelings and you feel like they don't care and everyone tells you to walk away but you just can't.
I'm going to tell you a story to cheer you up
>have boyfriend who was virgin before me
>we become long term, can tell he's getting bored because he's only had me
>meets little girl (ok, she's 16 and he's 22) at his work
>she gets all flirty, posts on Facebook she's never "wanted to marry someone on first sight" before until him
>he starts talking to her, sends her essay texts on a constant basis but only one sentence ones periodically to me
>it gets worse, he has no time for me (we didn't see each other for 2 months) but time for her
>I start going a bit crazy, become paranoid, accuse him of shit without proof
>he starts pulling out the psycho card, tells everyone about how crazy I am
>we're going downhill but he gets closer to the child
>I eventually decide to walk away from the relationship
>he's finally free
>tells the child he's now single and is ready to date
>she starts getting distant
>she eventually stops talking to him and tells him she wasn't interested to begin with
>he then realises he threw everything away for nothing
At first I didn't want to walk away to let her "win the game" but eventually when I did I realised there was no game to begin with. I feel like myself again and I found someone who treats me with respect. He's still single and apparently is "depressed" at my happiness and the fact I managed to find someone and he didn't.
OP do you have kik? I've been in the exact same situation, 22 year old boyfriend at the time encouraged 16 year old child's advances and got angry and pulled out the "crazy" card when I told him how uncomfortable it made me.
I can give some advice, yo. I had a huge green text story about how he got BTFO but my computer stuffed up.
This person is right, unfortunately some people do this. Sometimes it's just because they are assholes and do not want people to know they are assholes, and sometimes if the couple has a lot of the same friends the shitty one does not want any of them to know he/she is a giant douche or do not want to feel awkward because they are also friends with you. In cases like this the asshole partner will do all they can to save face and say the other is a piece of shit or crazy. My brothers ex would do this shit to every guy in the group we would all hang with, everyone eventually noticed she was just a crazy bitch though.
Ask a neutral third person "if you should be worried." That doesn't mean /adv/, because /adv/ knows nothing about this SO of yours and usually wants everybody to break up. You need someone neutral, and anyone telling you straight off that you should break up is not neutral.
Whatever you do, don't end a relationship because someone told you to after hearing one and only one side of the story. It could turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy where he wasn't fucking her before but will be after you stomp on his balls over driving someone home one night.
Having read through the thread, I have to say that we got a greater volume of useful information in the OP than we got in the responses the OP gave further along as the discussion progressed, and all the information you really need is buried between the lines there.
First of all, nobody "steals" lovers away. You don't own people. As soon as you start thinking that you do, you wind up making terrible relationship mistakes, primarily by turning the relationship into a carrot-and-stick routine, where the carrot starts to see a lot less use than the stick. The moment you feel like this guy has to be with you, you start getting bitchy when he fails to meet his quotas and satisfy your desires. You go from rewarding him for making you happy to punishing him for pissing you off. Would he want to be around that? Would you? And don't try to tell me that you two have a great relationship - you're checking his phone and getting upset over a background picture on it because it looks like a girl you hate, and the result of you being upset is that he changed it. We can read between the lines here - we know that you threw a bitchfit at him to make him change it. You probably got all pissy, gave him the silent treatment, denied him sex, and generally just threw a cunty tantrum until you got your way. Ladies, if there is anything you take away from this post, be it this: that is never, ever, ever a victory. You LOSE when you do that, even if you think you're chalking up a point on the scoreboard of arguments won or fights where you got your way. You might have gotten your way about the petty thing, but you've added a point to the scoreboard of team "wow she's kind of a bitch," helping them ever so slightly to catch up and win the game against team "she's such a sweetheart." You are in direct control of all the players and both of the teams in this game, so don't fucking bet against yourself and throw the game over petty nonsense. You'll only have yourself to blame in the end.
dearest OP the part about not seeing him for 2 months punched me right in the gut
heres an empathy hug,
my r-ship ended 3 months ago, has been a difficult time altogether, but.. it was something. Hope youll be okay whatever course this takes
That's a really good point. Except it is really awkward to have him keep a picture of a recent lover as his phone background. It honestly could have been her for all I know because it was so photoshopped. I would never consider doing that with the last guy I hooked up with before my boyfriend. Come on.
But yah, it may be pushing him awaym . but saying nothing also might give him the impression that he can just have multiple girlfriends. No. Not with me.
You need to ditch this guy, in fact you need to run. As far as "getting her to go away" goes, sluts like this wont go away and there is nothing you can do to make her stop being a slutty cunt. Also 6 years younger, is she even legal? I read your other comments too and he sounds a lot like a guy I used to date.
> be 17 broke up with bf of two years for being crazy bastard
>Some friends (turned out to be shitty friends too) kept pushing me to get in a "normal relationship"
>keep trying to get me with guy, eventually get with him
>rebound from hell, eventually he grows on me
> He is overly flirty with younger co worker (hes 19) girls like 15 shits weird.
>he constantly is with her always staring at emo looking girls (like her) she is always texting flirty and inappropriate shit to him.
>confront him about it, he flips shit saying I am paranoid and talks shit about me being paranoid to friends.
>eventually say fuck him dump him, turned out her was banging the 15 year old.
>he still flips the fuck out on me, starts threatening me and my friends
>starts creepy hanging around cheer gym some friends and I go to for extra practice >comes to football game goes on the field and starts screaming at me calling me "a crazy bitch and a whore"
>police escort him off field
>he starts full out stalking me and my friends showing up to their jobs threatening them, he was still banging the 15 year old too
Fucker ended up in jail.
Moral of story guys like pull this shit might not only be pieces of shit but also crazy. Friends Ex pulled the same sort of shit on her too, was cheating, tried to say she was paranoid and jealous and tried to play it off like that to friends.she dumped him and he was cheating then he turned out be be fucking crazy. Also sorry for the long post.
Now, let's talk about this nonsense about them hooking up while you were on a break. First of all, there is no such thing as a break. You are either exclusive with someone or you are not. "Going on a break" is like lobbying the government for social programs - everyone is just trying to benefit from something by making everyone else pay for it, but we all forget that EVERYONE is trying to do this at the same time, so in the end we all screw ourselves mutually. Nobody goes on a break thinking that the other person is going to find someone to fuck. We go on breaks so that we can keep a current lover within arm's reach, but not be guilty for going out and looking for a replacement. The thing is, this is the sort of lie that nobody ever fucking falls for past teenage years, barring extraordinary circumstances, generally below-average levels of romantic experience. We all know what it means, you're not fooling anyone, so don't even try it unless you're willing to break up for good and not have your foot still in the door.
Personally, I think it's too late for this relationship. I think you should just chalk this one up to experience and learn not to sabotage your own relationships in the future. It sounds like you had something good going until the break, and then someone else came in and competed strongly enough that she is now bumping you bit by bit out of the picture. It sounds like it has gone past the point where you could recover it. For now, I would recommend telling him that you can no longer maintain the relationship because you are certain that he is cheating on you or at least that he would like to. Don't let it be an argument, just make the point and break it off. He could say that it's not true, in which case your response should then be that it is unacceptable enough that you distrust him so severely, and that it's out of his hands to convince you otherwise. Time to end this disaster and move on.
The picture is pretty damn weird. She also never said she went through his phone. I posted a story later and I found out the texts from me having me read his texts to him when he drove (was pretty fucking weird when it was a chick who he was banging texting him too, he would also try to get me to respond for him). It might have been a case like that for her too or she may have been next to him when he was using it or had to make a call and didn't have her phone, who knows. Based from what she said they guy sounds like a dick.
I'm going to add one more thing, and this part is very highly speculative, so take it with a grain of salt. It's mainly the shift in my attitude after reading >>14588883.
I find it strange that you do not make it clear who initiated the "break," but that you are immediately very clear about who is responsible for the reestablishment of the relationship afterwards. You also have a way of belittling this other girl very quickly and mercilessly, moreso than is justified just by virtue of her putting the moves on your man. I am seeing a slightly deliberate-looking avoidance of agency when it comes to your own actions and decisions, and an excessive attribution of agency when you speak about others. He put a background picture on his phone, but you "saw" it and "got upset." You're "not really the kind of girl to make fun of another lady," but you are able to describe in great detail all of the flaws associated with this other girl - unprovoked. "We" broke up, according to you, but "he chose to" get back together with you. He had no reason to "feel obligated" to be with you.
I am seeing a pattern forming, and granted that it's strong enough for me to be completely confident about this, but I am leaning toward the conclusion that you may have developed a habit of externalizing the locus of control in your narrative as a matter of preserving your personal pride. Your description of your boyfriend behaving suspiciously around a girl who is obviously trying to hook up with him focuses very heavily on his and her behavior, but you say extremely little about yourself, except in defense against some of the negative insinuations being made against you. The way you describe it, it's as if there was just this ideal relationship going on between you two, aside from the "break" which has no initiator attributed to it, and suddenly some super young whorelett has swooped in and is "stealing" your man. Do you see how this might look from our angle?
are you often on /adv/, would you have an email for private discussion? (relationships, breakups)
I kinda like the way you look at things and the sheer honesty with which you type'em.
OP you need to assert your dominance over this bitch and show her who the alpha female in the pack is. You need to buy a strap on, physically overpower her and rape her in the ass. I recommend the 12 inch length, 7inch girth strap on. You want to give this bitch internal bleeding. Fuck in the ass by force.
Old guy here,
OP's significant other is either trying to act like a pimp or being falsely accused of such. The internet wants to pass judgment but the internet has seen no evidence. All you can do is run around in circles making things worse unless you talk to more people who actually know all people involved here.
I realize that I have been very harsh, but I think it is extremely important that you evaluate your role in this relationship from as unsympathetic a perspective as possible. The issue of whether to stay with this guy or not pales in comparison in terms of importance, let alone the concern about getting this girl to stop making moves on your boyfriend. Even if you stayed with him, and even if you stopped her from moving in on him, you'd still be suspicious and mistrusting of him, and sooner or later, you'd either sabotage the relationship again, or just plain lose him to the next girl who wanted to hook up with him. If you left him, what would stop you from having problems in your next relationship?
Maybe it wasn't your fault. But even then, it's still your problem, and it's going to continue being your problem even after he's out of the picture. If you really do have the kind of problems with introspection that I think I am detecting on you, then the problems you face in your interpersonal relationships are going to mystify you, and as they say, knowing is half the battle. In fact, it's more than just half - it's the first half. If this really is your problem, then I recommend you get a very harsh friend to help you criticize yourself openly and honestly about the decisions you make in your life and with your relationships. You need practice at taking a hit to your pride and sucking it up like a big girl. You don't want to go through life putting out fires and wondering why they keep sparking up, all the while a casual observer could have told you not to toss used but still-burning cigarette butts into the shag-carpeted rooms of your life.
The reason I say you would need a friend to do this and not just a bunch of anonymous fuckers online is because if your problem is introspection, then you will need someone who will be able to see things that you either purposely hide, or else obliviously fail to see. We will never be close enough to ground zero.
I show up here two or three times a week for a couple of hours each. I'm pretty easy to spot - I'll be the faggot posting a bunch of weeaboo shit I lifted off of a -booru before tl;dring all over someone's thread.
I strongly recommend looking into Stefan Molyneux and the freedomain radio that he casts regularly. I learn a lot from him, and he is obviously far better than I am at this. A whole hell of a lot of Adam Carolla and Doctor Drew's loveline from back in the day is something I find extremely helpful, too. These are far better sources for advice than I could hope to be.
well they wont be able to dissect my personal story with my additional input, if needed,
Alright, guess ill keep posting my story and hope for you to show up then, ha
Thanks for the intel anyway, man!
Correction, that first sentence in the second paragraph should read "granted that it's not strong enough for me to be completely confident about this." One omitted word and the meaning of the entire statement is inverted. I love this language.
I dont, sadly enough, and its not a template I always rip it straight out of my chest... but its nothing new really... mental issues on both sides, different people, love despite all kinda strong, she wants to stay friends, I really cant cause I want a "hefty" friendship whereas shes looking for a more casual endeavour. But I dont want to abandon her, so... I keep hurting myself I guess, oh, and we attend the same uni, tough shit
Oh, that's why it sounded too good to be true. Please break up with him OP before HE dumps you and blames the whole thing on you being "crazy, paranoid psycho bitch", he sounds exactly like the kind of guy who would do that.
You are hurting and he doesn't seem to care about how this is affecting you, it's only going to get worse.
I will be back fifteen hours from now. If that's enough time for you to collect your thoughts, go ahead and post your issue then. Use one of my images to catch my eye, or grab something sufficiently weeb from a -booru if this thread is still up by then. I'll be on the lookout.
Your bitter tears. Your sexual frustration. Feed me more!
You take shit way too seriously m8.
I would dump him. To be honest I dated a guy like that who had a girl that would always be there when we had fights or went a break. That person is only that close to him because he allows her to be. If he respected you then he wouldn't let that girl be that close. It is pretty obvious that he has already chosen her, has probably cheated or is definitely planning to.
I am a musician and have dated guys that played in bands. Honestly fans do get crazy and try to go for you even if they know you are taken. And I am not talking about big bands, you definitely need to trust the person you are with,
>Spend two years broken up
>Expect to magically get back with this guy
Fucking hell are you just now turning 18? Grow the fuck up, fix your life, and find someone you can actually commit to. Relationships aren't toys, they aren't your fucking I-phone, they aren't meant to have "breaks".
You either talk out whatever problems you fuckers have, or you admit you can't stay with this person. Breaks are akin to when a little kid calls time-out during a game of tag. You don't do it, it doesn't have any relevance, you're not together, you aren't together, there is no "love" involved during this time, and if you or he slept around during the time of your "break" - that is just because a "break" doesn't exist.
You're either together, or not.
Naw dude, 4chan definitely shits all over reddit and it's filtered down, lowest common denominator crap. Jokes posted here make their way to the rest of the internet in such a consistent time fashion you can almost predict when they are going to get big. I haven't seen an original well-thought out joke come out of reddit in quite a long time (besides /r/Ooer).
Anyways, I hope everything works out for you OP.
I think getting her to go away is a bad approach, as they both attracted to each other. What's to stop that from just happening again in the future? Have a talk with him, be honest and tell him you're having doubts about the relationship due to their closeness. Because in the end, neither of you own each other, right? You both have to commit or it doesn't work. Just my 2c.
this thread still seems to be up as of now, but I couldnt gather enough strength to actually pour it out once again.. and found out in the process that theres really nothing to talk about or to solve. (as sad as it makes me, cause im dropping kinda low recently for obvs reasons.
Bottom line: despite her words, she doesnt want me in her life as much as I do her, friends-wise.
Thanks for the generous offer... sorry for being a whinin kunt.
forgot the pic, silly me, the most important part
>They drunkenly tried to hook up when we were taking some time off to figure out the relationship
so does that mean you both agreed to take some time off, or you took some time off
but anyway, to elaborate, why do bitches always go all "i'm not happy every single second of my life... i need to take some time off"
"how dare he! he's seeing someone else when all i did was take some time off!!!"