I have a boyfriend and I love him very much. We've been together for about 2-3 years and I feel the same since then. He started being my best friend and I really don't feel like my love is "fading away" (lol how cheesy it sounds...)
Anyway. He's my first real relationship and the first person who I've had (full?) sex with. The thing is... There's a guy at work that really turns me on. I've had some sex dreams recently and I've thought about him a few times while having sex with my boyfriend...
I feel horribly bad. I really want to fuck him and he's starting to be a good friend. I don't think I could fall in love with him and as I said, I really love my boyfriend but I found this guy to be really attractive and can't help but thinking about a way to end up fucking him...
Anyway, is this NORMAL? Or should I feel like the shittiest crap (lol) ever?
By the way I'm female, yes...
You're young, break up with your old guy and attack the new one.
It's temptation and urges that you need to get under control. It can lead down dangerous paths. Ask yourself if he is becoming a "good friend" because he is actually a good friend, or because you want to be closer to him subconsciously.
If I was your BF and found out about it, I would be bothered, to say the least. Trust is important, don't ruin something you'll regret.
Wanting to fuck someone and finding a way to fuck someone are two different things. It depends which path you follow.
I don't want to put it like this, but, don't be a whore.
If you love your boyfriend, tell him about it and try to avoid contact with this new guy. Don't flirt. Don't talk.
Don't do this. It's terrible.
It's normal to sometimes fantasize about other people. So long as you don't actually go and fuck those other people. If you actually love your boyfriend as you claim, put a stop to this "friendship" you're developing with your co-worker so that you remove all temptation.
do you really think that would be good? Exactly what should I say?
I don't flirt with him. At least not voluntarily...
the thing is, sometimes I seriously think about doing it without him knowing... or at least not having sex, but doing something sexual... damn...
that's a really good point. I think I want him to become a friend too, because somehow, my boyfriend is not a "friend" anymore... at least in the way that I don't feel conformable talking to him about this, for example... for obvious reasons...
Again, should I really tell him? and avoiding the new guy is unthinkable... he's one of my few friends here (I moved to a different city because of my boyfriend).
thanks everyone btw, even the trolls.
would it really be the best thing? I think it would be really weird if I stopped talking to him...
I did something sexual with 2 guys before. But I didn't love them, just liked them a little.
>3 year bf
>New really hot guy friend
>"one of my few friends"
Yo, it doesn't take a fucking psychic to see where this is going. If you value your relationship with your bf, distance yourself from this guy before you end up cheating.
That said, this is probably bait with shit like "the thing is, sometimes I seriously think about doing it without him knowing... or at least not having sex, but doing something sexual... damn..."
The reason you don't feel comfortable talking to your boyfriend about it is because of the shame you would feel.
These feelings of shame and guilt will get worse if you act on your desires. You are nothing more than your actions. If you cheat on your boyfriend could you still believe yourself a kind, loving person?
I'm not sure if I've "seriously" thought about it. But I've fantasized about it a few times...
And then again, I'm really trying to solve this, but I don't want to loose a friend either. If it is the only way though, I will try, but, is there another way? I should say that we sometimes bother each other like you do when you're liking somebody else, so would completely stopping doing that at least help??
one guy touched my tits and I barely touched his penis. Another guy I gave oral sex. I was fully clother both times though lol
I guess I try not to think much about how HE would feel (my bf)... Sometimes I try to think how I would feel, and I try to convince myself I wouldn't care that much. But honestly, I'm sure I would.
He really doesn't deserve anything bad... I will try to think more about how would he feel whenever the other guys turning me on, maybe that will help...
My boyfriend did have sex when I started to like him, and I felt really bad. He told me every detail, and I felt like shit. I even felt that way for about 1-2 years after our relationship started, but now I don't give a fuck.
I'd say half of the time. We have sex 4-5 times a week.
The question to ask yourself is if you want this guy as a friend or as a "friend". Because it seems like you only want to be around him because he turns you on, and to maintain a "frenship" with that as a factor is a really, really bad idea.
Face it, you want to fuck him and hang around with him because of it. If you honestly love your boyfriend, cut this guy from your life and never look back.
But this is probably bait, so why am I wasting my time. 10/10 impression of a dumb bimbo, though.
Maybe you're right. I mean, we have many interests in common but I don't feel like he's a friend like the ones I had in my old city. Mostly because I didn't want to fuck them.
I will try to stay away from him tomorrow...
No, this is no bait. But I might be being stupid as fuck. Not a bimbo though. I just never had a relationship before.
1 or 2 times... Once (only once) when my bf was sleeping I had to masturbate because I was thinking too much about the other guy... I haven't done it again and promised myself I won't.
6 months or so. I've known my boyfriend for about 6 years.
thinking about it that way... I will definitely not cheat on him. I just would like to be able to stop liking him at least...
I guess. I regret that though. A lot.
Hey maybe you should talk to your boyfriend OP, talk to him about how you're feeling be how you feel the relationship is losing some spark.
Don't bother bringing up this other dude yet.
Does he live with you?
>I guess. I regret that though. A lot.
Did you tell him that the mouth that he kisses was guzzling another man's spunk?
Because that's what happened. On the off chance that you really, truly ARE being serious: This is not how relationships work. This is not how human interactions work. You do not just service your base impulses.
Goddamn this thread is just...gross.
This will sound crazy and most of you will probably leave, but it's ok, thanks for the posts some really helped realizing some things...
Now yes, we weren't officially in a relationship but both knew we liked each other very much. I only knew him on the Internet though, and the guy who I gave oral sex was a singer (not that famous, that's why it was easy to meet him) so I was a stupid groupie piece of shit. As I said, I really regret it and I know my boyfriend felt really bad after that. Actually because of that he asked me to be in a serious relationship.
I felt it that time and we were technically allowed to do whatever we wanted. I was really scared of loosing him... Luckily I didn't...
I'm really sounding so fucking stupid, and I might be. Sorry for that. I will just try to avoid this guy...
well, as I said, when he had sex he told me every detail... he did basically everything with that girl. It was just to try because he was a virgin, so he didn't see her again nor liked her, but I felt REALLY bad. He had his mouth it that girl's vagina and well... how is it different?
Well, did he do it while you two were considering a relationship?
Besides, we're not playing a number's game. If you honestly love your boyfriend, tell him your problems with this guy and promise him that you'll work to avoid contact.
And here's the tough part: Keep that fucking promise. Just tell the guy straight up when and why, and don't look back.
You have the chance to be a better person than you were then. Take that chance.
No, we weren't. But we liked each other already. It just seemed impossible to start something living far away.
It's not an excuse, I'm just saying, we both did something before.
I will try to tell him. It sounds really difficult... Maybe I won't be able to do it. But I will do my best to avoid this other guy... I guess that's the best and probably only choice left.
I live with him yes, and he was the only person I knew when I moved here.
We weren't either when I did it, but we were much closer... I don't think he did wrong and I've never implied that to him, but I felt really bad back then.
Op you should tell him, and talk about how you regret it (provided you do) and that you're sorry (provided you are), or something. Do it sooner than later, it gets harder if you wait.
I had the same issue a few years back with my roommate/gf.
>I will try to tell him. It sounds really difficult... Maybe I won't be able to do it. But I will do my best to avoid this other guy... I guess that's the best and probably only choice left.
Listen here, OP. Life is fucking hard. It's really really hard and you'll need to do challenging things to get what you really want.
Do you really want to keep it up with your boyfriend? Because he needs to fucking know. He needs to be able to trust you, and you keeping this from him is damaging that.
If you're talking about the bj... He knows already. I'm pretty sure he got over it too.
Well, this is no worse than the bj thing and I told him about that so I think you're right... I still feel that it will be too hard... He doesn't tell me everything though, aren't we allowed to have some "secrets"? Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same about another girl... and feel a little bit better thinking he does. Though I wouldn't want him to do anything with her, honestly...
Not sure if bait.
>Well, this is no worse than the bj thing and I told him about that so I think you're right... I still feel that it will be too hard... He doesn't tell me everything though, aren't we allowed to have some "secrets"? Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same about another girl... and feel a little bit better thinking he does. Though I wouldn't want him to do anything with her, honestly...
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Trust is crucial. He needs to be able to trust that you'll always be honest with him.
You are not being honest with him. Do the fucking math.
It's fun as easy to dance around a subject and try to convince yourself that it's not as it is. But fucking take the leap. Get up and go tell him.
Exactly... I'd feel less guilty.
I can just say I don't feel well... I don't know... I'll figure it out. I can make some new friends too. Yeah, sounds bad lol
OK, I will do my best to tell him. When he was my friend I told him about every fucking possible thing that came to my mind... And I still want him to be my old friend.
I'm going to sleep now. Thank's everyone, I'll save your replies and read them again later.
This wasn't bait but think whatever you want. Thanks again.
thats really fucked up and you should feel like shit. cheating on your boyfriend when you say you love him? youre fucking disgusting at least do your boyfriend the courtesy of breaking up before you fuck him over.
The question is: Would you betray your significant other and undermine what you've built up during these 2-3 years for sex with this guy? Do you think it would be ethical of him to have you cheat on your husband?
You shouldn't tell your bf about this, he'd think you want to work it out in some unfaithful manner. When you think of him during sex, open your eyes and look at your partner.
Maybe try http://mojoupgrade.com (a discreet sexual fantasies matching test) to spice up your sex life a bit, and if he's interested in a threesome or cuckolding, you can propose this (the test won't reveal your own kinks, just the ones that match).
he's sleeping. That's why I started this thread. His computer is next to mine so...
I actually took a bath before sleeping so I'll probably be here a few more minutes.
I didn't cheat on him...
This is the answer I want to read right now but not sure if the best. I don't think I SHOULD tell him either, but maybe I must...
I won't betray him. And honestly thinking about it, I'm not even sure the guy at work would want to fuck with me anyway. I just can't help finding him attractive.
Thanks, I'll check that site.
Nonono. Don't follow that anon's advice.
Don't propose cuckolding, and don't propose a threesome. Any guy worth his salt knows where that's going.
You ovary the fuck up and tell him, because you love him and want this to work. Just do it.
I mean if you're telling me this so he dumps me or something... I have no idea how a man would react if you tell him you've wanting to fuck another guy for a while now and even fantasized with him... Or should I avoid the details?
Fuck I'm still here lol
She means if we give her bad advice.
I don't think we did, personally. But if I was her boyfriend I'd both want to know and not be at all happy with the news.
Especially the masturbating about the dude next to him in bed thing. That's fucked.
Technically, no. She didn't actually cheat. What's her BF going to do when he finds out? What can he do? It'll probably drive him mad. I know for me, it would put a lot of distance between me and my GF.
Unless he felt her up or she felt him up, there's nothing to confess, other than "mind crimes".
Say your girlfriend came to you and said "I want to fuck this guy at work, and when we're fucking I think of him sometimes. I'm sorry"
What can you do?
If you actually love your boyfriend and want to make it work, distance yourself from the new guy. Otherwise all you're going to do with him is flirt and put yourself into situations with him that will hurt your relationship with you boyfriend. This is pretty standard common shit that happens all the time.
Whatever you do, don't cheat, break up with him. At least give your boyfriend who you claim to love the common courtesy of not being cuckolded. Cheaters tend to continue to be cheaters. Don't fall into that trend.
I can't believe nobody has drawn a line under this. I'm temped to string 'OP' along for my own tender fap bait, but fuck it.
OP you have a crush. People get them all the time, especially as relationships get stale/old. Acting upon them is a concious choice which you are in charge of making. You've got options, cheating and attempting to hide it. Openly cheating. Not cheating.
Instead playing down a kind of wilful ignorance because you assume this will leave you 'guilt free' or you don't want to 'restrict my options' make a choice instead of this very wishy washy one. The lack of agency and critical self reflection it promotes and thrives upon make it the least defensible one, at least past the age of 15 when you realise you are supposed to direct yourself.
If you don't want to potentially be a bad person but want to pursue other people, end your relationship like an adult first. If you want to try cheating, then you have to accept you are a bad person. We all have urges, we choose how to act based upon value judgements based upon perceived costs and benefits. This is all so subjective. If you cannot control your urges, you'll have to remove yourself from the situation or make your decision under less than optimal conditions, but this kind of wishy washy ..
>It just happened.
>I'm not to blame, he is hot, I couldn't avoid him.
>But my boyfriend would have got mad if we talked.
>But my boyfriend would have asked why if I broke up with him and I'm scared
Is the reason why people think you are bait.. I'm in a relationship, I occasionally encounter people who I'd like to put my penis in, but the gambit is no means certain, I might face rejection, dissolution of all me and my partner have created of worth, uncomfortable feelings such as guilt, so I just deny myself this urge because I'm real human bean.
I swear Frank Herbert wrote the gom jabbar scene after being cheated on like this.
Does he pay any attention to you at all? Then the guy probably wants to fuck you or at the very least, would given the opportunity.
Fantasies and finding people attractive are fine. Acting on those fantasies or letting them consume you is different. Don't be a terrible person just because you think some other guy is hot. Also don't put yourself in a position to fuck him and then claim "it just happened." Shit like that doesn't just happen.
hey, I didn't say I was next to him. I went to the bathroom to do it.
I don't even think about breaking up with him. I love him. I don't want to cheat on him...
I just wanted to know if it is normal to feel this way and not cheat. I think from what everyone has said, it is normal but I should stop it or it could end up bad...
It will be hard. Because the guy attracts me. But I will stay away.
During this time I was considering telling him too (the guy) to at least "explain" why I'm avoiding him, but I'm not sure if it will be a good idea.
Well now I do have to go. Thanks everyone and sorry for being this annoying.
I don't think I'll tell my boyfriend the details but I will make sure he knows what's going on.
>It will be hard. Because the guy attracts me.
This applies to many things in life, but if you can somehow reorder your thoughts so instead of feeling negative feelings relating to this choice, like denied, deprived, limited, prevented. All sorts of negative ways to see this choice and instead see it for what it is..
You made an active choice to do something you want to do and you are kicking butt by taking control of it and getting on with it and showing mastery over your own world and taking exactly what your rational mind wants from it and that is a positive thing and you should feel great.
You made a choice, you stuck to it, you suppressed the whiny, indolent, simple minded, hedonistic version of yourself which wants to see you fail and you embraced the concious you that knows you need to engage with yourself in order to succeed. You've in fact still got a choice to make, you've got options, you've given yourself that and it wasn't hard work compared to the alternative which is having to deal with the consequences internally and externally of giving in to the enfeebling part of your personality that wants to see you fail.
>I feel bad because I can't do X now.
Don't, you are doing great, you made a positive choice, you are acting upon it and you will eventually feel the benefit. Authentic choices! Go!
I'm sorry but if you are sexually attracted to this new guy and he is becoming a "good" friend you will eventually end up cheating on your boyfriend. It's only a matter of time. One day you will get in a fight with your boyfriend, you'll goto work and talk to your "friend" about it, he'll ask you out for drinks because he's a "friend" and after a few drinks your hormones will take over and you will cheat on your boyfriend. Woman to woman here.
>I didn't cheat on him...
>I didn't cheat on him...
>I didn't cheat on him...
Hold the fucking phone.
You blew another guy. That's cheating. Quit making excuses for being a selfish cunt and either break up with your boyfriend or kill yourself, honestly I don't know how you could live with yourself right now. Your definition of love must be vastly different from anyone else's.
pic fucking related, I hope he beats the shit out of you
>one guy touched my tits and I barely touched his penis. Another guy I gave oral sex. I was fully clother both times though lol
>not stating they weren't in a relationship
here you go OP, have a nice warm glass