Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 982. page

>>18544356
Then ask there.

>>18544356
I'm not married but I'm fantasizing about it with this girl I've known for two weeks, I imagine our wedding would be small with no relatives.
Are you under pressure to throw a big wedding with everyone invited?

>>18544366
No. Not under pressure

>>18544360
We're going to. I just wanted a few opinions from here

Nothing.
1. I'm pretty sure it's illegal to date your therapist.
2. I think you're confusing her kindness and natural habits to attraction.

Talk about your delusions with your therapist. Worst case scenario, she helps you get out of it.

>>18544350
You think she likes you because she wore a black skirt and didn't stay 100% still for an entire session?

>be female
>be not obese
>walk outside

>>18544344
>>>/r9k/

>>18544344
It isn't that simple anon. Neither is losing weight

>>18544199
so that precious girls like this are born
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxVDnpsGTZY

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>>18544215
Hahaha ... screw you mate, i was being serious

Shameless bump

>>18544187
This is, of course, textbook OCD, and you should approach it as such. Therapy can simultaneously help discover the roots of your aversion to bodily fluids and desensitize you to them.

Meanwhile, condoms will limit your exposure to the penis itself, which can easily and unobtrusively be washed after sex.

>>18544187
Get a UV light to shine on these spots you feel are contaminated. If it glows clean it. If it doesn't glow, it ain't contaminated is it?

Fun thought, you are the product of sexual fluids. You are an egg and sperm that has been cultivated into you. You are a giant jizz.

Mentally ill

>>18544175
Designate a day to doing just fun stuff. No bitching, no worrying allowed, drama free. Find a cheap hobby or a cheap date to do.

" Honey, I'm worried we don't have fun anymore and life is giving us such a hard time. Let's set a day aside where we place our happiness first."

When/if she brings up drama stop her and say it.Can wait.

Sounds like a tough spot to be on anon.
I don't know, I'm an older guy and been through a few long term relationships before finding my wife.
I've had that feeling of being trapped too.
The only thing I can say is unless you're a parent the only person who you have charge of is you and the only life to take charge of is yours.
Sometimes you come to times where you need to take your own direction and take charge of your life.
No one else has responsibility for your happiness.
If you make a decision then go with it and be truthful.

>>18544189
>Sounds like a tough spot to be on anon.
thanks anon, i appreciate the words.

I guess I'm afraid to take that leap, i dont remember what its like living a 'normal' life again

Your mother doesn't sound like a very healthy adult to be around and be dependent upon. Some of them aren't. I'm not going to reel off a list of what children should be like and what parents should be like because to do so denies reality and the agency of the individuals living within it. It ultimately is an unhelpful way to look at the world.

You are going to have to look past what your mother should be like in your head because this is something outside of your control and will just reinforce the idea that you've lost something or been denied something or deprived in some way. You can't go back and change the past. You can't really guilt trip her or manipulate her into behaving any way other than how she is going to behave. Expectations and the fact they are unmet is often the cause of problems within a relationship.

Equally while it would be nice for her to let go of what her expectations of a son are, and to stop guilt tripping you and using negative motivation to try and shame and manipulate you into behaving a certain way (which is impossible to fulfil because her issues relate to not having control, feeling chaotic herself, trying to live up to an imaginary ideal which is not based on reality) she might not do so at this point in her life.

Basically let go of expectation and obligation. Acknowledge that the past is done, accept the present for what it is and know the future can be changed if you take ownership over the things you can influence. Be strong and consistent over those things, pay extra attention to the positive and creative things and you can take solace in the fact that you did the best you could and acted with wisdom beyond what you've so far been shown as an example. Don't try to gain anything from what you've lost, or been denied or try to capitalise on some form of weakness or regret because this will just leave you weaker and more childlike in the end.

>>18544169
Anyway if I take this out of the long protracted wordy waffle and relate it back to my own experience. I grew up with my parents who divorced when I was 9. It was a messy separation involving the dissolution of a house which was in the process of being built still. My mother left and could have been described as very selfish and my father became overwhelmed by the shell of a house and the loss of everything that he'd been working towards and retreated into being a control freak.

So he never finished the house. He just worked and slept and complained as to what a selfish bitch my mother was and how she had made him a laughing stock of the whole town. I grew up in this fucked house with no heating, very few working things (unfinished bathroom, missing windows, concrete rooms without paint or carpet, kitchen with an open subfloor and microwave, no other form of cooking).

I spent as little time as possible at home and eventually I think because his world was shrinking more and more my father started to accuse me of being just like her, abandoning him, refusing to contribute or help him, treating him like a fool, treating the house like a hotel. He started to lock food away, sabotage the appliances that worked, throw away my stuff when I wasn't around to defend it.

By age 17 we were openly fighting. He'd slap me around the head without warning. Accuse me of all sorts of things. I went home as little as possible, slept in old cars, broke into the house when he was away to get things. I became on and off homeless around that age.

So I had a lot of regret surrounding my childhood. I spent the next few years moving from squat to squat, sleeping on peoples sofas until they got sick of me, quickly moving in with ANY girl who'd take pity on me until I pissed them off because I was drinking constantly, taking drugs whenever offered and generally living a chaotic life.

At the time I was happy to drift and stay fucked up. I had vague hope that I'd just die soon.

>>18544178
My point is my father was not a good adult to be dependent upon or be around. I wasn't great either, preferred to be out, preferred to be fucked up even at a young age, quick to remind him that normal people don't do this and push his buttons highlighting what a failure he was acting like. Both of us were dysfunctional and our relationship was built upon what things should be like without any awareness of what things were actually within our control and any desire to use those things in a positive way to improve the situation.

Spending several years upset at the hand life had dealt me made me weaker. I had a sob story and it was a powerful one allowing me to gain sympathy and access to shelter, but it did nothing to make me a more capable individual able to actualise as a person with positivity. It was backwards looking, reductive, it made me a victim and prolonged my relationship with drugs, alcohol and destructive people.

Eventually I didn't die. Eventually I had to just let go of everything in the past. I had to accept that my father did the best he could under the circumstances and the past wasn't going to change. If I wanted a better future I had to look towards the things within my control and start to address what I wanted from life. I had to let go of something which was really massive, my victim complex and just be like "oh, ok cool. I'm done with that".

It kind of worked like that. I ignored my father for 7 years, but eventually got in touch. At first he was immediately back to his old self, blaming me for not getting in touch, blaming me for abandoning him, asking me what sort of son would do this.

I just didn't play the games. Kept our interactions on my terms. Repeated that I wasn't interested in the past because it was done, but a relationship in the future is dependent upon us doing things which we both want to do. Eventually he stopped bringing up the past and while we only meet twice a year or so, we have a solid friendship as adults.

>5'6"
*laughs in 5'3"*
Get real problems kid

>>18544126
It's just not just my height; it's that combined with the fact that I have the face and voice of a teenager. Someone who's 5'6" who looks otherwise like an adult is going to be perceived differently than someone who is 5'6" and babyfaced.

>>18544129
>It's just not just my height
Meant to type "It's not just my height"

Use the hosts file

>>18544142
+1

you can block the ip from rooter just go 192.168.1.1 o something like that

Listen, shit only continues to suck worse. The human condition is struggling to meet an exponential demand of rising above the constantly-rising suck and maintaining a more sharply-increasing trajectory to prevent the suck from constantly happening in your life.

Let's break a few points here,

>He cuts

So he's a fucking idiot. Are you in high school? If you're in high school, 100%, bros before hoes. Just side with good, solid friends who stick by you when you're bein' a lil' bitch. Those are the people you need in your life, as forever as you can make them be there. Trust.

Are you not in high school? Why the fuck are you associating with people who cut? It's about as red a flag as I can give you without making obnoxious puns about red and blood; it shows a complete inability to cope with stress, difficulty or possibly novelty in life. It shows a tendency to reactions that will garner more burden, rather than absolving others of their burdens; it also tends to come with the unfortunate flair of needing attention all the fucking time because they're special little snowflakes. It's unhealthy behavior and it's childish to the extreme. At least take up a substance; alcohol's shitty for you in excess, but at least your body's not going to look like a failed Bob Ross art stunt.

>Will my action garner more desperate reactions?

Who the fuck cares? If they're going to leverage their life as blackmail to keep you around, you need to get the fuck outta dodge right now. That is the kind of person who will use dangers to herself to pull you further into her shit. You need to dip right the hell out.

If you mean turning to hard substances and stuff, I don't know what to tell you. It's the same sort of story-- if you're their replacement for a coping mechanism, that's not healthy nor sustainable for you. You'll end up dead and spent, and she'll still turn to *something* when you're good and gone (which is ultimately your concern). You need to think of Numero Uno here.

>>18544095
Thanks for your time really, it gives me a lot of perspective. And I made a lot of thinking, but my friend, the girl; she never blackmailed me and she does not wants that, and I will tell you why. She was really scared to telling me about her condition, and that is not something she diagnosed herself, in 2016 she went to a psychiatrist to know about her sucidal toughs, and i have no idea of that, she was hiding it because she feared I would break up with her
she had those problems since she was a kid, because of the abuse of her family, verbal abuse.
She never asked me for something, never used her condition to win an argument, but what she did, was blaming herself, she wanted to get better, to be normal, thats all she wanted, and we are both adults, she a nurse and I am a lawyer; this is not some teen bullshit drama stuff, I have seen that before, and my concern is as a friend, because thats how me started, and she helped me to go through many hells, and Im doubt with her.
And again, thanks for your time, I wish it was just like you said, really simple, but If someone really cared about you as a human being and helped you to reach a lot of your goals, without asking a thing, how am I going to take the easy way and just forget about everything.

>>18544128

So he's the issue here. Dangerous territory, because you're one bad word away from being 'That Ex Boyfriend.' You know the one-- shows up on the new boyfriend's birthday with flowers for the girl, or something. Not that that's you, just the example...

It sounds like he enables her misery, which might be an attractive prospect because truthfully, misery loves company. It's easy to be miserable when someone's miserable with you, or inviting or enabling of the attitude. I know that all too well.

But it's important to challenge people against their adversities and it sounds like that's you. I'm not sure how things went sour, but to 180 my point previously you should keep contact with her.

I would gently advise her somehow that she should always be looking to the positive and that if she ever needs anything, you're there.

On the other hand, dial back your active attempts to meet up with her. If she's meeting up with you, cool; if you're texting her first and meeting up as a result, or whatever else, maybe bring it down from every X to every Y, I don't know-- from four times a week to two or whatever, then to one.

What you're not doing here is pirating her time and allowing her family to justify calling you out as a shite influence.

What you are doing is being there as a positive influence still while minimizing the chances of you causing damage inadvertently.

I apologize for the brusque nature of the posts, I'm used to a lot more fight on /adv/, hah.

take a picture of it on your phone, take close up shots of key areas, include a scrap of paper with relevant reminder notes in the shot as needed, write a nice thank you message lightly on the back addressed to your aunt & uncle, and present it to him before you leave. draw a new one when you get home. the more you practice a skill, the better you become at it. forging good relations with the people in your life is more important than material items. not to mention trying to take that on a flight even as carry-on will leave it fubar.

thanks anon

bump just to hear if there is alternative advice as well

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>>18544024
may be shitty dry wall. cant tell much from pic. is the ceiling suppose to be like that? with that giant line?

>>18544051
Been a while since I've been in the house i think it is a seperation point between the dry wall let me see if i can text her for more details

Ease it.
Make an effort to jack off only once a day for maybe 3 weeks.
Then, when you've gotten used to that, make an effort do so it once every two days, and so on

>>18543968
you're off to a bad start if you refuse to cut back on internet usage for the simple fact that (a) you're tacitly admitting you spend too much time online, and (b) you refuse to take o board the most obvious piece of advice, which signals an unwillingness to change.

Cut back, especially in the evening, and that removes a source of temptation right there. Keep stimulating yourself and you'll keep jerkin'. Get out more instead and some exercise, you'll feel better after a week.

>>18543968
A major logical fallacy with the Epicurean Paradox is it assumes Evil has no value (the end state where it falsely concludes that by not preventing Evil God is not good or loving).

Maybe this is a good reason to leave 4chan.

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>>18543935
>Why is there not
Because no one has made it or maybe even thought about it before. Why are things made when they are made?

>There needs to be
Who's need is that?

Why it must exist? And why it should already be? Why don't you think it more like a cool new improvement instead of a thing that should already be made?

>waaaaaah I got banned for shitposting it's not fair

>>18543904
>

I think you should let this one go. She seems to be open to other options. If you are really into her then do something special to seal the deal. Else just let this one go.

>>18543908
Thanks, I feel I have put a lot in to dating her. I paid for most of the dates, and did try to be romantic, I bought her flowers and whatnot. I guess I hate having to start over.

She claims she isn't dating other guys, but is at the very least still looking at them. She always compliments me on my looks, and she says she has a hard time finding guys she likes, and that works for her schedule.

I guess I will start dating other girls, since I told her that I focus on one at a time and it clearly isn't a winning strategy.

You're better off dating other women and keeping her as a backup like she's doing to you.