Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2730. page

>>17978543

you need water to survive. you don't need a girl to survive.

the issue here is that you choose to treat women like they are a rare element, a commodity. they aren't. they make up 50% of the population.

and when you treat them like an award, an appliance, a rare metal, or what have you, you dehumanize them.

what girl wants a guy who is desperate for any girl he can get? what girl wants to settle down with a guy who only went after her because she was the first one to agree to go on a date with him?

girls want to feel special. not like anohter in a long line of random women you ask out because you HAVE to get a gf

>>17978543

>i have no redeeming quality so how could i not be desperate

thats not true, but lets pretend it is true. the issue here is that you are desperate because you treat girls like they are a necessity. of course you're going to be desperate if you will do anything in your power to keep one in your life.

learn to live life without a woman and you wont be desperate for one.

Dude, the answer is shitty, but it's true.
Build up yourself, your life... You will attract women through it, throught being in love with life itself.

I know how you feel, I'm 25 and never had a girlfriend, but I've had success and am still having it with women.

I worked my shit straight up from a awkward kid and teenager to a man of value. I'm not the general beautiful person, I'm the ugly guy who dresses well and looks good.
I studied philosophy and work with game design... Yes, such a 'must have' guy right? Damn no.
Still, I love what I do. When I talk about it, my eyes are bright (girls told me that)...

Believe me, girls are not what will make you feel better. I'd advise you to chage your whereabouts if you've been there too long. Meeting new culture might help you change who you are, act in ways you didn't know.

Other than that, you should really work on your life and your love to it. Maybe a shrink could help, who knows.

There always PickUp Artistry to look at too, but I'd also advise you to check your sources well, for there is many shitty guys pretending to know it - and there's also many stupid mistreating and evil guys claiming there way is the best.

What were the 'issues"?

>>17978520
She was bad at communication and didn't know how to handle her emotions maturely

Break up, wait a while(I felt same before, it went away), or take a break.

>>17978503
Did you see it coming?

>>17978514
yes, a while ago.

How old are you? It may honestly be for the best if it means long term happiness for the both of them. Divorces can really vary in severity, but remember yourself as an individual separate from your parents.

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>>17978480
If you left Islam, how come they didn't behead you?

>>17978488
>>17978488
My parents would never do that even if they knew. They would probably just treat it as foolish.

Also the Qu'ran doesn't say that, the Hadith does. Hadith is "sayings of Muhammad, but a lot of them are rumours and lies. Not only do I encourage people to ignore the Hadith (where most of the crazy stuff comes from), I know people who are very religious but ignore the Hadith.

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Tempting o.o
might be practical desu

Arab women are top tier in terms of house wife material compared to western women but they might want to pop out children asap.

But you might open yourself to be seen as hypocritical or disingenuous from your woman.

Overall I think religion serves as a good structure for family life and promotes a lot of success in terms of healthy life style choices. But also ISIS and you're potentially selling a lie to your children who might resent that.

It's got some pros and cons to weigh op

You are obviously very young. Your entire approach is wrong. Life is not a Disney movie. You will not meet a perfect princess with whom you will trade v-cards and live happily together ever after.

If you like a girl, ask her out. Proceed from there. It can end up something much more.

>>17978482

this.

find the perfect girl by getting to know girls and seeing what you like, not what extremely old irrelevant 'essays' say a girl should be like

>>17978482
I'm asking more from the perspective of someone that can "get" girls but hasn't had male role models or a father figure to explain what is valuable in a woman and what is not important. I would like to find a wife but I don't have the wisdom to trust what qualities would make a good wife

Also I live in America if that makes any difference

It depends.

I had a Muslim friend who didn't wear the hijab but followed -some- practices. Like, she wouldn't eat pigs in a blanket, but she would fuck a white dude and have a baby out of wedlock.

>>17978470
Im talking about the ones that wear the hijab

>>17978425
Oil and pipeline.
Depending on how much environmental stuff was in your studies - alternative energy, etc.
Politics, lobbying, thinktanks


I don't necessarily recommend this, but if you're considering grad school, think about combining a science degree with a business or law grad degree.

>>17978458
I definitely look into this option, thanks! All my major-related courses are environmental related, and we often use real world examples. I imagine I should take some more classes that focus solely on those topics though.

>>17978425
Definitely pursue grad school if it's a possibility; I'm a geology major also, and work in the university to help students meet recruiters.
Yes, most common and high paying jobs are in oil, but they're in high demand. Does your university have a career department? Talk to them. They're going to have more ideas and will advocate for you.

I cringe at myself in the past
It gets a bit better the older I get, feel more distance from the incredibly awkward teenage years and generally I feel I make a fool of myself less and less the older I get.

Everyone makes poor decisions though, it's inevitable we are all going to have regrets

Completely normal.

Used to struggle with this a lot but at the end of the day I figured, no one other than I cares. There's still stuff I cringe to recall (cheerily telling my friend how I was looking for a father's day present and only remembering that night, in bed, that it was the first father's day since her father had died) but that's because it was thoughtless, hurt people, or simply came across like I was being a cunt. If I was simply being awkward or uncool, whatever.

Think of it like this: do you have any memories of someone accidentally being fumbly and weird? Or saying dumb stuff while drunk? Likely not. It is both a matter of being able to laugh at yourself in a healthy way, and respecting yourself enough that you feel you don't need to do everything right/smooth all the time in order to be worthwhile human being.

And obviously if you do really fuck up, own up to it and apologize sincerely. Everyone has lapses of judgment, what's more telling is how you choose to deal with that.

>>17978406
bahahahaha my past is the worst ever don't feel bad! i have to go thru life like seriously paranoid thinking people know about me and my past and thinking people sit around talking shit about me always and all this shit it sucks and like i am sure what any one person knows of my past is like nothing in comparison with the sum totality my entire existence is like painfully cringy on a number of levels

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>>17978387
1 month later

>it is championships, and after this the band season is over
>we spend the day together
>we have a fight in the afternoon because she spends too much time with her friends and we both feel neglected
>she cries and I ignore her
>I come to her about 20 minutes later and apologize
>she says sorry as well and we continue one of the most memorable nights of my life.

1 months later

>we hang out less because the band season is over, but the band still does a few things over december
>we hang out and everything is great
>I tell her that we don't hang out like we used to
>the dilemma is that if I'm with her, her friends ignore her the next time they hang out
>the same friends hilariously enough say that I ignore her
>winter break is about to start and we say goodbye, but promise to keep in contact
>I stop by a few days later and give her my gift to her.
>she hugs me and I hug her back
>she wanted me to stay over longer, but the friend giving me a ride wanted me to hurry up

5 days later

>It is new year's eve and I text her all night
>I'm with family, so I can't be around her
>I didn't have enough money to pay for her ticket back to California
>the next morning she sends me the pic related

This is where everything goes to shit

>>17978387
Move the fuck on man. This was a small little relationship you had. Use it as experience for your next one, and improve the things you couldnt in this one. Do not pine over this. It is over.

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>>17978429

>I ask her why she did it
>she says that the relationship wasn't what she wanted and that we stopped impressing each other
>I get annoyed and say a few mean things
>we stop texting and I ignore her

1 week later

>I write her a letter telling her that I miss her and that I want her back
>A mutual friend of ours delivers it
>she writes a letter back and it basically says she wants to be friends
>I begin to read guides on getting exes back and they all share one thing in common
>I need to ignore her for 30 days
>the problem is next week is a band trip to Disneyland

the next week

>I'm there and I just have fun
>Jacob is in our group and eventually leaves
>he goes to her group
>okay...
>I find out that he planned to ask her out, but didn't because it had only been 2 weeks
>I find out from a loyal female friend that she has a long history and she has cheated on other guys before
>she posts pic related

the next day

>I make a similar post saying I wish she didn't cheat on me
>I get a message the next day from her in the morning

>"I didn't cheat =("
>tell her about Jacob and she says they're just friends
>tell her to meet me in the library
>at this point, we haven't spoken in person since I went to her house to give her the present

later the same day

>I wait to meet her at the library at the time I specified
>she doesn't show up
>she says she got nervous
>I see her later in the day and we make eye contact
>she knows something is up

After class

>I see her look at Jacob during a rehearsal
>I'm so out of it and feel sad
>the two walk together in the direction of her dorm
>I blocked her, but I hadn't blocked him
>I see the snapchat story and it looks like they went out on a date
>the last pic has her flipping off the camera and saying move on
>I cry my eyes out and tell everything that's happened to my dad
>he says that she wasn't worth it and that I should move on
>I feel better, but I now feel angry

>>17978376
Find a real gf you faggot

>>17978380
>real gf
lol vastly overrated,
plus they're uglier. Much uglier.

>>17978392
You got me there; can't argue with this

Hey man don't let this bring you down. It's rough being placed in this situation but I've got a good friend who was in your situation. He had this relationship with a girl for a good 3 years and they even got their own apartment. But as time progressed she started being very hostile and even got violent with him. They broke up a year ago while they had a lease signed together and she just went up and left. My friend had a difficult time and he struggled but is doing great now. He's got a co worker helping him out with the apartment costs. As for his ex she left and lives near while still being violent and hateful. He got through his situation and was able to keep his place. Hey man you gotta love yourself and always strive for improvement. Your not perfect but remember that you have a lot to give. Don't give up and keep fighting . You'll get through this. If your ex wants to throw away what she had then make her regret it. Go to the gym to improve yourself. Get out there and start trying some new things man. Know that you are the person who determines your own worth. You are in control of your future. Stay strong man I know you can get through this

>>17978352
You could always, remove, the problem. Any deep rivers or large forests near you?

>>17978352
Maybe work on the relationship. Do you know what exactly she wasn't happy with? Havenyou tried tying her up and fucking her until she cums so many times that she passes out?

Are you embarrassed of what you are actually like? Do you feel like if people knew what you were actually like they wouldnt want to be around you?

>>17978427

I'm not. I'm certain if people knew me they'd like me much better than they already do. But for some reason I subconsciously resist having people know me. I have no idea what's triggering this shame because everyone who does know me thinks I'm great.

It's like I don't want myself to become a familiar & recognized, even though I do.

>>17978443
I think you need to ask yourself what that underlying problem is. Or maybe this is some existential thing where you are having trouble associating your central isolated identity with that same identity that talks to other people. In other words, you probably are being yourself but you see yourself differently when you talk to others vs when you are by yourself.

>>17978282
I'd take no less then 30.000
more if she's well off.

You're definitely getting low-balled.

I'm Vietnamese and I'm offered green card marriages all the time from Vietnamese people all the time.

One deal was 30k a year. I passed on that, obviously.

>>17978296
>>17978286

aw hell i fucking knew it!

>>17978251
Don't do your hobbies at home, find a familiar place where people have the ideal hobbies as you.

>>17978253
I live in a small town but i'm leaving in the months to come, but i currently can't go to some kind of art club since there's none around here, and it's the same for music

When i'll leave i'll take your advice at heart, but for now i don't see what i can do

i'm bored

>>17978239
>she has a four-year-old kid
llool

>>17978239
I'm in a similar position. I'm 24 and just lost my virginity a couple weeks ago on a fling with a friend, but I'm a little more confident now.

I have a friend who I really like, but she has a son, too. Here are some questions I've asked myself: Are you interested in a relationship? She is probably looking for a stable relationship right now, so it's probably not a good idea to go after her just for sex. If you are, you need to think about what it will be like to date a single mother. Her ex will probably be in her life until her child is at least 18, are you okay with that?

Don't do it unless she wants to have something casual as well. Which could well be the case, because it's not that easy to get quality partners as a single mother... but if she's the type who has a set timeline for when to introduce you to her son, don't. There's no way a relationship like that can be lighthearted and before you know it you feel guilty for being tangled up in this little boy's life and feel responsibility.

This obviously also means that you cannot fall in love with her... not sure how much you trust yourself not to do that.