Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2694. page

>>17992021
I feel as if, after reading the thing as a whole, i sound rather beta. Im really not, its just with her whole "not being ready for a relationship" thing I don't want to do something that might pull the hand brake so to speak and stop what we have going.

I like her a lot, her and I like the same things, shes smart and beautiful, I haven't really had a connection with someone like I do with her out of all my past relationships, and its kind of got me fucked up a bit.

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>>17992021
If the girl and yourself are over the age of 18/ shes had a boyfriend before, then congrats, youre on her backburner as she looks for better cocks to fuck. Move forward and meet new people, and start distancing yourself. If she actually cares she will try and pull you back, otherwise youre better off trying your luck with other ladies.

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>>17992033
Maybe you need to be morr daring, but the girl is fucking your shit in with the ''ohoho im not ready anon-kun lol'' stuff. Youre ready to commit, she isnt. Keep her as a friend and go meet new people. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and if she does want you, youll come to know it as Ive said in my tuturu post. Godspeed anon.

>>17991979
Why can't you just entertain the fantasy without cheating on your gf? If it's the younger guy/older woman angle you're after why not do some role playing?

>>17991996

I'm very visual so I think having to see it would make role play somewhat in effective

I definitely don't want to cheat, we've got some small things we butt heads about but she'd never do something like that to me so I can't cross that line.

We are both the same age

>>17992002
Have her buy a pencil skirt and some librarian glasses and smack your ass with a dictionary.

>>17991900
What's wrong with you tho?

If you are a guy thats not weird.

If you're a girl, well thats a red flag. I would never date a girl who has a lot of male friends and no female friends. How many of your male friends have you fucked?

>>17991917

At least 5

>>17991866
HIV. Sorry OP

>>17991866
bleah that's herpes, a condom doesn't help against that. Damn, sorry OP. Atleast you were redpilled enough to fuck a hooker and not buy in to the relationshit thing

>>17991866
god I hope it's syphilis

why do you even care about the opinion of your peers or family. they are not dating her, you are

Say whatever you wish to your own friends/family, but realize that if you don't tell them and the truth comes out, your relationship will look shady both on account of the age difference and because you felt uncomfortable sharing it.

Do not ever tell her that she can't tell her parents/friends. There's already a power dynamic that's skewed (don't forget that this is usually more significant for the younger person because they don't know what it's like to be twenty six while you know what it's like to be seventeen), encouraging her to not have open communication with her social support network is going down a rabbit's hole you don't want.

Basically, if you really want to date her, man up and accept that you're going to deal with comments and assumptions and try to block it out as much as possible.
Although I have to say I find it a bit laughable that you comment on the maturity of a girl you haven't even started dating yet. You think how she's acting when she's calm and still on her best behavior shows you the full scope of emotions/coping methods she can go through? Most people are able to be mature and respectful and what not when things are going well. It's more how she carries herself when jealous/insecure, in a heated fight and so on that tell you something about her maturity.

>>17991862
Someone is doing to post that retarded magic number rule and tell you off OP. Too be fair though, you really are robbing the cradle. You're biased regarding her maturity too. Let a friend or a family member tell you that before you start selling it to others.

>>17991857
Women are trash nowadays. So many girls in relationships with nice guys that have tried to fuck me after my ex fucked me over.

Women are fucking trash and we should bring back slut-shaming cause they can't keep their legs closed unless someone dictates them. Sad state of affairs, but it is what it is and I'll say it again: women are trash. Go your own way, Anon.

>>17991857
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there

You're the one who broke it off, so you know it's the right thing to do. It's hard to come back to that mindset when you're heartbroken. But just remember that if you were to get back with her, it would satisfy you for a second and then it would be an even worse shit show than before.

It may help to write bullet point notes as to why the relationship didn't work out. When you're feeling down, read your notes. This is what I did to get myself to sleep at night when my ex broke up with me and it worked wonders. My emotional brain kept looping through happy moments with my ex. Then I would read my notes and my brain would snap out of it pretty quickly.

The ex boyfriend thing must make you feel pretty shitty. But I think you're thinking of it in the wrong way. She likely isn't back with him because you meant nothing to her. Rather, she needs someone to depend on. There is zero chance that what they have is a healthy relationship.

Of course, the best thing you can do to ease the pain is to sleep with other girls. It will really boost up your self esteem, trust me. Good luck man you'll pull through. Given enough time, you'll lose virtually all feeling for her.

>>17991853
>without getting in legal trouble, and without having to deal with court
hope

>>17991853

bump

>>17991853
1. ask nicely
2. get rejected
3. brutalize his face or if he's stronger just completely fuck up his car by slashing the tires, smashing the windows and shoving a ton of lighters in the exhaust. God speed

In my opinion, living in the moment isn't ideal. Your past and plans for the future have to have some influence on your present. That way you can enjoy your present moments, in the future.

Set up your life so that you can enjoy moments. In my case, I work my ass off when I can so that I have the time and money to do the things I like. I suffer so that I can enjoy myself even more in the future. Whereas if I were to only enjoy myself in the moment, I wouldn't care about eating right and going to the gym, or maintaining my business. I would just be on the couch playing video games all day and rotting.

>>17991860
I completley disagree.
I know where my future is headed though and the plans are in the works. I just focus too much on the future even though my future is secured. I can never enjoy the present moment even though it is wonderful right now.

>>17991882

I apologize, I assumed you were a depressed virgin who plays video games all day. And you were looking for a way to enjoy yourself while being shitty.

What are you hobbies? If you don't have one yet, pick up a physical hobby. Something like rock climbing, skiing. Those are the ones I do at least. When I'm skiing, I'm not thinking about anything else. I'm overjoyed with being outside and shredding. It's just so therapeutic. It helps that my phone stays at the cottage when I'm on the hill so I can't see any emails or anything like that. So maybe that's your problem. Is it possible that you don't shut off completely when you're doing something you enjoy?

>>17991808

Are you flirting with her?

Do you know her or is she a rando?

i just want to have a friendly talk to get to know her better

>>17991830

Why? Why do you wabt to talk to her?

>>17991803
Don't just show up that's stupid for a nimber of reasons, but id start with the nice aunt then go from there. you should also get in touch with the grandparents there old and might not have too long anyway even tho you dont like them it would probably mean a lot too them if they miss you.

>>17991803

I've been in a similar family situation. Expect some backlash from your parents and siblings...they may feel weird about you contacting them. Maybe talk tot hem first and ask for the whole story. Tell them you are thinking about reaching out. Be honest about your feelings, positive and negative, towards these people.

It won't fix everything, but it will get everything out in the open and reduce suspicion. It might also convince your parents to think about reconciling somewhat.

>>17991821
> start with the nice aunt
Can't really control who I meet when I contact them. Might be my Uncle who opens the door/picks up the phone, or one of my cousins.

I do know, thanks to my grand-aunt (Grandmother's sister on my fathers side), that my Grandfather is more or less demented by now.
I would probably give Grandma a chance but if she is still the same, I wouldn't bother.

>>17991828
Well, there will be backlash from my brother. He got screwed over by our grandparents quite a bit.
They promised a lot of things, like paying for his driving license, but never actually did anything.

My parents always made it very clear that it is my decision whether I want any contact with that side of the family and they would not interfere in any way.
I also believe that I know the full story except for some, apparently rather interesting, possibly illegal, stuff that my grandmother did some 40 years ago. My father says he will talk about that once she and all who were part of it are dead.

There will be some weird looks, but no big problems if I decide to contact Aunt, Uncle and Cousins, especially because my parents know how incredibly nice my Aunt is and how sad I am about not having any contact anymore.

I wouldn't even try reconciling. There are some things between my father and Uncle that go way too deep to be repaired. They tried for decades, it only ended in stress and shouting.

But their sins are not mine.

This whole thing has been on my mind for something like 5 years.
My grandfather on my mothers side is more cancer than human by now and pretty much on his deathbed and that got me thinking that I shouldn't waste much more time if I really intend to get back in touch. If I wait too long it may just be too late.

Yeah, you're a fucking moron. Good luck.

>>17991767

Not necessarily. It's also possible you're just lazy and easy-consumption passtimes appeal to you because they require no effort. Although, doing okay in college doesn't really require you to be particularly smart. Academic work is literally just work in the end. If you're capable of understanding the concepts, it's enough and the rest of it is just sorting bullshit from the stuff that actually matters and writing papers.

It doesn't mean that you're not smart. It does make it very likely that your discipline and work attitude are severely lacking and you will need to do shit in college that you don't want all the fucking time.

Basically, it doesn't matter if theoretically your IQ is 140, if you don't "like" using your brain and your work ethic is subpar you have no place being in college.

You're losing your hair.

Only thing you can do is position it in a way to make it less noticeable or try Bosley or something similar.

>>17992086
wtf im barely 19 and im alredy going bald

>>17992090
I remember being in high school and seeing 16 year olds with receding hairlines. It's genetic. It happens.

Is your dad bald? Or the males on your mom's side of the family?

>>17991737

Not much you can do, is there? Grieve and comfort those who will miss him too. Talk to people about him and remember the good times. There's no trick to make the passing of a loved one easier, but time will help.

>>17991749
This.

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My condolances, OP.

>>17991676
talk to a professional.

well, this is actually pretty common. there are a lot of people who are normal, but have some abnormal thoughts like suicide or killing someone, or the need to tear off their skin. it can be caused by physical ailments like scoliosis or some shitty ear disease. but also by a childhood trauma, malnutrition, cardi-vascular conditions etc... there is a lot of shit that can make you like that, so better see a professional.

>>17991788
Well I have a degenerative disease, so Argo rational

>>17991665
It's called "regret". You can either wallow in it or use it to motivate yourself to change.

Meditate and you will experience every life at a microsecond level. 15 minutes feels like an eternity. Because you are actually mindful of all the events that happens in your mind.

>>17991665

Ok, you don't like how your last couple of months went. What are you gonna do about it?

The past is the past. Improve from today on and stop looking back.