ITT: How to/you got out of the friendzone
I'm interested to see if long term friends can actually start dating and what people's experiences with this are.
A friend of mine said that she was friends with her now boyfriend for 5 years before they started dating, which I thought was nuts.
>>18066732
I've dated a guy who was my friend for 4 years, and it was the worst experience of my life.
The relationship was terrible and losing a friend when we broke up was even worse.
I definitely prefer dating a stranger.
>>18066732
I did it once after being friends with a girl for about 6 years. we took a vacation together and ended up fucking for the weeks we were sharing a room. Never ended up actually dating though. A few months after that we met up and fucked a few times again.
Then she accused me of rape about 2 years after that. The police were never involved, but we don't speak anymore. I almost regret having sex with her because she was a great friend and I have no idea why she thinks I abused her.
Dude, she has a boyfriend. That's just not right.
Nobody knows if you can escape the friendzone. It's sort of like an event horizon. Once your feelings cross the border, you presumable just get torn to shreds. There's no coming back, so there's no real way to know. Not even light can escape the friendzone. Only Steven Hawking can, and he has to turn himself into pure radiation in order to do so.
Hey,
I'm here to listen and give you some advices as much as I can. I've been through rape, medical maltreatment, family pressure, crack and cocaïne addiction, loneliness and social phobia, psychiatry, sexual and moral harassment, abortion, and I don't want these personal experiences to be useless. If I can give you an advice if you're going through these too, I will. I wanted to create a thread where we can talk, help each others without being judged as "snowflakes" or anything.
Let's talk.
I might as well ask for advice from a homeless man
>>18066677
how hairy is your vagina?
trim? shaved? striped?
>>18066677
How did you overcome your crack addiction? Asking for a friend.
Please help.
Just recently went through a breakup. She was really my everything. I was completely alone before her. I'm very much an introverted loner with no friends. So we aren't together anymore, and I want so desperately to connect with someone, but my anxiety, and introversion get in the way. I go out for a walk, or take the bus somewhere, but I cant bring myself to speak to another human being. With being depressed and anxious because of the breakup, it makes it even more difficult to even just leave the house. I know I can't put all my energy into one person, because that person might be gone tomorrow. I need a network of people. I'm not an outgoing person at all, and i cant hold conversation with people i dont know because of the anxiety. Please help me. I want to be better and feel better. Any other anons gone through this? What did you do? What should I do?
Go to shows, about music you like.
>>18066694
I'm so broke. There aren't any shows around me that I actually like either. Just local metal bands and stuff. It also feels weird going alone to anything.
>>18066666
Play an mmo. At the very least, its easier to interact with others online. My anxiety and depression was getting worse and worse so i started playing a game to get my mind off things and meet more people i could relate to. It definitely worked. Of course, none of them live nearby but it helped me feel like part of the world again. Hang in there
So all friends that i had in high school but all of them have gone their separate ways and lost contact. I took time before going to collage due to enlisting but im back now and im going in this upcoming fall. Work is all 30-something y/o that i have nothing in common and they think im too young to bother having a conversation with.
TLDR: has anyone gone through this time period where they took a break before going to collage? did you make friends when you did go? Do things change or in a sense get better?
Im just at a weird spot in time where its just work then my apartment. Any advice to help get through this mundane time?
A little about me
>tx
>20
>female
>into many variety of things (some animes, i watch a lot of youtube, im a /mil/ fag. Ect)
> work in an animal clinic
>hate job
>no direction in life
>drink when i get time
>>18066612
that's just how life after hs is
my only friend is someone i knew in hs and i rarely see her
my life is pretty much just chores, work, sleep and aniime at this point
I think the current meme advice is "hobbies"
I work with my Dad in a factory. He's the president, and the goal is for me to eventually become the president. I could stand to make a lot of money in this position, but I'm deeply unhappy here.
For one, and this is the biggest reason, I'm constantly being shit on by the employees. I had a nervous breakdown in front of them years ago due to personal issues, and I don't think they'll ever forgive me for it. Even when I fire the biggest asshole, like ISIS, another asshole comes in to take his place.
For two, I no longer like what I do. Managerial shit aside, the work we do bores me. I don't like setting up, programming, running production, or anything else about this job anymore. Everyday feels like a tedious task that I don't want to do.
I don't want to let my Dad down, hes been working here for 30 years, building it up and up, and I know he'll be disappointed if I don't take over. The family name means a lot to him. But, I'm beginning to feel that his pride isn't worth my happiness. Still, it would pain me to see his disappointment.
I'd like to go back to school and get a diploma in CS, or maybe something where I can work from home and not have to be around or deal with people again.
What do you think about all of this?
I think your situation sucks. Can't your mom or a sib take over?
>>18066606
Talk with your dad man to man, honest.
But first think about what you really want and why. Are you just stressed out? Are you perhaps depressed? Are you afraid of social contact?
You seem to have a problem with the employees, what's really the problem there, your fear? Your inhability to cope with trauma? Or them?
You want to work from home you say but people who work from home are usually the ones who master social contacts and interactions, the so called freelancers swim in contacts to work from home.
Are you going to analize your situation and confront your fear?
Talk to your dad say you want to be away from all of that for a while, nobody will get hurt. Just say you want new things and non monotone oportunities, that you wish for something different in life.
But face your fears anon, running away from them will not make you grow.
>>18066655
Man, I've tried being as amicable as I can with them since I've been back. They still shit on me. Truth is, I'm not very socially competent, and they pounce on that like a lion does a gazelle. Even if I do something well it's soon forgotten. I think a large part of this is because of my nervous breakdown. I was very strange in that time, and they took it personally... like they do everything.
Yes I am depressed, and I'm constantly anxious as well. I'm also generally afraid of social contact, especially with new people. I flail badly in a very cringey manner. It's a part of my trauma and chronic isolation, I think. Its improved a LOT over the years, but I'm still significantly lacking social skills. I think I may just be stupid too.
I would say I'm somewhat fearful of people. Every time I talk to someone they're pretty condescending and rude, and give off a general vibe of aversion. It's painful to not be validated by anybody, anywhere, and the rejection I constantly face makes me scared of them. People who say validation isn't necessary are probably validated by somebody in my opinion.
What I want... I want to be alone because I feel more comfortable that way, and I don't think most people are 'good'. It seems to me they're largely self-serving and will stab you in the back whenever the opportunity arises, should they benefit. There's no loyalty or honor in people anymore. It's just about getting what they want. Nobody cares about me as a person, they only care about what they can squeeze out of me. Boohoo! That's just my view though, shaped by my personal experiences.
I'm not a total fool, I realize my fear of people won't go away if I shut myself in my apartment for the rest of my life. But it'll feel so, so much better than going to a job where people ostracize and ream my asshole for dumbass ambiguous reasons.
need to break up with gf today
been going out with her for around 1 year and a half
what do I say? How should I do it?
Same here. 1,5yo relationship with a depressive boyfriend and I have no idea on how to do it so he won't kill himself.
Good luck.
why do you need to break up?
you sound awfully casual, like you need to put out the trash
>>18066577
Like her, don't think it's going anywhere though
I have a problem I'd like to share, It's started since I was 13yo, now I'm 18 its taking a serious toll on my life, especially since I'm about to become an adult.
I seriously have no attention span, I suffer from lack of concentration and I had a trouble with studies because of that, I dropped out school cause I couldn't concentrate on maths, physics and chemistry, I also have no basics in them cause all I did to make it in my teen years was cheating
I thought maybe scientific subjects aren't for me and that it's no big deal but this shit affects my daily life as well, I have problems with work, family and friends, I'm always depressed guilty and clumsy as fuck, and I can't use my brain to work properly and put some mental effort and I always fuck things up; being physically weak as well doesn't help and make things worse.
I tried going to gym for like 5 months I improved physically then I suddenly stopped because I simply lost motivation and will power, I became tired and I quit
I'm not trying to make excuses, I wish I could put this feeling into words, In the end I'm responsible for whatever happened in my life and I blame myself only.
I should make a change now, I tried many things and whenever I make some real progress I return to my nature, it's always temporary so what should I do?
Forgot to add I'm considering suicide , If I don't change by the time I'm 20, I'll probably end it
>>18066480
you probably have ADHD-i. tell a psychiatrist what you just wrote. personally, I found a mid-sized dose of Vyvanse solved all my problems. that was almost 10 years ago and it still works well. you can also take an online test to narrow down how likely it might be, before spending money on an appointment.
i have crazy attention issues due to major depression since i was 14... it got so bad this year grades dropped etc so i started wellbutrin and it gave me energy and helped me focus... the improvement was amazing.... even if wellbutrin isn't the right medicine for you a psychiatrist can definitely help you find one that works
Adv/
GF of 5 years or so suffers from depression and anxiety, the root of the issue has been discussed, we have talked about the topic over and over but it always leads back to her in these negative moods that just brings bad vibes to our living space. And everything I do seems to blow up in my face, almost like I am never good enough.
This brings me down and the relationship has almost become toxic and abusive, I try my best to lighten up the mood, I pull more than my fair share in chores and house stuff, I cook every night etc, but the same issues always get in the way.
How do you deal with someone with depression, I love her when she's not depressed, or in a mood, but it's become almost like a game, I need to consistently chase the carrot on a stick to keep her happy, she's NEVER content.
>>18066478
She will never be content until she stops being depressed.
This is a case of "it's not you but me" your gf knows that but since she is sick she can't do much about it.
Being depressed is not a matter of flipping a switch. You either swallow your effort and pride because you consider your relationship worth the hassle of helping her in the bad times (even if you don't know when or if it will end at all)
Or you break up like a man.
You can't put ultimatums on the depressed because you will drive them to extreme consequences.
This is not something you can control (assuming she is clinically depressed and not just "depressed wah wah wah whine" )
Tell her to eat well, do excercise, get out, enjoy things or hobbies, sleep well, and to not take meds and use natural products instead, natural medicine.
This is coming from a person that had a depressed sister for 2 and a half years.
Don't blame it on her but decide and think about what you are willing to put without getring anything back.
>>18066496
Her depression is brought on by some pretty heavy situations.
It's not like she drops her toast on the floor and she starts crying.
To me it's brought on by some pretty selfish and petty things, traveling, spending lots of money, big decisions for us since we pretty much just started off in the 'real world', she has this mind set of instant satisfaction.
When we first moved out we dreamed out moving into a bigger place, I even asked her to marry me, but then she started going on and on about traveling the world and going on big elaborate holiday's every year, it's put a strain on me, which direction do I go. Save for a house and a ring, or go along for the adventures?
It's been rather stagnant ever since then. She wants it all, but not willing to sacrifice one for the other. And I can't talk to her about it because of her depression.
>>18066478
If she is depressed, then she is sick. Make her go to a doctor and get cured.
Either be patient, or move on with your life and dump her.
Her depression is not about you. Her depression is about her. She is sick, and you're asking her to stop being sick to have a happy relationship with you, and she cannot do it. It's like you're sitting next to your girlfriend who has cancer and telling her "well, you're very selfish having this leukaemia, you totally ruined my birthday with your negative vibes".
Help her get help. If you don't want to put up with her depression, leave - it is perfectly respectable to do so. But don't stay and blame her for being sick.
Long love story about a selfish person.
I'm a 19yo girl in a 2yo relationship with someone from highschool. I made the mistake of letting him get too attached to me too quickly, and getting attached in return.
When I first met him I was in a bad time in my life - depressed, anxious and stressed with my college entry exams and when he first showed interest in me I figured we'd just have fun and hang out. Two weeks going out and he asks me to date him, and I said yes. Yes, retarded. I first noticed I was in too deep when once, about a month in our relationship, he looked at me and told me how depressed and suicidal he was and how he wouldn't know what to do if I broke up with him because I was the best thing that had happened to him - and I freaked out, but I figured things would become better if I could just help him get help and evolve.
Two years in, I bettered myself - got over my depression, got accepted into the best civil engineering college where I live, made friends, am less anxious. He's a wreck. Everyday, he comes to me crying about his family troubles, about how he doesn't know what he's doing with his life and how he feels like dying and wants to give up, quit college, kill himself. And I die inside, because I tried everything during our 2 years relationship - offered to take him to psychologists, took care of him, helped him through his semesters in college and even fucking did a lot of his college papers, because I loved him.
(c)
>>18066473
I don't see us together anymore. Everyday I feel like I'm becoming his mother more than his girlfriend - I support him financially, I take care of his college work, I watch out for his health because he won't, and everytime I swallow my own devils to take care of his because I worry that much about him. I no longer look at the future and see us being married, having children, growing old together - and he does, and everyday he talks to me about our future kids and married life and I die inside and cry alone when he goes away. I no longer feel like having sex with him, or being intimate with him; more and more I feel like my love for him comes from emotional dependency from back when I was sill depressed and anxious.
Everyday I want to find a way to break up with him, but everyday he comes to me, cries, tells me about how much he loves me, calls me sweet nicknames and tells me about how he wouldn't know what to do if I wasn't there for him, and I give up. And I die inside because I feel stuck. He has no perspective for his future, took a major he figured would be easy enough, puts no effort into it, doesn't look out for himself; his family already expects me to take care of him like a fucking mom. I want different things - I want to follow my career, travel, do things with my life.
I don't know what to do. I can't find it in my heart to break up with him because I know how much it would break him - and break me, because deep down I'm still emotionally dependant on him. I miss him when he's not around, I feel anxious and sad when I can't see him, and how could I ever explain to his and my family why I broke up with such a loving, adorable guy? Because he is - god, he's a wonderful person, if not for his emotional havok. I can't find it in my heart to be that selfish. I fear that if I break up with him he'll fuck his life up, break, and even kill himself, because I'm currently the only thing holding it together.
I feel lost.
Thanks for listening, /adv/.
And just to make things easier
TL;DR; 2yo relationship slowly becoming toxic but I can't cut it off because I fear he'll kill himself
Well Damn.
Discuss it with a psychologist. Try to find if he suffers from depression for real, if he isn't just making that up.
Any other military out here who know about how to deal with a PCS move OCOCNUS?
And after you've been here for 2-3 months you still have no friends?
I quit BUDS and all i want to do is go back. Hate life rn/
>>18066437
do that ococnus bullcrap and move to japan. live the life we all dream about
are you another kid who played way too much call of duty and thought he was seal material? Enjoy chipping paint for the next 4 years.
>>18066459
Negative. D1 athlete.
What are some definite ways of telling someone is a sociopath?
I was living with a girl that, in my opinion was an emotional narcissist. Everything matched up with what I read online and she showed a lot of the symptoms like
>gasslighting
>"Yeah ok, but I did X because you did Y!" every time I brought up a problem that made me feel bad
>Self-apologetic, brings up her past as an excuse for stuff
>calls me unapologetic and calls me out on having no remorse when I drag the truth out of her and get emotions over the things she says (even though I never hit/yell at her or anything of the likes)
>Caught her lying/not telling the entire truth several times, she excuses it with "I didn't want to hurt you cause I love you!" or "Why don't you ever take the nice things I did for you into consideration?!"
>often jealous beyond comprehension and logic
>our arguments are like Carl Sagan (me) versus Pissed Cat (her)
But:
>She's been loving and caring
>has taken care of me in bad times
>tries to show that she loves me quite often
>has done selfless things to help me out in situations where I didn't even ask for her help
>struggles with a whole lot of issues regarding family and friends that preoccupy her time
>I haven't always showed my love towards her, a bit because of the aforementioned stuff and also because I have been reserved of emotions cause I don't want to get hurt
>I always thought her to be too good to be true and acted accordingly
Are there any definite ways to find out if she's a narcissist or if she just has weak moments that make her act that way?
>>18066425
Doesnt sound like narcissism or sociopathy at all to me.. Sounds like if anything extreme insecurity..
She has to defend herself constantly and make you the bad guy or make excuses and exonerate herself because shes one of those.
The kind that just doesn't realise she can be a shitty person sometimes and that that is normal, and ok, and not something to collapse emotionally over.
>>18066433
Trust me mang. I was best friends with a legit sociopath. You dont need dr google nor do you look at that person and think "could they be a sociopath?" because you fucking know. Theyre on a whole new level of lies and self absorption.
>>18066425
Doesn't look like sociopath or narcisist.
Very much seems like my girlfriend.
Maybe she's still struggling with a lot of past shit and that makes her always feel the need to protect herself with excuses instead of arguing using logic.
i need to get my life in control back. i just turned 20 this year and found out that i failed college or in other words pre-university. i am retaking the exam this april but every each day i feel like giving up.
any study tips or encouraging words is very much appreciated
I wish you all the best
>>18066382
You can do it. You might fail (or think you fail) but if you keep moving towards a target (some goal you set), you'll make it. Manage expectations, stay in touch with family and friends, and stay positive. Good luck.
t. 26 year old anon who has been where you are
make a study group, studying with people is 1000x better than by yourself, i often find myself helping others with the same work im doing and it not only helps them but i learn from it also.
My girlfriend works on her feet all day and doesn't get much time to spend with me but I've noticed that any time we've met lately she smells of stale sweat, I understand her job involves her running around the hospital for 12 but it couldn't hurt to take ten minutes out of our date night for her to just shower and put on something nice, how do I try and get this through to her without sounding like an ass hole, I don't want to just tell her she stinks, all advice appreciated
>>18066218
How close are you, in term of banter? I mean for me and my gf, one night she came to my place (she took the bus, and a lot of walking) and we studied together, and she was wearing a really thin shirt and a short dress, sweat everywhere, after 5 minutes I was like "holy shit you smell! go take a shower" and she smiled and told me to come in with her. It's not that bad.
Just be strait with her and tell her she smells like sweat after working. If she gets upset then she gets upset. Implying that she smells will only make her more upset.
Or you could just live with it.
I like sweaty Musk so I would sniff her
>work at Amazon last summer
>both big toenails turn blue
>right toenail eventually falls off, left clears up
>a month ago my toenail has almost fully grown in
>sides of my toe are sore and very sensitive
>doesn't seem to be getting better
>cannot see any part of the toenail growing into the skin
What do?
>>>/doctor/
>>18066180
No insurance
>>18066187
>>>/job/
Sleep tight, Puchiko-chan~