Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2292. page

>>18102771
Do you think it might matter WHY she won't be with you?

Do you think it might matter who the person is?

Do you think people all have an identical though process, and that the same approach that works for one will also work for everyone else?

And no. Two people loving each other does not guarantee that a relationship will work or that both will want to remain in the relationship.

>>18102771
>>if there is still love between two people, there is always a chance, right?

Honestly? It depends OP, two people can love each other but that doesn't mean they're willing to work hard enough to make it work.
Just came out of a 2 year relationship and i still love her and she still loves me. But she was never willing to make the effort to change her bad habits to make it work.
>be very, very hard working in uni, plans to move out to europe
>manage to get a scholarship, plus dorms and a decent paying job
>she's just average, never works hard torward anything and just slacks around

And i love her, but there's not way we're having a future together.
I think what you need to ask yourself is: Do you see a future together with this person? Are both parties willing to work hard to make it work? And i just don't mean saying it out loud, i mean doing actual work to change yourself to be with the person you love, that's the hard part.
Sometimes, it's just not meant to be.

>>18102771
So why won't she be with you?

Let me guess, you're not the one paying for your school.

lol you kids are everywhere. I live in a college town so I have this talk with my friends on a regular basis. If you don't know what the fuck you are doing and you don't have a reason beyond getting a degree, stop going to fucking college. I don't care if your family will be disappointed. Stop taking that medication, stop doing drugs. I won't be that guy that tells you to meditate, but have a bit of introspection and figure out what you want. Motivation doesn't have to come from higher purpose or goals. It can be as simple as I need to eat. Actually, that is all your life really needs to revolve around is putting food in your stomach. This world we live in complicates things way beyond that, but focusing on eating, sleeping, and staying hydrated is all you really need to do. If that isn't enough, go volunteer somewhere to feed other people or give other people shelter. The basics, friend. Good luck.

>>18102767
I watch this video to cheer myself up and motivate myself a little
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxGRhd_iWuE

and this to motivate myself a shit ton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL-R8oWToYw

I don't really know what you're going through but I'd cancel out on the meds and booze for a while. Try to bring yourself to do certain things like study or go to class because you know it's the right thing to do.

If you live in NYC I'll be your friend.

>>18102823

Sorry, in Vegas.

>>18103177
>vegas

people actually live there? whats it like?

>>18102744
Part II:

Growing up, I had many shitty experiences with people at large growing up, as well as with females. Was literally made fun of / bullied by every single person in school growing up. Friend zoned hard every single time I met someone I wanted to be with. And all the while I was exposing myself to free phone sex chat lines nonstop (from middle school onward) and all sorts of pornography.

Literally, that is all in the past (aside from the porn problem.. I jerk off at least 4 times a day to transgender porn). I still have never had a great relationship with a woman. I am in my late twenties.

I had this chick that I was with in my early 20s for a year, and we frequently had sex but I never got off. She was pretty damn attractive. Honestly, her pussy didn't feel that good. I dunno what's up with that.

The only time I did cum was when I fucked her face down on the tile floor and she was uncomfortable. Something about that situation really got me off. She did not like it. That kinda worries me, but at the same time it does not because I have a very strong sense of morality and can't do fucked up shit to people.

>>18102745
Part III:

I want to have the ability to have a normal fucking relationship with a beautiful woman. I have had tons of opportunities. I avoid em so as to not embarrass myself by showing how fucked up I am (incapable of healthy normal sex). I don't want to waste anyone's time, either.

Also, it should maybe be mentioned that my sexual excursions during childhood escalated to the point where I literally called every single female (except a couple, who I really, genuinely wanted to be with) jerking off. I got exposed for that and I literally cannot talk to 70% of the people I went to high school with because of it.

What the fuck is wrong with me, /adv/, and what can I do about it?

>>18102749
a couple more bits of copy/paste:

1)
Also let me state: I'm okay with being sexually attracted to transgendered people.

I am NOT okay with not being able to have normal sex with normal beautiful women.

I don't do it often, and am largely asexual (in fact, haven't had sex in 5 years at least).

I have had sex with one transgendered person. It wasn't that good, but it's all I can go off of. I actually did cum, opposed to with the chick I was with in my early 20s.

2)
Also, I should mention that I am not socially awkward anymore, at all.

Maybe I was leaning towards becoming someone like that during my childhood. I was definitely a very weird/angry/fucked up kid. That was over a decade ago tho. Lots of shit happens in over a decade.

I'm in graduate school right now, and I get on very well with just about everyone from every kinda background (except overly stupid people, ofc).

Really tired of not fully immersing myself in the life experience tho.

She's probably just anxious with one-on-one voice convos to begin with. It's much easier to be one of many voices or to think out what you are going to type through DM. Talking alone in voice channels always feels like a phone call to me--even to friends I've had for years. Too much pressure to be interesting and not sound like an idiot when you run out of things to say.

>>18102688
Dumb minion poster.

Some basic tips tht help with those feelings: exercise, sleep and working towards something. Yoga can do wonders for you.

>>18102676
>Gained a bunch of weight back
How much are we talking about?

File: 12891530_10106109574874871_4573281254224293107_o.jpg (100KB, 1538x1119px) Image search: [Google]

100KB, 1538x1119px

>>18102828

I lost 60 lbs. over the past two years. I went from 225ish to 165.

I'm back up to 185-190 depending on the day, and not a "good" 185. It's mainly fat, not muscle. Pic related of what I'd lost.

>>18102675
>then what is the point of my existence?
That's for you to decide, OP. Your life is what you make of it. Even if they were still together and in love, that does give or take away the meaning of your life.

You don't know the details of their relationship or how long they've been unhappy with each other. This isn't a bad thing, if they're able to move forward and be happy separately.

>>18102675
Weird story here.

My parents got divorced when I was around 4 or 5. It was very hard for me to understand, and I wasn't even fully cognizant as a human yet to remember all of the intricacies. What I do know, is that there was a separation, I had to go to two different houses, and mommy and daddy dated different people and fought ALL.THE.FUCKING.TIME. Like, it's amazing I'm not completely fucked in the head from all of the screaming that I was used to. Never a moment of peace. My mom once stole my backpack while my dad and I were getting ice cream so he'd have to talk to her or I'd fail school. I remember running down to the grocery store to call the cops because my mom pretended to swallow a handful of pills to freak him out. I remember stories of my dad choking her on the stairs, or picking me up by my collar and screaming at me like a bulldog in my face.

I remember mom being engaged to another man, who I didn't want her to marry, and my dad beating in the man's windshield with his bare fists at a busy intersection.

And then when I was 10 or so? They started to reconcile. What the fuck? Well, I guess I wanted mom and dad back together, right?

Well of course, my dad was fucking stupid and kept banging some chick on the side, and of course my mom found out.

So, there were another 3 years of fighting and shit, then they bought a house together. But mom didn't move in for another three years. So I'm 16 years old, mom moves back in, and I'm out at a party with my friends when I'm 17, come home, and surprise! My parents got remarried, didn't invite me or tell me.

Anyways, I'm 30 now, and I wish they'd just fucking stayed divorced and hadn't listened to an optimistic child. They fight all the time and are miserable, and as an adult I try to convince them to get divorced, but now they've misplaced their rage as "passion."

So it all sucks.

i doubt hes expecting you to pay for the next date, most men don't. thats the kind of thing a man only expects when a woman expresses the desire to do so.

if he invites you to something he will pay, but you can always just say 'im hella poor, lets go on a hike!' or something similar.

You can also just explicitly say that due to circumstances, you're unusually poor right now and can't afford to go out, and make a plan to have another date when you have more cash. Either he dismisses it and says he wants to pay for dinner, or he agrees and says lets wait the week and a half.

>>18102711
>>18102680

I'm afraid if I do this he won't believe me and he'll just think I'm using him. :/

>>18102630
there is a plunger that is connected to a chain. The chain is connected to the lever that is connected to the flushing lever/button

When you flush, the lever raises the chain, which pulls up the plunger from a drain. This releases the water into your toilet bowl, while the turds and urine are sucked into the pipe.

When your toilet is constantly running, it's usually because your plunger isn't stopping the water (in the area you've pictured).

It could be that the plunger is faulty, worn, or otherwise loose, or that the chain is broken or something like that.

>>18102638
I think I'm missing the device that guages water level, if that's the case I am clueless as to how I would even go about that. I did checked the stopper and it seemed okay.

My toilet does this.

When you flush the toilet, hold down the little toilet flusher thing for like 15-20 seconds. It should let the water fill in the tank. After about a minute or two it will stop that noise of constantly running.

At least it does for me

>>18102624
Dunno if you're still here OP.

Obviously things are not going "pretty well" if girl1 is crying and otherwise getting emotional about things.

This is the point at which it would be better to go back to just being friends WITHOUT benefits.

Act like you would with anyone you are friendly with. You do have friends you don't try to put your dick in right?

>>18102768
girl1 said it was unrelated that's why she's been distant and stuff, something to do with self confidence in body appearance or something. She also mentioned that she cries/gets emotional a lot

it's a good point about like reverting back to just being friends

I appreciate the (you)

>>18102619

Do you prefer to have weird teeth for a bit or forever?

>>18102619

>dentures

as a general rule if you're wearing dentures its becuase you have no teeth.

so dentures would be less weird than no teeth.

if you get a good pair its the kind of thing a woman wont know about until its too late and shes already in the relationship.

>>18102619
It depends on the reason. If you lost your teeth due to severe negligence on your part, that's a big red flag. If you lost your teeth in an accident, that's not so bad. But fake teeth are still better than no teeth.

Bupropion.

My girlfriends on it. Seems to work OK.

She's had trouble sleeping and problems with her appetite.

I havent really noticed any mind altering side affects it's had on her but her behaviour has improved.

>>18102604

> I need happy pills when life hands me lemons

Your problem is that you are willing to risk serious long-term and short-term side effects because you feel sad about life periodically

Instead of directly trying to fix the things that make you depressed, which would be a much better cure.

t. someone who watched their mother's alcoholism go untreated and instead filling her with a new cocktail of meds every 6-18 months which have made her three times more sick in the head and she still gets drunk every day.

>>18102639
thanks I will try it out
>>18102657
psychologically speaking it only has long term effects before the age of 25 while the brain is still maturing (which I am not). some problems you cannot fix or cope with other than through medication. I think I am very good at coping with things I have control over, but my current scenario atm is unavoidable, unfixable or changeable

>>18102578
bump

I think it's placebo, but I've felt that too.

Basically when I jack off I don't really care about women too much and just go about my day. When I stop doing that I get really interested in like anybody who is even slightly attractive.

I wish I could not jack off for two weeks, but it's too difficult for me.

Couldn't tell you.

What issues are you having, anon?

>>18102549
You're an underachiever

>>18102487
Her true father was only at home for one or two days a year. Her mother was of course not very happy and rather overwhelmed with Rio and her two siblings.
At some point her parents divorced. And her mother married the best friend of her ex-husband(yep that's weird, but trust me it gets "better"). The new husband brought in another 3 children.
So a household with 6 children in japan is very unusual. They didn't have a lot of money and space(japan duh) and after a while the stepfather and mother also started fighting a lot.
Now Rio said to me that she was a "bad child" when she was small. Her mother slapped and choked her. Said horrible things to her. Wouldn't let her into the house when she was "bad".
I think all that shit indoctrinated Rio to actually believe that “she was bad”.

With 15 years Rio started selling herself. She told me that pretty early and with that I mean before she told me about her life and all the bad things. At that point I thought “oh wow you got yourself one of those schoolgirl prostitutes”. In japan it is rather common for schoolgirls to do compensated dating and sell themselves for sex. They usually get money, clothes, jewelry, or cellphones from their clients. So for the most part they do it for materialistic and selfish reasons. And naturally I thought that would be the case with Rio.
However she doesn't have nice clothes or jewelry. She isn't even interested in that. She looked rather tomboyish.
She sold herself to get money for her family, especially for her siblings. To pay for food. School fees, gas bills, and other stuff.
And the people she sold herself often weren't just some guys who wanted sex. Some choked her until she lost consciousness. Some wanted to watch her while she cut herself.
So yes, all that cutting eventually came from the pressure and shame of selling herself and how she was treated by her mother. She also had thoughts about killing herself.

>>18102494
She thought since she was “a bad child” it's not a problem to sell herself. Her body is not worth anything at all so she can cut it for stress relieve. The only important thing, the only task she has is to support her family.

She did that for over 5 years. I met a lot of people in my life but I never met someone who is actually willing to destroy him or herself just to treat her siblings well. And she loves them dearly. I am 100% sure that if anyone would ask her if she would die for them she would say “yes” immediately and mean it. She always talk about them as if they were a treasure. Which is understandable. They might be the only good thing in her life.
When she wasn’t helping at home or selling herself then she studies law at the university. She also speaks excellent english which is very unusual for many japanese people. However her family had to take a huge loan to be able to send her to a university. And that of course puts more financial pressure on her family and Rio herself.

This is basically what I got out of her that night. We met over the next weeks and months. We watched movies. Went sightseeing. Ate good food. Talked and got intimate.
And we fell in love with each other.
The first thing I wanted her to do on the very first day is to stop selling herself and to stop cutting. I also wanted her to make an AIDS and sexual disease test(she had some before) to see in what condition she is and if we need to take care of something. Thankfully she was in good condition. And she stopped selling herself under the condition that is won’t leave her alone.
But she still cuts.
Last night she did it again. But it's getting better. I could convince her that she has to take care of her body, that she has to love it. And even though it is hard for her she is trying. She isn't cutting herself as much anymore. Maybe once every few weeks and it's getting better and better.

>>18102501
In december 2016 I had to return to my home country. I told her that I love her. That she actually was the first girl I fell in love with because I was so fascinated by her kindness and intelligence. But I also told her that a relationship from one part of the world to another is almost doomed to fail. And she knew that.
But still we wanted to try it.
So we made a promise that if we still stay in contact and love each other until august then she will use her semester break to come to my place. I will pay half of the costs. And once she is here I will tell her that I not only love her but that she is my girlfriend. I wanted her to use the months to save some money but most of all to make sure that she wants this kind of long distance relationship. I encouraged her to ask herself if she wouldn’t rather have someone who can be there for her every day and make her happy. I would hate to lose her. But I would hate it even more to make her wait for that guy on the other side of the world.

There is still a lot of work to do. Things get better, but not necessarily easier. I wish she could go to a therapy but she doesn’t have the money for that. She now works part time at a supermarket. She likes the work and her coworkers a lot, but she obviously doesn’t get as much money as if she would sell herself.
She has good days and bad days. Days were sadness, frustration and self-doubt overwhelm her. Days were I can’t stop her from hurting herself. Or days were her low self esteem stops her from being able to do anything.
But it is getting better. She is more stable and happy than before and we write and speak everyday. And we both look forward to august.