Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 2060. page

>>18165856
k thx.

>>18165848
Sending your parents to therapy is very strange move for a teen.

Try to talk to him about it. But do not expect that your dad will ever respect or even reconsider your input / opinion. You are his stupid small kid for the rest of life anyway.

>>18165848
Yes

People are sometimes busy with their lives. Like you said, she has studies to deal with and stuff. Just chill out for a few weeks. If she's still distant for a few months then you can talk about stuff. Don't be clingy.

Holy shit dude 4-12 hours a day, I sleep more than that.. I would say do more interesting stuff with her of you don't already.

My gf also has the same issue with me. She wants to talk with me all day. However, sometimes I am busy with other stuff as work and resting.
I dont know your GF but give her some space without telling her. Dont get mad at her. people also has different needs.

Have you ever thought of getting your mental illness treated?

>>18165809
Yes, necessarily.

It's unfair to get in a relationship under false premises, you either decide to commit to someone monogamously or keep being open and bring it up immediately.

Did those poly girls didn't like you after talking to you or they didn't even match?

Either way, it's probably better to be upfront about it.

>>18165764
No, it isn't normal.

Even if she's objectively perfect, you clearly don't like her enough.
Why don't you? Is there something you can fix together? Do you resent her for something? Do you share interests?

If it's something that won't be fixed, don't waste her time. She's 21 and you're probably around her age - you can find someone else who is maybe objectively worse but is a great fit for you.

>>18165764

Is she boring or is the relationship boring? The latter is faxable if you both make the effort, the first might be a problem.

>>18165773
>Is it something you can fix together?
I have zero complaints about her (other than the attractiveness drop, but hey, looks atrophy, I understand)

>>18165777
Maybe she's a tad boring, but it's primarily the relationship.

You don't feel love. Love is what you do. What you seem to be describing is affection/sexual arousal?

>>18165750

Most likely you just haven't found anyone who suits you well enough to fall in love with. It doesn't happen than often.

>>18165810
>You don't feel love.

Love is literally hormones like dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and serotonin messing with your brain. Yes, you do feel it.

>>18165746
if you define high school math as trigonometry, don't worry calculus 1 has no trig in it. calc 2 will fuck you in the ass with trig though.
if you define high school math as algebra 2(aka college algebra) yes you'll hate it

>>18165746
Calculus IS high school math.

>>18165904
I'm thinking of changing my major but the one I'm interested in requires calc 1-3

I haven't even done 1
Have you taken them? Can I get a breakdown /summary rather swiftly?

>>18165745
I don't know man. Same thing happened to me and I got dumped in the end. All I can say is to forget the friend, try and talk to the GF and realize that no matter what happens, it's her decision to make. Don't let her off the hook by talking about her friends.0

>>18165745

I understand how you feel but be realistic about this. How feasible is it for you to deny your partner to spend time with or interact with anyone that feels negative about you, ESPECIALLY when you're actually doing negative things? I can understand if she were saying things that weren't accurate but from what you've described she's hitting the nail on the head.

What did you expect? That your girlfriend's best friend would hear how crazy and fucked up you've been acting and recommend to her friend that she stay with you? What kind of friend would that make her? I mean, her responsibility as a friend is for your girlfriend's well being, not yours. Despite your feelings about it you at least have to acknowledge that she's trying to look out for your girlfriend and stop her from being hurt.

Do you possibly think that being a better person would garner the positive result you're looking for? Its pretty ridiculous to be an asshole and then tell your girlfriend she isn't allowed to consult with anyone who thinks you're an asshole.

Be a better person then people will think better of you. If you stop fucking up in your relationship than this situation will fix itself.

>>18165745

Stop doing stupid shit, and your girlfriend will stop having things to complain about.

/thread

He should. Ive been trying to het testosterone but tge doctor keeps moving the goalpost on me.

>>18165695
No but they'll help you get ridd of your anxiety/Depression whatevers Casino it

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>>18165716
Why the fuck would they not just write me a prescription to the drug that would fix all this? I see a therapist weekly and it doesn't fucking help. I swear to god if I have to get this shit off the dark web.

Hah, no. You're lucky if you don't get worse, in fact, because depression is inflammatory and leads to brain atrophy over time. Many MDDs progress to bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

it depends
if you're in somewhere between your teen to early 20's, it's probably your hormones fucking your brain up and it'll end

if you live an unhealthy lifestyle, then improving your lifestyle would help with your depression, exercising is beneficial for your body and eating right and a breakfast is essential to feel vitalized throughout the day.

>>18165683
Yeah, you just need to get treatment. CBT has helped me a lot through my anxiety, and my sister got through depression with a mix of meds and therapy.

Dildo as gift, dirty talking and poke her ass rim while she's on top

Don't be a bitch. Learn to please your woman or someone else will do it for you. If she wants kinky shit, learn about it and give it to her

>>18165676
Well, what is she into? Roughly.

Because "kinky" is a pretty broad spectrum of things.

>>18165642
Guy here
Depends a lot on his own personality and taste. You don't have to be "sexy" to be attractive to a guy.
Do you know what type of girls he is attracted to ? "Hot" girls with makeup, sexy clothes, high heels etc. ? That's probably what he means by "sexy", doesn't mean he's attracted to that.
If he thinks you're pretty that's already really good, don't change how you look for a guy

If it weren't for this guy, would you like to become a slut? Don't change for a man.

>>18165642

Do you own lingerie?
Do you show him actively you like sex?
Do you ever have unconventional sex: like somewhere outside?

Beyond that, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Guys are idiots when it comes to communication. The fact that he told you he thinks you are more pretty, isn't necessarily a bad thing. He probably thought that was something that would actually make you happy, because "pretty = attractive and good personality" and "sex = attractive and dumb slut" or something.

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>>18165620

**continued**

I've recently been doing a lot of CBT stuff for my anxiety and I've been reading a book that primarily talks about depression. He does have depression and hasn't sought any form of help or treatment. So I saw this as him hurting himself and his depression getting worse. I told him how I have repeatedly told him that I loved him and how he was the one breaking up with me right now. I explained to him how I saw this as his depression probably making him feel this way because I've really been trying so hard to make it work and what he's describing is mostly his internal dialogue filtering out what's really there through the lens of his depression. He says he feels like I wanna break up with him but I haven't done anything to indicate that. He said he was surprised I've stayed by him and I said that's more of an indication that I'm here for you and I don't see these fights as bigger than how much I value you. I ended that by saying ultimately I don't know how you feel on the inside and whether or not you love me but if you don't then please just break up with me. It's ok if this is real and you actually fell out of love with me because that's possible but I honestly feel like it's the latter and you need to work on it. I can't tell you how to feel.

He said he was confused but thinks I'm right. We got coffee and I told him all I know about cbt and how it's helped me and we talked about how he can work on his depression. I'm still very shaken up by this.


Sorry if this is jumbled and confusing but did I do the right thing here? Am I being manipulative or gaslighting him? Am I being stupid for staying with him? I really love him and I want what's best for him but it hurt me a lot to hear him say that he doesn't think he loved me. I don't know if I'm doing the right or wrong thing here.

>>18165620

Not at all - it's natural to want to justify the actions of another person, especially if they're hurting you. I think it's great that you have personal experience of depression and CBT, but please be careful not to become an armchair psychiatrist. You are not a professional and giving him pointers on CBT when you've probably only have a small period of treatment yourself will not help him.

If he is depressed, he needs to see a doctor and get an official diagnosis and course of treatment. If he is depressed, he probably isn't in a position to be making sensible decisions about his personal life but that doesn't mean he is wrong or you should try and influence them either.

What he said was very specific and also something very common in relationships. It doesn't sound a million miles off something which could genuinely be the case.

You're doing the best thing by making your feelings clear, giving him options and stepping away from the situation and I really hope it works out for you because you sound very caring. Just try not to influence him into doubting his feelings, just in case they are correct.

>>18165620
>>18165627
that sounds like the best response that could be given in that situation. I would have appreciated that and been grateful for it. Sounds like it could all work out.

Part 2:
"Cool show me her art while we're at it cos that'll make me feel even better about myself, yknow being an artist and already having confidence issues about my art"
"Whoa? She reactivated her Facebook account? Maybe you can say sorry to her and you guys can get back together."
Then she sends this, and I start apologizing like crazy, I felt so bad, those weren't my intentions at all, but no matter what I said, the situation stuck with her.

Events like that happened, maybe 4 or 5 times, about different stuff, not my ex. But I would say things and hurt her. She would put them behind her and say she forgave me, but I still hurt her, and they compounded on her I guess.

In the last 3 months, she started questioning whether we were right for each other again. She pointed out a few reasons she had doubts.
1. I was stubborn like her dad, and we had small fights about that. Her parents didn't have a happy marriage, so she didn't want to end up like them.
2.I had hurt her so deeply, she didn't want to give me another chance to hurt her.
3.In the last 3 months while she was having those doubts, she wasn't getting horny during sex, and I hurt her once trying to do it but she wasn't wet. I tried once, she said it hurt, I slowed down, it started feeling easier, but I hurt her again, and we stopped after that. Essentially she said that sex was super important to her, even though I was her first boyfriend, and her first sexual partner. I told her I'm sorry and she never gave me signals she wanted to do it, so I didn't force myself, but I would try to give her massages, and play with her, but still nothing. I don't know if she no longer found me attractive, she said it was probably linked to her other frustrations with me.

And for those 3 reasons plus the already unfortunate distance, which she mentioned without the distance problem she probably wouldn't have tried breaking up and kept trying. We have decided to go back to just being internet friends.

Part 3: My questions

1. Is it normal to hurt your girlfriends feelings once every 1 to 2 months? Then apologize because you honestly didn't mean it the way she interpreted it. She says I wasn't learning from my mistakes of lacking empathy, but I have been trying, its just hard.

2. Can you have a relationship without the sex life being super passionate and sparks flying? This one is important to her even though she's never experienced sparks flying sex. In fact she's never had an orgasm or masturbated. So one of our issues was I couldn't make her cum. I even bought her a hitachi which we used together, and she still wasn't able to cum. I was always supportive and said it's normal for the first time to be scary, and difficult to achieve. But she, I'm guessing here, linked it to the fact I wasn't the right one for her, sexually at least.

3. Goes with question 2, she said I made her feel safe and happy as long as we weren't in the middle of a fight, but she never felt the passion. Like while we were cuddling she wouldn't get horny and want to have sex. Is that normal for certain people? or if you are dating, is it the norm to get horny when you're in bed everytime, because that was not the case for me either. I would start kissing her neck and lips, and that would be when I got horny, just cuddling was more warm and safe.

4. THE BIG QUESTION: Is the relationship salvageable? I love her! I honestly do! And when she first brought up breaking up, she said she still loves me, but that we might not be right for each other, for the above reasons. She doesnt want to open herself up for more heartbreak, but when we weren't fighting or upset, which was more than 2/3 of the time I'd say, things were amazing. I felt like I was with my soulmate. We liked the same TV, videogames, movies, we loved cuddling with each other, we'd go out on occasion, but all around we were super happy. And I feel like all the mistakes I've made have spoiled those good moments.

>>18165604
Not to be a complete douche but this thread makes me not miss relationships at all after not being in one for like six years.

>we have decided to just go back to being internet friends
This is probably for the best. IMO you shouldn't be spending this much money and time on a relationship unless it's well within your means to afford it and you have plans to move together. I don't think your life should have to change all that much to accommodate somebody. I believe in the concept of two souls coming together and coexisting without completely losing themselves - emotionally, financially, or what have you - in the other person. This is what happens though when insecure folks want to turn their online friends into lovers, without having the social skills, relationship skills or core confidence to carry it through.

You have to be 18 to post on this site.

>>18165601
I like it

>>18165601
Life is too short to be scared of asking qties on dates.

DO IT! Make sure it is 100% clear that YOU wrote the letter. Like does she even know you exists and what is your name?

Do it. And dont forget to buy condoms. Althou there is nothing better than being teen and pregnant at the same time :-)

>>18165599
>what type of knowledge gems will I gain from this?

The same kind of knowledge that you gain from doing anything outside of your personal experience: a wider world view.

Yes, you should dive in because there's nothing to lose by educating yourself and at the end of the day you can be more objective if you understand both sides of an issue. Even just having an interest in the books is enough to read them.

It's like asking "why would I read about the holocaust if I'm not jewish/german/from that time period?"

You need to learn your opponent's arguments as they debate them if you want to learn how to refute their points. You can't get around this. If you don't spend the time learning, they'll just claim you're misinterpreting them. And to be fair, if you haven't even read them, they're probably right.

Know thy enemy is one half of the full quote. The full quote is "If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles."

You must learn your viewpoints in relation to their viewpoints, and you must learn how to argue them persuasively in the face of their arguments. The only way to do this is by studying their arguments. I know, I know, it's shit. I know, it's >studying feminist literature

But there's nothing to be done. If you want to convince someone, you have to get into their mindset. You have to read what they read, or your words will be wasted and dismissed out of hand as humans are so wont to do.

I love how you have to go on an "academic venture" to understand that which is easily accessible with a basic sense of empathy.