Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1657. page

>>18309124
No.
Don't listen to people saying so.

I am

>>18309124
No. They'll stalk you on 4chan and threaten you on /adv/. Get revenge and move on.

BPD is super hard to deal with on your own, you'll think one thing for a day and then the next you'll think the other thing is the right thing to do. You really need to wait it out until you speak to a professional who can asses what type you have, every single person with BPD is different.

I also have BPD, so what I'm suggesting might not be the only option, but from experiences I've learnt not to trust "online sources" they just make me double doubt myself.
If you need to ask certain questions or vent, there is a reddit for it. https://www.reddit.com/r/bpd

If you have kik and want to talk to someone on a personal level about it, I can add you.

>>18309140
>but from experiences I've learnt not to trust "online sources" they just make me double doubt myself.
I feel you. I first found out about BPD after running into a professionally DXed person on Tumblr, who was quite nice, understanding, and willing to give advice. I can't say the same for the others I've encountered on the site, who seem more focused on making memes about their issues and trying to be relatable than trying to better themselves.

>inb4 tumblr
Yeah, yeah, I know

Anyways my kik's kpimrof. Feel free to add me

>>18309140
Did you send it? I received nothing, but checking online it seems like friend requests don't always get received because of some sort of glitch in the app...

Try to get to know her more first. Talk to her, approach with friendly intentions instead of rushing into dating. I don't think it's strange at all to not find every girl you meet someone you want to date if you have even some standards, so it's not that weird you often lose interest when you actually get to know them. So, try and do that first. If she really is right for you long term, you'll enjoy her company and start liking her more as you learn more about her, instead of losing interest.

I've already spent some time talking to her, her friends etc. It's not uncommon for me to meet her every second day or so. I think talking to her at the parties I met her at (thanks to Dutch courage) got me past the initial wall of getting to know people, hence my excitement about her.

As far as I've been told by her friends, she likes me, but this is again where I am afraid that I'll fuck it up on my own accord by ghosting unintentionally.

I honestly feel like I'm straight out of /r9k when it comes to this specific social skill

>>18309070
fucking normie>>18309083

>>18309054
>people are talking about a new grocery store coming to town and getting excited about it
>people are talking about how 'fucked up' they got on the weekend.
Nothing wrong with that.

>Why do I bore myself?
Probably because you don't do much and have nothing going in your life. Once you solve that, you won't sperg out over other people too much since life won't suck.

>>18309062
Well...I work fulltime. I play sports. I got a family. Im still bored. I feel like there is nothing interesting or exciting.

>>18309093
So what motivated you to pick this job, have a family and so on? Life without bigger goals sounds scary boring for sure.

>>18309004
Uni isn't a magic bullet to improve your life. You can easily end up back where you started with an extra loan on top of it. Know what you're getting yourself into

Start off at a community college. Theyre super cheap and depending where you are, classes are just as good as regular 4-year colleges, albeit less specialized in some areas.

>>18309020
I'm not really looking for a magic bullet, really at the very least just looking to spend four or so years studying instead of horse ass slave job.
>>18309033
Yeah I'm gonna start at osu Mansfield hopefully in the fall, and they do have a couple four year programs but I'm probably gonna have to go to the main campus. I just have nothing lol. Even if I went to the branch I'd still need to get a loan. Gonna ask the school anyway but just wondering if anyone here could estimate how fucked I was in getting loans

>>18308978
no

I'm a game artist, honestly, if it's what you really want to do, do it. But especially as a designer (designers are everywhere, good modelers aren't) you'll be in for a rough time. If that's with you great. If not, please don't come back here and say "ohhh I fell for this and that meme". It's your life and you determine your path.

>>18308978
Game Design solely as your only skill won't get you anywhere, idea guys are everyone anon remember this.

http://www.thetappingsolution.com/what-is-eft-tapping/

>>18308954
this looks like something that would be recommended to me on daytime television desu

>a rough life from an early age
share a bit about it

i feel you, op. bump4interest

>>18308875
90% of conversations aren't deep and aren't meant to be deep. Just as monkeys sit around grooming each other's fur just as an excuse for being together and signalling friendship, most small talk isn't really about the subject, but just an excuse to be together and signal friendship.

So any participation, even no more than the occasional "Yeah" is establishing your part in the group and part of the bonding.

Actual serious deep conversations do happen, but they arise naturally when those involved feel deeply about the subject.

>>18309022
I can't even make small talk, let alone meaningful conversation.

>>18308870
i have. makes you want to kill yourself

I get it when I watch too much TV t b h

I feel like i'm in some sort of surreal, meaningless dream when I get <5 hours of sleep
>so stop doing that
depression

I had the same thing but with marijuana (don't drink so much personally).

Before I'd smoke I'd feel very anxious, as if my body was telling me it did not want weed inside of it, saying basically "this shit isn't good for you, we both know it".
I then started taking it in the form of cannaoil, which my body did not protest to. In retrospect it may have been the tobacco (rolled with it) that my body protested against, not necessarily the weed.

I think it might be your subconscious trying to ween you off alcohol, or something like that.
I mean, sure it can be fun to have a few drinks occasionally, but if it turns into a habit then shit gets shit.

I've had this anxiety too and I think it stemed from my mom habit of demonizing alcohol and all drugs. I would get invited out to drink and would try to find a way out because in my head I was thinking it would ruin me. However, I got over it by just saying fuck it and drinking. Telling myself that even if I just waste one day doing nothing productive I will be hanging out with my friends. Now tho I tend to drink a bit more freely and sometimes when I'm a bit sad. Respect alcohol tho. Don't want to form and addiction but I think you would know when drinking is getting out of hand. Take care and don't stress out to much.

>>18308864
>just stop drinking haha
>I don't really want to do this though, theere has been a good amount of times where I could drink fine and I had a good experience being drunk, yet I couldn't understand why the feeling didn't manifest.
Is there any reason you feel the need to keep drinking besides "I used to be able to"?

It might have started as a one time incident and turned into a self-fullfilling prophecy kind of thing.

You got anxious about drinking once, and now when you feel compelled to drink you become anxious about getting anxious again... which causes anxiety.

I was in a simillar situation once when I became so stressed it made me sick. Which in turn made me stressed about being sick, which made me get sick again.

I didnt get better until I took a day off doing nothing to destress and reset myself.

My boyfriend is like this. I just don't ask him anything anymore and have emotionally distanced myself from him.

>>18308836
10/10 made laugh because of monogamy

>>18308836
Jesus dude that's not good. I don't want to end up in a situation like that. I might have to for my own sanity but then what's the point of being together at all?

Is he like that with you or everyone?

>>18308803
>Nobody will ever hire me even for a minimum wage job.
I'm homely from neglecting my appearance for years, all of my teeth are rotten.
I have no money for a haircut or decent clothes for any interviews, let alone go outside.Nobody gives a shit, the government won't help me find a job

Rock bottom. It can only go up from now. 8h a day you go searching for a job - make that your job. Also wash up and tidy yourself first, you'll feel way better.

>>18308803
here ya go, give this a spin.
http://www.mediafire.com/file/stl5ctg1ptogszt/MWTD.zip

I was like you before: low confidence, victimizing myself for pity, claiming depression everytime something hard hit me then resorting back to my bad habits until people said it was too late for me to change and become a responsible adult.

After hitting absolute rock bottom; being homeless, I realized I had nothing to lose. I applied for a job at McDonalds, full-time, tiring, but kept my mind occupied. I slept at a public library until I could rent out a motel, which was for a month sleeping there, of course the first few weeks I was still a whiny bitch and gave up trying to read books and think of a future for myself.

Eventually I went to my local community college and I'm studying mechanical engineering; so far I've passed with A's in all my classes, and I'm hoping I could use my sob story to get into a four year with a free ride, most likely not possible. Started going to church again and reconnected with my family, they told me I could move in with them, but I'm seeing if I could continue being independent and show them I can be responsible with my life.

But life is getting better, I've lost a lot of weight and made good friends, and I'm sure I'll get into a decent school; finding a career in that field will be tough but I got nothing left to lose.

cont
My mom in general would kick my sister and I out (when we were like 10 and 12) at night if we acted out in nothing but our nightgowns. When we talked back she would threaten to contact child services and place us into foster care.

My mom tried to have my sister and I repeat grades even if teachers suggested we move on because she just felt we were not mature enough to go ahead. Fast forward a few years later and she tried to tell me I wasn't smart enough to go to college and so when I suggested the military and got a recruiter she would answer my phone, pretend to be me, and say I'm not interested and hang up.

I also feel like my parents made my sister and I out to be sexual objects more than people. No, they didn't sexually abuse us, but my dad would often make crass jokes and mom would tell us every single day what older men would like to do with us. I know it's important to teach your kids to be cautious, but imagine getting a rape talk everyday, and it was more for the shock factor.

I think it also made me pretty anti-social too. When I was in middle school and had a friend that I always hung out with, my mom would be very invasive and want to know everything, and when she was mad she called the girl my "indian girlfriend" and said I was a lesbian, etc.

Okay so now I'm 21 and only recently moved out. I'm living with a 37 year old guy and in general am attracted to older guys. I can't tell if thats because of my family or just normal preferences that everyone has?


I'm not trying to play the victim and I know that not everyone has a peaches and cream kinda family, but I'm just confused now. But I know for sure I'm not totally normal. I'm very clingy with older men but with everyone else I'm detached and am told that I come off as cold. I can't even hold eye contact.

I just need assurance??

>>18308798
Yes, your family was fucked. Sorry you had to deal with that OP.
But living with a 37 year old isn't exactly normal, far from it.

>>18308798
Yes, you had an abused childhood.
Yes, it affected you as an adult
Yes, your choice of an older man probably is a symptom, though it is not necessarily terrible.
Yes, you would benefit from counselling, where a trained professional could deal with the specifics of your story and guide you to understanding how they affected you and how to fix what's bad.

But you know all that. The question is whether you will have the motivation and courage to bother

>>18308791
I work in the APS. You're fucked for anything above a baseline clearance and even then your mental illness would be an issue they'd have to deliberate on. You'd have to demonstrably prove that your nuttiness is in the past. I don't know how, I've never suffered.

No you can't bullshit your way through another psych test if the role you're applying for actually asks you to go through your past. Clearance processes such as interviews are handled by the one agency and they'll have a record/history of your previous psych assessments.

You can still apply for another government role that doesn't have a vigorous psych component or maybe apply for a state government. Perhaps state government don't have access to federal government psych exams, that's plausible too

It's tough shit with the psych test you could have lied but the ADF psychs are pretty good on catching that stuff out of you do another one though they can see your records so don't lie just make sure it's over 2 years since you last took antidepressants

>>18308811
Hmph the annoying thing is I dont have a consistent past of depression. It was a flashpan period of a few months where I was in an emotionally abusive relationship.

In terms of the ADF the psych pushed me back 12 months and said I need to get all the info from my old gp and the hospital I was almost admitted into, on top of that i had to hold down a fulltime job in that time (quit my job to focus on joining the ADF (silly me)) as well as do some volunteer work.

This whole thing has been a bag of dicks because all I want to do is join some form of government service (paramedic/cop) and I'm getting fucked by my past. Ah well at least I'm not depressed anymore right?

Best advice first advice- quit smoking. It's fucking bad for you and don't let anyone tell you different. I did it for years I know what I'm talking about.

>>18308775
Second this, also smoked for years and actually still in the process of quitting.

Does weed relax you at night? Yeah sure. But you wake up less energized (regardless of amount of sleep) and more hazy, maybe not all the time but at least occasionally. Don't delude yourself into thinking that weed is more beneficial than taxing for your energy levels. Especially since you don't mention how regularly you smoke, so I'm guessing it's a daily occurrence...

>>18308782
It not a daily occurance, just once in a while with friend or alone. It's just like a beer in a while for me, sometimes to relax or just be high and have pretty hazy conversation with friends.

And I am never going to be stoned or high near m gf, because what I said earlier.