So here's the deal. My partner is happy to travel with me to have some surgeries performed to assist with my transition. She has offered to pay but I am not confident in askingher to do that. I have a small term deposit account I can access, which is rightfully mine, in my name but meant for a house loan. Doing so is my only way to pay, but it will mean I will very likely never speak to a few family members again. I'm erring on doing it because they're gonna be dead while I'm still suffering.
Have you tried not ruining your life on the urges of your delusions?
>>18714414
fpbp
>>18714414
This, lifetime suicide rates of people with gender dysphoria is around 40% [1] when it goes untreated. Transitioning isn't treatment. Seek therapy and learn to love yourself. Hacking your dick off and becoming a circus freak is only going to lead to regret and suicide.
[1] https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/AFSP-Williams-Suicide-Report-Final.pdf
I'm a 19 year old socially awkward kissless dateless virgin.
I've never asked a girl out but I suddenly got the courage to hit on this cute girl in my class
The thing is, I'm pretty sure I don't have a chance. I don't even know if she's single and shes probably out of my league.
Yet, I still feel like I should try, even though I'll probably just get feel heartbroken and humiliated.
What do you think? Am I wrong? Or should I go ahead and try?
After all, it is kinda crazy to try something if you know you're gonna fail. But I kinda think it's, idk, noble? In a way.
>>18714370
Same situation, OP. I'm just 18.
Might as well, for both of us.
You're completely correct OP
You will likely get rejected. And that's okay. Get used to rejection. It's good for you. If you made a habit of going out, talking to women, getting rejected left and right all the time, eventually would come a point where you surprisingly don't get rejected as much, because you've became stronger , you give less fucks, and are comfortable with uncomforttable situations, and learned from all the previous situations
In a way, you're standing up for yourself. You're saying "I am enough". You may get rejected, it may even be embarrassing, but at the end of the day you can be happy with yourself for having the balls to do it, and standing up for yourself, standing up for the fact that you are enough, which should make you proud of and more confident in yourself in itself. That's where self esteem comes from, from continually standing up for yourself and saying I am enough, thats what allows you to love yourself even more and become more confident and successful.
Dude, i've been rejected so many times it's ridiculous, over hundreds probably. But I've gotten so much better with girls after just knowing im enough and standing up for that. If i like a girl, I'll go for her, if she doesn't like me immediately, it's either a matter of time or it's not meant to be, but either way i'm equally as happy, because true self esteem comes from within, not from external sources. I dont need a girl or people to tell me i'm good enough, I tell myself I'm good enough when I deserve it, when I'm putting in the work and effort into life necessary,, when i have the balls to approach and potentially embarass myself I love myself, and that is when girls will love you, when you already know you're the shit and you dont care about anyone elses opinion
>>18714396
>>18714420
I feel a lot better after reading these. I'm definitely gonna tell her I'm interested. Only problem is the class we're in only meets twice a week, and the little shit hasn't been to the past two classes.
But next time I see her I'm definitely gonna say something.
At work I have PTO time that disappears if I don't use it by the end of the year. It's supposed to include sick and vacation time, but I've been told by my boss that they don't count... and I don't have to record any of my time.
I have tens of thousands of miles to use with American that expire at the end of 2017. Enough to go anywhere. Twice. And I have a ton of Southwest miles.
How much time should I take next year knowing "3 weeks" is what's in the books?
>>18714323
take a week off now, and a week off later.
Most companies won't let you take a consecutive amount of weeks off in a row. Somewhere around 2 is usually the limit before you should be working again.
The idea behind that is what's the point of paying someone who never works if we can just get a new hire?
What you can do is take off a week, work a couple days, take more off, etc
What kind of shithole do you live in where 3 weeks is considered a lot of vacation time?
Just figure out what you want to do with your time, then plan accordingly.
Hey /adv/, crysis here.
Quick sum up.
>Be 24, m
>2 Months ago Father dies of a sudden heartattack, has no chance
>Loose it
>Tell gf of 4 years I don´t wanna work this out with her but rather with some people I call friends because I´m super wierd and not really rational after what happened
>She goes out and fucks someone I know
>Now is really sorry about it cause of course I´m hurt extremely bad
>Gives me all the "You broke up with me" "I don´t understand why you left me" "Mistakes happen" "Think about getting together again, we´re too important for this little mistake" kind of talk.
>Tell her I don´t want to get her hopes up, I´ll need some time to think about all that happened.
Now I feel my honor threatened in a way that never happened before. I am extremely angry because I know the guy and he´s not exactly what you would call a success. Guy left his girl with a child and now spends his time fucking underaged apprentices and doing coke.
He also is, to make it even worse, a fucking wimp I could stomp in a second.
Of course I love her because she is beautiful and the woman I have loved for so long so it´s hurtful seing her sit in her mistake and regretting.
But my gut really really clearly says NO to taking her back. Cause I feel like I will have that same shit again a year from now if I forgive her.
You give one finger, they take the whole arm. If that makes sense.
I am extremely confused and hurt in all possible ways, I don´t think I can comprehend this whole disaster because I´m still mourning my father. Maybe you can give me some clarity I can not find myself.
And please safe the "lol you´re a cuck" memes and try to be real here.
Thank you /adv/
She fucked a trash person because you were grieving over your father's death. If that sentence doesn't tell you what you need to do then idk what will.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP.
>>18714340
Unfortunately, this. Nobody worth your while would do something like that. And since you feel confident she'll do the same thing again, it sounds like you know that.
Mistakes like that don't happen and aren't okay. A caring partner gives you emotional space. An intelligent partner understands why you need it. An honorable partner doesn't fuck people in the meantime. Leave her. The psychological torture that will come from being around her will ultimately be less than the immediate pain from losing your pair bond.
Either way the emotional pain you are in right now will take a lot of time to heal. I love you. Good luck.
>>18714318
why repost?
I've got some pretty stressful things coming up and I was wondering if anyone had any tips for keeping calm and focused?
I have GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) and have been on medication for 6 weeks but it doesn't really do much.
Don't be a faggot
>>18714264
>Get enough sleep
>eat properly (Intermitting fasting)
>exercise
>meditate
>create a healthy inner dialogue in you mind
>take deep breaths
>have proper posture
>>18714280
This.
Also, take some phenibut. It's legal.
I told this girl I'm courting that I love her. After that, she posted a few tweets on what she thought about it(something like "I don't know how I feel, I don't deserve to be loved, I don't want you to leave") and finally a tweet that said, "if you're reading this, please tell me anon".
Should I tell her? We don't have eachother followed on twitter so it would mean I stalked her.
>>18714243
I would say yes. But send her a friend request and then say you saw it.
That would allow you to claim you saw it all at once, and sent her the friend request to show her that you care.
>>18714243
Well I mean she said please dude
Seems like shes a bit mentally ill
Someone who cant face confrontation and results to something childish like this?
Id run
Welp never thought I'd come to adv, but here I am. Now there is chick I like , who was dating a guy a few months ago, but currently is single. She is very beautiful and I'm interested. Now I'd say I'm a pretty moderatly good looking guy. I'd like to date her, so I'd assume I should just talk to her and see where things go? That's my advice to myself, how would Anon here approach this situation. Just not sure how to make chicks seem interested. I don't go to a big time college, or go to parties like that. Nor do I think she does, hopefully. How can I seem more interesting to a girl? Thanks Anons
>>18714191
Stop spending so much time guessing what will happen and just try. The more you think the more you will create unnecessary static that will push her away.
Girls are instantly put off by guys that think they "have a chance" so to speak, you have to pretend it's irrelevant
>>18714201
My feeling about it is , "Am I better than the other guys?", I know I can be but having her know that is tough ... Does that make sense?
>>18714212
>"Am I better than the other guys?"
stop thinking this
Adulthood is shit.
I work 9 - 9
My girlfriend works 8 - 3
I see her for like an hour before we both have to go to bed.
This is bullshit. I keep telling myself we're working towards something, but we're far from rich and probably will never be.
I miss us both being unemployed neets and just hanging out all day.
>chose this life
>adulthood is shit
I'm well into adulthood and things are pretty good
>>18714103
>tfw $1000/month rent split five ways
>tfw keeping my 30 year old car on life support
>tfw collecting $200/month in food stamps
>tfw working under 10 hours a week to pay all my expenses
>tfw my hobbies turn a small profit and I've got free time to help out friends with stuff whenever
Being poor is great. So much better than back when I was a wage slave. I don't see why everyone doesn't do it.
>>18714115
>1000/month rent split 5 ways
It must be crowded as hell or a complete shithole
At 28 years old is it totally a bad idea to change careers?
I have always had an interest in maritime related things. But i never made a career out of it. Would it be totally impossible to become deck officer at this point?
The military is no longer an option because
a) i promised my wife when we got married i wouldn't rejoin (i was Army not navy though)
b) i am no longer in my home country and my current residence doesn't let foreigners serve anyway.
tl;dr should i become captain phillips without the somalians?
>>18714057
i should mention that it will be more time at university to.
Why not? Stan Lee made a career change and wanted to make comic books when he was in his 40's.
If I met a 40-something year old who told me he wanted to quit his job to make comic books, I would laugh my ass off.
People like him get the last laugh in the end.
>>18714076
okay well stan lee is good inpiration
has anyone got first hand experience with the industry?
>Turn 21
>Have a healthy, skinny body from walking 24/7
>Suddenly feel in my blood that I could easily pull out a pistol and kill someone
>It just feels like it's something I could totally do
>Very irritable, and getting angry over virtually nothing at all
>Letting my brain make bad connections like "He handed me that bag all fucked-up just to make me have difficulty grabbing it because he wants to fuck with me and see my reaction", and allowing myself to get very angry and start swearing
>Turning into an asshole
>No longer fear anyone, and can't feel anything for other human-beings anymore
I don't know if this is testosterone.
I'm not really ogling women or anything like that, but I feel like punching dry-wall and listening to black flag, etc. I never used to feel this way as a teenage boy, but it's like my hormones are molding me into something else, and I can't control it.
Is this a normal part of growing-up?
I'm scared to have my first drink at a bar because of the way my mind is working right now.
Could be getting a brain tumor or something. It can do shit like that to people.
See a doctor
>>18714061
You might be right about that.
It could also easily be a delayed puberty, etc.
I read that testosterone spikes after your teenage years, and you're way more like to be murdered from 19-30 than any other age bracket.
>>18714061
How serious is this? I'm like OP, but 30. I feel like I'm playing Dr. Hannibal all the time, acting nice and even likeable to people while thinking about how I want to dissect them for minor/ non existent transgressions. Im really tired of having my social life stunted by this mindset.
>work at middle school
>in low income "ghetto" 98% latino area
>not a teacher, merely an aide
>witnessed group of 12 year olds passing around liquor bottle deciding on who is better going to hide it
>one saw me see them
>student quietly panicks
Asked a coworker what we should do (its not our area). She says the principal won't do shit but confiscate and give a slap on the wrist because too many reports of these kind of situations cause this struggling school to lose money.
Also, as I am merely an aide and the lowest on the rung, reporting this and being firm where I have no power could potentially make my superiors look at me as a disruptor of the status-quo (if the principal actually doesnt give a shit, "by the book" employees are particularly disliked)
Internally conflicted because if one of these dumbass kids gets alcohol poisoning it is on my conscience.
What do
>>18713967
Tell them to drink responsibly and not be so fucking obvious next time.
>>18713967
Kids getting quietly shitfaced at school has always been a social problem. You're definitely not going to put a stop to it. Rich kids get to go to some fancy rehab to dry out, but poor kids are just gonna keep nuking their brain cells no matter what you do. You should confiscate the bottle and maybe contact their parents, but you're not responsible for these kids' whole lives. Part of being an educator is learning to leave shit like this behind when you clock out for the day.
>>18714258
this.
My brother is going to jail today.
He did a lot of shit to me,
I'm just so angry I want to kill myself and punch walls.
He deserves life in prison.
Please advice?
Hang around with someone nurturing and try not to engage with anyone or anything that reminds you of him. Channel your anger into something you can control.
>>18713931
You should probably forgive him. Not in the "what you did to me was okay" way. More like "I am letting go of the control you have over my life." You're struggling to stay afloat in an ocean, and your anger towards your brother is dragging you down. You can either let yourself be dragged down to the bottom and drown, or you can let go of his ability to influence your emotions and swim to shore.
what are you angry at, friend
I do relationship counseling and always have to hold back from being as direct as I want to be. Ask me for relationship advice (straight and queer), and I'll give you what I wish I could give folks irl.
>>18713836
I'll bump you with a basic softball
what do you have to say about oneitis and moving on from failed or unviable relationships?
>>18714121
Most people already know they really want to get out when a relationship is failed, but figure they should try a little bit longer out of obligation. In one form or another they are looking for the right "permission" to leave (one last straw, one last fight, one last attempt to fix it) when really they should just end it. I know it feels like so much in your life will change, but just eat the sunk cost and do it. The bullshit people will explain away and try to justify in their partner is absurd. You will find someone else, get out so you can.
Also the easiest way to move on if you feel like you're still stuck on an ex is to just stop trying to get yourself to force a feeling and accept that you'll always love that person. You’ll also find someone else to love, and one day you’ll find you love this new person even more than whoever you’re stuck on now. Humans can love multiple people and most aren’t actively intimate with every person they love.
>>18714159
What if you don't really miss the ex, but she got the dog and you really miss him?
I'm gonna be leaving college soon, and I decided to focus in psychology for my degree. I have great grades, but one thing my university hasn't been clear on is specific job prospects. What options will I have, and what will make the most money?
>Literally thousands of dollars in debt
You got a psychology degree with absolutely no idea what you're going to do with it? If it's a only Bachelors, you might as well just have thrown away the piece of paper.
>>18713800
I was and still am thinking about Grad School, preferably for my doctorate. I'm more asking about what specific job should I aim for since I'm still an undergrad.
>>18713858
Anything and everything, a Bachelors in psychology is no better than an English degree.
How do I balance caring and not caring.
Jesus Christ, whenever I care about something I'm considered "toxic" or "taking things too seriously" it pisses me off when people tell me to calm down in those situations when that's the opposite of what needs to happen.
However, when I DON'T care, I'm considered a fucking jerk. A Douche who needs to die because the situation needs someone that takes it seriously than I do.
How do people manage to choose the right one at the right time?
>>18713766
give me one example of each, one where you cared too much and people told you to calm down, and one where you cared too little and people though you were a jerk.
>>18713791
Went to go workout to cool off.
Caring too much:
Last week, we had a simple project to start off the semester(I'm undergrad). A group project, team had to work together to get a marshmallow as high as they can with Spaghetti sticks and what not. I was "Toxic", while everyone had a "good time". Excuse me for trying to beat the other groups to receive extra 10 points on the exam.
Not caring at all:
I remember a time where there was a huge gust of wind, the Air was FILLED with dirt and we had to stay indoors. I made jokes, I was relaxed, doesn't matter, I feel safe inside the doors and it's just wind + dirt. Nothing collapsed or damaged to the building. Some dude and a group of his friends come up to me, "Grow the fuck up!".
There's others, but I'm just giving a quick example hoping it's not too late to reply
>>18714053
> I was "Toxic", while everyone had a "good time". Excuse me for trying to beat the other groups to receive extra 10 points on the exam.
see, you didnt actually answer my question. you gave a scenario then said 'I CARED TOO MUCH' but didnt explain HOW you cared too much. what did you say or do that made other people say you cared to omuch.
that being said, your answer is a little telling. when you said
> Excuse me for trying to beat the other groups to receive extra 10 points on the exam
it sounds like you care too much about 10 points to the point where you're going to act rude and uppity. if caring about something makes you act rude and uppity, its generally too much.
>the storm story
what jokes did you make?