Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1460. page

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Anyways, 2 months have passed without a word from my side. He has made plenty of attempts to communicate, and just today he sent a message to my sister asking if I was ok, which put him back in my mind. I thought that he would have said "fuck it" by now, but turns out I was wrong. Now, on one side I don't regret my decision to cut communications - I have changed and I don't see how I could have him as such a close friend anymore. I found him lacking on some aspects that I considered too important, like support. On the other hand, however, I feel like I took some unwarranted measures, and I don't really feel like I need to completely cut him off. I have been tangled with some fucked up people in the past, and, while this friend has his negatives, I don't think he is a "bad person" or that he deserves all this I put him through. After all, we did spend plenty of time together these 3 years, and while I've grown to expect more, I don't feel like I need to completely burn that bridge. I have done a bunch of self-reflection recently, and I've concluded that my socializing needs a lot of work - that includes maintaining a wide social circle and not just cutting off everyone.
So, wat do /adv/? How do I contact this dude again and get back in touch without him just telling me to fuck off for disappearing? How do I handle this situation and try to keep him in my social circle without completely cutting him off and without becoming "too close" friends again?
Everytime I've been in this dilemma in the past I picked the disappearence route, so I really don't know how to go about talking again to him and trying to make amends. I really don't want to lie or make unneeded apologies to him - I could tell him I've been abroad after all, and it's partly true, but I wanna avoid the bullshit as much as possible.

Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this!

>>18401647
damn she's so pretty.

Sometimes your life goes in a different direction than your friends. It happens to everyone.

The best thing you can so is be honest with him. Tell him that you appreciate him sticking by you through your worst moments, and that his friendship helped you pull through and make a positive change, and that you will forever be grateful for that..

BUT, he has to realize that some of these changes you've made might not sit well with him - so explain that you want him to be happy for you because it's in part thanks to him that you pulled yourself out of a shitty period in your life.

Showing him gratitude and explaining the reason behind your change in behavior will mean the world to him, allow you to keep your friendship and still continue to better yourself.

He stuck by you, so you can return the favor. All friendships go through rough periods. It's worth it to stick it out

They absolutely exist. Find a girl who shares common interests with you. Talking to strangers (male or female) who have nothing in common with you will always end in excruciatingly inane small talk

You probably come off the same way mate

>>18401646
But my only hobby, if it can be called a hobby, is weightlifting and exercise.
Most women into that are among the most self-centered and vapid.

>>18401523
Browse 4chan.

>>18401523
>Browse 4chan
>fap

I do the swiggly wiggly

>Am I a piece of shit?
Yes

>>18401466
No you're not a piece of shit at least you can control it. Just make sure not to fuck her.

>>18401466
Easy big guy everyone thinks this at some point. What matters is your actions. You didn't mess around so you're fine.

>>18401433
I did the same thing - the only real problem was all of the hot young girls I got to fuck. Stay strong you'll muttle by.

It's fine, dude, there's nothing to it but to do it. hope you're good at math.

College is a waste of time.

t. M.Sc in Computer Engineering
Working at fin tech company
Making 5 figures only.

>>18401363
Let me ask u this, does he considers u his best friend?

>>18401363

Hopefully you've explained the situation to your landlord by now. 6 months is a long fucking time. You've just been paying his half all this time?

Since his name isn't on the lease there isn't much you can do legally. Unless he willingly pays you back, I doubt you will ever see that money again.

You need to sit down and have a very stern and frank conversation with him, face to face, where you let him know either he settles his debt with you, or you're taking all his shit and dumping it on the curb. That should get his attention.

Also, I REALLY hope you've been keeping records of all this, just in case he tries some bullshit

>>18401363
"If you do not pay the rent by [2 weeks away] your possessions will be put in the trash and the keys to the apartment changed"

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>getting this flustered over a hookup app

>>18401448
i'm a 19 year old kisless virgin, that's why

>>18401358

>wait and take some selfies for it

it takes 5 seconds to take selfies anon, why would you have to 'wait' ?

>>18401287
Basically I've put in a lot of work into making the relationship work. Things are usually great but if he's upset or has a criticism of me and I don't just accept it it'll turn into a fight. This bothers me because it's usually small petty things and he won't see the bigger picture or my perspective on things.

Because of all of this I'm not sure what to do next and I think he feels similarly. I feel like I might have met him at the wrong time to be honest. I think I want him to date and see other people during the year so he can mature and figure out what he really wants because I feel undervalued here. It feels like I'm giving him so much of myself and he's not even recognizing it. I feel like it's a unique opportunity where we could take a break and then evaluate how we feel after the year and I feel like LDRs don't work out well usually. Additionally moving to another state with him after the year feels like a move towards marriage and I wanna make sure I'm not wasting my time/life because I'm lovestruck. In that case I also think he should still have more experience with other people before getting married, because I've always thought you should have more than one sexual partner before that kind of forever commitment. We've talked about this (besides the marriage stuff) on and off and he wavers between "yeah I kinda agree we might wanna do an open relationship" and "maybe we'll do a long distance relationship" and I don't know what to do. What do you guys think?

Sorry for the wall of text

>>18401293
Do not do an open relationship

>>18402162
why?

Seriously go hire a whore every day for 2 weeks. Different ones. Hot ones. 18-24. You'll forget her pretty fucking quickly.

>>18401273
Distract yourself with work/school/friends/activities

Realize that your love is not mutal and is being wasted on her. women are dime a dozen, fat girls are 1000 for a dime.

Move on, your wasting valuable years.

>>18401337
I understand there are lots of women but how many are compatible with me? The girl who friend zoned me was also the first girl I ever asked out and the only girl I felt was right for me. I have asked out other women and all I ever think is "this girl is nothing like the first girl I asked out". It's brutal.

>>18401268
And precisely what business is this of yours?

I know someone dating a homeless chick who expects life handed to her on a silver platter while she acts abusive and does drugs.

You can't do anything. It's their own choice to be with someone like this. You're more than free to have some drinks with your brother and talk to him but everything is his choice in the end.

Sometimes people are insane and it's impossible to leave a relationship without them going batshit crazy but it's still your brothers choice.

>>18401268
Go with him to the clinic to get checked out for every STD. That should wake his dumb ass up.

Do you have no interest in having kids or do you have no interest in having kids with her?

Sure there is. Many couples chose not to have kids these days and still remain as couples just because they like eachothers company and support.

But you should make your intentions clear. Tell her that you don't want kids and you don't want to get married. Otherwise it will just lead to a horrible break up for both of you. And you know, be careful with your condoms, you wouldn't want erm... accidents to happen.

>>18401224
>is there any point
Yes. If you love her and its working out then be together.

>marriage is a safety net for kids

I agree. Its outdated. But at the same time its also kind of not. A hostile relationship between parents is far more damaging to a childs development than a single parent with a good education and job. (citation: studies. Im at work im not getting them so take it or leave it. But single parenthood and shit upbringing is a false equivelancy. Theres a stronger correlation to the single parents education level first, followed by their income) so that idea kind of needs to go, too.

>should i break up

It depends. If she wants kids and marriage you are in fact wasting her time. You need to talk to her about it honestly and say you want none of that. Your mind could change in the future but do not say that to her. If she agrees then stay in if nothing else is wrong.

If not then time to split bruh.

>>18401173
Don't worry about it. I got a business degree with a concentration in marketing. I work for a marketing agency. I have applied zero textbook skills to my work. You're going to find out that your coursework has little to do with the real world. It's the method behind the madness that matters. Writing strong papers, good communication/negotiation skills, how to argue or pick apart a problem, etc.

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>>18401176
You've reassured me a bit, thanks.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you're basically saying "knowing the answer isn't important. It's being able to find the answer when given information."

>>18401189
100% accurate.

>>18401171
You've been neutered by the NWO.

Stop taking happy pills they cause suicide and they are just a way to sway you back on their neo-liberal consumerist and materialist apparatus.

>>18402057
This is 100% true in every way. It is completely right. I'm not sure if I'd describe it as NWO as it's a more vague entity than that, but what you're saying is right.

There's even a black box warning on it about suicide, because kids were obviously killing themselves on those antidepressants. For years and years industry tried to pretend those suicides were only high because the kids were depressed in the first place, until the rates got so high they couldn't deny it any longer. A fucking disgrace those things are still allowed to be sold, what a joke.

>>18402068
OMG, here we go again. I'm so tired of this argument on here I can't do it anymore. Stop telling people you don't know a fucking thing about or their condition to stop taking their medication. You're not a doctor or therapist. STFU

>>18401115
I think this is b8 but I'm bored so I'll respond anyways. When anyone picks up a wallet, they will have desire to take the money.It's not evil, it's basic self preservation instincts. You'd have to be retarded not to have the desire to take the money and keep it. That being said, feelings and desires don't define a person. Decisions do. It doesn't matter if you did the right thing for the wrong reasons. All that matters is that you did the right thing.

>>18401156
This wasn't a troll post and you answered my question rather beautifully for which I must say thank you. :)

>>18401156
The thing that bothers me is that there is a deep sense of underlying fear that the wrong reasons could somehow one day overcome the purpose driven inside my heart and that is to do the right thing.
You see maybe self-preservation and money may be the defining aspect for many, but for me that simply isn't true. I don't equate money with self-preservation simply because I believe in a higher purpose driven by my core self and that is to continuously do the right thing and those that are driven by my heart. To me, it isn't retarded to not want to keep money from the wallet simply because I understand that the money inside is not me and thus must be returned to the rightful possessor of that money. I think that is basic human etiquette fused with a deep sense of empathy.
I do not believe money is equivalent to self-preservation because I know deep down none of us really are alone.
This philosophy may contradict yours, but to me that is what drives me forward in life. And I hope you see why then do these thoughts bug me so much.
Thank you so much though.

>>18401105

Depends on the context.

>>18401105
Wear losse tee shirts, shout Allah snackbar

>>18401105
It's a truly intoxicating feeling, to strike fear into someone. Not the way a weakling would fear bodily harm when confronted, but more like the surreal terror someone feels when they begin to beleive the impossibly evil is real. If I can cause someone, if even just for a moment, to beleive that something otherworldy is a threat to them, and induce fear, I can't help but double over with laughter. Not OP by the way