Archived threads in /adv/ - Advice - 1404. page

>>18429946
Sounds like a problem that will heal with time, your family probably won't like him for a while but if you guys last and stay happy in your relationship they'll probably grow to like him.

>>18429946

It actually sounds like the groundwork for a very good relationship that you have both broken up and tested the waters and still ended up together again.

The sex part is fine as long as you are fine with it. Be careful not to let him take you places that you will resent him for. Make clear boundaries and rules when you play kinky.

As for your family, they will loosen up the longer you stay together.
of course they are sceptical now. I am sceptical now about your relationship. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't stick with it, especially when you say that you truly feel connected to him..

Why did you break up?

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>>18429758

>fast forward a 6 months from coffeegate, he hasn't spoken to me even though we work together on college campus and share friends
>badmouthed me to everyone, but i explained why and asked to work seperate shifts
>got through that year, got home, and mom made us make up and things were cool and casual for awhile

>fast forward ~1.5yr
>after we're cool for awhile HBC finds himself a lady and they get married and fuck off a few states away and have some kids
>things have slowed down for me after school so when he offers a spare room in a busy city i jump at it (stupidly)
>much do my familys protest i pack my shit and fly down to a huge mistake
>days after i arrive i start working any job i can to afford to fuck off home because he and his wife synergize yo make the ultimate awful person

>basically when HBC spoke about my family to his wife, we were tribal savages who beat and stole from and scarred hum
>my poor granny included, and while i recognize she was strict with the kids, i aknowledge that she was taking care of 6 grandkids so had to be, she never actually BEAT anyone
>HBC had only been seeing this girl for 6 months before he married, babied, and moved her, so all she know about my family is whatever be said
>she just enabled it, less people to bother knowing i guess?

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>>18429762

>anyway i endured three months of that awful and packed/jetted while they they were at the mall
>i knew it was all ogre after a heated gentlemans arguement he claimed to his wife before he was diddled by every grandparent we had
>HBC "but maybe not x... or..---SLAM
>hesdead.jim

>fast forward 1.5yr i haven't spoken to him irl, phone, fb, calls, mothers demand since
>but i haven't explained to anyone why i actually left or what they did to cross the line
>most of the grandparents are deceased and very well revered, so i chose to keep his ugly heated words private
>get endless shit for not talking about it but content to let it lie

>now they're talking about moving into the weekly visit bubble out of the holiday sleepover zone
>i'm not thrilled because my shit is actually going good without him
>took the redpill, got a girl, lost weight, steady work, saving for a car/move out
>kinda dont want HBC's crazy fucking up my/our shit

>but eventually shit'll sort itself out if he tries that when they get here right?
>i'll have to talk/be around then often

The question i pose to you, /adv/, is should i continue ignoring him or try to be cool? Sorry for effortpost

Jfc yo

Do some extreme sports type shit.

Or travel a lot

>>18429752
My biggest issue with traveling is money. I'd have enough money to refill my gas if need be, but how would I be able to hit up social venues without extra dosh?

Enrol in a muay thai class and start doing geocaching

>>18429599
nothing normal about that and it's extremely unhealthy for your pipes.

Lol what the fuck that is absolutely not normal and is probably very bad for your dick.

uhhh

>>18429518
what kind of dumb fuck would choose to be a vegan or vegetarian because they think it'll make a difference? that's like wasting your vote on a third party in the election instead of going democrat/republican.

>>18429518
Ease into it. Start with just local cage-free eggs or something. You don't have to go full carnivore right off the bat. If you're mainly vegan for moral reasons, something where likely no animals should have been harmed in its production would be a good start. You don't even have to go all the way, feel free to stop at vegetarian, if so so desire.

>>18429537
I was more optimistic at the time

>>18429438
which sex toy and how good is it?

Wouldn't buy a cheap hard drive, data loss and all that.

>>18429454
Yeah, and $30 is just enough to get you this Vibrating Ass-Gasm Cockring Plug!

http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/prostate-toys/sp-vibrating-ass-gasm-cockring-plug-102200.aspx

>>18429380
Holy FUCK

Try ketoconazole cream. 90$ for 60g but cleared all my back problems. Also try this shampoo called hibiclens

Only thing that worked for me was acutane.

Tried every single cream and nothing else helped.

Cystic acne is the worst.

The effects of the pills arean't that bad. Only long term thing I have is chapped lips.

Good luck though, creams that work are hard to find.

Don't stress about it. You don't owe people anything.

If she becomes more direct you'll just have to say you appreciate and are flattered but you really only see her as a friend/co-worker.

There's no reason to lie but if you find you can't be that direct you can always say you don't date co-workers, or just started seeing someone, or whatever.

No guilt needed. If you were just being nice, it's on her for her getting her hopes up. It's not about you. She doesn't even really know you. The best thing is to let her down, politely, like you're capable of, and move on. You could give it a shot, and you might end up enjoying it, but it seems like you're only thinking that because you want to be nice.

The nicest thing to do here is to be upfront and honest. That way it doesn't drag on and cause any more fuss than it needs to.

This might be a bit personal for me, I kind of dated someone because I was too "nice" to say no. For a few months. So just know it's probably better to give someone a chance only if you really want to.

>>18429333
>>18429342
Thanks for the input anons, that's very sensible.

My first impulse is to respond with "haha yeah, but I'll be back soon" and pretend I don't get it that she is flirting with me. My second impulse is to just ignore the message which is what I have been doing so far.

What I mean is, I get what you guys are saying just right, I just don't seem to be able to do it. Should I answer it with a turn off right now? Should I keep it going until she actually asks me out or something and then say no? It's not the first time I've been in a situation like this and it always drags on and is extremely uncomfortable to me, to the point that I hate when people hit on me.

There is another situation in which a girl called me at work, she asked my coworker for me to ask me something about my work. She did ask and I answered with the routine answer, then she said she called me to tell me I'm handsome and ask if I had a gf. I gave a very nervous laughter and told no (should I have lied?) and then she kind of said she would see me soon and hung up. I don't know who she is, she only told me she visited us (at work, day in day out I receive visits of 10+ people each time, I don't remember them of course) but I'm constantly nervous about the day she will visit me at work. I just live avoiding people because of situations like that.

Get a hobby like rock climbing or art of any kind.
Rock climbing = you'll probably go to some sort of gym, which usually (from my experience anyway) has a sort of "community," people will take turns and watch each other climb, they're open to newbies, etc.
Art = something to talk about, something to show pictures of, share FB info over. Then you can also hang out in art communities without being too awkward.

>>18429291
I do art. Or, did. I sketched for most of my life, trying to learn anatomy, but I never got my art to the point where I'd no longer be embarrassed to show it to somebody. Definitely not anything I'd share online. I think I gave up because despite practicing for hours a day, every day, I just hit this plateau and couldn't improve. I dunno if my brain has a hard time interpreting and translating visual data or something. I try to look for the basic shapes, angles, flows etc. in references, and I just can't see them. I also can't get clean, confident lines. Everything is all feathery because I keep on going over them, and it just makes the whole thing messy and confused because without definite lines, you can't really place the forms that they connect to properly.

Tried my hand at watercolor... Couldn't do anything but blobs.

I play guitar, but it's hard to get much out of that unless you play with other people. I write songs, but can never finish them, and since I don't really do the singer-songwriter thing, they are songs that only make sense in the context of a band. I could do the bass and guitar parts, I guess, but I don't drum and I'd never be able to play live, I could only upload some shit to SoundCloud or whatever.

I go to the gym, but just to work out. Not sure if rock climbing is my thing, but maybe I could think of something similar that would expose me to others. Drawing a blank right now.

As for Facebook, got rid of that a few months ago (when I started trying to make friends). All it did was depress me because I could see how fulfilling normies' lives are. I didn't have a single photo of me with friends, doing something fun, traveling, whatever, because I don't so those things. I decided I wouldn't reactivate FB until I had things to put on there. Also, I feel like it's common for people to look up people they just met on FB out of curiosity, and I didn't want the friends I was trying to make or the girls whose numbers I got to see my page, smell that I'm a loser, and lose interest. Especially when it comes to dating, girls all want somebody with an interesting life and social proof.

>>18429062
Where would i even go to learn to cook? I can't imagine a work place taking me in as a cook and having them teach me from scratch.

craigslist
learn on the job
try getting hired as production chef at whole foods.
I'm a sushi chef. I did not go to school for it.
31 k well if you have the money and seek intellectual stimulus.
just in job market experience > education unfortuantely :(

>>18429067
I dont have the money i'd have to take out a loan, but im pretty sure it means somethng to have a degree and learn from the place and not just do jobs. I gotta look around and see if they have jobs that I can learn from but idk how well that might go since i know nothing. Did you know anything about sushi before becoming a sushi chef? Like at all?

move to somalia and start a new life being a badass pirate or something

>>18429021
That's life kiddo, you make mistakes and then you die. If you're smart you learn from the mistakes you make and move forward with your life.

>>18429024
arrr lmao

>>18429018
Math is fucking hot

>>18429018
Where do you think those feelings of guilt come from? Identifying that could work in getting to a better place with those feelings.

I happen to struggle with a lot of guilt. And it really for me comes from thinking I have more control over things than I do. So it has taken a bit of just coming to terms with who I am and the realities of my environment. I also reflect in bed a lot, but it just kind of happens, I don't force it. If you want good sleep, focus on something other than your thoughts. Breathe deep and well, and don't force away your thoughts but let them pass as they come.

I'm pretty into meditation. It can do wonders for helping you move past unwanted thoughts. And guilt isn't so much an emotion as it is the sadness over or fear of your own inadequacy.

Hey anon,

I'm really sorry you're going through this, first of all. Guilt is probably one of the worst emotions to deal with, especially on a constant basis and for trivial stuff.

I went through something vaguely similar, and the result was me attempting to sorta 'reshape' myself, and trying as many productive things as I could. I started learning a new language, picked up some textbooks for subjects I'm studying (like supplemental reading kinda thing), basic stuff that was actually pretty fun but useful, too.

I guess I basically just diverted my usual hobbies into a more productive path. You could also maybe do something out of the ordinary and then balance that with your usual hobbies so they're more of a reward.

Either way, you have some really productive and awesome habits anyway - sleep is necessary, and reading books is way better than watching TV or scrolling through Facebook endlessly.

It could also help to just take a breather, just be still whenever you feel guilty. Just relax, breathe, and let it be.

Have a good week, anon. Make it a productive one!

What happens to him, and no you don't need to do any crazy shit.

>>18429022
we had fun in austin. he lost his phone. turns out he left it on top of car and it got ran over.

this week he's white annnd we made redneck pool. I was fine in the sun but his back is blistering now. ;(

we were supposed to buy drinks but then his phone got smashed in my car door.
things like that.

He claims he usually has good luck just not around me. I've always been painfully lucky. I know as if luck is a valid variable.

>>18429061
Maybe tell him to stop being so careless

>>18428885

you dont need to be interesting. you just gotta be your self and find the people who are into that and then just do the things you like.

Be open more find out what u like and search for other people who like the same thing dont be to strict or to wild keep it even have fun and try to be funny . make friends at the gym or work .

How do I meet people though? I feel kinda like a creep going places alone. Any advice on where I can go alone to meet folks without looking weird?

>>18428863
You have us, anons. Tell us.

Hey i can talk with ya hope u feel betrer though

how does one live without other people? it seems like other people i know just go months without speaking to others and it doesn't bother them. i'm the only one who is dying.