I believe I can confidently say I have no idea wtf is going on.
You're not alone OP, most of the pretentious schol/a/rs here will just say that we're stupid, but in reality, it's the show that's stupid, and not us. Only reasons to watch are the lewdness and overall strangeness.
I couldn't understand it either, but I think it was because they used Google Translate to sub it
Can someone post Kuma webms/gifs I lost my folder